Do you know how it feels when your relationship ends without a proper closure? It is like dying with an unfinished business. Your soul has no peace. What about being left behind without the chance to ask why or say goodbye? It is like being a kitten left along the street to get lost.
Self-pity, bitterness, and anger are among the main emotions evoked in this kind of ending. Asking yourself if you are that easy to dump is a natural reaction too. Do not let them destroy your self-image.
Here are 14 ways that can help you let go and move on from an unclosed relationship that has clearly ended.
1. Demand for a closure.
You were the other half of that relationship. Therefore, you have the right to demand for explanation for its sudden ending. Try talking your ex into settling issues in a civil way. Assure him/her you will not insist on getting back together. All you need is to understand things and a little respect.
2. Stop reaching out if there is no response.
If in spite your effort to reach out your ex ignores or even avoids you, then stop. Leave a little pride for yourself. Stop running after the person, because it only makes you look pathetic. You have already done your part.
3. Give yourself some space.
At this point, everything seems confusing. There are questions unanswered, and you are torn between hoping and hating. Have a break. Take a vacation and do a self-retreat. For sure, you cannot avoid crying and pondering about what happened, but at least try to relax and quiet your mind.
4. Avoid too much thinking.
Do not overthink about the situation. It will stress you out. Look for some things to keep your mind busy. Concentrate on your work or other activities. Find a new hobby or rediscover an old one. Distract yourself from depressing thoughts.
5. Be open to the possibility of reconciliation.
Since your relationship has ended without a formal closure, you can consider the possibility that your ex is just confused at the moment. S/he just probably needs space. Do not close doors yet as there could be second chance for the two of you.
6. Do not hope too much.
Nevertheless, do not be too hopeful about getting back together. Unless it happens, there is no guarantee of it. Yes, it is good to leave some hope in your heart, but too much expectation may only lead to disappointment.
Letting go means struggling no more and allowing yourself to go with the flow. Just be open to possibilities and be ready for them. S/he may come back or not. Your relationship may have a second chance or not. You cannot control your ex’s heart. Just let loose and wait for the circumstances to make things happen.
8. Do not take all the blame.
The worst thing about breakups without closure is that those who are left behind think something is wrong with them, so they are easy to throw away. Please be easy on yourself. You may not be a perfect partner and you have flaws, but still it was not right for your ex to take you for granted. Do not think it was all your fault. S/he had a part in this mess.
9. Know you deserve to be respected and treated better.
In connection to number 8, you have to see your worth as a person despite your imperfections. One reason that should motivate you to move on is your right to be respected as an individual, which your ex did not honor. You deserve a partner who will treat you better.
10. Do not let it hinder you from living a productive life.
Your world should not stop revolving just because you have been left with no goodbyes. Do not wait for closure before you decide to live a normal life again. Instead of waiting for his/her calls, concentrate on being productive.
11. Forgive even if there are no apologies.
Do not wait to receive apologies before you forgive your ex. What if s/he does not come back to say sorry? Would you forever hold on to your grudge and bear its weight? You can never totally move on. You cannot truly be happy. Therefore, decide to forgive him/her for your own sake.
12. Allow yourself to explore.
The closure you long for might never come. Waiting for it for a long time could make you waste opportunities to be happy and find love again. You have the right to love and be loved, so open yourself to other people. Meet new friends, and allow yourself to date. Who knows you could be meeting the one really for you.
13. Wish him/her the best despite what happened.
You know you have moved on if you can already hope for good things for the person who hurt you. Part of forgiving your ex is praying s/he finally finds true happiness as you find yours.
14. Pray for a chance for closure in the future.
I remember having a big fight with a person in my past, and we separated ways without the chance to settle the issue. Soon, I was finally able to forgive him, but it was not enough for I knew I had to apologize. I did not know how to do it, because we lost contact, so all I could do was pray for that chance. After two years, we bumped into each other in the mall. We only had less than a minute to shake hands and say sorry because of the busy Christmas season—but it was all that it took to completely remove the burden from my heart.
Prayer works. Pray for that closure to come your way at the right time.
It is hard to let go of a relationship without closure. However, it is harder to hold on to a love that may be long dead already. Set yourself free from uncertainties. If that love is meant for you, someday it will come back. If it is not, then something better is on its way.