It happened, you’re single again. Your latest relationship that started out with so much promise has gone sour like countless others. What could have possibly gone wrong? You may not want to hear this, but the problem could be you. If you have a hard time counting on two hands the number of failed relationships you’ve had, you might be the problem. You see, the more failed relationships you have the less likely that the problem is ALL of them and the more likely it’s just you.
Although it may be easier to blame all the “jerks” that have done you wrong, you should probably point that finger at yourself. Of course, there are times when a failed relationship is the man’s fault. However, if you repeatedly find yourself alone on Valentine’s Day you might want to start asking yourself some tough questions.
Are you too clingy? Too critical? Do you jump into relationships headfirst? It can be nearly impossible to admit that we are the ones getting in the way of our own happily ever after. We are habitually blind to our own mistakes, which leads us to make them time and time again. If this sounds like you, stop everything you’re doing, I’ve compiled this list just for you. It’s likely that committing these relationship blunders has left you sitting at the singles table, while the rest of your friends tie the knot.
15You’re Moving Too Quickly
If your relationships tend to start out great only to fizzle out fast, it could be that you’re moving too quickly. Even though your new fling may seem perfect in every sense of the word, it’s crucial not to jump the gun and start planning your wedding. First of all, you don’t know for sure that he feels the same way. Second of all, even if he does feel the same way moving too fast can have him looking for the closest escape route.
It’s easy to get carried away, especially when the guy you’ve met seems to have it all. However, if your latest catch is the man of your dreams it’s even more important to proceed with caution. This means putting off meeting your parents or leaving a toothbrush at his place. Some guys can be spooked easier than a horse in a thunderstorm so tread lightly my friend.
Although this may sound superficial, physical attraction has a lot to do with why your man fell in lust with you in the first place. It’s common for couples in long-term relationships to gain a bit of comfort weight, but it’s important not to take this too far. Weight isn’t the only part of your appearance that could be sizzling the spark in your relationship. You can also blame your sweatpants and favorite extra-large T-shirt you love to wear around the house.
Of course, I’m not saying that you need to be dolled up 24/7 for your man. That would be ridiculous. What I’m saying is that it’s important to put a little bit of effort in once in awhile. Mix it up a bit. Instead of your typical Netflix and chill, which involves sweatpants and pizza, plan a date night. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, but the simple act of putting on real pants (leggings don’t count) and some makeup can reignite the passion for both of you.
13Taking Him For Granted
Often the most common reason a couple starts to have problems is because someone feels that they’ve been taken for granted. It’s easy to become accustomed to things that your man does for you everyday like taking out the garbage or blending up your favorite smoothie in the morning. The problem arises when we run straight out the door instead of saying thank you.
Two simple words can make a big difference for a man who’s feeling underappreciated. Most men feel the most underappreciated for financial contributions that they make in their relationships. Just because he paid for all of your date nights at the beginning of the relationship, doesn’t mean he wants to pay until the end of time. Offer to pick up the tab once in awhile or provide a sincere thank you if you’re not in the financial position to do so. You’d be surprised how quickly a man’s thoughts can shift from wanting to provide for you, to feeling like a sugar daddy.
No relationship is perfect which means that all relationships involve at least a little bit of compromise. However, when one person feels that they are making more compromises than their partner, resentment can manifest. You may find yourself making more compromises than you are truly comfortable with in order to save the relationship. It can be easy to talk ourselves into thinking that we’re okay living in a different city or putting off having kids until he’s ready. The tricky part is that our hearts aren’t as easily convinced as our brains.
If you find yourself snapping at your boyfriend for no good reason or feeling irrationally upset with him, it could be due to pent up resentment. You may not even be aware that you’re acting negatively towards your partner, but guys always pick up on this. Neglecting to deal with the reasons behind your resentment can produce severe negative feelings toward your partner and ultimately sabotage your relationship.
