When you first meet an amazing new guy, it’s hard to believe that things will ever get confusing and complicated. He’s cute, he’s smart, he’s funny, and the two of you have the most fun together. He wants you to be his girlfriend and life is better than it ever has been. How could things ever go wrong?!
As everyone knows, relationships aren’t perfect, and there are tons of things that can happen that aren’t anything close to what you wanted or expected. While there are many relationship problems that will spell the end of your love story, some won’t seem so bad once you have some perspective and it’s been a while since your breakup. You’ll realize that while you hated going through all of that hard stuff, you learned a lot about yourself and about the kind of relationship that you want to be in. Other problems, on the other hand, are so tough that they really hurt. These take much longer to move on from, even if you know that this was the wrong person for you.
Read on to find out 10 relationship issues that are actually blessings in disguise… and 10 that will hurt for a while.
20Blessing: Realizing That You Settled
Settling is never a good time. It’s easy to say that you’ll never settle and have high standards for the kind of boyfriend (or husband) that you want. You probably know at least one person where you think that they totally settled for their partner… and maybe you even think that they both did (ouch, that’s rough).
If you’re currently dealing with the fact that you settled in a relationship, that’s totally a blessing in disguise.
Yes, it sucks, and yes, it’s a shame that you wasted a year or more on a person who wasn’t right for you. But at the same time, this helps you realize that the next time around, you’ll make sure that you’re dating someone who you are truly sure about. You want to feel like this person is your best friend and like you have tons of passion for them. You never want to have any gut feeling that this isn’t the right situation for you to be in. You’ll remember that when you meet a new guy if you’re not crazy about him, you have to say goodbye and find someone who you’re super wild about. The wait will definitely be worth it.
19Hurt: If He Was Unfaithful
If your boyfriend cheats on you, that’s a different story and that’s definitely something that is going to hurt for a while. There is no way that it wouldn’t. You trusted someone and let them in and were emotionally vulnerable and this is what they did.
People cheat for different reasons and people seem to have different opinions on the psychological reasons behind it, but one thing is for sure: if someone is unfaithful and disloyal to you, then that wasn’t the right person for you, and something was wrong with your relationship. It sucks to realize that but happy people who are super in love don’t cheat. If you really love your partner and feel like you’re getting everything that you want and need from the relationship, you would never even think about being with someone else, and your partner wouldn’t, either.
All you can do in this situation is realize that it’s going to hurt for a few months or even more and there’s nothing that you can do about that. And you can’t feel bad that you can’t just move on ASAP, either. These things are uncomfortable and they take time. It would be strange if you didn’t need time to heal and get back to feeling like yourself again.
18Blessing: Also If He Was Unfaithful
It might not sound like having your boyfriend cheat on you would be a blessing in disguise, but it honestly is. At first, this is a total betrayal and so painful to deal with, but as time goes on, you realize that this illuminates a problem that was in your relationship.
It’s helpful to think about why he cheated and what he didn’t feel like he was getting from the relationship.
Maybe you two were more like friends or roommates so he didn’t even feel like you were in a romantic relationship anymore, and so that’s a fair thing for him to feel and makes a lot of sense.
Of course, it wasn’t good that he cheated, but he did have a reason.
Now you know that in your next relationship, you’ll be on the lookout for the same things. You’ll make sure that you’re both happy and feel like you’re being listened to and supported. And you might be able to note the signs that your boyfriend is becoming unhappy with things and get out before you get hurt, which will be helpful and save you a lot of heartaches. Sometimes that can’t be helped, but sometimes the signs are totally there if you know where to look.
17Hurt: Being In A Long Distance Relationship
Long distance relationships are pretty much the worst. One person always feels like they’re missing out because some stories are just better in person and when you’re not living with someone day in, day out, you definitely feel a distance from each other. It can be really hard to make this kind of relationship work.
This relationship issue is absolutely going to hurt, even if you two are committed to each other and have a schedule and talk all the time and see each other as often as you can. It might lead to a breakup because you two grow apart and can’t get the romance and magic back, or it might just be something that you go through but you end up staying together. It really depends on each particular couple and situation.
But no matter what happens, it’s going to be pretty painful, and it’s not like it’s an issue that is super easy to fix. Sure, one of you could move, but maybe you’re in the city that you’re in because of school or a job and it’s just not feasible to pack up your life right now. It’s impossible not to feel guilty and miss this person so much, and there’s no way that the distance wouldn’t affect your relationship.
16Blessing: A Broken Engagement
The moment that your boyfriend puts that ring on your finger is a special one. You can’t wait to share the exciting news with your friends and family. Visions of wedding gowns and venues and dinner menus and dancing fly through your head, and you start getting super excited about planning the big day.
