Are you not sure if you are really in love with that person or just infatuated? It can be confusing! You think you might love them, but you don’t really feel like this is what love should feel like.
The difference between infatuation and love is that infatuation is a short-lived passion for someone, whereas love is a deep affection for someone that lasts the test of time. The problem is that infatuation is a powerful feeling that can make you think you are in love.
Still not sure if it is infatuation or love? These 11 signs will set you straight:
SIGN 1: YOU’VE ONLY KNOW EACH OTHER FOR A SHORT TIME
I’ve known people who have said they were in love after a few days. But, a few months later, they realized that they hated everything about the person, which showed they hadn’t taken enough time to really get to know the person.
If you’ve only known the person for a short time, then it is infatuation vs love. Love takes a while to develop. It takes intimacy, which requires a connection or attachment to someone.
Love is about being familiar with someone, where a bond has been developed. You may feel attached to them, but if you have not taken the time to develop an intimate connection, then that attachment is coming from being infatuated, not real love.
SIGN 2: YOU ARE FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU WANT OUT OF THEM AND THE RELATIONSHIP
Some people get into a relationship and can see themselves dating, getting married, having kids, and relocating to a tropical island for their retirement.
They picture all of these things in detail, including short-term events, such as spending time together and falling more and more in love.
But, they are focused on their future with this person from their point of view, not the other person’s point of view. If you see your relationship solely from your point of view, then it is infatuation, not love.
Love is about knowing what the other person wants in life and working on compromising. It’s not about satisfying your needs and expectations solely.
SIGN 3: THEY SEEM HIGH ABOVE YOU
It’s common to put someone we are infatuated with on a pedestal so high above ourselves that feel we lucky that they can even see us. In short, we make them out to be something they are not.
We see their strengths, their perfections, their positive attributes, but we are blind to their weaknesses, imperfections, and negative attributes, while we can clearly see ours.
If all you can see is perfection in them, then it’s infatuation vs love. Nobody is perfect, no matter how much it seems that way.
Every one of us has faults and makes mistakes and can get a bit annoying to other human beings. When you truly love someone, you can see them for who they are – the good and the bad – and love them anyway.
SIGN 4: YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST WON THE LOTTERY
Being infatuated is a lot like feeling like you just won the lottery. You can’t believe it, and all you can focus on is the fact that you won the lottery.
If need be, you’d be willing to skip work, boycott friends, cut out family members, and do anything else you have to do to pick up that money. Those things are all just distractions when it comes to that one thing that you can’t keep your mind off.
Real love isn’t like that. Love is what it feels like after you have the money and can do great things in your life. Love makes you want to create a better life for yourself in all areas.
You become a better friend, a more loving person, more dedicated to your career, and more willing to make your life a success.
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The feeling of being loved and loving someone else makes you want to embrace your life more and be a better person, not escape everything you have worked to become because of one focal point.
SIGN 5: YOU FEEL LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM (AND ACTUALLY KNOW-NOTHING)
When you are in a state where you feel like you know everything about them (but you actually don’t), you are in a state of infatuation.
If you think you know what makes them tick, what kind of person they are, and what they want out of their life, but you haven’t actually sat down and talked to them about all of those things or really had experience with them that taught you those things, then you are infatuated, not in love.
SIGN 6: YOU GET REALLY, REALLY JEALOUS
If someone talks to the person you are with, you become instantly jealous. You want to show everyone, including them, that they are yours. That jealousy is a sign of infatuation vs love.
Love is not about being upset with the person because they are attractive, friendly, or popular. It is about feeling connected with them in a way that doesn’t make you feel like you are in a state of losing them to someone else.
It is a confident feeling that you are bound to them in a special way and that they are so fond of you that they view you differently than other people.
SIGN 7: YOU CAN’T WAIT TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP
Infatuation is all about making things happen NOW. You want them to love you and commit to you and be your one and only because you are scared that you are going to lose them if you don’t.
But love doesn’t work that way. Love takes time to build, and if you are in love with someone, you enjoy the process of getting to know them and building your relationship with them one step at a time.
SIGN 8: YOU ARE IN LOVE WITH SUPERFICIAL THINGS
I hear a lot of people say that they love the way someone looks or walks or talks or laughs, and claim that they fell in love with someone just by watching them. That’s impossible!
You don’t connect to the superficial things in a person, you connect to the internal things, such as how they feel, what they believe, what their hopes and dreams are, and how they treat other people.
If you love the way they sing or look, then that’s infatuation. If you know them on a deep and personal level and appreciate those things, then that is love.
SIGN 9: YOU OBSESS OVER THEM LEAVING YOU
If they forget to call, you wonder if you did something wrong and if it will affect your relationship negatively. If they are not feeling good and don’t look at you the way they normally do, you question if they are going to leave you forever.
These intense feelings can make you think you love them so much you don’t want to lose them, but really you are just being insecure. You are not confident in how they feel about you.
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Love is confident. You feel secure in your relationship and understand that they have ups and downs and forget to do things once in a while. You don’t panic at the first sign of a frown or forgotten phone call, because you know that you have a bond that isn’t going to break so easily.
SIGN 10: YOU EXPECT PERFECTION
When you are infatuated with someone, you create unrealistic expectations about how they should act and how the relationship should go.
No fights are allowed.
They can’t be rude to you or make you feel bad, even if it is an accident.
The relationship needs to always feel amazing, and happiness is the only emotion allowed.
If things go anything but perfect, you feel like things have gone very wrong and you don’t know what to do.
When you are in love, you accept that things can go wrong and you work on making them better. The down times are how you learn to interact with each other in a compromising way.
The down times teach you that you are human, and so is your partner and that you are capable of working together in a happier and healthier relationship.
SIGN 11: YOU ARE CREATING A TON OF DRAMA IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
If your relationships feel dramatic instead of loving, then you are probably projecting a lot of intense feelings towards your partner and your relationship, or holding a lot of high expectations over their head or yours. That’s a sign of infatuation vs love.
Drama happens when there is a lack of love in the relationship. Love is tender and sweet, not dramatic. You don’t blow up at someone you love and make them feel horrible about themselves.
You don’t treat someone you love poorly because you feel they’ve hurt you. You don’t talk about someone you love behind their back negatively and then treat them amazingly in person. But, if you are infatuated, and have a ton of intense (and insecure) feelings towards them, then drama is sure to be present in your relationship.