11Over Criticizing Him
In an ideal world, we would all meet and fall in love with someone who shared the same values and desires as we do. Unfortunately, in some twisted trick of fate, we often wind up with our polar opposites, which can make joining our two lives quite the challenge.
It can be hard not to hold our significant other to the same standard as we hold ourselves, but it’s imperative that you don not. Remember that you fell in love with the person that he is now, not the person you thought you could morph him into. Perhaps your boyfriend isn’t as motivated as you are to climb the corporate ladder or lose those extra ten pounds he’s been carrying around. These are desires that need to come from within him. No amount of criticism from you will get him on the same page. Before you decide to make that comment about him having pizza for the third night this week, take a look in the mirror. He’s accepted you for who you are so it’s only fair that you do the same, extra ten pounds and all.
10Neglecting Your Own Interests
While it’s important to pursue shared interests with your partner it may be even more important to pursue your own. Too often women can become consumed by their relationships, especially at the beginning. This leads us to focus wholeheartedly on our boyfriends while neglecting other areas of our lives. I’m sure we’ve all had a friend (or been the friend) who completely morphs into a new person every time she dates someone new. One week you’re dating Doug and all about beach volleyball, then just weeks later you’re into Steve and GMO documentaries.
It can be difficult not to dive headfirst into a relationship and absorb your man’s interests as your own, but it’s imperative that you refrain. Time and time again men tell me that they are most attracted to their partner when she are pursuing something on their own. Men find independence sexy! It’s time to stop pretending you like fantasy football and go to that Spanish class you’ve had your eye on, your boyfriend will still be there when you get back.
Western society has conditioned women to feel as though we are in constant competition with each other. This can lead to massive distrust of our female counterparts especially those who make it their business to hang around our men. Even though our natural inclination to feel jealous may not be entirely our fault, it is our responsibility to control it.
Jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone especially when it’s frequent and unwarranted. You likely know more than a few relationships that have ended due to jealousy. This could be because few things cause a man more embarrassment than a jealous girlfriend. Although our natural instinct may be to feel suspicious of other women, it’s crucial to rein this in. Rather than distrusting the women in your man’s life, embrace them. Showing that you’re confident enough in your relationship and yourself to feel no threat from other women is a huge turn on for men.
It’s been said time and time again that honesty is the best policy, especially in relationships. However, with honesty can come conflict and often we try to avoid conflict at all costs. This is especially true at the beginning of relationships. Rather than stating our true opinions on matters we choose to be agreeable for fear of disrupting the peace. Although you may think you’re doing yourself and your partner a favor by keeping your conflicting thoughts to yourself, you’re actually doing the opposite.
Keeping your mouth shut when you disagree particularly on relationship issues can lead to unhealthy negative feelings towards your partner. What’s worse is while you walk around dealing internally with this negativity, your partner thinks everything is fine. You should never be afraid to engage in open communication with your partner as a means to avoid a conflict. Unresolved relationship issues always rise back to the surface. What may seem like simply sidestepping an argument now could mean the end of your relationship down the line.
7Obsessing Over His Ex
Along with jealousy, obsessing over his ex is sure to drive your man crazy. As much as you wish you were his first, your man can’t help that he had a past before he met you. Fixating on his past is a surefire way to get your man running out the door. It shows him that you lack self-confidence in both your relationship and yourself.
What you may be forgetting is that he broke up with all of his ex-girlfriends for a reason. It didn’t work out with them, which is why he’s now with you. Constantly bringing up an ex or comparing yourself to her brings her into the present, which is the opposite of what you want. In his mind, his ex is no longer relevant, but by obsessing about her in his presence you can quickly bring her to the forefront of his mind again.
6Not “Putting Out”
Intimacy is a crucial part of every relationship. The start of a relationship is often when intimacy levels are the highest since falling in lust usually happens before falling in love. At the peak of our physical attraction, we can’t seem to get enough of each other in the bedroom. Yet, as time goes on we begin to see our partner in a different light. We fall in love with their soul and often forget about the physical aspect. Although it’s common for intimacy to become less frequent as a relationship progress, it shouldn’t cease altogether.