And then your boyfriend tells you that he can’t marry you, let alone keep dating you. Or you realize that this just isn’t right and you’re the one to break off the engagement.
This is not an easy thing to deal with, but at the same time, a broken engagement is totally a blessing in disguise. It allows you to spend some time alone so you can figure out what went wrong and who you really want to be with and how to avoid this same situation the next time that you fall in love and want to commit to someone. It’s so much better to know before the wedding that someone isn’t right and that you need to find someone else. Imagine if you had gone through with the big day?! It might suck to break off an engagement and cancel a wedding, but it would suck more to be stuck in an unhappy marriage.
15Hurt: Your Boyfriend’s Family Disliking You
It would be awesome if your boyfriend’s parents, siblings, and extended family love you and think that you’re the best girl that he has ever dated. That’s not super realistic because, well, some people just aren’t super nice. Or fair. Or logical. And maybe they’re hung up on a girl that he used to date and think that he should have never broken up with her (even though she sounds like the worst person ever).
Having your boyfriend’s family hating you is a relationship problem that is going to hurt for a while. If you two stay together, you’re going to be upset about this, and every time that you have to go over to their house or see everyone at the holidays, you’re going to be reminded of all of these negative thoughts and feelings. It won’t be easy to deal with, especially if they don’t say the nicest comments to you.
Hopefully, if your boyfriend is a good guy and you’re meant to be with him, he can talk to them about this. And if this ends up spelling the end of your relationship, that’s going to hurt, too, since you’re going to wonder why he didn’t stick up for you.
14Blessing: Fighting All The Time
It’s actually a good thing if you were in a relationship that involved you and your boyfriend fighting all of the time. Okay, it might not sound like that because arguments are the worst. No one wants to deal with that, especially not people who like to keep the peace and avoid confrontation and drama. Maybe that describes you, or maybe you don’t mind a fight as long as it’s productive and allows you to solve a problem.
Here’s why it can be a positive thing and a blessing in disguise: it shows you that this is not the way to have a healthy and happy relationship.
Your next relationship will benefit so much from this lesson. When your new boyfriend is upset about something, you can encourage him to talk about his feelings, and you can tell him that you don’t think that fights are always necessary. He probably has his own baggage surrounding fights and will appreciate how calm and logical you are, and you’ll both be so much better off. And it’s all because you went through this relationship issue. Sometimes, when you’re going through something in the moment, you have no idea how much better your life can get, and how much what you’re experiencing can teach you.
13Hurt: Being Left At The Altar/On Your Wedding Day
While it’s a blessing to figure out that your boyfriend doesn’t want to marry you and you can move on from that relationship, it’s definitely going to hurt for a while if he leaves you at the altar or decides that he doesn’t want to be together anymore and it’s your wedding day. Ouch.
There’s no easy way to stop this kind of hurt, so it’s probably better to accept that the next few months will be pretty tough and you’ll just have to get through it. Hopefully, you have amazing friends and family members who can help you out. It’s definitely a shame that this guy couldn’t have realized before your actual, literal wedding day that he didn’t feel right going through with the wedding and being with you. It might seem crazy that someone would back out on that day.
But at the same time, it kind of makes sense. People always talk about having “cold feet” and how that’s totally normal, so if you’re in this situation, your fiance might have just told himself that how he was feeling and what he was worried about was normal. It just turned out not to be normal at all.
12Blessing: Realizing You Have Nothing In Common
Couples get into relationships for all kinds of reasons. Maybe one person is settling, maybe another is scared of being alone and fed up with being single, and maybe someone just stays because it’s convenient. A lot of people also hate the idea of breaking up with someone and feel all kinds of guilt so they stick around.
When you realize that you and your boyfriend have nothing in common, whether you always knew that but ignored it because you find him so cute or there’s another reason that you stayed together, it’s actually a blessing in disguise.
This will make you feel so free because you can break up with him and realize that he’s the wrong person for you, and you can find someone who is a much better match. You can find someone who you have a lot of things in common with and it teaches you that having common interests, hobbies, lifestyles, and shared goals is an important thing. After all, you’re going to be spending the majority of your time with this person — it’s a good idea to have things in common and like and dislike the same things. It’s okay and normal to have some differences, though, of course.
11Hurt: Disagreeing About Starting A Family
Some women dream of being a mom since they can remember and for others, it’s just never something that is in the cards. There is no right or wrong way to feel about this subject, of course — it’s such a personal decision. But this is one choice that can cause a lot of hurt and conflict in a relationship.
When you and your boyfriend aren’t on the same page about having kids, it’s a total dealbreaker for most people. Someone is going to get hurt and disappointed because staying together would mean that one person has to compromise… and if you’re not ready to have a child, you can’t really just have one to make your boyfriend or husband happy. It’s not the best idea.
