Should you really get back with your ex when they try to weasel their way back into your life?
Simply put, probably not.
But then again, not every failed relationship can be categorized into a bad break up, just because circumstances forced the romance to end.
There are a number of reasons why you and your ex broke up in the first place.
Whether it be differing life goals, incompatible sex lives, or an unwillingness to meet each other’s needs and wants, there was something that came in between the two of you as a couple.
Should you give your ex another chance?
As much as some people want to ignore that plain truth, and try again, the best idea is to leave the past where it belongs, behind you.
Instead, you should take what you can from the experience and move on.
Here are 10 reasons why you should most likely not give your ex another chance. If your ex can convince you otherwise, or if you truly believe things have changed for the better *the odds are always very, very slim*, perhaps you could give them another chance.
But remember, when you get back with an ex, as good as it may feel, there’s a bigger chance that another heartbreak’s just around the corner all over again. [Read: 14 common reasons why relationships fail again and again!]
#1 Your ex probably hasn’t changed. People can be amazing talkers. But saying something, and actually doing it, are two completely different things. So if you’re hearing a lot of talk from your ex about how much they have changed, look for the proof.
Actions speak louder than words. So if your ex is expressing to you, for example, how trustworthy they have become, pay attention to how they behave when they explain themselves to you. Is their behavior and attitude trustworthy? Or, are they screening messages, and skipping around lofty details about what they’ve been up to recently?
Bottom line, if what your ex is doing isn’t lining up with what they are saying, they probably haven’t changed. If this is the case, then you most likely shouldn’t give them another chance. They obviously haven’t changed very much since your initial break up. [Read: 15 ways to stop getting manipulated by your partner’s words]
#2 There’s a good chance you are headed for the same problems. This is closely related to the earlier pointer. There’s a good chance that if your ex hasn’t changed, you are going to run into the same problems all over again.
Similar patterns are bound to reoccur if you have one individual coming into the partnership as the same person that left it. If you ex didn’t learn anything from your last relationship together, and didn’t take the time to grow as a person, and a partner, odds are you are going to have some of the same issues as the last time around.
Say, for instance, in your first relationship with each other your ex was constantly complaining about their unfortunate job situation, and refused to do anything about it. If your ex has the same job, or still refuses to actively change their future, you are going to encounter the same frustrations.
If your ex hasn’t progressed as an individual, and especially if you have, you are bound to run into similar problems in your relationship if you try again. It’s better not to relive past irritations by giving your ex another chance. [Read: How taking the right kind of break in the relationship can actually help you]
#3 Your friends might abandon you. This is especially dependent on the number of chances you have given your ex already. Remember that your friends often are the ones hearing all of the horrible things about your ex during, and after, your relationship.
You friends will most likely try and talk you out of giving your ex another chance, especially if they realize that your ex doesn’t deserve you. If you ignore their honest advice and go ahead and take back your ex, your friends are going to be upset.
It’s only in extreme cases that your friends may actually abandon you. More often, abandonment happens when you are giving your ex a fourth or fifth chance to show you that “things will be different”. You should trust your friends’ judgments, they know you and have stayed with you through your relationships and know what is okay and what is not.
#4 You will have to explain to your family why your ex is back in the picture. This can be particularly awkward if you had a rather nasty break-up and/or your family was fairly close to your ex. They will likely know the reasons why you broke up in the first place, and probably hold a grudge against your ex.
Of course, because you are their family, you could really do no wrong. So, even if your break-up was mutual, or you were equally to blame, your family won’t see it that way.
If you give your ex another chance, your ex will ultimately have a lot of making up to do, and if your family doesn’t accept it, your relationship is going to be difficult for a whole different set of reasons.
And if your ex truly deserves a second chance, your family and friends will see this and support you. But, they might still give you a hard time at first.
#5 They have new, and more disgusting and annoying habits. When we love someone, we tend to let them off the hook for their nasty and irritating habits that otherwise would make us silently heave *carrying around a nail clipper as a key chain, or constantly forgetting to flush the toilet*. I don’t know what weird habits your exes have, but I’m sure they are many.
