You’ve found a great guy. Maybe he’s tall, dark and mysterious. He carries himself with confidence and has a great sense of humor. Except—his hair could use some work, but at least he’s cute. He’s got everything you could ever want. Though whether you’re an item with him already — or hoping to be one — something feels off. It’s odd considering he seems perfectly tailored to you. Like a missing piece fitting into place, everything should feel wonderful. As you fear, it has everything to do with your relationship. To be more specific, it has everything to do with his unwillingness — for whatever reason — to commit to something long-term.
Women in these situations beat themselves up all the time. They just feel like giving up. That’s when she starts to look inward and wonder if there’s something wrong with her. The good news is that she’s not the first to go through this. In fact, it’s a common challenge for women everywhere. Men are just geared a certain way, but it’s up to her to make some slight adjustments if she wants to play the long game. These are the sure-fire methods you can take to get him to commit to something beyond those casual dates every once in a while.
18If You Bring Positivity In The Relationship, He’ll Definitely Want To Keep You Around
No one wants to be around a downer. When you’re around someone who thinks positively, it’s infectious. Plus, it keeps the focus on all things moving forward. In the end, that’s exactly what you want to think about with your guy — a future. It’s not very helpful to either one of you to only talk about gloomy details.
The Dating Truth acknowledges that the tough times will come. When they do, it’s necessary to talk it out and ultimately make peace. But if the guy in your life makes you happy deep down, why not show it? What helps is thinking about specific things he makes you feel. If he puts a smile on your face, tell him. The Dating Truth says that if you feel safe around him, don’t hesitate to share it with him. When it comes to all things positive, be an open book.
In truth, it’s going to take work if you decide to bring some more positivity into the relationship. These outpourings of the heart aren’t just natural occurrences, as great as that would be. We don’t always feel like we’re in the mood to share how we feel. In addition to this, it takes a little exploring to realize that’s how you feel. Try this the next time you’re together and show him that he’s important to you.
17Don’t Put Your Life On Hold Just For Him
He might be the best thing going on in your life. It’s normal to want to be with him all the time. That’s a really good sign because it shows how much you’re into him. Hopefully, he reciprocates those same sentiments, but don’t let him dominate all your time.
As great as he is, there are other priorities in life; don’t put everything else on hold because of him.
As Provestra points out, it’s important to have independent interests outside of the relationship. More than likely, you both have hobbies and pursuits that the other isn’t into. Be sure to pursue those interests whenever you’re not with him. While it might seem counterintuitive to spend time away from him, it will actually help the relationship in the long run. According to Provestra, when you maintain a social life separate from your guy, it will actually make you more appealing to him.
Imagine having a close friend or relative always with you never allowing you a moment’s peace. That’s how he would feel if you were always around him. With distance from each other, you can work on your own passions. While at the same time, he’ll miss you more. Plus when you both reunite, your time will be more special.
16True Love Is Worth The Wait
Delayed gratification. Parents tried to teach us about this process when we were kids. The problem is that whenever we wanted something, we just couldn’t resist. We did whatever it took to get it. Whether it was buckling down to do our homework or eating our vegetables, the rewards eventually do come. The same principle applies to relationships.
As Everyday Know writes, getting him to fall for you was easy — or not. The bad news is that getting him to commit is the hard part. However, it’s easier not to look at it that way. Instead, it’s better to just accept that it’s going to take time. Part of the reason for it taking so long is that no guy is the same and that’s a good thing. According to Everyday Know, each guy is different based on his own unique background and experiences. Maybe there’s a reason why he’s holding back or afraid to move forward. As a result, it’s going to require some patience.
While you may be ready for a long-term commitment, the reality is that he’s not. Part of dating is accepting that it’s going to take time to get where you want to be, but if you’re sympathetic to where he’s at, it will make the wait much more tolerable.
15Definitely Don’t Rush Into Things
When do you start getting close to your guy? With an issue as hotly debated as that, there’s no clear answer. What’s inarguable though is the fact that so many relationships come from different circumstances. No two couples are the same — which is a beautiful thing. While many argue that intimacy benefits a long-term commitment, others disagree. They say it can complicate the prospects for a long-term relationship.
For example — as Sexy Confidence points out — if the relationship starts with the intimate moments then it has some backpedaling to do. Relationships have a physical component and an emotional one. If there’s only the physical — and a lot of it at first — there’s some lost ground to cover on the emotional end of the spectrum. As Sexy Confidence puts it, one is “renegotiating the relationship.”