When you disagree about starting a family, that’s a tough relationship problem to deal with, and it’s one that will hurt for a while. It might take you a long time to get over the end of this relationship. And if you choose to stay together and one of you compromises, that might take a while to get used to as well. There’s no easy way to deal with this issue, that’s for sure.
10Blessing: Growing Apart And Changing Personality Or Goal-Wise
It’s always the hope that you and your boyfriend will stay the same people that you fell in love with. You don’t want him to randomly switch from a homebody to a party animal who finds you totally boring and doesn’t understand why you have a great work ethic and care more about your job and your friends than partying all the time. You also don’t want to go through some positive changes where you get super healthy and work out a lot and your boyfriend is still living a lazy lifestyle where he’s all about junk food and couch time.
You want to grow together, not apart, and not change your personalities so much that you no longer get along or remember why you were even together in the first place.
If that happens, though, and you end up breaking up, it’s going to be a blessing in disguise. It might not seem like that at first (okay, it absolutely won’t seem like it), but this will allow both of you to find someone who you are better suited for.
Not everyone is meant to be together for a long time, and sometimes you date someone so they can teach you something about yourself or relationships and love.
9Hurt: Your Boyfriend Not Wanting To Propose
In a perfect scenario, you and your boyfriend want to marry each other and you’re both ready at the same time. Neither one of you feels any pressure or cold feet or has any doubts. Getting engaged is a super magical, exciting time in your life.
But if your boyfriend doesn’t want to propose, that’s going to hurt, and it’s a relationship issue that is going to hurt for a while. It’s totally okay and normal for you to feel betrayed by this. Maybe he doesn’t believe in marriage because he’s a child of divorce, which is the way that some people feel, so it really has nothing to do with you specifically, but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt. Or maybe he says that he loves you but doesn’t see himself with you long-term and doesn’t think that your relationship is headed in that direction.
This is one of those make-or-break moments in a relationship. You can’t really move on from this and just pretend that everything is fine and keep dating each other. If you want to get married and he doesn’t, you need to think hard about the kind of relationship and future that you want.
8Blessing: Your Boyfriend Being Afraid To Move In Together
At a certain point, you and your boyfriend are spending all of your time together, and you’re sleeping over at each other’s places. Maybe you spend more time at one of your places rather than the other because it’s bigger or has a dishwasher or whatever the reason is. But after a while, it gets pretty exhausting to run back and forth and keep two apartments, not to mention the fact that you want to stop paying for two places and start sharing the rent.
When your boyfriend is scared to move in together, that’s a blessing in disguise. Yeah, it’s going to hurt and make you realize that he doesn’t want the same things that you want and that your relationship doesn’t have any future. But it’s so much better to know now rather than later.
The amazing thing about being in this situation is that the next time around, you can spot the signs of a guy who is scared of committing to someone, and you can get out before you get too invested. You won’t end up in the same situation again, that’s for sure, and can make sure that you’re with someone who wants to commit for real.
7Hurt: Your Boyfriend Still Hanging Out With His Ex
When a relationship ends, it can be tempting to want to hold onto that person for as long as you can, at least in a platonic sense. Some couples try to stay friends after and, hey, maybe it works for some people, but for most people, it’s the worst idea ever. Old feelings can resurface and you can think that maybe it would be easier to just get back together… and suddenly you find yourself having the same problems that you did before. People don’t change that much and some couples just aren’t meant to be together.
If your boyfriend is still hanging out with his ex-girlfriend, that’s definitely a relationship problem, and it’s something that is going to hurt for a while. This might not mean that you two have to go your separate ways because maybe he really does love you and want this relationship to work out, but he wants to be friends with his ex. Maybe you can explain to him that this hurts and you’re not into it and he’ll respect your feelings and stop spending time with her. But maybe that won’t happen and he’ll choose her over you and that will hurt even more. It’s a tricky situation for sure.
6Blessing: Being With A Super Negative Person
It’s not easy to date a guy who is super negative and cynical. Before you know it, he’ll affect the way that you feel about yourself and the world and maybe even the people in your life. If you’re a sunny, positive person, it just won’t work for you to date something who is the complete opposite. Your friends and family would probably agree that he’s just not for you.
Even though it sucks to stay with a guy who isn’t ever in a good mood and who doesn’t ever want to do anything or have fun, this is the kind of relationship issue that is actually a blessing in disguise.
This will teach you a ton of lessons and make you realize that this isn’t the kind of person that you want to date.
Sometimes it takes being with the wrong person to recognize who the right one will be. Now you know that it’s a dealbreaker if someone is negative and cynical and you have to look for someone who is the opposite. Dating is never easy and this won’t be an easy thing to go through, either, but at least you can learn something for the next time around, and sometimes that’s the best outcome.
