There isn’t a perfect answer to the question of how slow or fast a new relationship should move. Taking things slow with a new guy might seem boring or unexciting, but it’s what many people feel comfortable with. Others dive in and are more than happy to get serious as quickly as possible and it’s what makes sense to them. If you like to move slowly and a friend doesn’t understand why, you might be just as baffled by how quickly she throws herself into a new relationship.
When you meet someone who you really like, it makes sense that you want to hang out with them several days a week (or even every day) and it would be full speed ahead toward true love. Many couples describe the experience of falling in love as very quick and something that they never expected would happen.
But there are definitely some ways that you can know that things are going too quickly and the relationship might not work out because of it. There are also signs that everything is going perfectly and at a more natural pace. Here are 10 signs the relationship is moving too fast and 10 that it’s perfect.
20Too Fast: You DTR On The Second Date
You’ve met a new guy, gone on a few dates, can’t stop thinking about him, feel like you’re in a romantic comedy… but there’s just one problem: you’re wondering when you’re going to define the relationship.
Having a conversation where you DTR (or ask questions like “What are we?” and “Where are things going?”) is bound to fill you with nerves and butterflies.
You’re not sure if he wants to be your boyfriend and if he’s going to say that it’s too soon to talk like this. Many couples DTR after a month or two months. Doing this on the second date is a sign that things are moving too quickly. It’s honestly too early to tell if this will be a good relationship. You’re still getting to know each other.
19Perfect: You Both Agree That Things Are Moving Quickly And You’re Comfortable With It
On the other hand, if things are moving fast but you’re both cool with it, that’s a totally different story. It’s okay to move quickly when you both agree that things feel right. You’re most likely well on your way to love and happiness.
You’ll know that this is the case if he mentions that he’s never felt this way about a girl before or brings up the fact that you two are already seeing each other on a daily basis and it’s only been a month or six weeks. You feel the same way about each other and everything feels easy and balanced.
18Too Fast: You’ve Got Kids’ Names Picked Out But Haven’t Met Each Other’s Parents
Couples tend to hit relationship milestones in order: you say that you’re in an exclusive relationship, you hang out with each other’s friends, you meet each other’s families, and after a while, bring up moving in together.
Saying that you two are totally going to have kids someday and picking out their names before you’ve met each other’s parents is definitely moving way too fast.
It’s normal to think about what it would be like to get serious with someone and marry them and have children with them, but it’s best to get to know each other’s families first for sure.
17Perfect: Even By The Third Date, You Feel Super Comfortable Around Each Other
Before you meet the right guy, you might think that the third date would be way too soon to know that you really like him and feel totally yourself around him. And then you meet the right guy and go on the third date and think, “Yup, I’m super comfortable.”
You can be sure that things are perfect if you feel comfy around each other on the third date and know that this is the relationship that you both want to be in. It feels great and you love hanging out together. You honestly feel like you can’t spend enough time talking.
16Too Fast: By The Second Week, You’re Ignoring Your Friends And Family And Only Seeing Him
Falling in love means wanting to see this person all of the time. It’s just like the old saying goes: you can’t eat, you can’t sleep. All you can think about is him.
Of course, that’s not awesome news for your social life.
Your best friends want to grab dinner on Friday night and all you can think about is how you’re going to miss your new boyfriend.
Eventually, you figure things out and balance everyone more, but at first, it can be challenging. That’s why you know that things are moving too quickly if, by the second week of your new relationship, you only see him and ignore your friends and family. You have to maintain your other relationships, too, and those people are just as special and important.
15Perfect: You’re Basically Living At Each Other’s Places By The Three-Month Mark
Couples move in together in their own time. But many couples basically live together before that. They spend every night together and weekends, too. It feels like living together without the actual moving day part of it.
When you’re practically living together three months in, it shows that you’re really good together. Things are going well and it definitely bodes well for the future. You can’t be without each other and it just doesn’t feel right not to see each other every day. It’s an amazing way to feel, and you both feel so lucky to have found each other.
14Too Fast: You Rearrange Your Whole Life And All Of Your Plans For Him
When one person basically rearranges their whole life so they can see their partner all of the time, it’s a sign that things are moving quicker than they should be.
It’s best to have your own life and you want your boyfriend to have one, too.
You need to spend at least a little bit of time alone so you can still do things that you want to do and see the people that you love. It’s okay to want to see a movie alone or go to a yoga class or just read a book all day when you have some free time. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t loved and that the relationship isn’t going well.
13Perfect: When The Next Holiday Rolls Around, You Two Spend It With Each Other’s Families
Holidays can be stressful. Is your new boyfriend going to invite you home with him for Christmas? Should you ask him to join your own celebrations? Will he think that you’re assuming things if you act like of course you’ll be together?
When things are perfect with a new guy, you honestly won’t have to worry about these things. Well, the thought might cross your mind once or twice, but he’ll ease your nerves and you’ll know what’s going on. When the next holiday rolls around, you two will absolutely spend it together, and it’ll be so nice to celebrate together and with your families.
12Too Fast: You Wish You Had More Time For Yourself
A new relationship can be a bit chaotic. You’re not at your own place a lot of the time, you’re balancing all of the different parts of your life, and you’re getting used to a new routine. You don’t have time to binge watch Grey’s Anatomy like you did back when you were single.
If it’s going well, then you don’t care about that.
Sure, you still love your favorite TV shows. You just would rather see your new guy. When you feel like you don’t have any time for yourself anymore and you miss the good old single days when you had lots of time alone, that’s a sign that things are moving too fast.
