Ah, so maybe your new man has taken one from the old playbook. He’s decided that in order to catch your interest, he’s got to play hard to get. Or maybe he’s just making you think that but really hitting the town with a bunch of other gals he’s picked up.
Dating anyone new can be a tricky thing because you really don’t know them just yet. Take it from me; no two men are alike in the way they act in the beginning of a relationship. This makes it really hard to tell if your lover-to-be is shy, playing hard to get, or just playing you in general.
I once dated a guy who I thought was so cool because whenever I asked him a serious question, he would just reply with something elusive, and it made me want him more because I just had to “crack” him in a way. Boy, did that turn out to be wrong.
I thought he was just being cool and playing hard to get in order to get me really going after him. Well, that part worked. But I later found out he was also working this same scheme with at least two other girls. [Read: 7 really clear signs the guy you like is a player]
Playing hard to get versus playing you
Being elusive and mysterious is all fun and games until the mystery is suddenly revealed in a way that leaves you heartbroken and angry. No amount of that type of mystery is a good thing, and here’s how to spot if a guy is simply playing hard to get, or just playing you.
Signs that he’s playing hard to get
If your potential boyfriend-to-be possesses any of the following traits, he may just be playing hard to get in order to keep you interested.
#1 His texts are long but infrequent. When someone is trying to play hard to get, their first thought is to not text back right away. Even if they are right by their phone just waiting for your reply, they want to make it look like they’re not trying too hard and to make you wait forever for their response – which builds our anticipation.
This is a telltale sign that he’s playing hard to get. But in order for this to make sense, his replies must be lengthy and detailed to show that he was paying attention and actually wants to keep the conversation going. [Read: 14 signs he’s genuinely interested in being with you]
#2 He says he’s “busy” but still makes plans. Men who want to make you want more are going to make you wait. This is a classic sign of playing hard to get. If you ask him to dinner the next night, he might say no – which will make you only want to see him more.
If he’s truly interested and just playing it cool, then he will offer a different date and time to get dinner. This shows that he’s still interested and wants to see you, but that he might just be making you want it a little more before giving in to your requests.
#3 When he isn’t “busy,” your conversations are meaningful. When you do finally get a chance to sit down and spend some time with him, he’s very forthcoming with insight into his life. You both can easily have deep conversations about the future, your goals, and your desires. So even though he played hard to get before spending time with you, that time is well spent, and that means he’s really interested. [Read: The tricky mind games men play that any woman can beat easily]
#4 He’s elusive but later gives you the details. When the two of you are divulging information about each other’s families, friends, careers, and any other personal information, he may be coy at first. He may just raise his eyebrows and ask, “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
This is a super flirty and fun way for people to avoid things they don’t want to talk about. But if he jokes for a minute and then actually tells you what you asked of him, then it’s simply a sign that he’s playing hard to get.
#5 He makes an effort sometimes. Men who are trying to play hard to get aren’t going to be making every single plan with you. They want to seem chill and uninterested in order to peak your interest even more than they already have.
But if he lets you do all the plans for a little while but also asks you on a couple of dates, then the poor guy is just taking things the old route and simply playing hard to get for you. It’s cute, really. [Read: Does he like you? – 18 body language cues that just won’t lie]
Signs that he’s playing you
If the guy you’re dating is up to any of the below antics, he may just be playing you, and it’s time to get rid of him!
#1 He evades giving away personal information. If you’re dating someone and really trying to get to know them, then chances are you’re going to ask them some personal information about their family, friends, and life in general.
If your guy is avoiding these questions and replacing the answers with flirty phrases or just changing the subject altogether, then he might be playing you. Guys who are players have a tendency to withhold personal information so you can’t look them up anywhere for fear that you might spot them with the other person they’re seeing. [Read: 15 signs the guy you like is seeing someone else]
#2 You go days without speaking. It’s not right for someone who’s interested in you to simply not talk to you for a couple of days. Sure, everyone is busy at times, but they all have a quick few minutes to shoot a “good-morning” text.
This is a surefire sign that he’s playing you and might have someone else that’s been occupying his time. Make sure that if he does ignore you for a couple of days that you get answers as to why. If he comes up short, kick him to the curb!
#3 When he does text back, he always says he’s “busy.” If this is his only reason for not texting or calling you or really just not contacting you in any way for those past few days, then it’s a sign he’s playing you. Someone who is just “busy” has plenty of time to send you a text or give you a quick call. There’s really no excuse. [Read: 20 sure reasons why a guy could be ignoring you]
#4 You talk a lot, but you don’t feel like you know him. Even if the two of you are in constant communication and you talk about stuff all the time, you may still not know anything about him. If your friends are asking about them and you come up short with almost every answer, maybe you should do some thinking as to why that is.
Either he’s evading personal information, like I mentioned above, or you two don’t talk on a connecting level – which could stem from him avoiding getting deeper with you.
#5 He refuses to introduce you to anyone in his life. This is the biggest red flag for me. Of course, when you first start dating someone, you’re not going to meet his roommates, closest friends, and family right away. But you should at least be introduced if the two of you are out and he sees someone he knows.
It’s a huge sign that he’s playing you if he either avoids running into people he knows, or keeps their conversation so short that there’s no room to introduce who you are to him. He’s playing you.
[Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
In the beginning of any relationship, it can be hard to tell just what their actions and personality truly means. Are they just being elusive, or are they keeping things hidden for a reason? The above signs will help you determine if they’re just playing hard to get or if they’re playing you!