5Hurt: Not Having His Support When Following Your Career Dreams
You hope that when you want to follow your dreams and make things happen, your boyfriend is going to be totally on board. After all, that’s what a relationship is supposed to be like. You’re supposed to love and care about and support each other through good and bad times. Otherwise, you might as well be single.
The fact that your boyfriend doesn’t support your dreams and makes fun of what you want or tells you that you can’t do what you want is a relationship issue for sure. It’s a pretty big one and it’s not one that you can move beyond. This will absolutely mean that you have to break up with him. And it’s a relationship problem that is going to hurt for a while since the fact that he doesn’t believe in you is incredibly painful. There’s no way that you wouldn’t react that way and even if he says that you’re overreacting, you’re not. It’s also a betrayal since he was supposed to love you no matter what and be your biggest fan and the guy cheering you on at all times. It’s just plain confusing that he’s not like that and it’ll be a while before you come to terms with that.
4Blessing: Having Opposite Schedules
If you and your boyfriend have opposite schedules, that’s pretty much the definition of a relationship issue. How are you going to spend time together, let alone make a life together? Do you even want the same things out of a relationship? Do you even like doing the same things and do you have the same hobbies and interests and the same lifestyle?
This is a relationship issue that will be a blessing in disguise. Once the relationship is over, you’ll realize that you’ve learned a lot about what you actually want in a relationship.
If you want to be with your partner all the time, you’ll figure that out. You’ll realize that a boyfriend who would rather wake up early on weekends and work out for hours and hours is not for you because you like to sleep in and grab brunch and spend quality time together. Or you’ll figure out that you want to have a routine after work where you make dinner together and hang out, whether you go for long walks in the warmer months or hang out watching TV on the couch when it’s colder. Relationships are always a learning experience, even if you’re sad that it’s over.
3Hurt: Your Boyfriend Wanting To See His Friends More Than You
It can be super tricky to balance a social life and a relationship. When you were single, you and your girlfriends went to happy hour on Thursday nights, hung out at one of your apartments on Friday nights, and the weekend was all about brunches and shopping or movies or whatever you wanted to do together. Now you’re in love and you want to see your boyfriend 24/7. Suddenly your schedule changes and you want to see him every night and every weekend and, well, all the time. So when are you supposed to see your friends?!
It’s a tough spot to be in and as long as you see your friends often enough, they’ll probably understand that your lifestyle has totally changed and you want to be with your boyfriend a lot, but you still care about maintaining your friendships. The truth is that they would do the same thing. It’s just what people do when they get into a relationship.
But if your boyfriend wants to see his friends more than he wants to see you, that’s a problem, and it might not be something that you can come back from. This will for sure hurt for a while. You should be his priority and if he refuses to give up his nights out with the boys, he might not be mature enough to date you.
2Blessing: Losing Who You Are/Your Sense Of Self
If you get so into a relationship and so into your boyfriend that you lose who you are, that’s a pretty common story. It’s not great, of course, and can really mess you up, but it’s something that every girl goes through at least once. This is a particular thing when you’re younger or when it’s your first love. You just don’t know any better and you haven’t learned how to balance keeping your sense of self and being someone’s girlfriend.
This is going to be a blessing in disguise because it will teach you to never let this happen again. You’ll bring a bunch of lessons with you when you start a new relationship and, hopefully, the next one will be much better since you’ll know that you have to remember who you are.
You can’t neglect your friends and family, you have to keep up your hobbies and interests, and you can’t get lost in the relationship.
Yes, it’s totally fine to love your boyfriend and want to hang out with him all the time, but you’re a person too and you matter. You can’t just do whatever he wants all the time and let him make all the decisions. That’s not fair and not right.
1Hurt: Your Boyfriend Making Promises He Can’t/Won’t Keep
If you can’t trust your boyfriend when he says that you two will move in together in six months or he wants you to get engaged soon, you really have nothing. It might sound cliche to say that trust is a foundation of a relationship and yet it’s so true. Without trust, why would you even date someone? What would be the point?
If your boyfriend makes promises that he either can’t or won’t keep, that’s bad news and it’s going to mean the end of your relationship. Maybe he promises lavish date nights or expensive vacations and then says that he can’t afford it, which is not fair since he got your hopes up, and maybe he swears that things will get more serious between the two of you but he has no intention of committing more. You’ll know that this is happening because you’ll have a weird feeling about it and your friends and family might have some opinions, too.
Whatever is going on, this is something that will hurt for a while. You might need a while to get over the breakup and figure out how to open yourself up to someone new. But once you do and you meet someone new, things will be so much better since you won’t fall for that again.