If you want to increase your chances of a long-term relationship, it’s best to forget about going to home base.
That’s not to say intimacy will prevent a relationship from making it long-term. It’s just going to make you work a lot harder for it than if you had waited. Of course, if something takes more work, it’s going to lessen the chances of happening in the end. Why not make it easy on yourself?
14Try Your Best To Impress His Friends And Family
Sometimes a girl needs back up to make him come around. It’s obvious that you two have a future together, but he’s only looking at it from inside his head. He needs some outside opinions from people he trusts to make him see. As forward as it might sound, you need to get in with his family and friends.
According to Provestra, your guy values the opinions of his family and friends. Until you both live happily ever after — if that’s your plan — he’s going to rely on their views above all else. The history he has with his loved ones is irreplaceable. Once you accept this, the only path left is to spend time with them. Even more, it’s an opportunity to show them who you are. Once they see how much you care about him, they’ll start to wonder when he’s going to take the next step.
Remember that you’re not competing with his family and friends. Although your time with him may be split because of them, you should value them too because he does. Once you develop a relationship with his friends and family, he’ll start to see you as something more. This can open the door to a long-term relationship.
13Become A Question Queen
Part of what drives a relationship early on is curiosity. Both sides are curious about one other and want to know more about what makes the other tick. Just as much as this desire develops organically at first, so does it fade over time.
Whether you’re at the early stage or later on in the relationship, it helps to be curious about him again, which means asking questions.
More importantly — as The Dating Truth points out — it’s all about asking the right questions. While it might seem forward to ask him direct questions like when his last relationship was, or whether he wants to see you again, they can help in the long run. According to The Dating Truth, questions like these do more to guide the relationship. It’s not taking the lead but promoting your guy to have more thoughts like this. If these thoughts aren’t in his orbit, it may just be a matter of putting them there for him.
Don’t be discouraged by the fact that you have to help him think about these things. If a girl just waits for him to come around on his own because he should, she’ll be waiting forever. Asking questions can be a simple and calm approach to finding out if he’s the real deal.
12Don’t Show Him All Your Cards
No matter how much you’re into the guy, don’t show him all of you. It’s only natural for a woman to open herself up to the guy she falls for. Thinking that it’s what the guy wants, she believes that showing herself completely to him will make him stick around. The problem is that that can hurt a relationship in the long run. Of course, honesty is always key; but sometimes, holding back can also do you some good.
Sometimes, a little mystery can make things interesting, and the more effort he has to put into unpacking who you are, the more intrigued by you he will become.
As Provestra notes, a man needs a mystery to keep him around. It keeps things interesting if he doesn’t know everything about you. As long as there are things about you he doesn’t know, he’ll stick around to see if he can figure out everything about you. Of course, he’s going to want all of you from the beginning, but what he doesn’t realize is that in order for the relationship to last, he can’t know everything about you from the get-go.
Provestra states that even the special couples that know each other have to keep each other curious to spice things up every once in a while. Make him want to find out more about you instead of telling him all at once.
11Don’t Chase Him, Let Him Chase You
While it’s no one’s wish to come across as desperate, it can sneak up on you in the heat of a relationship. Sometimes that really cute guy can blind you. As a result, you don’t realize how you behave around him. If you crush on him, chances are you want to be around him all the time. This is a major turn off to guys. They don’t want a girl chasing after them. What men really want is to do the chasing themselves.
When you’re constantly hanging around him, you deprive him of his natural instincts.
Fab How distills it simply by suggesting you grow up and respect him. Adults are considerate of each other’s space and time, so why not treat him the same way? As easy as it is to lose yourself by falling head over heels, try to keep those urges in check. Otherwise, they can manifest into tendencies that are hard to control. Fab How also advises you to lay off social media, texting and any other methods of communication with him. While it’s fine to stay in touch, don’t go overboard. It can be just as intrusive when someone bugs you over the phone as it is in real life.
10The Dreaded Ultimatum
There are some simple things to avoid while in the early stages of a relationship. One of the sure ways to make him run for the hills is setting ultimatums. Some women go this route when they want an answer from him about their future. They simply ask him directly when he’s going to “man up” and commit to something more. While eHarmony notes that ultimatums do get you results, it can harm the relationship more than help it in the end. He may not even tell you what you want to hear simply because the ultimatum put him in a bad mood.
