Relationships happen to be one of the most complex things on the face of the planet. It’s about constantly learning how to adapt, live, and love another person beside yourself – and this can prove to be tricky for some people. When you’re in a relationship with a person for a long time, you can easily learn to read them like an open book. And while most of the time this can be a good thing, when a relationship has run its course (for at least one person), it can turn into an absolute nightmare.
There are tons of obvious signs that your man is about to abandon ship, the most obvious one being he just suddenly ghosts you after three years of being in a relationship. But what are some of the most subtle ones that can fly under the radar that you miss? It can be a number of things that you miss – or that you WANT to miss because you’re not ready to accept the fact that your relationship might be over and done with.
For women, it’s easier for us to simply attempt to talk over our problems with our partners and either try to work things out or just let him know it’s over. But for men, it happens to be more complicated.
So here are 18 signs that he’s looking to break up with you possibly trade up for a newer, shinier, model.
18Suddenly, Everything Is Way More Important Than You
At the beginning of your relationship, you were almost literally put up on a pedestal and worshiped at all hours of the day. He used to send you “good morning” text messages, shower you with little romantic gestures and would plan romantic outings and dinners. However, so much has changed these days and suddenly EVERYTHING is more important than you and your needs. From his friend’s poker night suddenly being more important than your need to vent about your horrible day at work (whoa, WAY obvious) to him forgetting to pick up your favorite wine after you asked three times – these aren’t just little things he’s choosing over you, it’s a sign that he’s looking to terminate your relationship. You’ve now moved to the bottom of his priority list.
17Small Things He Found Adorable About You Now Annoy Him
Remember in the very beginning of your relationship when he found that little hum you made after taking a bite of your favorite cake so cute and adorable? Yeah, well, now he’s pointing out how much it actually annoys him. At first, you think it’s just him being moody, but when he starts nitpicking at everything he once said he found enduring about you, it most likely means he’s about ready to fly. Usually, when men do this, it really is just them being moody and the cloudy mood lasts maybe a day or two, but if it lasts any longer than that, it could spell trouble. He might even be trying to irritate you so bad that you end up being the one to rip the band-aid off and end the relationship so he won’t have to.
16He’s Talking About His Female Friends A Lot
When your boyfriend is really only friends with his female friends, he talks about them, but not in a praising sort of way. They’re mentioned in passing, almost as an afterthought, if the guy is in a committed relationship and is actually in love with his partner. However, when he’s looking to bail from the relationship, he’ll do one of two things: either talk about a particular female friend A LOT or literally not at all. There’s no fine line in between. If he doesn’t mention her at all, he’s attempting to hide his feelings for her from you. If he talks about her all the time, he’s trying to drop hints that he’s come to the end of the road with you and has set his sights on this new person in his life. Either way, it can be gut-wrenching.
15You’re The Only One Putting In Effort
At the beginning of your relationship, you would get little text messages all day long. They were the wooing kind – the “whatcha doing?” messages. The “I miss you” messages after only being apart for less than an hour. The sweet messages. Now you’ve started to notice that those particular messages are few and far between. You are the one who reaches out when you haven’t heard from him. You’re the one who is now planning date night because he doesn’t seem that interested anymore. You’re the one putting in all the effort and he’s just sitting back. When he basically just stops trying anymore, he might as well be literally searching for the nearest exit sign so he can make some sort of stealthy escape and leave you high and dry.
14The Bad Days Outweigh The Good
Usually, at the beginning of a relationship, all your days are good days – especially when you two are together. You appear to be inseparable and since you’re swooning off of euphoria, you assume that it will be that way all the time. This is the honeymoon phase of the relationship. But now, things have seemed to hit a wall, and you can’t even remember your last good day together. When the bad days outweigh the good, and it becomes super obvious to you, you’re actually not too positive if HE notices (since most obvious things fly over his head sometimes). But when it’s him that points it out, you know things have gotten worse. If he thinks that there are no more good days left in the tank, he will cut his losses.
