Is it so bad to be a possessive lover?
After all, all of us are possessive, at least in the first few stages in the nine stages of love when we’re insecure and not too sure of our partner’s love for us.
When you display a sign of possessiveness, you could be seen as a girl who loves her boyfriend a lot and fears losing him.
But there’s a thin line between displaying possessiveness as a sign of love, and displaying possessiveness as a sign of control and dominance.
Are you dating a jealous and possessive boyfriend?
Jealousy and possessiveness can seem extremely cute to begin with.
You laugh about it, talk about it with your friends, and you feel really loved and special because there’s a guy who can’t seem to live a moment without hearing from you.
Your boyfriend’s possessiveness reaffirms his love for you, and it makes you feel like you’re the only girl that matters in his whole life!
But what if his possessiveness goes too far and stops you from living your own life?
How can you tell if he’s being loving or controlling, when you just can’t see the difference? You may believe that your boyfriend is really possessive only because he loves you so much.
But the truth is, love has very little to do with most people’s possessive nature. More often than not, it’s a guy’s insecurity that makes him jealous and possessive. And beyond showing your love and affection to him, there’s really not much you can do to change him if he chooses to control you through his jealous and possessive nature! [Read: 10 ways to handle a jealous boyfriend and make him not-so-jealous]
Jealousy and possessiveness go hand in hand
When your boyfriend gets jealous, he’d feel insecure. And when he feels insecure, he’d become more possessive. And each time he displays his possessiveness and gets to control your behavior, it makes him feel more powerful in the relationship. And this power to control you *that you willingly give away each time you give in to his possessive habits* makes him assume that he’s the final authority in the relationship.
And each time you break free or do something he doesn’t approve of, it makes him feel more jealous and insecure because he believes he’s losing his grip and power over you.
Jealousy and possessiveness is a vicious cycle that takes turns to rear their head all the time. And no matter how hard you try to help your boyfriend feel better and more loved, he may only choose to see the ways that you’ve let him down. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make your boyfriend feel loved and special in the relationship]
The only way a guy can rid himself of the cycle of jealousy and possessiveness is by confronting it himself. You can shower him with affection and make him feel loved, but there’s only so much you can do before you crumble into pieces yourself!
17 big signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend
It’s never easy to clearly demarcate the signs that differentiate a good boyfriend from a possessive one. After all, a tinge of possessive behavior is completely acceptable in every relationship, especially when you feel insecure.
So here’s a list of 17 signs to know if you’re dating a jealous and possessive guy. If you see a handful of these signs in your boyfriend, he may just be slightly possessive because he feels insecure now and then, or bordering on controlling behavior. [Read: 22 early warning signs to recognize a bad boyfriend immediately]
But if you see a lot of these signs in your boyfriend or husband, it’s time you talk to him about it because things will only get worse, and never better.
Possessive boyfriends are like a noose around your neck. Every time you give in, their grip only gets tighter *and their expectations from you only grows bigger*!
If you see several of these 17 signs of a possessive boyfriend in your own lover, point it out to him and help him see your side of the story, especially if it bothers you or if you feel controlled in the relationship. [Read: 12 things you need to look for in a guy before you fall for him!]
Of course, your boyfriend will deny it or straight out accuse you of using these signs to make him look bad. But at the end of the day, if both of you need to have a satisfying and fulfilling relationship, both your expectations and wants from love need to be addressed and met. And if your possessive guy can’t change for you, or can’t stop trying to control you, perhaps it is best you walk away from him, or he’ll always expect more from you, all the time!
#1 Your decisions. He constantly wants to play a part in any decision you take. And he just can’t seem to accept it if you choose to do something he doesn’t approve of.
#2 His possessiveness is love. Every time you point out just how possessive he is, he defends himself by claiming that he’s possessive only because he loves and cares about you so much. [Read: The 12 real signs of true love in a relationship]
#3 Stalking. He stalks you or tries to find out where you are often when you’re out with a friend by calling you up out of the blue and telling you he wants to see you or meet you, or that he wants to pick you up.
