It’s so hard to find love these days, and that’s one reason why being in a relationship that’s going nowhere can suck so much. You figure, hey, you went to all this trouble to start something up with this guy, why leave now? Things can always get better, right? Nothing could be more wrong, actually. Relationships are difficult, no doubt about it, and you can’t expect to be a part of someone’s life and have them be a part of yours with no issues, problems or frustrations. But sometimes you have to admit that the going has gotten too tough and it’s time to move on. There are certain emotions that you should never, ever go through when you’re one-half of a couple. Here are 15 things you don’t want to feel in your relationship. If you do, it’s time to get out now, no matter how much you might like this guy.
What’s the point of being in a boring relationship? If your relationship is super dull, then it’s clear that it’s the guy’s fault. Sorry but that’s just the truth. It’s definitely not your fault because you’re not exactly boring, right? Yeah, you’re not anything close to boring. But if you’re dating a guy who’s so different from you that you really have nothing in common (except your mutual attraction, of course), it’s no wonder that things don’t feel as fun as they should be. If you’re struggling to find dinner table conversation topics or find activities that you’ll both enjoy, that’s definitely a sign that you’ve become super bored with your guy. It’s a shame to admit it because maybe he really is a nice guy, but nice doesn’t always provide you with a fun, exciting and interesting relationship, which is what you really want and need.
Respect is honestly the foundation of a good, healthy and steady relationship. You can’t have a good relationship without it, and that’s the honest truth. How can you keep dating someone who clearly doesn’t respect you? Your boyfriend should laugh at your jokes, agree with you when you’re upset about something or someone, and generally, think that you’re as amazing as you of course are. If you don’t think he feels that way about you, then what are you even still doing in the relationship? How can you stay with a guy who doesn’t respect you? He can also show you in subtle or super obvious ways that he doesn’t respect you, and if you think about it and know what to look for, that will become pretty clear to you. Maybe he always laughs at the TV shows or movies you suggest that the two of you watch together on a Friday night, or maybe he cancels your plans last-minute claiming he’s got to go for a run or focus on work. A good boyfriend doesn’t do that crap.
You should never, ever feel lonely in your relationship. If you do, that just proves that it’s the absolute wrong thing for you to be in and that you should dump this guy the next chance you get. If you’re lonely, then you’re either being totally ignored by your boyfriend or he’s not giving you the kind of attention that you want. Maybe you crave more emotional intimacy than he’s capable of giving you. He could be the kind of guy who shoves all his feelings deep down and never talks about them ever again, and he could have an interest in talking things out when you’re upset with your shared problems. Or maybe you know he doesn’t love you as much as you love him, so that brings the loneliness up all the time. Whatever the reason, you really don’t want loneliness to be a part of your love story.
This can apply to the bedroom, of course, but it’s really about untying in your relationship. If you’re not meshing physically, that’s obviously a really glaring red flag and something that you two should talk about and fix, because intimacy is just a normal part of any relationship and it’s pretty important. But in other areas of your relationship, you should be feeling satisfied — think emotionally and intellectually. You should feel like you can talk to your boyfriend about anything (and even if not every single little thing, then most things!) and that he really listens and hears you. You should be getting these emotional and intellectual things from him. It’s not that you have to have the same opinions, hobbies and interests because of course that’s not always possible or even a good idea. But there should be a mutual feeling that the two of you get along really well and enjoy talking to each other.
You should never have regrets about anything in life and that goes for your love life, too. How horrible is it to regret things? Isn’t it so much better to just enjoy your life and figure, hey, maybe you made some mistakes in the past but that’s all part of learning and growing. But if regret is a regular part of your current relationship, then you clearly shouldn’t be this guy’s other half because you’re just not well-matched. That means that you’re definitely agreeing to things or acting in a way that doesn’t feel like you and that you don’t even recognize. That might seem okay now, but all that regret is going to totally add up in the long run, and no one wants or needs that. You should feel like things are unfolding at a natural pace and that you agree with all your collective decisions, so if you don’t, it’s time to leave.
If your boyfriend makes you sad — he insults you on a regular basis, is always saying he might want to break up, or is generally proving that he doesn’t feel the same way about you as you do about him — then you’re not in the right relationship. You should never feel sad in a relationship. That’s basically the worst thing ever. You should always feel like you’re excited to keep seeing your boyfriend, that the future is bright, and that he’s adding something positive to your life. There should really be no negative feelings on a regular basis. Sure, sometimes you fight and get mad, and fighting with the person that you love wouldn’t exactly leave you jumping for joy. But you shouldn’t feel so depressed and miserable. That proves that you feel like you’re trapped in the relationship, but you don’t have to be. Why should you feel terrible every day? Why not dump him and get your happiness back?
Sometimes your boyfriend is actually super humiliating, whether it’s the way that he treats others, the way he treats you, or even the way he treats himself. It may take a while for you to realize that this type of guy is totally embarrassing you, but eventually you’ll see it for yourself and want to get out as fast as you possibly can. You may not be humiliated by your boyfriend for a long time, and you think he’s totally the right guy for you… and then you throw a party and he doesn’t show up, even though he said he would for sure be there. Then you’re left explaining that to your friends, and of course, they don’t believe his excuse and you naturally don’t either. You should never feel embarrassed by the person that you’re supposed to love and who is supposed to love you back in return. That has no place in a normal, healthy relationship.
