At the beginning of the relationship things were great. You did everything together, you have the same interests and you were sure he was “the one.” That is until things started taking a turn for the worst. You can’t help but wonder what went wrong and where. You’ve been racking your mind trying to figure out how to fix it. But still no luck. You love him and you want it to work but nothing seems to be changing.
Why is that this scenario keeps happening? It seems like with every one of your boyfriends it has been the same story. You think things are going great, then bam, it hits you like a ton of bricks. He starts getting cold towards you, your phone calls start getting forwarded and eventually the end of the relationship arrives. And you’re left wondering what went wrong.
Unfortunately sometimes we fall into negative relationship patterns. And even though we may not want to admit it, sometimes we’re to blame when things start to sour. But don’t get me wrong. I am in no way saying you should be pretending to be someone you’re not. But perhaps a few tweaks to your dating style may help secure your fairy tale ending.
Here are 15 common things you may doing to ruin your relationship:
Sometimes love hurts. But that doesn’t mean you should allow past hurt caused by an ex to get in the way of your current relationship. Because for men one of the most important factors for them is trust. They need to know that their partner trusts them. You may think that he should understand where you’re coming from when he catches you snooping through his texts or “accidentally” browsing his Facebook that he forgot to log out of on your phone.
He knows you were hurt in the past. But you have to understand that he isn’t the man that did it. And with every new relationship you have to be able to create a clean slate. It’s not fair to make him pay for the things an ex boyfriend put you through. And no matter how compassionate he may be, he will only be able to take it for so long before he wants to find someone who won’t scrutinize his every move.
14Not Being Appreciative
When he would surprise you with flowers or a gift, you use to be over the moon excited. And it didn’t matter how small a notion it was. That single rose was enough to make you write out a long Facebook update on how amazing he is. And that ring he got you from the quarter bubble gum machine was as good as fine jewelry. But now when he gives you something, you like it, but the excitement just isn’t there anymore.
You’ve already started to notice that he’s isn’t going out of his way to do cute things for you as much as he used to. Which is pretty common after you’ve been together for a while… right? Eh, not so much actually. You see, because you use to get so happy, he knew that you loved the things he did for you. Now that the enthusiasm is gone, he just doesn’t see the point in continuing with it because he feels like you’re taking it for granted. Try to remember how it first felt when he gave you something. It was incredible right. You knew he was thinking about you and that’s why he did it. If you can channel that emotion again, he’ll want to start surprising you again just to see your smile light up your face.
13Comparing Your Relationship To Someone Else’s
This is practically the cardinal sin in relationships. And now with the help of social media, it’s all too easy to make comparisons between your relationships and someone else’s. Your friends boyfriend may be known for his huge romantic gestures. So you may think that gushing over her boyfriend to your own guy will make him step up his romance game. But that just isn’t the case. By comparing him to another man you’re only making him feel like he isn’t good enough. And you’re going to wind up resenting him because you think your relationship doesn’t live up to the seemingly perfect ones that you see all over social media.
Lets get real here, no relationship is perfect. It doesn’t matter that they seem like they are. So and so’s boyfriend may have lavished her with wine, roses, and a candle lit dinner. But he may also have cheated on her last week. See what I’m saying here? No one wants to disclose the negative aspects of their relationship. And that relationship you’re striving so hard to live up to, might be a sham. Don’t worry about what another couple is doing, try to make your relationship the best it can be. Leave everyone else out of it.
Nagging is one of the quickest ways to kill your relationship. Eventually we all find little things our partners do that drive us insane. But you have to learn to pick and choose your battles. Before you start on him again about how he left the toilet seat up, maybe this time just put it back down and move on. Sometimes it’s necessary to bring something to his attention but when the majority of your conversations center around the things you wish he would do or stop doing, you’re only pushing him out the door.
You’re both adults. There’s no reason you should be acting like his mother and constantly nagging at him. Give the guy a break occasionally. No one is perfect. And if you really can’t stand the things he does then you probably shouldn’t be with him. On the other hand if you want to make the relationship work, maybe try being a little more laid back and act less like his mom and more like a girlfriend.
What woman isn’t guilty of this one? You were out at dinner and he smiled a little too long at the hot waitress who was clearly flirting with him. Or maybe you caught him checking out the woman in the skimpy outfit in the checkout line. How it happened doesn’t really matter. But how you over reacted does.
Look, we get it, no one wants to see their guy checking someone else out, but it happens. And it happens to all of us. It’s easy to get angry and take it personal over little things that he probably didn’t realize he was doing. It’s also just as easy to laugh it off and not freak out over it. Instead of yelling and throwing your drink in his face, try making a joke out of it and tease him a little. He’ll feel embarrassed and will try not to do it again. And you won’t get into a fight over something that actually wasn’t that big of a deal to begin with. It’s a win-win for both of you.
There are times when it’s ok to be a little bit selfish. But when you’re in a relationship you should strive to compromise as much as possible. It can’t be about you all the time. I know, it sucks. But you and your guy are a team. Instead of only focusing on yourself, try to see things from his point of view. Because even if you only give into what he wants on occasion, he’ll be more likely to give in when there’s something you want.
Relationships are all about giving and taking. It takes two people with similar ideas and goals coming together and striving to make the relationship work. And you WILL have to work. It won’t always be easy but when you’re coupled up, you have to take into account his feelings and desires as well as your own. Sometimes you will have to put the things you want to happen on the back burner so that he can have what he wants.
