They say love and relationships are like jobs; they change constantly until the right one sticks and makes you stay in it for the long haul. What happens when the right one isn’t quite sure about you?
An indecisive boyfriend is always changing, “on the fence,” his feet not firmly planted. Will a man like this ever take a strong stand and move forward with his decision? Or worse, will he ever find the right woman—the woman that can make him stay in it for the long haul? Or will he continue to make decisions that waiver from one moment to the next?
An indecisive boyfriend can be very annoying and this conundrum can age a woman prematurely because her man is not truly invested in their relationship, nor is he in control of his life. Indeed, the word “indecisive” means not providing a clear and definite result. It is the inability to make a decision effectively when presented with more than one choice: a temporary paralysis.
Men and indecision
Men can be very mysterious creatures who are afraid to show their emotions, and constantly try to maintain that ‘macho’ status quo. Being indecisive, however, runs far deeper than being afraid to show emotions or maintaining a macho stance.
Indecisiveness could be due to fear—we all have some degree of fear—or it could simply be immaturity, blowing hot and cold at the same time. Whatever the cause, being indecisive is agonizing to the person on the receiving end, like an itch you cannot scratch.
Identifying an indecisive boyfriend
So how does one put an end to such a scenario? How do you deal with your indecisive boyfriend? Under the circumstances, it would be easy to simply say, “End the relationship,” but sometimes life is not so simple. This is particularly true when you’re in a serious relationship with him.
Clearly, an indecisive boyfriend has commitment issues. He appears to make decisions and then shies away from those decisions due to panic or fear. It could also be a ploy to relieve himself of responsibility.
Addressing indecision
Bear in mind that an indecisive person is likely in a state of torment as well; decision-making can be extremely difficult—particularly for people who struggle with commitment. If your boyfriend cares for you, however, he should be willing to leave his indecisive behavior behind. As you navigate your relationship with a wary decision-maker, keep these steps in mind.
#1 Make communication a priority. Communication is important at this stage of your relationship. Find out why he’s so indecisive and tell him what his uncertainty does to you. Tell him you know he’s scared to commit to the relationship or to the big issues in his life, but you are willing to take the leap of faith with him.
Remind your partner that, although indecision may seem like the best route, making decisions and constantly doubting them (or avoiding them altogether) makes for a very frantic, lonely life.
#2 Give him an ideal timeline. As you talk, present a timeline detailing how you would like your relationship to go. Let him know that you will give him time to decide how he will proceed, but you won’t wait forever. His indecisiveness can be destructive to you, and you cannot place your life on hold indefinitely, as this will erode your self-worth.
#3 Encourage him—don’t just attack his flaws. Try not to scold him for the decisions he makes, even if you are not in agreement with them. The point is to encourage him to make decisions, so if a decision didn’t work out well, don’t dwell on it.
#4 Help him find a therapist or counselor. If your boyfriend still cannot make a decision as to the future of your relationship, or cannot make any decisions at all, he needs help. Help him find a therapist. You can be empathetic, but when these issues get in the way of forging a mutual and satisfactory relationship and there is no effort to resolve them, you have to step away.
Deciding wrong, making mistakes, and even failing at your relationship could, potentially, be better than avoiding decisions altogether. A trained counselor will be able to explain this to your boyfriend with greater authority, and will be equipped with tools to help him learn to be assertive and confident.
#5 Show him the consequences of his indecision. If your best efforts failed, let him know that he has left you with very little choice. At this point, letting go may not be easy, but it is likely your best option. The sooner a woman can figure out that the relationship is not going anywhere, the sooner she can wrap her mind around the concept of moving on.
Let him know that being indecisive is a decision in itself: one he already made *to the detriment of the relationship* and being on the receiving end of his indecision isn’t good for your soul or your self-esteem.
If all else fails, let go
Not charting your own course with your own values and desires, or staying locked in a forced carefree state of mind is depressing; although staying may seem to be the best choice, doing so is tortuous and a recipe for regret. We are either going to make decisions for ourselves or allow someone to make them for us. You alone are in charge of your decisions. If your boyfriend refuses to make a choice regarding you and your relationship, it is up to you to make your own choice and seek a healthier relationship.