If you feel like your relationship is going absolutely nowhere and that you wish your boyfriend would commit to you more, then you’re definitely feeling pretty frustrated. That’s a recipe for relationship disaster. When you feel that way, you want someone to act a certain way towards you, say certain things to you, and generally be on the same page as you. But if your boyfriend doesn’t do this stuff, then you’re going to be really annoyed, and that’s just going to cause all kinds of issues… along with a whole lot of fights. No couple should fight 24/7. That’s just not healthy and you might as well break up if that’s what’s going on. If you feel frustrated with your boyfriend, then maybe he’s just not the right guy to hold that title, because he can’t give you what you want and you two can’t communicate properly.
You should never resent your boyfriend. But if he doesn’t seem to be putting any effort into the relationship anymore, of course, that’s just naturally how you’re going to feel. Maybe he keeps grabbing beers with his friends after work, even though you two haven’t spent any real quality time together in weeks. Maybe he runs to his parents’ house every chance he gets, whether he wants a home-cooked meal or to have some space when you have a silly argument. It’s not great to resent the person that you love because eventually, that’s going to make you fall totally and completely out of love with them. It just doesn’t work. You shouldn’t feel that someone isn’t meeting your expectations because then that just proves that there’s a real issue here. Sure, give him a chance to explain and talk to him about it, but chances are, you’re not going to be calling him your BF much longer if you feel this way.
Of course, boys are super confusing. They never say what they really mean, even though they would totally say that girls are the ones who do that. It’s like a vicious circle on who is the one who is avoiding saying what they really mean or feel. Unfortunately, you’re going to end up confused at least a few times in your relationship, but you shouldn’t feel that way on a daily basis. You shouldn’t wonder where your boyfriend is because he hasn’t been coming home for a few nights in a row. You shouldn’t wonder who keeps texting him because you should honestly know who he’s in touch with on a regular basis. When you’re dating someone, you just tend to know who they usually talk to and talk about. If you’re feeling confused, then you know something’s gone wrong in your relationship… and maybe you’re even getting kind of suspicious about whether or not he’s cheating on you.
You should never feel hurt by something that your boyfriend did to you… or keeps doing, as the case might be. Maybe he totally disregards your feelings on a regular basis. Maybe he’s still texting and hanging out with his ex-girlfriend even though you’ve said a few times that it makes you super uncomfortable and you’d rather they have no relationship anymore. If you’re hurt more often than not, then it’s time to say goodbye, because this guy should have zero place in your life. It’s not fair to hurt someone that you’re supposed to care about super deeply. Plus, it’s super selfish. Doesn’t it say something pretty horrible about this guy and your bond if he can keep hurting you and he just doesn’t care even one bit? Yeah, it totally should. Don’t worry, you can do so much better than a guy who treats you this badly.
So you’ve had this boyfriend for a while now. We’re talking years. Everyone knows you guys, you’re honestly the poster couple of your social circle and network, and no one would ever dream that you two would break up. People think you’re just so happy and your friends are always coming to you for love advice because they think you’ve got it made and you’ve got it all figured out, too. But unfortunately, looks can be super deceiving because you’re feeling super stuck in your relationship… and you have been for a while now. You’re honestly trapped because sure, you love this guy, and you know he’s a good person and you, of course, care about him or you wouldn’t have stayed with him for so long. But you feel like if this is it, this is your one shot at love, you’re just not sure that’s okay with you. You just feel something is missing but you don’t feel like you could possibly break up with your boyfriend, either. You think that would be crazy. But just because everyone thinks your relationship is good and perfect doesn’t mean those things are actually true, and you owe it to yourself to truly listen to your instincts.
Of course, you should never, ever be insecure about your relationship. If you are, then that’s super clear that there’s something very, very wrong. If you’re scared that your boyfriend is going to break up with you with every fight that you have, then you’re way too insecure and something honestly needs to change if you’re going to keep seeing him. This is also an added stress on you for no reason. It doesn’t make sense for you to think that he’s always going to walk out the door, because then why is he even with you in the first place? It’s time to have some more self-confidence and some more faith in your guy and your relationship. If you can’t shake your insecurities, then maybe they’re actually there for a reason and it’s time to part ways before it takes an even greater emotional and mental toll on you. No guy is worth that.
You don’t want to feel that there’s zero hope for your relationship and that there’s no point thinking about the future or planning because nothing’s going to work out. If your boyfriend is super negative about your shared future — he won’t even talk about possibly moving in together, he’ll never plan a trip for just the two of you, and he pretty much gets hives when you even say the word “future” — then you know he’s all wrong for you. You should never feel hopeless in your relationship, that’s for sure. Love is a beautiful thing and it’s super rare, so don’t waste time with someone who’s making you feel such a negative emotion. There’s no reason to do that. So the moment you start feeling like there’s no point to even try with this guy, well, that’s the moment you have to walk away.
You may think that you want to feel hopeful in your relationship — after all, what’s life or love without hope? But for the most part, if you’re hopeful that just means that you’re wishing and dreaming that certain things will happen, and that’s not the best idea. What if they never occur? What if you want things that your boyfriend can’t give you? You should be confident in your love and bond and know that things are going to progress in a certain way instead of hoping for it. You don’t want to hope that you’re moving in together… you want to know that when the time is right, you will because you’ve already discussed it and decided that. You don’t want to hope that you spend the rest of your lives together… you want to feel that, barring some crazy tragedy, you and this guy are meant to be. If you can have certainty instead of hope, then you know your relationship is for real.