When it comes to advice about love, we’re definitely all ears when eHarmony gives it. According to them, an ultimatum just applies pressure on a guy. Even more, it forces him to come up with a response on the spot when he probably hasn’t even thought about. He doesn’t think like you do. In turn, don’t be hurt if he hasn’t thought that much about the future. If one thing is for sure, it’s that an ultimatum will have the reverse effect of bringing you both closer. Instead — as per eHarmony — it’ll only push him away from you.
9That Extra Boost Of Confidence Goes A Long Way
Just because no man is the same doesn’t mean they don’t have common interests. There are traits in women that resonate with most — if not all — guys. One of those attributes is confidence. According to Provestra, guys don’t want a boring and inane girl by their side — the type usually portrayed in movies. Rather, guys want a girl who knows what she wants. She has control over herself and isn’t afraid of what life throws at her. That doesn’t mean she has to be a full-blown extrovert or anything, but she knows and accepts who she is and doesn’t have any hesitations — nor does she need to justify herself or her actions.
When you have confidence, you appear much more desirable to a guy.
You’re another force for him to match wits with — a real force to be reckoned with. He’s looking for someone with whom he resonates, and your confidence invites him to pursue you. Plus, he may lack confidence himself. As a result, your confidence will empower him. While you shouldn’t really have to do this, sometimes it’s necessary to wake him up from his reverie. Provestra notes that when you take an inferior role, it practically snuffs out affection between you both.
8Reverse Psychology Is Helpful — Or Is It?
As the last entry details, men don’t sit well with direct confrontations. Women often go this route out of desperation and frustration. They’re sick of waiting around for their guy to get his act together. They want to know if there’s a future with him by her side. One route that she probably hasn’t considered trying is reverse psychology.
As Her Way points out, when a girl takes a breather and puts space between the both of you, she’s actually doing what appears counterintuitive to getting what she wants. However, with this space also comes the freedom on his side to commit. Before when you were always available to him and hanging on his every whim, he felt restricted. Now without the pressure or constant attention, he feels free to take control of the relationship. An added bonus is that when there’s distance between two people, it allows them to look at the big picture and think things through.
When you’re constantly around each other, it’s much harder to see things clearly. Space can actually put things into perspective, even though it sounds like the opposite of what you really want. If she hasn’t tried this yet, she should consider going this route if she wants him to realize what he’s missing out.
7When The Going Gets Tough, The Tough Get Going
Face it — the tough times are going to come. As much as we don’t want to admit it, life can be hard sometimes. If you’re in a relationship, that’s going to be one of the top challenges. During the early stages, you may not have each other as much as you’d like to. You’re still both independent people going through your own lives. There may be times where he experiences something traumatic or difficult in his personal life. If he goes through times of trouble, does he feel safe going to you?
As Everyday Know addresses, be his shoulder to lean on. Don’t avoid him if he’s going through tough times. It takes work being around those going through a problem. Sometimes it’s the last place you want to be at that time, even if you care about that person a lot.
If you want to be with him long-term though, you’ve got to be there to hold his hand through the good times and bad.
That doesn’t mean to go looking for him when he’s full of sorrow. Let these moments develop naturally in time instead of trying to manufacture them on your own. This looks especially bad if he shares something on social media and you seek him out. Demonstrate your support and that you care but let him come to you.
6You Can’t Change The Unchangeable
As much as you might go gaga over this guy, there are probably parts of him that drive you crazy too. In fact — as Psychology Today points out — he may even be the source of all your frustrations right now. Many of those frustrations towards him come from the fact that he won’t make a move. Maybe he already has made that move, but now you feel stuck in a rut. You’re on the edge of your seat waiting for him to take it to the next level, but he just seems content with staying where you’re both at right now.
You don’t have to be content with where you’re at with him, but you do need to accept that no matter what you do — it’s impossible to change him. Many of us wish we had the power to change people. If we could do that, we’d make everyone like us and turn situations in our favor. That’s a fantasy world, however. No matter what you say or do, he’s going to be rooted in his behavior — which has been strengthened and developed since birth.
According to Psychology Today, what you can change is your situation or circumstances. If something makes you discontented with something or someone, you have the power to move on. Otherwise, if he’s the guy you want to be with, know that you can’t make decisions for him.
5Give Technology A Break
This day in age, it’s hard not to be jacked into the Matrix. That’s just another way of saying technology is with us wherever we go. It’s never been easier to connect with others now that most people carry phones with them wherever and whenever. Ironically, these little devices can also prevent connections from happening.