13He No Longer Talks About The Future With You
I’ve noticed that most men don’t talk about the far future at the beginning of a relationship since it’s brand new and they really don’t want to spook you off. However, the more comfortable you get in a relationship with him, the future randomly comes up in conversation because he thinks about it. And it comes out A LOT if he’s completely and utterly happy. Though, when a relationship has run its course, he won’t talk about the future at all. Or if he does, it doesn’t include you. If he no longer talks about your future children or where your wedding is going to take place, he’s no longer actually thinking about these things. He’s thinking about what life would be like without you, questioning if he’d be happier with someone else.
12All You Do Is Fight, Fight, Fight
When you were in the salad days of your relationship with your man, fighting was a cute little interaction that you loved to do because it reminded you of all those famous, cutesy fighting scenes in The Notebook. But lately, that’s all it’s been. Fighting in the morning, fighting in the afternoon, fighting before bed. Heck, you don’t even makeup anymore like you used to – you just go to sleep angry. This is NOT a happy relationship, and you both know it. But instead of breaking away from each other, you continue to make yourselves miserable. When a guy does this, he’s usually attempting to push you to make the move to end it because either he’s too cowardly to do so himself, or he has just given up completely.
11He Suddenly Gets Paranoid When You Get Near His Phone
Gone are those days of you casually calling someone up from his phone or texting from it when your phone battery has died. At the beginning of your relationship, he didn’t even have a passcode to get in since there was nothing at all to hide from you. And you, being a girlfriend who prides herself on not being the jealous type, noticed and love that about him. But now? Now his phone is basically Fort Knox and it takes three different fingerprints, a secret verbal passcode, and all of Pi in order to get into his phone. The more complex his passcode is, the bigger the secret is. And if he starts to get paranoid whenever you even glance at his phone, he’s definitely hiding something.
10He’s Constantly Going Out Without You
You used to both paint the town red when your relationship was still young. You used to have maps of your favorite bars and your favorite romantic restaurant on speed dial if you needed to make reservations on a whim. Now, his best friend Jeff and the other guys are way more important than you, and he’s constantly going out for boys’ night. At first, it was just probably once a week. Now, it’s three times a week. When that starts, he gets used to going out without you and even starts attending bigger functions without you. Heck, he even went to his own mother’s 45th birthday party without you. When he doesn’t want you to be his plus-one anymore, he believes that the relationship is over and he’s looking to get out.
9Small Talk? Out Of The Question
Let’s be frank – small talk isn’t fun. With strangers, it can be awkward and just plain usual. But when it’s with your friends or partners, it’s even more daunting. It just feels forced. Though the thing about small talk is – it’s still talking. At the beginning of your relationship, you and your boyfriend would talk about EVERYTHING together – from discussing your thoughts and your fears, to asking random questions about the future, to just talking about nothing at all. But time has since passed and you start making small talk in order to fill the silence in the room. But when even that fades and he’s doing absolutely nothing to fill that weird silence, it’s because he’s already picturing having long conversations with someone other than you.
8No More “I Love Yous”
“You’re so beautiful”
“I love your smile”
“You have the most amazing eyes”
“I can’t stop thinking about you”
These were the little messages that you received before the two of you dropped the big L bomb on each other. And after you said those famous three words, you both commonly said them all the time – sometimes for no particular reason at all. The “love” word was thrown all over the place and concluded every single conversation you had from there on out. But now, the “I love yous” have dwindled to the point where they’re nonexistent. When you say it and he makes a face and says it back ( and of course, it sounds forced), he’s attempting to back away from saying it altogether because he just doesn’t feel that way about you anymore.
7He Gives Back Stuff You Got Him
This one is a biggy: if a man starts to casually give back the stuff you got him, he’s looking to head for the hills and wants about as little as he can carry. It might fly under the radar at first – when he handed you a shirt you gave him and told you to just keep it at your place so he has something to wear when he’s over there, you just assumed that’s exactly what he was doing. But then he starts giving back random stuff that you gave him with the line “Nah, you keep it,” or “I just really don’t wear it anymore.” That’s how you know he’s looking to unload as much stuff that reminds him of you as he can. At first, you might not notice it, but then it gets so obvious, it’s hard to ignore.
