When you are single, the only person you need to worry about and make decisions for is yourself. You do what you want and when you want, simple as that. But there are habits we develop as a single person that sometimes stick with us when we enter a relationship. Not because we are purposely doing them, but because most of them we don’t even realize we are doing. Relationships take work, and the little things go a long way towards creating a happy and healthy partnership. There are other habits that we develop because we just don’t know what the right thing to do is in a relationship, and we let our emotions dictate our actions. Most of your bad habits may be subtle, but when done over time, they cause extreme friction in a relationship. After all, when you commit to being with someone, you also make an agreement that you will not only think about yourself, but you will also pay attention to your partner. Look at the following list. How many of these habits do you need to ditch?
15Starting Your Day With The Silent Treatment
Most people are not morning people, and the thought of going to work is discouraging. We often wake up late and are rushing to get ready. But it’s important to acknowledge your partner in the morning. You don’t have to wake up early to have a conversation, but saying good morning with a smile and wishing your partner a great day, or even having a short chat about what’s going on for the day, goes a long way. If your partner is on a different schedule and is still sleeping when you leave the house, write a short note or a text message wishing him something nice or telling him that you are thinking about him. Even if you don’t live together, make sure to text him something enjoyable to read in the morning just to say you are thinking of him. Men like to feel appreciated and a little goes a long way.
14Jealousy Over Small Things
If you have a legitimate reason to be jealous, you’re with the wrong person. If you really suspect he is cheating, leave now. Don’t finish this article. Leaving now is your best bet before you get in way over your head and have a hard time separating. But most people are jealous over little things because they don’t understand that they don’t own their partner. Yes, you are together, but that doesn’t mean you should be jealous of your partner’s friends, or the things he likes to do. If you want to go to dinner one night, but your man wants to hang with his friends, respect his wishes and tell him to do what he wants to do. It doesn’t mean he loves you any less or doesn’t want to hang out with you. And surely he will be happy to do what you want to do the next time. And that brings us to the next bad habit.
13Wanting His Attention Exclusively
There are times when boys will be boys, and they want to hang out with their friends. Your insecurities may tell you that he prefers them over you, but this is simply not the case. Just as you love going to brunch and gossiping with the girls, he loves going to the bar and having a few drinks with his boys. Demanding his attention 24/7 is sure to upset him, just as it would upset you if he didn’t want you going out with your friends. Relationships work because each person still feels like they have their own life and it’s important not to take that feeling away from your partner. Always be willing to accept what he wants to do and who he wants to hang out with. It’s not realistic to spend every hour of every waking minute together. It’s not healthy, either, and will most likely drive the both of you apart.
12Constantly Comparing Yourself To Others
We have a habit of comparing ourselves to other women. Where we get this who knows. Perhaps from society and the media who are always scrutinizing women and their beauty and bodies. It seems to have become a normal behavior and sometimes we don’t realize how much we obsess over it. The problem is, no boyfriend wants to hear you constantly complaining that “she” is prettier than you. Your boyfriend is with you because he chose you; he obviously thinks you are better than any other girl he has met. Feel confident that this is true and stop comparing yourself to other women in front of him. Men don’t like insecure women and they definitely don’t like it when you constantly need reassurance from them that you are prettier. If he wanted to leave you for someone he thought was prettier, he would. So what’s the point in constantly worrying and obsessing over it? Why make him irritated and feel the need to explain his love for you every time.
11Talking Bad About His Friends
Everyone has friends who are not perfect. Think about your friends. You know you have that friend who you think needs to get her life together. Perhaps you have a friend whose morals you don’t agree with, or whose behavior you would never duplicate. The thing is, we all have those friends. Sometimes they are childhood friends, so we put up with their behavior knowing we are not like them, but accept that ditching them is not the right thing to do. Well, he has those friends, too. And just because his friends act a certain way, doesn’t mean he will. He, like you, puts up with certain friends because they have been there for him for a long time. If you see his friend cheating on his girlfriend, that doesn’t mean that your man will do the same thing. So calm down, and stop trying to say sh*t about his friends. In the long run, if you demand a “him or me” situation, he will always pick his friends. No one likes to be told what to do.
10Not Wanting To See His Family
Hanging out with your family is easy—you know them well, you feel comfortable, and there’s no effort required. You might always be asking your partner to see your family without realizing that you are not paying enough attention to his. He feels the same way about his family and he wants to see them, too. But telling him to go alone is not the answer. He wants his family’s approval of you. He wants them to like you, and he wants you to like them. Not seeing his family may be a deal breaker for him depending on how close he is with them. Show him you love and care about him by asking to see and spend time with his loved ones as well. Being in a relationship means giving and taking. So even if you think it’s a lot of work to hang around his fam, do it anyway. If you don’t like some of them, do it anyway. He will appreciate you much, much more.
9Letting Others See When You’re In A Fight
Every couple fights. Just because you see Hollywood couples portraying the perfect, happy life, it’s never as it seems. You are bound to fight with your partner and that’s normal. But never bring the fight into the public, especially if you are around family! Even giving him the cold shoulder in public will cause people to notice and ask questions. You will make your company feel really awkward when you behave this way, and your man will take notice, too. Habitually ignoring him when you are fighting will ruin your relationship because no one wants to feel embarrassed in public. Don’t give him a reason to have to defend your poor behavior. Not to mention, sometimes when you can be the bigger person and put your problems aside when in public, it actually helps to resolve the tension. Speaking is better than not speaking, and it always will be. Communication is key to a healthy relationship.
