A healthy relationship should feel like a partnership. We’re both on the same team, dedicated to achieving the same goals, and loving one another the whole way through. It’s the knowledge that we always have someone in our corner, no matter how bad things get. It’s acknowledging that communication is a huge factor in a functioning relationship without feeling threatened by the conversations that may arise from this fact.
In a relationship where we’re being taken for granted, however, there is no team, there are no partners. Instead, there is an unequal distribution of power. We may feel uncertain in our relationship, or jealous, or worried, or some combination of all three. We don’t feel like a priority or like we have much importance in our significant other’s life, despite the fact that they take up much of our head- and heart-space. No one likes to feel as though they’re being taken for granted, like we’re unappreciated or devalued in a relationship.
But unfortunately, sometimes it’s hard to tell what’s really going on. Other times, we become so inured to the behavior that we can’t see what’s right in front of our noses. With these 20 signs, though, we can conclude with certainty that our SO is definitely taking us for granted.
20They Don’t Ask About Our Day
It may seem like a small thing, but inquiring after our partner’s day is a way of checking in on how their time was without us by their side. It’s a way to ask after their wellbeing and get to know more about the personal and professional parts of their life that we aren’t seeing firsthand.
If our SO is no longer asking about our day or how we’ve been in the hours since we last saw each other, it could mean that they simply aren’t concerned about our happiness. It’s a subtle but important way to measure their concern for us.
19They Come And Go As They Please
A sure sign of a one-sided relationship is a person who feels as though they can come and go as they please. Of course, we aren’t our SO’s policeman and it’s not like they need to ask permission to go out at night, but it’s a sign of respect and courtesy to keep our partner abreast of our plans.
If we’re keeping them in the loop about our extracurricular activities, it’s only fair of them to return the favor. If our guy isn’t letting us in on the other parts of his life and treats us only as a convenience, it’s inconsiderate behavior and a sure sign that he’s taking us for granted.
18They Ignore Us
It’s a pretty crappy thing for our partner to ignore us, but occasionally it can be because they’re distracted or immersed in their work, and we can shrug off a rare instance of being ignored. However, if our SO is consistently and obviously going out of their way to ignore us or looking us in the eye and walking away without giving us an answer, it’s because they’re taking us for granted.
They don’t respect us enough to respond, and treating us coldly or callously is because they can’t be bothered to even pretend to warm up their hearts for us.
17They Never Do Favors
Healthy relationships require a degree of give-and-take, and if we’re the one who is always doing the giving, it can mean that our partner is taking us for granted. Simple favors like picking up dinner on his way home or doing the dishes without being asked are signs that he has the foresight and concern to do something nice for us.
A lack of reciprocity in a relationship is the biggest indicator that we’re being taken for granted because while we go out of our way to make things easier or more pleasant for them through thoughtful gestures they never return the favor.
16They Don’t Admit Their Mistakes
People who have major egos are more inclined to take their significant others for granted, simply because they feel as though it’s what they deserve; they’re entitled to it! Those with big egos are also the type who are unlikely to admit their mistakes, even if they hurt us.
A partner who is taking us for granted refuses to admit their mistakes and give us a little ground because they think it makes them look small. They enjoy the current power dynamic and don’t want it to shift in our favor, so they clam up whenever they should be saying that they’re sorry.
15They Don’t Listen To Us
When our SO doesn’t think of us as an equal and the other half in a relationship, they won’t listen to us. They’ll essentially tune us out because when we’re speaking, we’re asking something of them, and they’re unwilling to give up anything, including the basic time and energy of opening their ears. They respond with, “What?” to almost everything we say, constantly forget things we’ve told them, and have to be reminded of previous conversations on several occasions.
This just goes to show how low on their list of priorities we are, because they aren’t even making an effort to listen to and retain what we’ve said.
14They Blame Us
We try hard to please our SO and show them how much they mean to us, but we rarely – if ever – get the same in return. Not only that, but any time we make a mistake, it seems like that’s when our partner notices anything – and blames us.
It would be one thing if we were blamed for whenever things went wrong, but it’s as though that’s the only thing our guy ever remembers. He will constantly bring up our mistakes as proof of our incompetence, or as a way to laugh at us among friends. It makes us feel small, and is a way of him asserting his power in the relationship.
13They Stand Us Up
When we’re not a priority in someone’s life, we’ll know when it comes to date night and they fail to show up. Standing someone up could maybe, possibly, be forgiven if the person who flaked is extremely apologetic and promises it will never happen again – and it doesn’t.
If, however, our dude goes through the same song and dance and stands us up over and over again, it’s because he knows that we won’t mind enough to leave him, so he’ll happily take his chances. He’s taking us for granted because we’re putting up with his garbage, so expect to enjoy dinners for one repeatedly until we smarten up and leave.
12They Don’t Consider Our Feelings
Someone who truly loves and cares about us will want to make us happy, and will consider our feelings in decisions that can affect our life and our lives together. If our dude is making plans or major life decisions without informing us, it’s because he’s taking us for granted.
He’s assuming that we’ll be in his corner no matter what stunt he pulls, so he doesn’t bother to check in with us, even when his choices will affect us. This is definitely a sign of an unhealthy relationship and should be an indicator that we deserve a whole lot better.
11They Never Say ‘Thank You’
Basic manners are often overlooked, especially in relationships. Our SOs can become such an extension of us that we don’t even think to thank them for things, perhaps because we expect them to do them anyway!