6His Social Media Habits Shift
When you first met, he was rarely on social media, and when he was, it was just using it to connect with you. When you two started dating, he began to use Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat just to show the world how much he loved you. He started posting pictures of the two of you together, tweeting that he loved you, and would tag you in almost everything he posted. But these days, he’s starting to look like he’s purging his accounts. He starts taking pictures down off his feed of the two of you together (often making excuses that he doesn’t like the way he looks in the photo) and deleting old tweets. This means he’s trying to look “single” to someone else he happens to be interested in.
5He Wants More Alone Time
It was one thing when he was bugging you to go out with his friends more, but now he’s shifted a little. He no longer wants to be around those guys anymore, or even around you – he wants to be by himself. When a guy goes off with his friends, he’s busy hanging out and focusing on his bros rather than his own thoughts. Being alone with your thoughts means one thing for women and another thing for men. Sure, everyone needs their alone time every once in a while in a relationship – it’s healthy. But when he wants to spend all of his time alone, it could be one of two things: he’s battling some inner demon like depression, or he’s looking to break up with you. It’s best if you sit down and talk about what’s on his mind to clear the air.
4His Friends Are Suddenly Cold To You
A person’s close friends are basically projections of themselves in many ways. You can tell everything you need to know at the beginning of a relationship if his friends warmly accept you. It’s because they know you make their friend happy, so they’ll either be sweet and accommodating to you, or be sarcastic/funny and welcome to you to their inner circle. However, if his friends are no longer warmly accepting you and turn abruptly cold, something is up. It becomes clear that he’s been talking about you to them and is looking to get out, so there’s no need for them to be nice to you anymore. It will either be this, or they’ll look at you as if they pity you all of a sudden. Either way, it’s not the best sign in the world.
3He No Longer Wants To Attend Group Activities
When you’re in a relationship, you tend to befriend other happy couples and maintain a certain amount of mutual friends between the two of you. Usually, when you’re in a couple, you accept invites to couple functions from your friends who are also paired up. You attend formal functions like weddings and anniversary parties together because he’s your plus one. But lately, he’s shying away from those particular “plus-one” functions. At first, he’ll make excuses like he doesn’t feel well, or that he’s not really fond of Jen’s boyfriend. But as the relationship starts to hit some bumps in the road, he’ll just stop making excuses and straight up just say “Nah, I’m not going.” If that’s the case, he’s looking to drop his own “plus-one” and upgrade.
2Does He Avoid Your Family At All Cost?
When he first met your family, it was a huge deal: You brought him home one Thanksgiving and he seemed to fit right in without missing a beat. Your dad loved him. Your mom adored how he helped out with dinner. Your brothers loved joking with him. Everything just worked and you were proud that he got along so well with the other people you love most in the world. If down the road, he starts to avoid attending your family functions with you, there’s something wrong (especially if he likes your family). It means he’s looking at the possibility of a having a future without you in it, and he doesn’t feel like breaking up with your family too. He assumes it’s easier to just ghost them than have to explain himself to them face-to-face.
1You Just Have A Gut Feeling
Nothing – and I repeat, NOTHING – is stronger than a woman’s intuition. Her gut feeling is one the most important tools at her disposal and when she feels something has to be off in her relationship, something is most definitely off. It’s a rare case when a woman is off about this sort of thing, especially if she’s in a long-term relationship and knows her partner like the back of her hand. If you have this sort of feeling, you should talk it over with your partner, even if you know it will end in absolute heartache. Because, even though you’ll be miserable once you find out the truth, it’s better than being blind to it for much longer. If you feel he’s looking to get out of the relationship, you’re probably right and the air needs to be cleared for the sake of both of you.