When there is chemistry between two people, it is hard when geography suddenly starts standing in their way. But there are a lot of long distance relationships between people who share the same bed, which means being close is a matter of emotions, not geography.
One can say long distance relationships have a short future, while others claim how this challenging situation can enhance the relationship because both partners are trying harder to make it work. Some might even prefer these relationships because of that.
The success of a long distance relationship is dependent on many factors, primarily on psychological ones, such as the capability to delay gratification, the willingness to make plans and long term goals, the ability to improvise and feel connected with someone who is not physically around, and the readiness to make it work in the times of uncertainty. [Read: 10 survival tips for every long distance relationship]
Far from the eyes = far from the heart is true when it comes to passion and immature love. It is accurate for those who have not developed the previously mentioned psychological characteristics. If you or your partner are among them, it is best to recognize it in time and save yourselves from hardship.
When being in a long distance relationship feels like you’re grasping in the dark, you may try to justify it by blaming the distance for all your problems. At that point, it is important to be rational and determine if maybe those exhausting obstacles are rooted in the core of a relationship and have nothing to do with separation.
Should you end your long distance relationship?
Here is a list of indicators that show when a long distance relationship needs to come to an end. If you identify with more than six, it is time to leave your emotional baggage at the terminal, and move on with your life journey.
#1 You stopped making plans together. People believe they should end a long distance relationship only if abstinence becomes a nightmare. But it’s not important if you’re not sleeping in the same bed, as long as you are dreaming together.
If you don’t know when the next time you’re going to hug each other is going to be or when the long distance scenario is going to end, it is probably time to give up on hitting the snooze button on the future of your relationship. It’s never going to wake up.
#2 You don’t chat on Skype/Whatsapp/Viber as often and as elaborately as you did before. Thanks to the internet, communication in these relationships should not be a barrier. At first, when you or your significant other moved to another country, it felt like you got yourself in a relationship with a computer. After a while, you started asking yourself: Where did all those kissing emojis go?
However, if you feel like you are not sharing enough and neither of you wants to report the lack of communication, it is an unambiguous sign that you have slowly given up.
#3 Suspicions are sucking all of your energy. Chatting 24/7 does not mean everything is fine between the two of you. Checking up on each other every hour sounds more like doubtful stalking than a caring gesture. If them not being online for three hours puts you in an anxious position and you’re worrying about whether they’re doing something behind your distant back because they know they won’t get caught, it means this relationship is too much for you.
While distance may feel like the obvious culprit in your constant need to check up on your partner, part of the problem most likely lies in your lack of trust.
#4 With each visit, there is less and less intimacy. Having sex every time you get together is not enough. Intimacy has nothing to do with being naked in bed. In the beginning, you were thinking of how the long distance implies that your love is so big that it cannot be put in just one city, but now it’s more like your love has entered an empty street.
If you feel alienated after not seeing each other for a long time, it is better to end it now than wait until one of you tries to find intimacy in another part of the world, in the other part of your heart. [Read: 12 reasons why so many couples drift apart in relationships]
#5 You would rather spend your money on clothes than buy a plane ticket. A straightforward sign you had a priority shift.
#6 One is jealous when the other is having a good time. Deprivation of physical contact can make people suffer, so they try to build a strong friend support system and distract themselves with socializing and other hobbies. If your partner refuses to understand why you’re spending so much time trying to relax and have fun on the other part of the world, they should not be a part of your world anymore. [Read: 17 big signs of a jealous and possessive partner]
#7 You spend more time talking about irrelevant stuff than discussing your relationship. There is not much to say. You are afraid to say something that will turn the physical distance into a psychological one. You are communicating problems by implicitly tweeting about them or liking the new profile pic of your ex. You are progressively delaying scheduled Skype calls, or you constantly make excuses to each other about how you don’t have time to talk.
In this case, it seems the whole space-time continuum is against you. Maybe you should just go with the flow and end things. [Read: 10 things you should never do in a long distance relationship]
#8 You don’t feel like you are supported. It seems like you are the only one fighting against the distance. Every time you are on Skype, it’s all about them. Somehow, they always manage to manipulate you into thinking that their situation is more burdensome than yours.
If you try to talk about it and your partner does not acknowledge constructive criticism, it is evidence that they are not even trying to understand you. Well, even a shoulder to cry on needs a shoulder to cry on. If your partner can’t understand that, it’s time to leave this relationship.
#9 Your partner is always projecting. Many poets cherished longing as a powerful feeling, but the never ending craving may be dangerous, leading you to overlook relevant aspects of your relationship that you would usually perceive as an issue if you were in a regular one.
Due to the physical distance, your partner may have idealized you or built up unreal expectations of you or even started acting like they don’t even know the real you. If you feel like your significant other is attaching their negativity to the things you do and the things you say, there is a great chance they are projecting their own insecurities about your relationship. Be aware of how much of it you can take, especially if they are not willing to become aware of it.
#10 The romantic surprises are gone. Skype is not enough. If you don’t receive love letters sprinkled with their perfume or a book with the underlined sentences that reminded them of you, it is no big surprise if the relationship doesn’t last much longer.
Take note, romance doesn’t always have to come in the form of a grand gesture. Sometimes, simply saying “I love you” or sending you cute pictures that reminded them of you can be romantic. But if you notice that even the tiny gestures of sweetness are gone, it may be a sign that their affection for you is too. [Read: 10 perfect songs for long distance relationships]
#11 You don’t engage in phone sex or cybersex anymore. Distance, you, and your significant other are having a threesome, that is for sure. But if you suddenly stopped having any kind of online sex without talking about it and making an explicit decision to stop, it means that the product of your chemistry is close to its expiration date. [Read: 10 naughty games for long distance relationships]
#12 One of you cheats. Does your long distance relationship seem like a Wi-Fi connection – as soon as you move away, the signal gets lost, you don’t know how to change the password, and someone else connects to it? If one of you has found comfort in someone else and decided to stay silent about it, don’t cheat yourself. You know what the right thing to do is.
#13 You are drowning in pessimism. You have as many negative thoughts about your relationship as there are kilometers between the two of you. If you’re overanalyzing every instance of your relationship, predicting betrayal, comparing yourself with similar couples who did not make it, or you just don’t believe the two of you will be able to bond again, it is a clear sign your long distance relationship is far away from its most important vehicle – optimism.
It is normal to have dark thoughts here and there, but your chronic gloom indicates that you have to find a light with someone else.
Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like your long distance relationship isn’t working. Not all relationships work out, long distance or otherwise. At the end, a good thing about breaking up when in a long distance relationship is that you will not have to deal with seeing your ex on the street.