9Focusing On The Negative
Every relationship hits rough patches. After all it can’t be perfect all the time. The trick is to not get stuck in a rut where you can’t see the positive aspects your partner brings to the table. Focusing on the negative won’t do you any good. In fact, it will only make you and him both miserable. If he buys pink roses but you prefer red, don’t get irritated because he should have known the right ones to get you. Instead focus on the good. He bought you flowers! Does the color really matter? He went out of his way to do something nice for you, you should be appreciative of that. Don’t belittle him and only point out the things that you deem to be wrong. If you only focus on the negative, you can’t see the positive. And he’ll eventually get sick of being put down all the time and break up with you.
8Getting Too Comfortable
Once you’ve been together for a while, things start to feel more comfortable. And they should. But there’s a difference between being comfortable with your partner and being too comfortable with your partner. Being able to cuddle on the couch in lounge wear is a wonderful point in a relationship. You won’t panic about him not seeing you without makeup on and you don’t feel the pressure of being dressed up all the time.
When he tells you you’re beautiful when your wearing pj’s, no make up and your hair is in a messy bun, he means it. But that doesn’t mean you should give up looking nice for him. Feel free to dress down for a weekend in. But if he wants to take you to breakfast you should put in a little effort and at least change out of the clothes you slept in. He thought you were sexy when you first got together. Don’t let him forget how nicely you clean up.
7Losing Yourself In The Relationship
It’s easy to ignore friends, stop doing hobbies, and essentially give up on the life you had before you met your guy. You love him and you want to be the best girlfriend he’s ever had. You’ve already mentally mapped out the course of your lives together and you would do absolutely anything for him. Spending all your time together may seem like a good idea at first. Except things are going to get boring fast. You may be with Mr. Right but you can’t forget who you are. Maintaining friendships and interests are still important. If you don’t, you may scare him off because he thinks you are way too clingy or you may begin resenting him down the road. Taking time for yourself to do things separately is important. Remember that old saying distance makes the heart grow founder? Well, it’s true. By spending a few hours or days apart you’ll be excited and look forward to seeing him again.
6Not Investing In The Relationship
You’ve already got him, so why bother doing all the things you used to that got him hooked to you in first place. You know he isn’t going anywhere so you can focus on yourself and your career or hobbies. You just don’t have the extra time to do things like you used to. You’re a busy woman. But if you want to make it work with your guy, you are going to have to put in some effort to make it work out. He should feel like he’s one of your priorities and not like he’s something you’ll try to fit in if you can find the time. You used to make time to do things with him. You wanted to spend time with him. In fact, you looked forward to it. You can still do that. You NEED to continue making time for your guy and investing in the relationship no matter how long you’ve been together. Otherwise your relationship is only going to die a slow painful death.
Insecurity creeps up on all of us from time to time but you can’t allow it to get the best of you. If you constantly feel like you’re not good enough, it’s going to make your relationship suffer. Even though your guy loves to tell you how beautiful you are, you still have a hard time believing it. So you put yourself down and fish for compliments. But he’ll eventually grow old of trying to build your confidence and he’ll move on to someone with a healthy ego.
There’s only so much one man can take before he gives up. So when you are consistently seeking praise and reassurance you’re going to push him away. Your insecurity is doing more than just causing your low self esteem, it’s putting unnecessary pressure on him to make you feel better about yourself. In order to have a healthy relationship you have to love yourself. Cliché I know. But it’s true.
Anyone who says that the green eyed monster called jealously never rears its ugly head for them, is lying. It happens to all of us from time to time. Especially when a beautiful woman has eyes for our guy. But it crosses the line when it escalates from simply feeling a tinge of jealously to accusing him of cheating every time he glances at a woman.
Trust is one of the most important parts of a relationship. And most men will tell you that it is in fact, the most important aspect. Guys need to know that you trust them. If they feel you don’t, they’ll pull away and find someone who will. You know the saying guilty until proven innocent? Yeah, you need to get that out of your vocabulary. Until he gives you a solid reason not to trust him you need to relax and give him the benefit of a doubt.
3Not Speaking Up
You can only let things go for so long before they start eating away at you. Eventually leading to the demise of your relationship. If you’re going crazy because he drops his socks right outside the laundry basket, never closes the cabinets, or leaves the toilet seat up. Just tell him. Seriously, it really is that easy.
Talking things over will keep you from blowing up on him after he does it for the millionth time and you snap. If he doesn’t know it’s even an issue how do you expect him to know to change the behavior? It’s not fair to either of you if you let things go on for to long. You don’t want to have a blow up fight because he didn’t close the peanut butter jar again, do you? Instead take a minute and tell him how you feel and ask him if he could try to not continue doing it.
You may think you’re offering him a little constructive criticism but what he hears is put downs. It’s one thing to chime in if he asks for your opinion on something. But when you are repeatedly walking up and telling him what he’s doing wrong or how it could be better, you’re going to break his spirit. No one wants to feel like they never do anything right. As his partner you should be there to back him up. Sure sometimes you’re going to need to speak up if there’s an issue. But it doesn’t mean you should be treating him like an idiot. He’s an adult and handled things perfectly fine before you came along. If you don’t like how he’s doing something or you feel it could be easier another way, ask him if you could offer a suggestion. Don’t act like you’re a know it all that can do everything better than him.
1Bringing You’re Friends Into Your Problems
It doesn’t matter how perfect your relationship may be, arguments are bound to happen. When you run to your friends at the slightest sign of trouble instead of talking it out with your guy, you’re doing double the harm. Your friends love you and are going to take your side. So by complaining about the negative aspects of your relationship they are going to form an unfair biased opinion of your boyfriend. Meaning they won’t like him as much and will encourage you to find someone better.
Look we get it, your friends have your back and they’ve always been your go to people when you need to talk things out. But when it comes to your relationship you should always try to focus on the positive things when you’re talking to your friends. Because the details of your relationship should be kept personal. If something is wrong talk it out with him, not your friends. You’ll resolve the issue much quicker that way.