Nearly every woman has been there: you’ve just started seeing someone new. Everything is going well, and you’re the happiest you’ve been in a long time. You’ve finally met the person who you think can make you happy, and you’re trying your best not to jeopardize it.
But then something goes wrong. Before your eyes, the relationship you’ve waited so long for seems to be crashing, leaving you feeling helpless as you watch it unfold. And once you’ve lost it, you’re left asking, “Why?”
There could be a number of things that cause a new relationship to break down, and some of them are beyond your control. Some of it comes down to timing, luck or destiny. Some of it comes down to your partner. But at times, some of it comes down to you, too. There are a few common things that many women do without realizing that could damage and eventually ruin the new relationship in their lives.
It’s easy to hurt a new relationship if you don’t know what you’re doing. These mistakes are made by thousands of women, and it’s easy to fall into the trap. So what are some of the things you could be doing to put your new relationship into jeopardy?
Read on to find out!
17Being Too Possessive And Not Giving Your Partner Enough Space To Breathe
There’s no denying that it’s always exciting when you get into a new relationship. Especially when you’ve been waiting for what feels like forever to call this person yours, or to be in any relationship at all, you might be tempted to hang around your partner 24/7. While there’s no problem with showing affection and letting them know how much they mean to you and that you’re happy, you don’t want to turn possessive.
Just remember that though you are a couple now, you are still two individuals. Some couples spend more time together than others, but in general, be aware that there are still things you can do apart. If your partner doesn’t have space to breathe, they might feel trapped and end up getting scared and pushing you away.
16Freaking Out When Your New Love Isn’t Exactly The Same As Your Old One
Even if you’re into a specific type of person, you have to come to terms with the fact that your new flame will be different from your old one. Sure, they might have similarities, be in the same line of work and even look the same, but unless you’ve scored yourself a clone of your ex, your new partner is going to be different. It might take some getting used to, but try not to let the major differences you come across freak you out.
Change is good. Some even say it’s the essence of life! You might have liked the old way your ex did something, but be open to the new ways your current partner goes about life. Remember that they’re not necessarily worse just because they’re not what you’re used to.
15Always Having To Be Right And Have The Last Word
Oh yes, the temptation to have the last work in an argument is definitely there, whether the relationship is brand new or a decade old. It’s human nature to want to be right, and it takes a certain level of maturity to admit that you’re wrong. It takes even more out of someone to take the blame when you actually are right and let comments pass without a response.
While we don’t encourage you to be a doormat, where you can, let go of your attachment to being right. Apologize first and admit your faults once in a while. We know what you’re thinking: why should you and not your partner be the one to admit you’re wrong for the sake of civility? Well, if you are the bigger person first, your partner could end up having more respect for you and be encouraged to mirror your attitude.
14Assuming Your New Partner Is Perfect And Freaking Out When That’s Not True
Chasing perfection is basically a fool-proof road to unhappiness. Whether we’re talking about jobs, houses, lifestyles or relationships, you’re going to end up being very disappointed if you’re looking out for someone (or something) that’s perfect.
Don’t get us wrong: if you have particular standards, you don’t necessarily have to drop them. Just keep in mind that whoever you end up with is going to have flaws. If you want to keep your new relationship alive, don’t lose it when you notice flaws that you didn’t notice before—instead, be aware that this person is human, just like you. Obviously, some flaws are a little less acceptable than others (infidelity or abuse, for example), but don’t throw away something that’s actually pretty great because it’s not perfect.
13Trying Too Hard To Be Impressive And Losing Yourself In The Process
You might feel like your boyfriend or girlfriend is just as worried about losing the relationship as you are, and so you overcompensate by trying to be super impressive. More often than not, this backfires and leaves you acting in a way that’s inconsistent with who you really are. And since your partner more than likely wanted to date you in the first place because of who you really are, this is a terrible idea.