Men are physical creatures and generally crave intimacy more than women. Thus, neglecting physical intimacy is the fastest way to kill a relationship in the eyes of men. It’s crucial to keep the spark alive if you want your relationship to work long term. Mix it up in the bedroom or buy a new outfit just for him. Don’t neglect the physical; it’s likely what brought the two of you together in the first place.
Men have an inherent fear of being tied down. It’s why we’re always waiting for them to take the next step in our relationships. This fear of being tied down is only magnified when a girlfriend becomes too clingy. Men can quickly feel suffocated by a woman who wants to be with them every waking moment of the day.
Unfortunately, we don’t always know when we’ve crossed the line. What we think is normal may seem overwhelming to the man in our life. It’s best to let him initiate most date nights initially so that you can get a feel for how much he wants to hang out. From there you both can take the lead with planning when and where to hang out. Just keep an eye out for a lack of initiation on his end, it could mean he’s feeling a bit smothered.
Relationships are all about give and take. You don’t want to be too clingy, but you don’t want to be too independent either. If you’ve been on your own for a while it can be hard to make room for a new man. Although it’s important to maintain your own interests and goals, it’s crucial that you give a little for the relationship as well.
A relationship is never going to work if you constantly have to have things your way or do the things that you want to do. Whether you’re insisting on picking the restaurant, or hanging out with your friends instead of his, being selfish can quickly derail your relationship. Even if he acts easy-going initially, always doing what you want to do will lead to resentment. It’s likely that sooner or later he’ll decide he no longer wants to live by your rules and just like that, he’ll be gone.
3Refusing To Admit When You’re Wrong
No relationship is free from disagreements and if anyone tells you differently they’re lying. An argument itself is rarely a reason for a relationship to end. However, a lack of apology may send him packing. The ability to apologize is crucial to every relationship since it demonstrates your ability to admit that you were wrong. It’s not always easy, however, for people to admit when they’ve made a mistake. Are you able to apologize to friends and family? Or do you often just wait out an argument and hope it passes before you have to admit that you were wrong?
If either of these scenarios sounds like you, your pride could be getting in the way of your love life. The truth is that nobody thinks less of a person who has the maturity to admit when they are wrong. It’s actually quite the opposite. Everyone respects a person who can offer a heartfelt apology, including the man in your life. So put your pride aside and simply admit that you were wrong, your relationship could depend on it.
2Focusing On The Negative
Negativity often breeds more negativity, which makes it hard to get out of a pessimistic mindset. Pessimism is not only unhealthy for you as a person, but it’s unhealthy for your relationship as well. Imagine spending a day with a person who always focuses on the bad. Despite all the nice and good things you do that day, they pick out the one thing you screwed up. Sounds infuriating, right?
Now, imagine living with a person like this and you can see the problem. Nobody wants to be put down all the time. We want to be celebrated for our successes not humiliated by our downfalls. You may not even be aware that you are a pessimist. Often times, people are not. For one whole day try not to complain about anything, if you find it nearly impossible chances are you’re a pessimist. And not to be negative, but being a pessimist is probably the reason all your past relationships have failed.
1You Overanalyze Things
Chances are pretty good that if you’re a female you’ve overanalyzed something in your life. It can be in our nature to overcomplicate simple conversations and twist them into something they’re not. Men absolutely cannot stand this. For the most part, men say what they mean, which means overanalyzing is a useless pastime. Nonetheless, women love to dissect conversations and accuse our boyfriends of implying something they really didn’t imply at all.
If you’ve been accused of twisting a man’s words or overanalyzing a situation, stop it right now. Don’t screenshot his text messages and send them to your girlfriends or listen to his voicemail on repeat. Men are simple beings. If he had more to say to you, he would probably say it. Take what he says at face value and you may find yourself in a healthier relationship and more relaxed mindset.