We’ve all been there. We’ve had friends or family whom we’ve seen enter a bad relationship and despite all of us seeing the glaring warning signs, somehow they themselves missed them. Red flags are always super obvious – to everyone except the person stuck in the relationship. It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement and freshness that a new relationship brings, and often we put so much hope and faith into a new partner, that we become blinded to the obvious signs that are telling us things aren’t quite right.
Being with someone new can often lead to a lot of mixed feelings and confusion, and it can sometimes lead us to wonder whether or not the aspects of the relationship we’re doubting are normal to worry about. If you’re unsure whether or not your relationship is working or if you want to prep yourself for the next partner you have, read up on these 18 signs of a bad relationship that you should definitely familiarize yourself with. As hard as it can be to call it quits on a relationship we were so keen to throw ourselves into, it’s wise to get real about some of the early warning signs that could possibly save us from being more hurt than necessary.
18You Feel Like You Can’t Depend On Him For Emotional Support
One of the best things about having a partner is knowing that you always have someone to turn to when things go wrong. Whether you’re having a crisis at work or you’re dealing with some pretty heavy family drama, knowing that you can rely on your partner in a time of need is key to any strong relationship. Sure, it’s great to have friends that can lend you comfort and support, but it really should be your partner who leads the way when it comes to being a shoulder to cry on and a reliable source of sympathy and understanding. If your partner isn’t the person that comes to mind when you think of a difficult situation you would have to seek help to deal with, then there’s a good chance your partner isn’t the right person for you.
17He’s Critical Of Your Friends
It’s unrealistic to think your partner will love your friends as much as you do and to be honest, it’s good for you both to have your own separate friendships and your individual groups you can spend time with. However, as your partner, he should be encouraging you to spend time with your pals and should at least try to make an effort in connecting with the people you hold dear to you. If you feel like your partner is trying to alienate you from your nearest and dearest, or if you feel like he monopolizes so much of your time that you don’t get to see your friends anymore, it’s definitely time to start reassessing the relationship. Being with someone who does nothing but criticizes your friends will also start to have a negative impact on you, and might start to convince you that the people you love aren’t worth your time.
16He Puts You Down
A little teasing is fine in a relationship, as long as it’s not done in a mean-spirited or cruel way. However, if your partner is constantly calling you negative names or tries to undermine your sense of self in any way, there’s a definite problem. No one should ever make you feel bad about yourself, and it should definitely never be your partner. A strong, healthy relationship is based on both partners supporting each other and building each other’s confidence up, not tearing one another down. Being constantly critical of the way you look, dress, talk, or think is unacceptable, and should definitely be considered as a major red flag. If you don’t feel good when you’re with him, you shouldn’t waste any more of your time with him. Plain and simple.
15You Feel Like Things Are Going Too Quickly
Falling in love can feel like an emotional and psychological whirlwind – one minute you’re up, one minute you’re down. However, it shouldn’t feel like your partner is tearing through your life like some crazy tornado. Often we get caught up in all the excitement and newness of a relationship, that things can start happening at warp speed, and we start forgetting to take things at their natural pace. If it feels like things are happening too quickly for your comfort, make sure that your partner isn’t trying to speed-date you or trying to manipulate you into some kind of whirlwind dominating, controlling the relationship. If your partner is clearly moving things quickly, it could be a red flag indicating shallowness and impatience in him as opposed to feelings of true love.
14Your Partner Implies He Only Values You For One Thing
When you’re in a good relationship with someone, you should value your partner for all the things they bring to the table. Getting into a relationship with someone based on one thing only, for instance, their looks, isn’t a stable way of building a meaningful connection. So, if your man only ever mentions that he likes one aspect of you, you might need to start questioning whether or not he actually values you as a whole. If he only ever makes favorable comments about your looks and says he’s with you because you’re hot, that might imply that he doesn’t actually care about the many other wonderful facets of your character. Make sure you know that your partner is with you for you as a whole, not just one aspect he’s caught up in.