Well, these little habits could have gotten worse, or weirder with time. Or perhaps, you never noticed them in your first relationship, and now you find yourself being introduced to a number of shocking and appalling behaviors you would rather live without. [Read: 16 little silly relationship habits that hurts more than you think!]
#6 Your relationship might get too comfortable, too soon. Getting comfortable too soon can relate to the particular habits discussed in #5 being revealed far too early, or a number of different things. As you’ve dated your ex before, they might automatically assume that means that you pick up the relationship where you left off.
Dirty laundry on the floor, dishes in the sink, or non-existent date nights all over again. Whatever it may be that angered you in the first relationship could start happening much sooner the second *or third, etc.* time both of you get back together.
If you do give your ex another chance, you might want to make it clear from the start that you are going to need a clean slate, and that means that you will have to take the time to get to know each other again in terms of your new relationship. If you’re honest in the beginning that things need to change, then hopefully your ex won’t get too comfortable too soon! [Read: 15 reasons why couples get bored with their relationship very soon!]
#7 Your ex might have new baggage. This can be a major reason to think twice about giving your ex another chance. Depending on how long it’s been since the two of you have broken up, or how well you’ve kept in touch, your ex might have acquired a whole new set of baggage while you were apart.
New baggage can come in many forms such as a loss, depression, a change in career *or no career at all*, family issues, physical health problems, or another relationship.
And if your ex has been dating someone else since your last breakup, there could very well be a new ex in the picture. And it’s not easy to date your ex if they’ve just come out of a relationship with their own ex, especially if their ex is persistent to stay in your ex’s life!
If it was a serious relationship, you might find that your ex is thinking of them often, instead of focusing on building your new relationship. How far you want to get into dealing with this new baggage depends on your commitment to your ex, and your new relationship together.
#8 They still aren’t willing to meet your needs and wants.
If you ex isn’t willing to meet your needs and wants, or to comprise, so that each of you is content and happy in your relationship, you should not think of giving them another chance. Identifying and living up to your partner’s basic needs and wants is a crucial part in any healthy relationship.
Your ex probably wasn’t meeting your needs and wants in your first relationship, or else, you wouldn’t have broken up. So this time around, you must make it very clear what you expect from your ex. And they should be willing to deliver. [Read: 15 important lessons you can learn from your past breakup]
#9 The sex is just different. If you’ve been apart a long time, experimenting and growing sexually in the meantime, perhaps the sex with your ex is just not going to hit that spot. If you’ve grown as an individual, not just emotionally but sexually too, you might have troubles adjusting your sex life with your ex.
If you are going to try again, you definitely need to be honest with your ex if the sex is not working for you. If you don’t feel like you can be honest, and you need to change it up as a couple, then you’re definitely not ready to be together again.
#10 You still want very different things. If your life goals and dreams do not line up with your ex’s aspirations, you will most likely run into problems if you decide to give them another chance. When you are sharing your life with someone, you need to be on the same page, or at least the same book.
In order to fully support each other, both of you need to understand each other’s goals and dreams and help each other achieve them. If your ex isn’t supportive of your life goals, whether they be career, family or personal, you should not give your ex another chance. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule is the best way forward]
Definitely think twice before giving your ex another chance
There are many reasons why you probably shouldn’t take your ex back. Your relationship ended because something wasn’t right, and the probability of that changing is often slim because most people are unwilling to change.
So, unless that reason you broke up with your ex was due to an unmistakable stroke of bad luck related to time and place, then no, you should not give your ex another chance. [Read: 16 signs your ex really wants you back in their life]
If you’re hoping that a few changes, and a lot of compromises, can fix things to the way it once was, stop it. You are only prolonging what will eventually happen – a final break-up.
Once you leave behind the past relationship that was hurting you, or holding you back, you will be able to move forward to better things, which will be fulfilling and full of happiness.