Nothing you do is making the situation any better, and you have tried it all. You have read every bit on relationship advice you could find. You have even read up on psychological conditions in the hopes of diagnosing him and finding him a cure. Hell, you have even tried changing yourself, from your looks to your personality, and nothing seems to be getting better.
You are in a toxic relationship. You can feel the dread inside of you each time he comes home, calls, or emails you. Everything he says and does makes you believe that the man you used to love actually hates your guts. Deep down inside, you know the loving relationship is over and done. Secretly you know that the two of you can’t go back to the way things used to be. You will never be the carefree couple again.
So, why do you stay? Why are you sticking around, waiting for the abuse and suffering from low self-esteem? You know things would be better if you just got up, packed up, and moved out, but there is always something that holds you back from exploring a new, better life outside that door. What is your excuse?
15It’s Better Than Being Single
Some of us will put up with the worst of the worst just so we can remain in a relationship. To us, anything is better than being single and alone. We cling and desperately hope we can pull through the ugly storm of a bad relationship when, in fact, we should be packing our bags and calling it a day. Believing that anything is better than being single is a sign of inner weakness that we must all struggle through. It means that now is the moment when we must confront ourselves and learn to find comfort in our own company before entering into a new relationship.
14You Really Do Love Him
In spite of all the ugly things he has been saying to you and in spite of what he has done, you still really love him. You really want this relationship to work out and you can’t imagine life without him. You try your hardest to hold on, but reality is settling in: if someone does not love you back, you can’t force him to stay with you. A one sided love relationship is painful, but what is even more painful is trying to hold onto it. Let go. Experience the pain of the breakup, and finally move on to a healthier relationship with someone else.
13Both Names Are On The Lease
Two months after the two of you signed the lease and moved in together, things started getting sour. You both fight all the time and nothing you do is right, according to him. You want out of the relationship but feel you have to keep quiet because you both still have ten months left on the lease. Instead of being trapped, go talk to the lease holder and explain the situation. You will also need to find a way to calmly talk to your boyfriend about breaking off the relationship. Try your best to keep things amicable or bring in a third party to help discuss who should remain in the apartment and who should leave.
12There Are Children Involved
Separations can be hard on children at first. Like most adults, children aren’t crazy about change and they can feel hurt by a breakup. On the other hand, if the relationship has turned so toxic that there is physical violence involved, children are far better off being away from the situation. Seek as much help as you can get. Find a local women’s crisis center and request free counseling. Seek legal help and prepare you and your children for the upcoming life changes.
11You Don’t Want To Hurt Anyone’s Feelings
As women, the last thing we want to do is hurt someone else’s feelings. We try our best to be nice to everyone, even when they aren’t nice to us, and we carry around a lot of hurt because of it. It is time to let all of that go and think about what is best for you. If, for example, you are worried about hurting his mother’s feelings by ending the relationship, consider having a personal talk with her, explaining that the relationship isn’t really going well. Tell her that you feel it would be best for all to simply move on. If that fails, simply focus on what needs to be done. Cut your losses and walk away.
10You’ve Already Invested A Lot Of Time
The two of you have been together since high school and have known each other since second grade. You have invested a lot of time into the relationship and the two of you know absolutely everything about each other. While knowing someone so well can be a good thing, it can also be a bad thing. You both know how to get on each others nerves and how to hurt each other. When the relationship turns into nonstop hate talk, it is time to move on. Try to end the relationship amicably and chock the whole thing up as a learning experience.
9Men Are All The Same
The world is full of many different types of people. If you think men are all the same, you really need to get out more. While staying with someone because you think everyone is alike might be your best excuse for sticking around, you are just delaying the inevitable breakup. What you should be doing is breaking out of your comfort zone, making different kinds of friends, and exploring different lifestyles. The more you reach out and learn about different people, the more you will learn that not all men (or women) are the same.
8You Can’t Survive Financially
There are many reasons why women stay in a bad relationship. One of the more common ones is that they are financially insecure. Yes, two working people do bring in more income than a single working person, but that should not stop you from breaking away from a harmful relationship. If getting enough money to survive on your own is a real problem, use your spare time to start preparing yourself for a brighter financial future. Consider the possibility of going back to school or even starting up your own small business. Begin working on building or repairing your credit score and aim to make yourself financially independent.
7Fear Of Regret
Are you hanging onto the relationship because you are afraid that you will regret breaking up? Do you think you will feel bad or that you would actually be making a mistake? When you have doubts about your relationship and what you really want, your best bet is to find someone to talk to. Find someone outside of your relationship to talk to, such as a therapist. Talk out your feelings and discover what your best move is. Many women feel like they have to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. We don’t and we need to learn to let go and move on.
6The Holidays Are Coming
There are plenty of people who have dragged on a toxic relationship simply because the holidays were coming. Yes, it is an awful thing to end a relationship right before the holidays, but it is even worse to continue being miserable with someone during the holidays. If neither of you are happy, breaking up before the holidays might actually be a good thing. It frees you both up to spend more time with family and friends. It is also a great time to find someone for an open rebound relationship. While nobody likes being alone for the holidays, no one wants to spend the holidays in absolute misery, either.
5Your Love Life Is Still Good
This has got to be one of the worst reasons to stay in a relationship gone bad. Yeah, the sex may be freaking fantastic, but what is life like when the two of you aren’t playing the bunny hop in the bedroom? If the relationship is miserable outside of the bedroom, it is time to seriously rethink your priorities. If great sex is what you want, there are plenty of other people on the planet who can give that to you. If you think that the two of you can magically find a way to get along, your only other option is to try out couple’s therapy.
4You’re Scared Of Change
Many people stay in a bad relationship because they are scared of the great “What if”. What if I am making a mistake? What if there is nothing else out there for me? Change is a scary thing, but it can also be a grand adventure. Change is what makes the world go round and brings about numerous surprises. If you are staying in a toxic relationship because you are scared of change, check out a few self help books at the local library. Find a mentor or someone to talk to and get the help you need to set up a new direction for your life.
3You Own Too Much Together
Back in the beginning of the relationship, when everything was new and wonderful, the two of you started buying things together. You bought the sofa together, the television, and even got a dog together. Now the relationship has turned bad and the two of you are arguing every single day. You secretly wish you could leave him, but the two of you have so much stuff together that you would hate to walk away from it all. If you care about your health and well being, you have to face the fact that stuff is just stuff. Find a way to divide it equally between the two of you and make your exit.
2You’re Already Engaged
You have stayed with him this far and now the two of you are engaged to be married. Both families are excited at the idea of a wedding in the near future, so why stir things up? You decide to accept things the way they are and go through with the relationship, straight into the marriage. You shove your doubts away, hoping for a brighter future that, in all honesty, will never come. If you think breaking off an engagement will be hard, you haven’t had the experience of a divorce yet.
1He Will Change
The number one reason why we stay in a toxic relationship is because we believe he will change. We think that if we put in the extra effort, show him that we really do love him and that we care, he will come around to the light and, presto bang-o, change into the prince we believe he can be. Fact is, if he doesn’t want to change, he won’t. There is not a thing we can do to force a person to change or bring about their enlightenment. It is time to simply let go and move on.