13You Can’t See Any Positive Effects He’s Had On You
One of the wonderful things about being in a relationship is getting to learn new things from your partner and being introduced to their likes, interests, hobbies, and quirks. Being with someone new can often mean you try out different things and take on good qualities that he brings to the relationship table. If you can’t think of any way in which your partner has positively influenced you, however, this means that he probably isn’t the right person for you. Ideally, you should both be making each other better, more rounded people, and you should get the impression that you’re benefiting from being in the relationship in some way. Whether you’ve learned to be more patient while being with him, or you’ve learned a new skill thanks to him, you definitely should be able to identify some positives
12There’s No Sense Of Security
When you’re with someone, you want to feel secure. You want to know that the relationship is grounded in a sense of stability and like you have a solid foundation with your partner. If, on the other hand, your man makes you feel like he could leave you at any given minute or that a break-up could be imminent at any given time, this is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Although none of us can be certain what our futures hold, you should at least be able to find a sense of security in your partner and feel like you’re not about to have the rug pulled out from underneath you. Uncertainty breeds other negative feelings, and not knowing whether or not your partner is committed to at least trying to make a relationship work is a good way for things to end badly.
11He Sends You Inconsistent Or Hurtful Texts
Erratic texting patterns and hurtful messages are can be early signs of a relationship headed for failure. If your partner only sends you texts when “he feels like it”, or if they’re clearly only designed as booty calls, it could signal that he doesn’t have much investment in the relationship. You shouldn’t have to chase your man or nag him to communicate with you. If you’re constantly waiting for him to get back to you or if his messages seem dismissive or rude, love yourself enough to know that this relationship is a no-go. It’s never nice to feel like you’re the only one reaching out and showing an interest in the other person’s life, and if you’re not getting the responses you need or want, it might be time to text that boy bye.
10He’s Dismissive Of Your Interests And Hobbies
Part of what makes you the wonderful, unique individual you are, are your hobbies, interests, like, and dislikes. Now, your partner doesn’t have to like everything you like and hate everything you’re not into, but it’s important that he shows a willingness to learn about your interests and not criticize them in an unfair way. Just because you love ballet doesn’t mean that he all of a sudden has to develop a passion for it too, but he should definitely embrace the fact that you like it, and not try to convince you otherwise. If he tries to get in the way of you pursuing what makes you happy, that’s a sign of a very selfish and unempathetic person, which are two good reasons for you to reconsider your relationship if you find yourself with someone of that sort.
9You Catch Him Lying
Ok, we don’t need to tell you that lying is bad, but it’s definitely worth repeating since it’s a major red flag in any relationship. Solid, healthy relationships should be based on trust and mutual respect, and when you catch your partner lying to you, it’s a direct violation of any foundation of trust you’ve established with one another. And it’s not just lying about cheating that’s awful – any form of falsehood that he may utter should be treated as a warning that the relationship isn’t good. Partners in a relationship should be honest with each other, otherwise, how can you know what to believe when he speaks to you? If you’ve caught him lying to you before, definitely be wary, as who knows what he’ll lie about next…
8When You Argue, You Just Blame Each Other
Let’s be honest, arguments happen even in the happiest of relationships. People are different, and at times these differences spark a tiff that may or may not be avoidable. And sometimes a fight can be healthy for a relationship, as it can teach you how to rebuild and become stronger when things go south. However, if you find yourself in an argument with your partner and both of you seem to be laying the blame solely on the other, this is a definite sign that you might not be compatible. When an argument occurs, it’s often a result of two people misunderstanding each other, or both being part of the problem. If your partner can never own up to being responsible for problems, it shows a very weak character and someone who isn’t willing to compromise on things in order to heal the relationship. Playing the blame game is a definite sign that the two of you are not meant to be.
7You Have To Make Excuses For Him
If you find yourself constantly having to make excuses to cover your S.O. or excuse his behavior, it’s a definite indication that you might be in a bad relationship. Did your boyfriend say he was going to come out for drinks with you and your friends but then canceled at the last moment? Or did he say something really offensive at a family dinner? If you’re finding that you’re having to make excuses to cover up or explain your partner’s bad behavior, it’s a sign that you two clearly aren’t on the same wavelength, and clearly, have some differences in what’s acceptable and what’s not. Making excuses for someone can be embarrassing, and if your partner doesn’t seem to mind you having to cover for him, it’s a tell-tale sign that he might be a very selfish and inconsiderate individual.