#4 New experiences. He’s extremely protective about you, and doesn’t want you to do anything new without him. He behaves like your life is in danger when he isn’t around to take care of you, and sulks when you try something new for the first time without him.
#5 He sees red. He gets really mad over simple issues, especially if it involves another guy. He just doesn’t want you to create any memories or do anything fun with any other guy but him. [Read: Are insecure men ever really worth dating?]
#6 Inquisitive. He’s extremely inquisitive about everything that goes on in your life. And if you don’t talk about something you consider too trivial to talk about, he gets angry or sulks until you tell him all the details, all the time.
#7 Passwords. He wants to know all your passwords and all your secrets, even if you don’t want to share them with him just yet. He coerces you and threatens you until he gets what he wants.
#8 You have to answer his call. It doesn’t matter who you’re talking to, but he expects you to answer his call as soon as he calls you even if you’re busy on another call. And if you ignore him because you’re busy, he accuses you of ignoring him or being a bad girlfriend.
#9 Controlling. He doesn’t like it if you meet a friend or go out anywhere without telling him about it first, even if he isn’t around. It starts small until you find yourself asking him for permission for every single thing you do. [Read: 15 subtle and yet shocking signs of a controlling boyfriend]
#10 Your friends are flawed. He ridicules all your friends, especially your guy friends and constantly picks their flaws. And each time they let you down, he takes it upon himself to emphasize just how unreliable your friends are, and how he’s the only one you can completely trust.
#11 He hates space. The idea of giving each other space shocks him. He wants to be a part of everything you do, and yet, he may whine and nag about something you enjoy until you give it all up and do things that he enjoys just to keep him happy. [Read: The importance of giving space in a happy relationship]
#12 His world revolves around you. He behaves like his entire life revolves around you. And he forces you to behave the same way around him, even if you don’t feel that way just yet. He wants to be the center of your world, and forces you to give him preferential attention over everyone else in your life.
#13 He tags along. He’s extremely insecure however hard you try to make him feel loved. He doesn’t like it when you go out to meet your friends by yourself, and always insists on tagging himself along, especially if there are a few guys in your group of friends. [Read: 23 must-know relationship advice for all women]
#14 You shouldn’t have fun alone. He hates it when you have any kind of fun without him. If you watch a movie with your friends and meet him at the end of the day, you may find him really quiet or sulking. And eventually, he may tell you the real reason and find a way to make you feel guilty about it at the same time!
#15 Compliments. He doesn’t like it when you speak highly of someone else. Every time you say something nice about someone, a friend or a family member, he immediately tries to point their flaws. He’s extremely competitive and wants you to believe that he’s the only one you should ever look up at or seek help from. [Read: 16 ways to handle your boyfriend’s controlling behavior]
#16 When you’re out. You may not have realized this, but your boyfriend calls you up a lot more every time you go out with your friends. He doesn’t like it when you go out with your friends *without him* and constantly calls you and asks you what you’re doing and when you’re heading back home. He may sound inquisitive, but you get the feeling that he doesn’t like it when you go out with anyone but him.
#17 He’s happy when you’re down. He seems particularly happy when your friends let you down, even though he doesn’t say it out loud. And he uses the occasion to prove why you should trust no one but him because everyone in the world is unreliable but him! [Read: How to stop selfish people from hurting you]
Remember, not all these signs or traits in a guy are bad or dangerous for a relationship. But there’s a thin threshold between tolerable behavior and extreme possessiveness. And that threshold is different for all of us.
Some girls may love their own independence while a few other girls may love depending on a guy for all their needs. We’re all different and have our own expectations. But these 17 signs you see here are all signs of jealousy and possessiveness, and is something that definitely needs to be addressed in a relationship.
So just how many of these 17 signs of a jealous and possessive boyfriend do you see in your own lover? And are they acceptable to you, or is it something you’d never put up with?