It’s really hard meeting people that you’re into, let alone seriously want to date. When the mutual vibe seems right, it’s an incredibly exciting thing. At the beginning, it’s super hard to imagine anything going wrong! You’re in a kind of honeymoon period as they say and you are just always in a super amazing mood. But for some reason, besides that blinding excitement, you also end up making mistakes super easily… and then, of course, there’s the fact that you overlook important things that you should have paid much more attention to. Then again, sometimes it’s actually a good idea that your new relationship has been ruined if that means it wasn’t the right one for you. As crazy as life can seem, things always end up where they need to be. Just the truth. But whether you’re having doubts or feel super great about a new relationship, here are 15 ways you might accidentally ruin it.
15Care Too Much About The Little Things
There’s no right way to be in a relationship, so putting too much meaning on certain things is a surefire way to overcomplicate things. You don’t have to wait to sleep with him (or sleep with him ever really) — it depends on what works for you. But if you make a decision say to sleep with someone early on, don’t start over stressing about the fact that you did and worry it to the point of becoming an issue when it wasn’t one. Don’t assume that going a day without talking means that he’s pulling back, which will only start to freak you out and lead you to reach out harder. Try to stay in the moment a little more because whatever is happening is going to happen, whether you’re stressing out about it or not. You might as well save you both some sanity and just stop stressing out.
14Stop Talking To Other Guys Super Fast
You might know in your heart of hearts that this is the man for you for all time… but acting on that super prematurely is basically the relationship kiss of death. It’s not that you necessarily need to be out sleeping with multiple people if you don’t want to, but until you really know what’s happening with this new guy or until you’ve made things official, you should be keeping yourself at least a sliver open. It’s not that you want to meet someone else or stop dating him or date about a million guys at the same time. But if you stay super open, he can sense that you’re spending all your time thinking about him, and that might not be the best thing. So trust that things will work out if this is the right relationship for you, and it’s best for him to think that you have options… at least in the beginning.
13Meet His Friends Super Fast
The first week has been totally amazing, and you’re feeling like it would be a good time to meet his friends. But is it really? This is one of those things that is entirely different for every single relationship… but it should never be rushed. It really doesn’t matter if you meet his friends on day one or six months later as long as it makes sense to both of the people who are in the relationship. If you’re getting outside pressure from your best friends, or from your mom, or anyone else about the pace of your relationship, try to focus on what’s really happening and just calmly tell them that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen. Rushing into it as an effort to try to prove it’s something real is generally the wrong reason to take the step. Make sure it’s coming from an authentic place, not from the place where you want to show him off or claim your territory. Trust that everything will happen when it’s meant to.
12Drunk Dial Him
A good way to bring tons of unnecessary drama into a relationship is to contact your new guy when you’re super drunk and freak him out. Of course, it’s possible for this to happen at some point down the line, and there isn’t inherently anything wrong with being drunk and wanting to talk. But it can also come off as a little clingy if it’s happening frequently for no reason, and depending on how the conversation goes it can also be a little disastrous. Some people say that drunk words are sober thoughts while other people think that the drunk alter ego is unrelated to the sober self altogether. Whichever party you fall into, keep in mind that having a drunk conversation might mean that you say something you would have never said sober. That generally isn’t a good idea, and you’ve probably had quite a few drunk dial experiences in your life that didn’t work out too well.
11Ignore Your Own Opinions
One of the best ways to ruin a relationship is to give other people’s opinions about your new guy too much weight. At the end of the day, even if your most trusted friend has gone through an extremely similar situation, she’s still a different person than you, and the guy she’s dating is still a different guy than the guy you’re dating. Relationships are always entirely unique and you can’t really listen to anyone else when it comes to your new situation. Sure, there are some common grounds and overall themes that we’re working with, but there isn’t one single “right” or “wrong” way to do anything literally in life. It’s a great idea to find a balance between listening to other people, filtering out the stuff that doesn’t apply to you, and sticking to your gut instincts. Honestly, your gut is never, ever going to steer you wrong in life, so trust that it’s a really valuable thing to have around.
10Tell Him You Deleted Your Apps
First of all, don’t delete your dating apps… ever. That even goes for if you’re not using them right now. Second of all, don’t tell him that you’re not using them before you’re officially together. If he asks, then you can tell him, but seriously, you might be better off giving a throwaway comment like “I haven’t been on” as opposed to “I deleted Tinder the day that you messaged me because I just knew we were a thing.” If you say the latter sentence, you honestly risk making him feel like you’re in a relationship… before you’re actually in a relationship. That’s just way premature! No matter how much a guy likes you, there is always the potential for that pressure to throw him for a loop. Avoiding unnecessary pressure is one of the key takeaways from this sort of thing. And it’s certainly not going to kill him to wonder if he still has some competition out there.
9Be Available All The Time
All you want to do when you meet someone awesome is continue to spend time with them, of course! Everyone does that and it’s really the only way you know how to be. You want to get to know this great new guy in your life and truly enjoy his company. But there is always the risk of coming on too strong or being seen as too available by literally being too available. You don’t need to rearrange your week to get together if he’s not willing to meet you halfway on plans. If you start working your schedule around his without asking for the same behavior back it’s going to set up some habits that are hard to go back on later. If he starts to take advantage of you being able to bend your schedule for him you can’t really blame him down the line when you start to feel resentful about the behavior. You were overly willing at the beginning, so why would he have done anything differently?
