The usual relationship advice can backfire every now and then. Everyone needs some tips at least once in their life time to help them with their love life. But there are too many of them these days, and some of them just turn out to be completely false. There are even pieces of advice that pander to stereotypes, and, sadly enough, some people fall for them. As a result, they left a perfectly fine relationship, and all because their ex didn’t conform to society’s standards.
You shouldn’t leave a perfectly good relationship simply because of what is deemed acceptable or not. You have to remember that every relationship is different, so make sure to stick to advice that are applicable to your situation. Sure, the people who advise have good intentions, but they’re don’t really know the exact details of your relationship, do they? Besides, wouldn’t it be disconcerting that you ended up making the wrong decision because of their influence on you?
To help you avoid falling into this trap again, we’ve compiled a list of generic relationship advice that you should disregard. If you have problems in your relationship, only you and your significant other can figure out what is the best course of action.
15Don’t Go to Bed Angry
The main point behind this piece of advice is to resolve issues right away. While this seems like a sound idea, but the risk here is that you might get too emotional. And when you can’t rein in your emotions, you might end up saying something you’ll regret later on, thereby worsening the problem. There are just some issues that can’t be fixed overnight. Having said that, there’s nothing wrong with taking a breather. A break just might help you calm down and clear your mind. Hopefully once you’re more levelheaded, you could communicate better with your partner. However, don’t hold off for too long, otherwise these minor issues just keep on piling up until you can’t take them anymore and blow up in his face. The point is you need to communicate with each other in a calm and collected manner in order to reach a compromise or, at best, a solution.
14You will Find Someone When You Stop Looking
This piece of advice is more ideal for people who are constantly on the lookout. The worry here is that you might seem like an easy kind of girl. But the truth is it’s not a good idea to stop looking altogether. You just need to stop entertaining guys that aren’t your type. While you shouldn’t let the search consume you, but if you want to have a more fruitful result, you can narrow down your dating pool by determining what you like in a guy. From there, you can figure out where these dudes usually hang out or frequently visit. For example, if you are looking for a more serious and career oriented guy, you most likely wouldn’t find them hanging out at a bar. If you don’t know where to start looking, start relying on other tools, such as setups and dating apps. Bottom line is, ladies, you have to be smarter with how you look instead of just abandoning your search altogether.
13He Needs to Man Up
This whole generalizing men and women can irritate everyone at some point. It feels as if there needs to be a certain way you have to act in order to be perceived as a good couple. At the end of the day, you’re not together for others, you’re together for the two of you. If it doesn’t work for them, why would it matter? This is usually why bad relationship advice exist; because they are on the basis of how others want to see relationships. If she happens to put more effort than him but it works for both of them, then there’s nothing wrong. This bad piece of relationship advice can confuse the people involved in the relationship, questioning if how what they’re doing is working. As a result, the option of breaking up comes up and for no reason. No one wants unnecessary drama.
12If you aren’t Going to Marry Him, then you’re Wasting your Time
Talk about pressure. If you can’t see yourself marrying the person you’re dating, yet you enjoy spending time with them, then you’re doing fine. There’s no need to think twice about the status of your relationship. People date for a reason, especially when you consider dating in your 20s. This is the ideal time to figure out what you like and enjoy the moment. There is no rush to find the one as soon as possible. Plus, if you think too much about the future, it can backfire on your relationships. So it’s important to enjoy the moment and have fun with it without questioning if this is the person you will spend the rest of your life with. And you never know, you may even end up with a person you least expected, and it’s a nice thing to find out, isn’t it?
11Men are Intimidated by Strong Women
The problem with this saying is it implies that men don’t want to put up with women at all. While that is true for some men, it doesn’t mean that all men feel the same way. In fact, a lot of them respect and admire how independent we’ve become. But just because we’re doing more things does not mean we don’t make mistakes every once in a while. Let’s face it, we’ve all done some disagreeable things in our lives, and our partners most likely witnessed them at some point. But just because they don’t agree with what we do our point out our faults doesn’t mean they’re intimidated by us. This is actually a dangerous train of thought because women can simply use this excuse whenever convenient, even if they were clearly in the wrong. This sentiment definitely perpetuates discord between the two sexes. But on a more personal note, this excuse could also put off your man, because you’re basically making him out to be someone he’s not.
10Your Partner Should be Your Best Friend
This is one of the most confusing piece of relationship advice out there. Does that mean if he or she is not my best friend then the relationship isn’t going to work? Or should I just marry my best friend even though I don’t have any romantic feelings for them? Wrong. It’s not necessary to date your best friend whether they were already your best friend or they feel like one to you. It’s okay if you don’t talk with your partner like you’re BFF’s. As long as you’re happy and healthy with them, then that’s all that matters. Some people find it awkward to think about dating their bestie because they just have platonic feelings for them. But that doesn’t mean that nothing can happen between them. On the flip side, there’s also nothing wrong with being attracted to someone that isn’t your friend. Whoever it is you end up with, just make sure you both get along and you work hard to make your relationship work.
9Your Partner should Cater to your Needs
Sometimes, this advice can be taken the wrong way. There are times in a relationship when you need to reach a compromise. You can’t always have your way and vice versa. If you’re just looking for someone to meet your needs, then you can always hire a helper to fulfill that role. There’s also the fact that you are being selfish. You can’t just expect your needs to be fulfilled all the time without catering to his. Might as well stay single if that is all you’d ever want in a relationship. But if you want true companionship, then prepared to meet with him half way. There are bound to be issues you’ll disagree on. Whenever this happens, understand that you may not always get what you want. You may even have to concede to him from time to time (and same goes for him).
