Men and women, generally speaking, have very different attitudes towards foreplay. For some men, the very act of putting down their cans of beer and unzipping their flies constitutes as foreplay. But women don’t tend to respond so readily, and they need some warming up first.
The reason for this has much to do with the way that each gender responds sexually to different stimuli. Men are very visual, for instance. All they need to fire up the engines is to associate an image, either in the eye or the mind, with the very thought of sex, and they become immediately aroused. That’s why you’ll often find that guys who suffer from premature ejaculation tend to be people with vivid imaginations – they’ve already had sex in their minds before they can even whip their trousers off!
For women though, and again, there are always significant exceptions to the rule, this is rarely the case. Both their minds and their bodies need to be sufficiently aroused in order for them to comfortably engage in sexual intercourse. That’s where foreplay comes in.
The consequences of neglect
A woman needs foreplay. Her sexual responses are far more sense based than men’s – touch, smell, sound, etc. – and it’s these that you need to take advantage of, especially touch, to get her to the same level of arousal as yourself. If you go in hard or fast without getting her warmed up first, then one of several things is likely to occur:
#1 She’ll just say no. If she’s not up for it, she’s not up for it, and you’ll end up with a firm and inflexible refusal that you may have been able to circumvent with a little surreptitious foreplay.
#2 She’ll go through the motions. There’ll always be those guys who say, “Who cares?” But for most of us sex is a lot more pleasurable when our partner is in the zone with us.
#3 She’ll be physically unable to have sex. Whether for physiological or psychological reasons, her body will not allow you to enter her and the best you can hope for is a bit of swift manual relief.
What does foreplay do for her?
It prepares her mentally for what is about to happen. The very act of penetrative sex, put in purely objective terms, is one that needs significant encouragement to allow to happen. Try to imagine for a second what it must be like to allow a larger, stronger creature to physically dominate you to the extent involved in sexual intercourse. Would you trust and allow that to happen at the drop of a hat? I doubt it.
And that’s the point – trust. Trust is all important, and it is the seduction process, with foreplay at its conclusion, that allows the woman to place herself emotionally and psychologically in your hands. Without trust she can’t relax, and she will almost certainly limit how adventurous she allows herself to be in bed, and if she doesn’t relax she is not going to enjoy herself. [Read: 8 crucial moves you need to turn her on]
Physical reasons she needs foreplay
Despite foreplay’s psycho-emotional importance, it also plays a part in preparing the woman for sex physically.
Slow gentle foreplay relaxes her and puts her at ease, so that certain physiological changes can happen, leading to an increased blood flow in the genital area. This, in turn, begins to create a feeling of sexual pleasure, leading to an even greater increase in blood flow and so on.
At this point, you’re in a zone that is yours to mess up, as the woman will enter a cycle operating between her brain and erogenous zones that stimulate each other into perpetual sexual motion. The clitoris will swell and become erect, and her vagina will moisten, both necessary in order for the woman to achieve orgasm through intercourse, and at this point anything within reason goes.
The right way to approach foreplay
The beauty of foreplay is that it is easy to instigate, as it begins in the most inconspicuous manner with just a kiss on the lips or a stroke of the back or a slightly lingering touch of the leg. Then, once you have performed your initial “in,” you should repeat it as many times as needed, waiting for some sign of approval such as a smile, a glance, a positive change in body language or some kind of verbal cue such as a sigh or groan of the pleasured nature of course, and not the bugger-off-and-leave-me-alone sort, which indicates that she is ready to progress the contact to a different level.
If you ever hear a man say that someone is frigid and doesn’t even like foreplay, then it’s probably because he’s done it wrong and made a leap straight for the clitoris while she was in the middle of reading the morning newspaper or making coffee.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work like that, and you need to put a bit of time in first, unless she has already signified somehow that she is prepared to go onto the more overtly sexual stages of foreplay. [Read: 16 non-sexual touches to make you feel connected]
The moves that every woman loves
The “in” executed and the lady in your life prepared to accept a little light foreplay, it’s time to put seduction phase two into action. The list below gives a little insight into the foreplay moves that women love most, so pick one or two of these as you like, give them a go and, I almost guarantee, she’ll be begging for it in no time.
Just remember that not all women like all forms of foreplay, and it’s an idea to have some reserve moves in place, just in case she doesn’t respond well to those you have chosen, enabling you to move onto something she does like.
#1 Kissing. It should pretty much always be first thing on the list. Kissing sets everything else in motion and women love it. Just make sure you start light and work up to heavy, don’t use too much tongue to begin with nor leave her drenched in spittle, or she’ll think she’s just been come onto by an alpaca!
#2 Nibbling. Women love a little light nibbling, although it is up to you to find exactly where she likes it most. If in doubt, start at the ears and try alternating it with moves 3 & 4 as you move across her body. Just make sure that it is just a nibble you give and not something that she would expect from a tiger shark. [Read: 11 sexiest hot spots to kiss and arouse her]
#3 Massage. Start with the shoulders or feet, and eventually work it so that it turns into a full body experience. Women derive a lot of pleasure from contact with their skin, so spending some time on a full body massage is the surest way to make the leap from possibly innocent intentions to full blown hardcore lovemaking.
#4 Body kissing. Work this into your massage. Just start with the occasional peck in between the movements of your hands and then, when the time is ripe, fully make the switch to continue your ministrations with lips and tongue alone. It will drive her mad.
#5 All the above. Alternate for a while among these four methods and get her prepared for the next, slightly heavier, stages of foreplay.
#6 Breast play. It is a common complaint amongst women that men spend all day looking at their breasts when they are clothed, but once in the bedroom do nothing with them. Women often have very sensitive breasts and nipples, and stimulating her through them gives you direct access to all other areas.
How you do this though must be learned intuitively. Start with kisses, work up to licking, and even try a little nibbling and/or biting also. Although this very much depends upon the woman in question. Also, don’t forget that you have two hands that could be gently massaging the whole breast while your mouth is busy on the nipple.
#7 Finger work. Possibly the best way to introduce yourself to her lower regions, beginning with a little light touching and stroking before going on to lightly rubbing the clitoris. Some women like to have fingers inserted in the vagina, but equally, some don’t. She’ll probably let you know one way or the other. Also, if this is a course of action that you are bent upon, then do a little reading first about the method, because nothing is more of a turn off for her than seeing you doing what appears to be routine plumbing work on her most intimate parts. [Read: Magic fingers – The sexual art of fingering your girl to an orgasm]
#8 Light oral. Her favorite part of the show. But by light, I mean a little gentle use of the tip of the tongue, using it to stroke delicate little patterns across her labia and clitoris. There’s no penetration at this point.
#9 Heavy oral. However, it probably won’t take much light oral to encourage her to want something a little more involved. Now is the time to really start lapping at her, sometimes penetrating her with your tongue from time to time. To really send her over the edge, try gently sucking at the clitoris whilst flicking your tongue furiously over it, and even try using fingers in her at the same time. A dynamite combination if done correctly. [Read: 8 tips and tricks to be the master of cunnilingus]
#10 Anal stimulation. DO NOT try this unless you are absolutely sure it’s what she wants. Many women do like a little light anal stimulation, but will never admit it openly, and only your intuitive skills will alert you to the truth of the matter. Just to test the waters, try occasionally and “accidentally” flicking your tongue over that area when giving oral and see if she responds positively.
Those women who are okay with anal stimulation absolutely go mad for it, simply because it’s something they never normally get. Just be very, very careful or you could ruin the whole thing.