8Asking For His Passwords
Maybe you are very close and share everything because you both want to. Fine. That’s one thing. But if your man wants to keep his emails/texts/personal info private, don’t pressure him to share it. He is his own person with his own life and you need to respect that. There’s no reason he needs to hand over access to his computer and phone and you shouldn’t suspect that means he is not being honest with you, or that he is cheating, or doing something you would disapprove of. It simply means that he wants part of his life to remain his own and this is normal. Becoming a couple does not mean giving away your personal identity and becoming “one” in all sense of the word. When you demand access to his personal life, it only shows him how insecure you are, and insecurity often ends relationships. Respect his wishes; if you don’t like them, you have the freedom to leave.
7Trying To Change Him
One of the most common and deadliest habits is trying to change your boyfriend into something he is not. It doesn’t even make sense. Out of the millions of people in this world, you chose him, and now you want to change him? Why not find someone you like as is; It will be much easier, that’s a promise. You can’t change someone no matter how hard you try. You might be able to change him for a short period of time, but in the long run, he will always resent you and go back to being who he really is. You can talk about habits that you want to work on, just like the habits in this article. But when you tell him you wished his looked differently, acted differently, had different friends, or different preferences, you will lose. You will lose every time. So if you want to keep trying, feel free, but you are wasting your time. You might as well find someone else who suits you better.
6Not Being Honest About Problems
So many times we say, “I’m fine,” when we really want to say, “Everything is wrong! Haven’t you noticed how upset I am? Yes, I feel like you don’t love me, respect me, or want to be with me. Why don’t you know this? Are you just pretending you don’t? Surely you know I’m not fine so why are you asking?” But, we just say everything is OK. This is perhaps because we want him to know what’s wrong without having to spell it out. But men are wired differently. They aren’t mind readers and they have analytical brains, not emotional ones. Most of the time they really can’t figure you out, so help out your boyfriend by actually telling the truth. When you do, you might be surprised at how he comforts you because he really didn’t know what was wrong! Yes, he can sense that you are not acting normal, but he doesn’t know why. And it bothers him. That’s why he is asking. He’s not trying to pretend he doesn’t know. He’s being honest. Give him the benefit of the doubt, and remain calm. Don’t yell or you will start a fight.
5Saying “Yes” When You Mean “No”
I’m sure you can remember many times when he has asked you if you wanted to do something and you politely said yes, but you really meant no. If you can do what he wants to do without getting upset, then go with it. But if you’re going to do it but remain hostile the whole time, then just politely say no and let him go alone. If he asks you to go out with his friends and you really don’t want to, just say no and tell him to go and enjoy himself. After all, spending time alone is good for you. It will bring you both closer in the end. Another example of saying yes when you mean no is after a fight. If you haven’t cleared up your misunderstandings, don’t automatically say yes when he asks. Holding problems inside only makes them worse later on. If you’re not OK, say it and talk through the problem until you are.
4Keeping Score With Everything
If you’re the one doing everything in the relationship, perhaps you have noticed and are keeping score. Really can’t blame you. And this means maybe the relationship is not the right one for you. But if you keep score with every little thing, you need to stop. So what if you made dinner three nights in a row, or cleaned up the messy kitchen all week? Maybe he is stressed and will take over next week. You don’t need to keep score and bring it up every time. If you love your partner, you’d be happy to do these things, especially if you know he’s really busy or doesn’t have the time right now. Stop thinking about “me” and start thinking about “us”. And don’t think your kind actions go unnoticed. He will reciprocate when he can, and if months go by and you don’t see him doing anything to better the both of you, then step back and re-think your relationship goals.
3Giving Up Your Friends
Don’t drop everyone around you just because you have a relationship. This will lead to you being clingy. Men actually like women who have their own friends and their own lives and they don’t like to feel like they are being tied down or have to take care of you every minute. Having your own life is healthy and good for a relationship. You will have more things to talk about when you are together, and you will be able to appreciate the moments the two of you spend together. Just as you don’t want him to drop his entire life for you, he doesn’t want you to do that either. Also, talking to your girlfriends and spending time with them gives you perspective. You can tell them all your feelings and they will understand because they are girls. Sometimes we need someone to laugh and cry with without our partner knowing. Relying solely on your man as the one to comfort you through every feeling is dangerous. And, what if you break up? You don’t want to have lost your friends as well.
2Telling Him How Relationships Should Be
If something is not working out for you in your relationship, sit down and talk about it and discuss what can work and how you can change together. But don’t, by any means, tell him what he lacks and how your relationship “should” be. Every relationship is different and there are no rules. The two people in a relationship are the ones who set the rules together, and having preconceived notions on how a relationship “should” be is not healthy at all. When you force him to change into a partner he is not, you will become angry and you will ruin everything you have together. So forget trying to be the couple that your friends are or the famous ones you see in the gossip magazines, and just work on what you think will work for the both of you. After all, the relationship you perceive as perfect is probably not even close to being perfect anyway…if only you knew the truth.
1Picking Fights Over Everything
We usually pick fights because we are unhappy. If you’re unhappy with your partner, you need to seriously think about your relationship and if you would be better off as friends. If you’re unhappy because you are stressed at work, mad at family, or depressed for other reasons, don’t pick fights with your partner when you should be getting help for the things you really need help with. Instead, rely on him to help you through your issues. Communication is always best and he is there to help you. If you are honest with what’s bothering you, you will be able to work through your problems without alienating him from your life. But when he thinks you constantly pick on things that he does wrong, he will not stand by you forever and you might lose the one person that is the most important to you. It’s important to get a grip on what’s causing certain behaviors. If you can’t analyze it for yourself, talk to a friend or a trained therapist who can assist you.