Being paranoid about your relationship? Are you afraid that your partner could be sneaking behind you? If you have been cheated on in your past relationships, then it would not be surprising if it is hard for you to trust completely again.
The problem is, sometimes we get too paranoid about the possibility of getting hurt that we tend to overlook the opportunity to make the relationship work. Instead of loving selflessly, we inhibit ourselves from being the best partner that we could be for the fear of being taken advantage of. In the end, we lose the chance to enjoy love to the fullest.
Sometimes, our fears and worries have no basis and might actually never happen. Overthinking and worrying could only lead us to depression and insecurities. If you do not want this to happen to you, then choose to quit these habits.
How to Stop
1. Choose someone you can trust.
If you are not in a relationship yet, then take this as an important precaution. Do not commit to a person you are not sure you can fully trust. Instead, get to know him/her better—his/her background, past relationships, and character.
2. Build trust.
Trust is one of the most important pillars of a relationship. In connection to number 1, be sure that both of you have established trust first before committing to each other. The best way to do this is through friendship.
ALSO READ: 10 Ways to Build and Maintain Trust in a Relationship
3. Be willing to risk it all.
The moment you have decided to give the relationship a chance, be willing to risk it all—and that involves being ready to be hurt. Love is a gamble, and there is no assurance you would really end up together. However, both of you could give your best to make it last.
4. Be trustworthy yourself.
Sometimes, guilt is the reason why we are suspicious of others. Therefore, do not do to your partner what you do not want him/her to do to you. Before demanding faithfulness and honesty from your partner, make sure that you are capable of giving them fully as well.
5. Be involved in his/her world.
Another way to strengthen your trust for your boyfriend or girlfriend is by building a harmonious relationship with the people surrounding him/her, including family, friends, and colleagues. Knowing them, and even treating them as friends or family, would remove your fear of betrayal since trust has been developed. You stop seeing them as rivals or threats, and instead, you feel safer knowing they could help protect your relationship.
6. Stop finding faults and focus on the positive traits of your partner.
Instead of looking for reasons why you should not trust your girlfriend or boyfriend, why not focus on his/her efforts to be a good partner to you? If you have never caught him/her lying or doing anything suspicious, then maybe there is no reason to be malicious at all—you are just being paranoid, probably—and this paranoia could be the cause of your relationship’s end. Think about how blessed you are to have your partner, how much you both love each other, and how you can be a better boyfriend or girlfriend.
7. Do not be too needy.
Being too dependent on your partner could be the reason why you are too afraid to lose him/her. It is because you cannot think of living a life without this person and it would be like losing your entire world. For this reason, learn to be an independent person, who needs not to rely on anyone to be productive. This way, you have the assurance that even if you lost your partner, your life could still go on.
8. Remind your partner of your trust without being overbearing.
Assuring your partner that you trust him/her could strengthen his/her motivation to stay true to you. However, make sure not to sound like you are demanding or threatening him/her to keep that trust. It would have a reverse effect on your partner—like s/he would feel that you do not actually trust him/her.
9. Settle your own insecurities.
Jealousy is actually the result of our own insecurities. If you get jealous easily, then it means you are not convinced that you are worth keeping, so you are afraid that your partner would find someone better than you. To overcome this, work out your self-esteem by improving yourself.
ALSO READ: 11 Ways to Overcome Insecurities in a Relationship
10. Focus on improving yourself.
In relation to number 9, find out the reasons for your insecurities and look for ways to overcome them. For instance, if you are not comfortable with your appearance, then do something about it—like lose or gain weight and ask your friends to help you improve your fashion. If you are hopeless about having a successful career because you were not able to graduate from college, then find alternative ways to improve your qualifications—such as enrolling in short courses or even going back to school.
11. Do not make your world revolve around him/her.
If you give all your time and attention to your partner, then thinking you might lose him/her would really cause you so much fear. For this reason, live a well-balanced life and know your priorities. Give time to your family, friends, and even yourself as well. Strive to improve your career and reach for your dreams.
12. Give your best in your relationship.
True love is giving without expecting anything in return. Meaning, give your best in your relationship regardless of your partner’s effort. If in the end s/he would leave, then, at least, you would have no “what if’s” and regrets because you know it is not your loss.
13. Respect yourself.
You do not deserve to be cheated on or to be taken for granted. If either or both of these are causing you to lose your self-worth, then the relationship is not worth fighting for. Realize that you deserve to be valued and treated right, so know when to quit.
14. Be brave to walk away.
If you have been hurt by your partner before, especially if more than once, then your fears are understandable. If it is hard for you to trust him/her again and you can sense that s/he has not changed at all, then leave. If there is no trust in the relationship, then it would only rob you your peace of mind and self-respect. Be brave to quit for your sake because you deserve better.
Stop holding on to a relationship that does not make you feel secure. Do not be afraid to be hurt of losing someone who only takes you for granted. Someday, you will find someone who will value you the same way you will value that person.