Being in an unhappy relationship is all consuming. It affects every aspect of your life- including your self-esteem. If you are feeling anxious about your relationship, questioning your love for your partner, or even wondering if your partner truly cares about you, there’s a chance you’re in an unhealthy relationship. If you’re feeling uneasy or uncomfortable about your friendships, you may have an unhealthy friendship. Those things being said, just because a relationship is unhealthy, doesn’t mean it has to end. With hard work and communication, you and your partner or you and your friends, can make important changes and make the relationship healthy again. At the end of the day, all the relationships we keep in our lives are meant to make us happy and bring us closer to other people, not make us feel bad about ourselves. Read below to find out if you’re in an unhealthy relationship.
15Being Taken For Granted
Whether this be in a romantic relationship or in a friendship, being taken for granted happens more often than you think. It is important to notice the signs of when you are being taken for granted and fixing it immediately. It is completely normal for a person to feel like they want to please the people they care for deeply. Now we are not saying that there is something wrong with that. What we are saying though, is that if your actions are not being appreciated than there is a problem. If your partner or friend is taking you for granted it is because they assume that you are the type of person who will stay with them no matter what. They are not afraid of losing you because they are confident in the fact you will never leave them. Everything you do for them is never acknowledged, and you never hear a thank you come out of their mouths. If this is how your relationship is, it is definitely an unhealthy one. Your partner should acknowledge the thing you do and show signs of appreciation.
When I say lying, I am talking about you. Because you fear your partner and what thy might say or think about the things you do or the people you are with, you lie. This does not mean that you are telling your partner that you are home reading a book, when in reality you are out dancing the night away. Of course, in the time we live in, it does become a little difficult to lie to that extreme because social media makes that impossible. But, it is possible that you omit the truth for certain things. This is a sure indicator of an unhealthy relationship because you should not have to worry about what your partner is going to say or what you are doing and who you are with. You should want to be able to tell your partner what you are doing and who you are with, because that does become second nature conversation in any normal and healthy relationship.
13You give up everything that makes you independent
When two people are so enraptured by each other, of course they want to spend a lot of time together. However, when we spend too much time with our partners and lose touch with ourselves, we become dependent- as do they. In healthy relationships, both partners maintain their independence and their identities. They do not feel that if their relationship ended, their whole life would be uprooted. You have your friends and your partner has his. You have your hobbies and your partner has theirs. Sure, you can do what you love together and you and your friends can all hang out, but you and your partner should still be living two lives, not one. What happens when you do this is that if the day comes where you two are no longer together (and it will if it’s an unhealthy relationship), then you will have no one in your corner. Don’t think that your friends will understand that oh now that you don’t have him you can run back to them.
12Your partner belittles you and/or doesn’t celebrate your accomplishments
If your partner is constantly bringing you down instead of lifting you up, that’s a red flag. One of the most important things in any relationship is that not only your partner, but the both of yo compliment each other. As cliche as it may sound, a woman has the right to be treated as a queen. Your man should be putting you on a pedestal instead of bringing her down for everything you say or do. Your partner should not make you feel bad about yourself. In fact, they should do the opposite. If your partner acts better than you or condescends you, it’s time to get out. In relationships, the “status” of each person should be equal. The same thing goes for friendships: If your friends can’t celebrate your accomplishments and be truly happy for you, it’s time to re-evaluate just how important that friendship is to you.
11You’re constantly being asked to “change”
Okay yes, in every relationship there might be a slight change in each of you, but that does not mean you forget who you are completely in order to satisfy your partner. If your partner constantly asks you to “change” who you are to make them happy, chances are, they’re not going to stop anytime soon. Also, you should not have to change for anyone. Your partner got into a relationship with you because of who you are and not because they thought they can make you into a person that they want you to be. If you’re someone who likes to stay home on the weekends and they’re someone who likes to go out, you should be able to meet each other halfway. You should never feel as though when you’re being yourself, it’s not good enough for your partner. Your partner should be able to accept you for who you are instead of trying to transform you into an idea they have of what they’d like their partner to be like.
10You’re always there when they need you, but they’re never there when you need them
Are you the only person in your relationship that makes an effort? If so, you’ve guessed it: It’s time for a change. A relationship takes two to tango. What that means is that you are not the only person in a relationship. There is you and your partner and either of you should be putting in the same amount of effort. I can’t say this enough- there needs to be a balance in all relationships. If you’re the one who’s always the shoulder to cry on, or always offering rides, or lending money to your partner, pull back. Give them an opportunity to step up to the plate. If they don’t, find someone who deserves you. It’s not your job to fix anyone’s problems. This is the same in friendships- if you’re always going above and beyond for your friends and they forget your birthday, it’s time for some better friends.
9Your partner is often emotionally unavailable and closed off
We’ve all been with people that constantly have their walls up- and that’s okay. Sometimes it takes time for people to open up. You can’t force a person to open up to you right away because you are comfortable with sharing everything you feel or if something is bothering you, you are able to discuss it right then and there. However, if you’ve been with your partner for a long time and they are still unable to communicate, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship. In successful relationships, each person should be emotionally available and willing to share. The key to a successful relationship anyway is communication, and if that is lacking in yours, there is no way it will work out. There should be a balance of give and take. Some mystery is great, but if you’re always wondering “what’s wrong with my partner?” it’s time for a change.