It’s easier said than done, but try to just be yourself. Don’t pretend that you love bar-hopping to look cool when you’d secretly prefer to be at home with a movie and a bag of potato chips. And don’t pretend that you love reading to look smarter when you haven’t touched a book since the seventh grade. The chances are your partner actually likes you already, and you don’t have to do any impressing anymore!
12Focusing On The Negative Rather Than The Positive In The Relationship
Being in a relationship is great and can bring so much happiness to two lives, but the experience isn’t without its difficulties. One of the worst things you can do once you get into a serious long-term relationship is to dwell on the negative sides of it because there will always be a few!
If you run away or throw in the towel every time things get hard in a relationship, or when things don’t go the way you want them to, you’re never going to get very far. And the more you focus on the downsides, the more likely you are to overthink things and give up. Instead, try to appreciate what you love about your partner and being with them, even when they’re doing your head in.
11Dropping Your Whole Life For Your New Partner
In the same way that you shouldn’t be overly possessive or clingy with your partner, you also shouldn’t give up the rest of your life now that you have them. Your partner would probably be concerned if they saw you giving up all the things that used to be important to you for them—they might feel under a ton of pressure, or they might think that you have a strange attitude toward relationships and be increasingly turned off.
More importantly, dropping your whole life for your new partner doesn’t leave you in a very good position either. If you eventually split (we hope you don’t but you wouldn’t be the first couple to ever split up), you’ll be left with nothing. And it’s not fair to the other people in your life; please don’t be the token friend who has no time for anybody but her new boyfriend.
10Stopping All Effort Because You Think You’ve Landed Them And The Work Is Over
At the same time, you don’t want to forget to not put any effort with your new partner at all. It’s a mistake to stop your life for your partner or become obsessed with them, but it’s also a mistake to take them for granted because you think they’re tied to you now.
Even when you are married to someone, you’re not actually tied to them. Just remember Beyoncé’s ‘Irreplaceable’: all it takes is a few moves and a person who is no longer treated correctly or undervalued can rid themselves of you, and they can have another you in a minute. The best idea would be to just keep treating them the way you were treating them before—like someone you care a lot about. Don’t make them your god, but don’t take them for granted.
9Jumping The Gun And Planning The Wedding In Your Head
You might not want to admit to this mistake, but you’d be surprised how many women do it! There’s nothing wrong with a little fantasy, and somewhere along the line, we’ve all been guilty of dreaming about something that’s very unlikely, unrealistic or extremely premature. It’s fine if you want to secretly fantasize about wearing a wedding dress and walking down the aisle, but if you’re picturing marrying your current partner after only a few weeks, just acknowledge that, at this point, it’s only a fantasy.
Nobody dates somebody with the aim of breaking up, but you don’t have to start planning your whole future together before you’re ready. If you do, you’ll probably scare your partner away, when, if you had given it some time, they might have been ready to start planning with you.
8Avoiding Being Honest Because It’s Awkward Or Uncomfortable
Honesty is key in every relationship. You could argue that a little white lie every now and then does no harm and might even save a few hurt feelings, but overall, the foundations of your relationship should be built on truth and honesty. So from the beginning, you want to start a tradition of being open with each other.
It’s easy to avoid bringing something up because talking about it might lead to a fight, or someone being embarrassed or offended. But if something needs to be said, then it needs to be said. You want to set up an environment where you can talk to each other about anything and you’re not harboring any secrets from each other, and the way to do that is being honest right from the start.
7You’re Happy To Take But You Don’t Give
It’s not just women who are guilty of this—like a few more issues on this list, it’s more of a human problem! Even early on in a relationship, you can fall into the pattern of taking things from a relationship but not giving back. In other words, not putting the other person first, and always having your own needs at the center of your mind.
Sooner or later, that kind of behavior is going to have most partners building up resentment toward you, even if they thought they never would. To make a relationship work, each person should be thinking of the other person’s needs and try to accommodate. It’s not about losing yourself because you’re in a relationship, but about giving back to someone who’s important to you.