11Perfect: You Share So Many Hobbies And Interests And You Have The Best Time Together
On the other hand, when you two are spending lots of time together and have lots of common hobbies and interests, things are perfect.
You’re both having fun, and neither one of you wishes that you were spending more time alone or that you had more “me” time. You both feel like things are better than they were before and that it’s the best luck ever to have met each other and to be dating. This is exactly the way that a new couple wants to feel. Things are moving just fast enough and at the right speed for both of you.
10Too Fast: Your Friends Say They’re Not Sure He’s Right For You
Your friends know who you should be dating, even if you don’t think that they do. They know when you’re blissfully happy with a new guy and when there’s just something different about this time.
The same thing is true when things are moving too fast and you’re not with the right person.
They’re definitely going to tell you what they feel and it might suck to hear that they don’t think that he’s your guy, but they know what they’re talking about. There’s a reason that they’re not sure, and it’s a good idea to ask them what they think.
9Perfect: You Hit The Major Milestones In Order
Defining the relationship, meeting each other’s friends, meeting the family, spending more and more time together, spending so many nights at each other’s apartments that you decide to move in together. These are all the major milestones of a relationship, and hitting them in order is a great sign that things are totally perfect between you two.
It’s so great because you never have to think, “Does he want me to be his girlfriend?” or “He says that he likes me but he won’t introduce me to his mom and sister.” Things are going well and you’re both secure, and it’s the best feeling.
8Too Fast: You Talk About Marriage Before Moving In Together
Some couples are more traditional and don’t want to live together before tieing the knot. That’s totally fine and to each their own. For the most part, though, it might be too soon to talk about getting married before you two have moved in together.
Living together is a big step and allows you to really see how the other person functions and lives.
You learn habits and likes and dislikes and it’s a great opportunity to learn even more about this person that you care so much about. It’s a bit fast to assume that you’ll be husband and wife when you haven’t taken this big step.
7Perfect: You Tell Friends “It Just Feels Right”
There’s something so wonderful about knowing that you’re meant to be with someone. You feel so calm and peaceful around him and it’s not really something that you can explain. When your friends ask what it’s like to date him, all you can say is, “It feels right.”
This is all that you need to say and it really sums it all up. When it feels right, it doesn’t matter how fast you’re moving. You’re confident that you need to be with this guy and he feels the same way about you, and it’s time to enjoy it and be happy.
6Too Fast: After One Month, You Tell Everyone That He’s Your Soulmate
One month isn’t a lot of time to get to know someone. If it’s been that amount of time and you tell everyone that this guy is your soulmate, that’s a sign that things are moving too quickly.
It’s absolutely possible to get to know someone in a short period of time and feel like you’ve known them forever. When it’s real, you can date a guy for a few months and it seems like it’s been a few years.
But you might want to hold off on the whole “soulmate” thing until you can be confident that the relationship is solid and going well.
It simply feels like too soon.
5Perfect: When You Bring Up Anything Serious, He’s Totally Up For Discussing It
You could feel that someone is The One but if they don’t want to discuss the future of the relationship or even a more serious situation that you’re going through alone, it’s not going to be a great relationship. You deserve to have a true partner who doesn’t find emotions and serious subjects scary and who will always talk to you.
When you bring up serious topics and he is all for discussing them and has no problem with that, you know that things are perfect and this is exactly the way that things should be happening. It’ll feel really awesome.
4Too Fast: You’re Afraid He’s Going To Get Bored Of You
Do you feel like this guy is going to get bored of you because you’re seeing each other so often and spending so much time together? When the relationship is perfect and going in the right direction, you would never have that thought. You would be so happy to be together and you can never wait to see each other again. He feels the same way.
When you’re worried about him getting sick of you, that’s when you know that things are moving way too fast.
Maybe it’s time to slow it down a bit to make sure that this is real and that you two are meant to be together. Or maybe you don’t have enough in common or don’t get along enough to sustain a relationship after all.
3Perfect: You’re Not Forcing Anything And You Make Plans Really Easily
When you and a guy feel the same way about each other, making plans will be easier than you’ve ever experienced before. He’ll ask at the end of every date, “When can I see you again?” Or he’ll mention that he wants to see a certain movie and ask if you’re free the night that he’s thinking of going.
Neither one of you has to force anything. If you want to invite him somewhere, you simply ask him and he agrees. You don’t have to sit there and agonize over the wording of a text message. When you dated other guys in the past, it didn’t feel this easy. It’s awesome.
2Too Fast: You Get Mad When You’re Not Engaged By Your Six Month Anniversary
It’s a bit of a cliche to say that girls think about marrying the guy sitting across from them on their first date. It does happen sometimes because you can’t help but wonder if someone is husband material when they seem so awesome.
However, if you’re expecting to get engaged by the time that you and your boyfriend celebrate your sixth month anniversary, things are definitely moving too fast.
You’re expecting too much because it’s a short amount of time to date before getting engaged. You both might need to spend a bit more time together before making sure that this is the right decision.
1Perfect: Every Part Of The Relationship Feels Different (And Better) Than Your Past Experiences
You know you’ve gotten lucky when the guy that you’re in a relationship with acts differently from people that you have dated before. Did your ex-boyfriends complain about the date nights that you wanted to go on? Did they forget to text you back or ignore you to go out with their friends instead? Maybe they had trouble talking about emotions and never wanted to talk about the relationship.
Another sign that your relationship is perfect is if every part of the relationship feels different and, of course, much better, than the dating experiences that you have. It’s also great if he feels the same way. You can rejoice that you’ve finally found your perfect guy.