8Overlook Red Flags
When things don’t work out it’s usually pretty easy to see the red flags in retrospect. Of course, in the moment, it can be hard to find out what’s really a red flag and what isn’t, since they’re mixed in with all the other good stuff that’s going on. Just make sure and give them the weight that they actually deserve as they come up. Let’s say for example that he’s explaining the way he used to be in relationships and it doesn’t sound great…but he swears he’s a changed man. He might be a changed man, or he might be only bringing it up because he’s trying really hard to be a changed man but those bad habits are still a little close for comfort. Try to take what people are saying to you at face value, but also keep in mind that until he walks his talk it’s sort of up in the air. This can be a super tricky thing to remember but it’s honestly going to save you in the end.
7Skip The Deep Talks
If you don’t talk about serious stuff with your potential new boyfriend, that’s going to pretty much guarantee that you get super close to him… but he’s not going to make a great boyfriend after all. You really have to talk about serious things. Sure, at the beginning you want to have as much fun as possible and figure out if you vibe in a day to day way, but you also need to know whether you share values or have any of the same long-term goals. Especially if you’re at the age or in a stage of life where you’re starting to think about making long-term commitments. You guys might have all the same tastes in music and like to hang out at the same bars, but what if you’re vastly opposed on political topics? What if you don’t feel the same way about marriage and kids? What if your plan is to put down some serious roots and he’s imagining a life as a vagabond? You don’t have to be the same person, but don’t wait to find out that you’re not even on the same planet.
6Ditch Your Hobbies And Friends
Getting overly invested in someone else’s life too soon will always backfire. Ultimately, if you meet someone new and you suddenly feel like dropping everything that was ever interesting to you so that you have more time for them… it’s not a good sign. One possibility is that on some level you already know that the guy is a hard sell so you’re thinking about making some changes to seem more available in hopes that he’ll be more interested. Another is that you’re lacking a bit if the confidence you need to really land the right guy. You should know that a good guy who’s deserving of your time is still going to be interested if you already have plans to go out of town right after you met him. Don’t worry that taking the trip will lose him. If it does, he’s not the right guy. You should never, ever step out of your own life and into someone else’s because that’s just not the right way to do things and it never will be.
5Assume He’s Perfect
Hey, ladies… he is not perfect. Not even slightly remotely perfect. So do not bother getting too gaga over your shared interests and his perfect looking physical specimen of a body. Of course, the things you have in common are major and that’s great. But do remember that at the beginning of a relationship we are usually on our best behavior and purposefully are not revealing our deepest darkest fears, insecurities, and secrets. Not that those are bad either, you just do not want to make the mistake of putting him on a pedestal while you get to know him, because it will either lead to disappointment on your part later, or it will turn you into an over eager option that starts rushing things and ends up self-imploding the relationship. We all want to be seen as good… but no one needs the pressure of having to keep up perfection.
4Contact Him A Ton
We know, it’s super exciting to meet someone new… and it’s even better that’s great at texting and shares your sense of humor. Even better if he’s responsive and is also texting you all the time. Even so, you don’t want to overdo it. If he’s into you, you’re not going to lose him by being elusive, you’re more likely to push him away by being too much even though he was acting like that was what he wanted. It’s kind of a silly thing, but let’s be honest boys can be pretty silly creatures. Keep that in mind. Be happy to talk to him when you do, but keep your head focused on your day to day life as well so that he knows how independent and confident you are. Because you are right? Don’t get caught up in contacting him so much that you forget to let him reach out to you as well. You have to chill out a bit.
3Ignore Your Gut Feelings
Sometimes people seem so perfect on paper that we try to ignore the feelings that ping in our gut. You get the feeling that he’s a big flirt, even though you’ve never seen him flirting with anyone. Something small that he says just doesn’t seem to add up somewhere in your body, even though there’s no concrete reason to doubt what he’s saying. Perhaps you know on some level that you’re rushing, or rebounding, or feeling more judged that you should. In retrospect these true gut feelings always make sense, so the better we can get about trusting them in the moment the better off we’re going to be. In all of life, not just our dating life. Getting irrational fears out of our system is one thing, but you should also be okay with admitting that something just doesn’t feel right to you. It’s totally fine if you don’t even know what it is or why it is. It just matters that you feel it’s wrong or off.
2Ignore His Immaturity
When you’re first getting to know someone, it’s pretty easy to misread those immature things about him as cute qualities. Aww, he eats out for every meal because he can’t cook, and loves cartoons, and is always being goofy, and he’s a little awkward in a sweet way, and he’s scared to communicate… Wait a second! None of those things are the worst thing in the world and they’re pretty common, but it’s a good idea to just see them for what they are instead of keeping your blinders on to his adorableness. There’s a difference between a boy and a man and if you’re looking for a man you don’t want to get in too deep before you realize that you’re not even close to being with one. Accept him for who he is, but stay clear about what you want. You can’t think that his immaturity is super cute because it’s honestly not.
1Mistake Anxiety For Excitement
Anxiety and excitement can feel somewhat similar in the sense that you’re all fired up inside, and at the beginning of a new relationship it’s pretty natural to have some of both. What you have to do, however, is be able to sort through the two feelings. There might be a bit of anxiety involved in early dating when you’re waiting to hear from him or waiting to find out where the relationship is going… but it should never be at the expense of your personal focus or well-being. Don’t lose sleep over nothing. That underlying anxiety or worry that someone is getting away from you before you really have them is usually a sign that something else is happening under the surface. The good news is, you don’t really need to know why. As long as you can stay centered and do your thing the right people stick around and the rest just don’t. See ya.