6There’s A Lack Of Affection
Obviously, the kind of affection you’re meant to share with your partner separates your relationship from the kind you have with your friends, and in a healthy coupling, there should be kissing, hugging, intimacy, and overall signs of loving care. If you’re not getting any kind of signs of love from your partner, there are some serious problems with the situation. Part of the fun of being with someone special is showering them with affection, and it’s a meaningful way to show you care deeply about them. If your partner doesn’t kiss you or engage in any other intimate acts with you, it might be because he’s not that into you, or it might mean he’s over the relationship. A relationship without any affection is no relationship at all, and you shouldn’t have to accept a loveless situation.
5Your Partner Compares You Negatively To Other Women
An obvious early sign of a bad relationship is having your partner compare you to other women he knows, in a negative way. If he’s constantly comparing you to his friend’s girlfriend or his female colleagues at work, it shows that he sees you not as your own person, but as a series of characteristics that he can pit against other women’s. By drawing these kinds of comparisons, your partner is basically implying that you’re not good enough and that he’d like to change you in some way. It also shows that he’s not happy with the way you are, and frankly, why would you want to stay with someone who doesn’t love you for exactly who you are? Consider comparisons a definite red flag, and be wary if he starts talking about you in reference to other women.
4Your Values Don’t Line Up
One of the most important things in any relationship is respecting each other’s values and finding common ground therein. If you and your partner have radically different values and beliefs, it might cause a lot of tension between you two. Often, two people in a couple might disagree when it comes to certain things, but if it’s causing arguments and upsets from the start, pursuing this partnership might not be the best idea. It’s great when two people who have different opinions on things come together however, if there are disagreements on the cornerstones of what you consider to be important issues to you, you might end up with different goals and visions for the relationship. Be careful of partnering up with someone who doesn’t consider the things that are of worth to you important.
3You Don’t Look Forward To Seeing Him
Admittedly, this one’s pretty obvious, but if you don’t actually look forward to seeing your partner, then it’s a clear sign that the relationship should probably be called off. This can happen even in new, fresh relationships, and can occur for a number of different reasons. One of the most common reasons for starting to feel like you don’t really want to see your partner might be because he makes you feel bad about yourself. It might also stem from the fact that you’ve realized you don’t have as much in common as you first thought. Whatever the reason might be, if you start avoiding your partner, you’re basically already starting the break-up process, just in a passive way. To avoid further complications and more hurt feelings, take action and call it quits. You’ll both probably be happier in the long run.
2You Keep Secrets From Him
If you’re withholding from your S.O., it’s likely that the relationship is heading towards a breakup. There’s a big difference between secrecy and privacy. While it’s great, and even encouraged, to have your own private time away from your partner where you can see your own friends or indulge yourself in your own hobbies, keeping secrets from him is an early sign of bad things to come. If you start keeping small secrets from him, you might begin to think it’s ok to keep bigger things from him as well. Ultimately this will lead to a lack of trust, and most likely your partner will find out at some point about your hiding things from him, which will only cause more hurt and confusion. If you don’t feel comfortable telling your partner certain pieces of information or letting him in on important facts, it might be time to call it quits.
1You Can’t See A Future With Him
Even in the earliest stages of a relationship, it’s important to think about whether or not you could see a future with your current partner. It’s natural not to know straight away if you’ve found “the one”, but if you’re starting to have doubts early on and if you’re already noticing red flag cropping up, it might be the right time to consider whether or not it’s worth continuing the relationship. Not every relationship you enter has to be treated like it’s headed towards wedding bells, but ultimately, there’s no point wasting your time or his if you already know it’s not going to last long. Be truthful with yourself and evaluate your relationship according to how you feel emotionally, as well as how your values and beliefs way up against his. If there’s too much discord and you can’t see yourself with this person in the long-run, it might be time to get real with him.