If you’re looking for him to commit to something long-term though, connecting with him should be the top priority; therefore whenever you’re around each other, make an effort to silence the phone.
Even better — don’t have it on you to begin with.
As relationship expert Jennifer Kelman shares via Shape, “The best type of date allows you to stop texting, put the phone down, and really foster a deep connection.” Sometimes it’s going to be tempting to keep the phone close at your side. It might even be more interesting than your guy at that particular moment. But looking at your phone instead of listening to your man could have long-term effects. Trust us, he’ll notice. If he sees you on the phone constantly, he might wonder if you’re addicted to it. Plus, there’s always the mystery of whom you’re connecting with on the other end.
4Not An Open Relationship, But Open To Other Relationships
Even if you and your guy are sort of together in this undefined state doesn’t mean you should close yourself off to other possibilities. According to Sexy Confidence, that doesn’t mean you should cheat on your guy — it means you can imagine another possible future where your guy isn’t in it. How exactly is that productive to making things work out with your guy? When you develop this kind of thinking, he’ll notice. For one thing, you won’t be as reliant on him and needing his affirmation. When he notices you don’t seek compliments, for example, it sends him the message that you don’t need him.
While it may not be your desire to convey any doubts you have about him, it can help improve the chances of a long-term relationship with him. As per Sexy Confidence, it shows him you’re not waiting around for him to make up his mind. He’ll suddenly realize the clock is ticking on you. Hopefully, by that point, he’ll realize he can’t waste his time — or yours — any longer. Just be careful not to use anyone in the process should you open yourself up to seeing another guy. The last thing you want to do is dishonestly lead someone else on.
3Choose Battles Instead Of Creating Them
Cosmopolitan may focus a lot on the physical side of a relationship, but they also have good advice. Every time your guy does something wrong, try not to blow up. Believe us, he’s going to mess up. According to Cosmopolitan, it’s best to choose your battles instead of using everything against him. If you fight him on each thing that comes up, he’ll only think you hate him.
For example, what if he always shows up late? Some things are going to take time for him to correct. As Cosmopolitan points out, you might think his chronic tardiness is a result of his taking advantage of you. If that’s the case, then it’s something that needs to be thoughtfully considered. However, if you get the sense he’s not doing it to walk all over you and actually has a legitimate reason, then it’s probably fine to let go.
It’s important to assess each moment instead of jumping to conclusions.
If he gets the impression you’ll always battle him, then he might dread what your future together holds. Instead, thinking over the situation and whether it’s worth standing your ground could prevent more of these conflicts. With a potential future on the line, it’s worth considering.
2Show Him You’re Ready To Commit
If you want a long-term relationship with your guy, have you thought about showing him? While it can sound intimidating to bring something so monumental up, it doesn’t have to be an Earth-shattering conversation. As Everyday Know points out, it can be as simple as letting him know that you’re ready and waiting for him whenever he’s at that stage. That way it puts the ball in his court while letting him know you want to take that next step. It might not even be on his mind at all until you mention it.
Depending on what kind of state the relationship is in, perhaps a more serious talk is in order. Only you can know whether it’s the right time to have — what Provestra calls”The Talk.” Provestra goes on to say that should you feel compelled to have the discussion, don’t put on too much pressure. Additionally, you don’t want to come across desperate either. It’s best to keep it civil and to go into the conversation with a calm demeanor.
You might resist the temptation to have this talk with him fearing he’ll reject you. However if you do so without trying to corner him into a long-term commitment and merely to gauge where he’s at, you have nothing to fear.
1Give Vulnerability A Chance
It’s hard putting yourself out there — especially when you don’t know what the outcome will be from doing so. But if you want a relationship to last, you have to be vulnerable. That means being open with your emotions and responsive to what he’s feeling. Not only that but according to Commitment Triggers, it’s about being comfortable with your person.
Women often hold back from being vulnerable in a relationship because they’re afraid of giving parts of themselves only to have it taken for granted.
Or worse — they don’t want to turn him away by showing him the innermost part. Sometimes how we feel deep down isn’t all that pretty. Something to remember when sharing how you feel is that you don’t have to do it all at once. You can give him a little over time. Hopefully, he’ll be receptive and even show a vulnerable side of himself over time. It’s not fair for a woman to take the lead in this area, but it might be necessary if he’s taking a while to come around to a future with you long-term. Don’t forget — being vulnerable isn’t weak, as Commitment Trigger notes. It’s something valuable reserved for only those you care about the most.