8You’re constantly convincing yourself to stay
If you keep making excuse after excuse for your partner and constantly convincing yourself to stick around, that’s a sign you want out. Your relationship should not be based around you thinking every day why you need to be staying in this relationship. When you are at the point of making a pros and cons list then there is definitely something wrong with your relationship and you need to get out. Check in with yourself and be honest. If you want out, get out. It is not healthy for you or your partner to stay in a relationship you’re not truly committed to. If you are unsure of what you want, consider seeking outside help such as a therapist of a counselor. Don’t be afraid to face your feelings. The thought of being alone is scary, but being alone is better than staying in an unhappy relationship. Your happiness comes first!
7You don’t have any privacy in your relationship
If your partner allows you zero privacy, red flag. If they don’t trust you, there’s a high probability they’re not trust worthy. A person will only be suspicious of someone else if they themselves have been up to no good. Just like communication, trust is also very important in a relationship. Without it, it is broken and there is no way of ever moving forward. If your partner checks your email, goes on your Facebook and reads your messages, or goes through your phone- that’s an invasion of privacy. Just because you do not want your partner going through your things does not mean that you are hiding something. you want to be able to leave your phone on the table when you step out of the room without worrying that your partner is going to grab it and go through it. You should feel comfortable knowing that what’s private and yours will stay private and yours. On top of that, your partner should respect you enough to not invade your personal accounts or go through your stuff
6Trying to control you
You should not be in a relationship with someone who tries to control you. While we may be unable to make certain decisions and look to our partners for some help, your partner should not be advising you in a way where he wants you to choose. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and decisions, and if you ar with a partner who thinks that it is his/her way or the highway then I say take the highway! You are your own person, and already have parents who spent your whole childhood trying to tell you what to do, you don’t need to spend the rest of your life with someone who thinks you are their child and tries to control your every move. As much as you might find the 50 Shades of Grey movie pretty hot and heavy, it is no relationship any person wants to live. Also, it is a movie, so parts of it are most likely fictional and dramatized. A controlling partner, no thank you!
5You can’t openly communicate about your thoughts and feelings
If you feel unable to talk about how or why you’re feeling a certain way because you’re scared how your partner may react, it’s time to re-evaluate things. You should listen to your partner and in return, you should feel like your partner truly listens to and tries to understand where you’re coming from. If your partner overreacts every time you share a small feeling with them, that’s unhealthy. If they can’t handle a small criticism or accept responsibility for their actions, you’re going to constantly feel misunderstood. Tip: If your partner is this way, sometimes finding a middle man or counselor can help you work through this issue.
4They make you feel guilty when you’re away from them
Everyone has that one friend who can’t stand it when you hang out with a different group. They endlessly text you asking for jealous updates and prevent you from doing things without them. Hello people- this is not normal. Sure, we now live in a time where FOMO (fear of missing out) is actually a real thing, but that is still no excuse for making someone feel guilty about not spending every second of their time with them. In any successful relationships (romantic relationships included), there should be an equal amount spent together, alone, and with other people. Just like we previously mentioned, when in a relationship you should not be solely dependent on one another, and having a life outside of your relationship is important. If you feel like you can’t do anything without making your partner mad, or if you feel guilty every time you leave the house, it’s time for a change.
3It’s never “your turn”
We don’t love the saying “relationships are about compromise,” because really, they aren’t. Sure, you want to compromise in your relationship, but you also want love and joy and great chemistry in the bedroom! But that’s not my point. My point is, there should be an equal amount of give and take in all aspects of your relationship. You and your partner should take turns paying for meals, cooking, cleaning, and even communicating. If it’s never your turn to relax while your partner cooks, or it’s never your day off from vacuuming, or it’s never your turn to share your feelings, the equality scales in your relationship need to be adjusted. He did not get into a relationship with you so that you can basically be his slave, or worse, his mother! maybe at home he was treated like a king and never had to worry about doing anything, but a relationship is different. You both need to give a little to get a little (wink wink).
2You play the blame game
If your partner can’t take responsibility for his/her actions, red flag. Either person in a relationship is supposed to be able to differentiate when he/she has done something wrong and should own up to it. You should never be the one in the relationship who always is doing wrong, because let’s be honest, you are perfect. If your partner makes excuses such as “well you didn’t make the bed yesterday so I’m not going to make the bed today,” another red flag. It is not because you didn’t do something then that means he/she can get away with the same. it’s not a game of tug-of-war with blaming. Not only is not taking responsibility for our actions highly immature, it’s also dangerous. People that don’t hold themselves accountable for things are likely to act recklessly. If your partner makes you jealous on purpose and then blames his/her insecurity on one of your behaviors… what else can I say? Move on.
1There is any sort of physical or emotional troubles
This is the number one sign of an unhealthy relationship. It is also an obvious one, but not many people are able to accept this and get out. We all know what physical trouble consists of (hopefully not firsthand), and if there is any sign of physical trouble, get out as soon as possible. Or if you have a hard time, make sure there is someone there that can help you. What we don’t realize sometimes is how mental trouble can be just as damaging, if not more. Emotional trouble occurs whenever your partner puts you down, makes you feel useless, and/or makes you feel like you’re crazy. If you’re feeling like there is no way out of your relationship, you may be experiencing emotional trouble. Emotional trouble does not only occur in relationships, it also occurs in friendships. If you think you may be experiencing emotional trouble, don’t wait. Get help today. You deserve to be in a healthy, happy, relationship and you should be treated correctly- by everyone.