Saying “thank you” and “please” is important to convey respect and gratitude, and if our partner is no longer thanking us for anything – no matter how big or small – it’s because he honestly doesn’t think we deserve the most basic of manners.
We don’t earn the “right” to be thanked for doing a favor or running an errand – it’s common courtesy, and if our SO doesn’t remember that, it’s because he’s taking us for granted.
10They Refuse To Celebrate Special Occasions
Some people really enjoy celebrating the holidays while others aren’t so keen on them. Other people like to keep their birthdays low-key, while their partners prefer big blowouts to ring in their next year. While certain special occasions can be important to one party and not so important to another, in a relationship there needs to be a compromise.
If special occasions need a bit of fanfare for us, we need to clearly communicate that to our SO. If, after those conversations, our guy still refuses to indulge us in celebrating, it’s because he doesn’t care. This is upsetting, and a sure sign that he’s taking us for granted.
9They Don’t Do Their Fair Share
When we decide to move in with our SO, it’s important to have discussions about the fair division of labor. While we might have different work schedules, we should both be pulling our weight. For example, if we’re home more often, maybe we’re the ones doing the dishes, but in return, our guy will always take out the garbage.
When our SO either doesn’t notice that we’re doing all the work – or, if he notices and doesn’t feel bad about it – it means he’s taking us for granted. Maybe he thinks it’s our ”job” to keep up the house or maybe he thinks he can get away with it, which is why having this conversation is extremely necessary.
8They Make Plans Without Telling Us
Another example of common courtesy, letting our SO know about our plans is a sign of respect – super important in a relationship. If our guy comes home and informs us that we’re doing something – telling us, not asking us – it means he’s taking us for granted. He’s assuming that not only will we be free, but that we want to do whatever he has planned.
This is him taking our time for granted and making a big assumption on our behalf that we’re interested in the event he’s roped us into. In order to keep resentment at bay, these plans need to be discussed beforehand.
7They Don’t Make Time For Us
While our time is apparently for use at their discretion, they never make time in their schedule to be with us. Their job matters more than us, as do their friends, their family, their hobbies, their interests – whatever. Basically, any time not spent with us gets more precedence than actually seeing us.
The guy who does this is doing so because he assumes that we’ll always be waiting around for him, so he can use us whenever he feels like it! He’s taking us for granted because, while we have made him a priority, he’s just keeping us an option.
6They Insult Us
Insulting someone we’re in a relationship with is unacceptable behavior, and we should never allow our SO to inflict that kind of pain and hurt on us. There’s no reason this kind of action would ever be okay, so why are we making excuses for it simply because we’re dating the guy?
This behavior moves beyond taking us for granted to full-on using us. He knows that he can walk all over us – even insult us or put us down – and we’ll still take him back. We need to take a good hard look at ourselves and question why our self-esteem is so low as to allow this kind of treatment.
5They Aren’t Romantic
As relationships mature, we may find it more difficult to recapture those first days of butterflies and romantic gestures. We’ve become accustomed to the idea that the honeymoon stage of a relationship lasts for only a finite amount of time, but that doesn’t mean romance needs to go entirely out the window.
While not all people are naturally romantic or comfortable expressing themselves with romantic gestures, there’s no reason for our partner not to make a little extra effort to show he’s thinking of us, and to make us happy. If we’re the one with all the candles and roses all the time and he doesn’t budge, we may be being taken for granted.
4They Never Ask For Our Advice
A relationship should be a partnership, one in which we can ask for help in difficult situations. If our SO never asks us for advice, it could be because they’re taking a lot of things about us for granted, including our experience, knowledge, and education. They may think that we can’t offer any valuable insight, and so they’ll turn to others for help rather than coming to us first.
This can be hurtful, especially if we have used them as a sounding board in the past. It may make us feel inferior or even stupid, as though we don’t have anything of value to offer them.
3They Never Ask Our Opinion
As a relationship grows and matures, we may think we know everything there is to know about our SO, without taking into consideration that we grow as a couple and as individuals. This could be a total slip on their part, in that they think they know us well enough to guess our thoughts on a subject or situation, or it could be that they simply don’t value our opinion.
Asking our partners for their opinion on major life decisions or even everyday topics is a way to make them feel heard, respected, and valued. If our guy doesn’t seem to care about our feelings one way or the other, he may be taking us for granted.
2They Manipulate Our Emotions
Emotional manipulation is a sure sign that we’re being taken for granted in our relationship, and that the relationship itself is toxic. In this case, our SO feels like he’s in charge of both of us, which means he gets to call all the shots and make all the decisions.
To keep us in line, he may keep us dancing on the edge of what feels like a breakup. He’ll make us work to earn back his love and affection and only give us the smallest crumbs in return. He’s doing this because he knows he can, since we’ve let him get away with this much so far.
1They Step Out On Us
The biggest, boldest, and brightest red flag that we’re being taken for granted is when our guy steps out on us. He feels so secure in the relationship that he can commit the ultimate deception and expect us to be okay with it. He’s risking losing what he has because he thinks he can get away with it. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
When our SO does this, he’s taking a lot of things for granted: our intelligence, our loyalty, our trust, our love, and the life we’ve built together.
Getting stepped out on by someone we’re involved with is the surest way to know we’ve been taken for granted.