6Comparing Your Relationship To Other Relationships Around You
Some say that comparison is the root of all insecurity, and we think they may have a point. Comparing what you’ve got with what you see around you more often than not leads to disappointment, mostly because other people portray the things they’ve got as better than they are. The same is true with relationships.
Don’t get caught in the trap of competing with other couples to see who can post better couple shots on Instagram, or who gives better Valentine’s Day gifts, or who sees each other more. For one thing, other people lie all the time about the real state of their relationships, so you’re probably comparing yourself to a fantasy. And more importantly, there are two people in your relationship, and their opinion is all that matters. Every couple is different and has their own style.
5Always Talking About Your Ex, Even When Your New Partner Is Sick Of It
Depending on how long the duration is between the end of your last relationship and the start of your new one, you might be tempted to talk non-stop about your ex. This is understandable, especially if it hasn’t been that long or you’ve got a heck of a story (and who hasn’t?). But you have to understand that no matter how keen your partner is on you, they don’t want to hear about your ex all night long.
They might have been a shoulder to lean on while you were breaking up, and they might have asked about your ex out of curiosity one night, but that doesn’t mean you should bring it up again. Doing that could make them feel like you’re not over your ex, or even that they’re a rebound relationship.
4Taking Things Personally When They’re Not About You And Being Overly Sensitive
When your heart is involved, it’s hard not to be overly sensitive. It’s especially hard not to take things personally when you really care about the result of something. But if you’re going to succeed in your relationship, you have to realize that not everything is directed at you. Sometimes your partner says or does something because they’ve had a hard day, and you don’t have to let it affect you.
For some kinds of behaviors, there is no excuse. But if your partner doesn’t feel like talking, doesn’t want to visit a certain restaurant with you or would rather hang out with their friends one night instead of hanging out with you, give them the benefit of the doubt that the problem isn’t with you. Everyone gets annoyed sometimes, and it doesn’t even require any fixing—just space.
3Revealing Every Detail Of Your New Relationship With Your Friends
There are several reasons why you shouldn’t tell your friends absolutely everything that goes down between you and your partner. The most obvious is that you could be violating your partner’s trust and privacy, and betraying them like that is a good way to drive a significant wedge between you. You can still have girl talk, but you don’t have to disclose absolutely everything, especially things your partner wouldn’t like to be discussed.
Showering your friends with every detail of your personal life might annoy them, but it’s also not the best idea because it gives them ammunition later down the track. That’s not to say that all friends have bad intentions, but it’s best to keep too many opinions out of the one relationship.
2Forgetting To Prioritize Your New Relationship Altogether And Still Acting Single
We’ve said that you shouldn’t elevate your partner to the status of god or become overly clingy, and you also shouldn’t start treating them poorly because you think you can get away with it. On top of all of that, you want to make sure that you’re not forgetting about them completely and still acting single.
It can take some getting used to, especially if you’ve been single for a long time, but your partner could have some hurt feelings if you act like they’re not your partner. Forgetting to refer to them as your boyfriend or girlfriend, ticking a single status on a form or still keeping open a Tinder account all might seem like harmless, subtle actions, but they can really dig at someone who’s over the moon that they’ve got you as a girlfriend.
1Not Letting Your Partner Have A Voice And Express What’s On Their Mind
Just like each partner needs space to breathe within the relationship, you both need the opportunity to have a voice and express what’s on your minds. Men, in particular, are sometimes told that they’re not allowed to be emotional and talk about what’s bothering them, so it’s common for couples to fall into the pattern of the woman doing all the talking and the man keeping everything bottled up.
People who keep things bottled up always crack eventually, and that’s not good for them or the people around them. So make sure your partner has just as much of a chance to express what’s on their mind as you do, and they don’t feel like they can’t show their true feelings to you.