8Leave Then If They Don’t Make you Feel Special
Okay princess. If you notice your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t necessarily spoil you, yet, you’re happy with him or her, then there’s nothing to worry about. Just because they don’t show you off on social media nor does sweet little things you see other people’s boyfriends and girlfriends do, does not discredit your own relationship. It does not mean there’s something wrong if you both don’t feed each other’s pride. Sometimes the thought of these things missing can cause unnecessary drama like does it really bother you she or he doesn’t cook for you all the time? Maybe it’s just something society has brainwashed you with thinking it’s a requirement for a good relationship. It can be a beautiful thing to not conform to society’s norms. You just have to try it and you’ll see how much at peace you will be in.
7Don’t Be Too Available
This only applies when the two of you are just getting to know each other and even then, this piece of advice can lead to the wrong results. No matter how available or unavailable you are, your boyfriend or girlfriend will appreciate you for who you are and not take advantage of you. You don’t have to worry about whether you’re putting yourself out there if you’re in a healthy relationship. If it makes you happy to go to their house more than they visit you at your house, then let it be. It’s when things become suspiciously uneven that this advice may apply to. Start to back off a little and see if his or her efforts change or stay the same. Otherwise, if the relationship is not perfectly even, it’s not a deal-breaker.
6For Every Tear You Make Her Cry, There’s Another Man Waiting to Make Her Smile
It doesn’t matter if there’s another man that can makes her smile. The man that is making her cry means something to her which is why she is in tears. Of course, it depends on the circumstances. She could be more sensitive than other girls and easily cries, or the relationship is full of toxic. The point is, this quote generalizes too much and many people, especially girls, take it literally. They start feeling like their genuine feelings for him don’t count just because he makes her cry. Relationships aren’t perfect and there’s going to be laughs and tears. So just because she cries because of something he did or said, doesn’t mean she should just get with a man who makes her smile 24/7. First of all, that doesn’t exist. Second of all, society needs to stop relying on these fantasy relationships that only exist in Disney movies. Another point is just because there’s a man who makes her smile, doesn’t mean she needs to get with him. If she doesn’t have feelings for him, then she shouldn’t get with him no matter how good he is to her.
5Don’t Settle For Less
Sometimes this can be mistaken for people who do love each other but they’re taking things one day at a time. Others might perceive this as “settling.” This piece of relationship advice is basically telling you that you deserve better and you shouldn’t conform to what you already have. In some cases, yes it’s true and in other cases, it’s not like when the two are just dating and figuring things out. Just because they are not completely happy and satisfied with each other, doesn’t mean it’s not going to work out. Remember, good things take time and sometimes, when someone looks like they are “settling,” they are just giving it time because they are not giving up that easily. It’s best to wait and see than to rush things and not have it work out in the end.
4You Shouldn’t Be in a Relationship if You Don’t Love Yourself First
Although, this piece of advice is good in general, it isn’t always true. Sometimes we find people who bring out the best in us and make us fall in love with ourselves. Humans are naturally social creatures so it’s normal to feel happy because of someone else. The part when it gets dangerous is when you rely on them for all of your happiness. But we learn from each other, and sometimes we learn more about ourselves by being with someone. That’s when we leave a relationship and feel like a new person in a good way and are thankful for them in the end. So it’s fine if you’re not completely in love with yourself or still finding who you are while being in a relationship. Just take control of your life and don’t get too attached to the feeling of them.
3Happy Wife Happy Life
Probably the worst saying of relationships. FYI, the woman is not the relationship. There’s two people involved, therefore, there’s two people that need to be happy not one and not just the woman. When people say this, it usually entails the man is unhappy but he’s not dealing with any complaining from the woman because she’s “happy” so all is good. After all, men hate fighting and confrontation so avoiding it doesn’t sound like a bad idea, does it? To a reasonable person, that doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship and one that would last. The woman in the relationship must be self-centered and not care about her husband or boyfriend if she finds it okay if this is the case. Again, in order to have a good, healthy relationship, the people involved all need to feel happy.
2Go With Your Gut
This is way easier said than done. Sometimes you can’t even tell where your gut stands and your actions go all over the place as a result. Sometimes you know what your gut is telling you but you don’t want to follow it because it’s not compatible with the reality in front of you. Overall, it’s just too much of a simple piece of advice that ignores necessary ways to resolve the issue. That’s how we tend to feel guilty or some sort of regret; because we just made a quick decision based on a gut feeling. The best thing to do is to take the time and rationally think of a way to fix the issues and make a decision. If you love this man but your gut tells you to leave, give it more of a chance. That way, if you happen to leave in the end, you know you gave it your best shot.
1Honesty is Always The Best Policy
Honesty is always the best policy when the two are being mature and understanding of each other’s feelings. Just because it’s good to tell the truth to your partner, it doesn’t give one of them the excuse to make rude remarks about the other. Sometimes it depends on the type of person. Maybe your boyfriend or girlfriend is really blunt in general but that shouldn’t let them off the hook. Overall, it’s important to communicate honestly and in a mature way. If you know you have thoughts about your partner that might hurt them, then try to tell them in a cordial manner and same with them. If he or she is being too direct with you to the point of hurting your feelings, then you need to tell them how you’re feeling or else they will never learn to communicate the right way. “Sometimes it’s better to be tactful than completely honest,” psychotherapist Joseph Burgo told Business Insider.