We hear it all the time: there are some girls that guys find super intimidating. Is that a good or a bad thing? We want to believe that it’s a good thing because we hope it means that they think that we’re super smart and have our lives in order… but we’re really not sure. After all, if our goal is to get a boyfriend and find love, then we don’t really want to be so intimidating that no one ever approaches us or wants to date us. That doesn’t sound like a ton of fun.
Like most things about dating and relationships, it’s a good idea to go straight a man’s perspective, aka find out what guys actually think about this subject. We all spend so much time wondering about whether we’re doing the right thing in a dating situation or are even the kind of girl that someone wants to date, but what do guys really think about all of this?
Thankfully for us, we’ve got tons of Reddit forums that teach us what real men are actually thinking, and it couldn’t be more helpful. Read on to discover 20 men of Reddit who have revealed the most intimidating thing that a girl can do in a relationship. Who can relate?!
20She Has It Together
When we graduate from college or university, we usually assume that real life is going to be a lot easier than it actually is. Suddenly we’re left to our own devices and we have to find a job, pay our rent, pay the bills, and figure out how to cook. It’s a lot to deal with and can make us long for the days when all we had to do was some homework and then we were free to spend the rest of our time with our best friends.
Eventually, we figure it out and get our stuff together, but do guys want to date a girl who has a good job and who has some life goals and is following her dreams? Is that intimidating? As it turns out, yes, it can be intimidating for some guys.
“When a woman really has her [stuff] together it intimidates me and makes me feel like she would not want a relationship with me because I feel I do not have my [stuff] together in comparison.”
As this guy shared on Reddit, some guys get insecure about dating a girl who seems to be doing better in life than they are. They wonder if she would even want to date them and if she would judge them.
19She’s Worth Being Emotionally Vulnerable With
No doubt about it, sharing our emotions with our boyfriend is an important part of being in a relationship. We might even consider it the most important part. When we think about it, if we can’t talk about how we feel, whether we’re telling our partner how much he means to us or venting after a long day, then it’s kind of weird. It doesn’t seem like we should be together and we don’t seem like the best fit for each other.
Guys have a reputation for not wanting to talk about feelings and we might wonder if they find that totally intimidating. As this guy said on Reddit, falling for a girl and having true feelings for her is intimidating.
“When I form an emotional connection and she has the power to rip out my heart and leave me questioning my self-worth and ability to be happy again.”
No one wants to enter a relationship assuming that it’ll fail and we’ll be single once again, and it’s always worth being with someone and taking the risk. But it makes sense that some guys worry about opening up their hearts and having them broken and they might not even want to begin a relationship with someone because of that.
18She Has A Full Life And She’s Super Independent
Being single doesn’t mean that we have boring lives and nothing to do. It can definitely mean the total opposite. Maybe we do enjoy hanging out at home a lot and watching TV or movies, but we have friendships that we keep up, we have families, and we have careers. We also have hobbies and interests and are cool, interesting people. We don’t happen to have a boyfriend right now, but who cares?! We can still be happy and have fun.
“My interpretation of “Intimidating” is that a guy doesn’t really see you making any room for him. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but basically, you might be coming off as too self-sufficient.”
We might wonder if having a full life and being independent intimidates guys. This might be something that is particularly on our minds if we go on date after date and don’t seem to be getting anywhere. And we know that we’re pretty awesome, so it can’t be us. Well, as this guy’s Reddit post tells us, some guys wonder if we’re too busy or have too much going on to be able to really date them. The thing is that might be true for some women who don’t even want a boyfriend, but others want to find love and would absolutely change up their schedules for the right guy.
17She Wants To Commit
By now we might be sick and tired of hearing that guys don’t want to commit. We might not really believe this since even if we’re single, we might have guy friends with girlfriends or best friends with boyfriends or a brother who is married. Basically, we definitely know guys who are in committed relationships.
Do guys find women who want commitment intimidating? We would hate for the answer to be yes because that’s just plain depressing, but according to this guy’s Reddit post, that seems to be the case for at least him.
“When she tells me she wants a deeper commitment.”
And if he feels that way, it seems safe to assume that other guys share his feelings. Some guys just seem to be afraid of being someone’s boyfriend. Maybe they don’t want the responsibility, or they wonder if they can handle it, or they want to focus on other things. They might be thinking too far ahead and figuring that being a boyfriend means being only a short time away from being a husband and they don’t know if they’re ready for marriage. We can probably all agree that this involves way too much overthinking, but both guys and girls tend to do that when it comes to dating.
16She Judges Too Much
Sometimes it’s impossible not to judge someone. Even if we want to be the nicest people ever, we can’t help but make comparisons and judgment calls. It might not be that sweet to think that a friend’s new haircut isn’t the most flattering thing ever, just like it’s not nice to look down on someone for having a certain job.
But if a friend does something cruel to another friend, we can absolutely judge them and think that was the wrong choice to make. So why would guys be intimidated by a woman? Could it have something to do with her being judgemental (but the bad kind)?
“That would depend entirely on the woman. Some are intimidating because they’re demeaning and judgmental, others are confident and secure with who they are. The former is bad, the latter is good.”
Well, at least this guy’s Reddit post tells us that sometimes being intimidating can be a positive thing. If a woman is confident, then that’s intimidating but it doesn’t seem like it would scare him away or make him not want to date her. If she’s mean and judges people, that would still be intimidating but he wouldn’t be interested, and, well, we can agree that’s not great.
15She’s Tall And Has A Certain Look
Even though we might think that tall girls and shorter girls have nothing in common since those are two different things, they both might worry if they’re, well, too tall or too short. And they’ll probably hear about it from other kids when they’re growing up and in school or maybe from people that they’re dating, which definitely sucks. People should be a lot nicer. You know, just as a general life rule, but it applies to dating too for sure.
“Height, and being what I describe is dangerously attractive. Being confident in her looks, knows she turns heads but it is silent about it; assertive in a way. I like the brunette-serious eyebrows and glasses kind of look.”
This guy’s Reddit post tells us that some guys are intimidated by tall girls, which we might not think makes that much sense. We can’t do much about how tall or short we are (okay, we can’t do anything), so this seems kind of unfair. But we can’t win them all and impress everyone. Not every guy is going to like us and thinks that we’re girlfriend material, just like not every guy will be boyfriend material in our eyes, and that’s okay.
Do we find handsome men intimidating? Most of us would say of course. After all, if we met a movie star like Ryan Gosling or George Clooney, aka famous actors that most women consider to be super hot, we might forget our own names and not know what to say. It’s a totally normal experience. If we meet a cute guy at a party, we might have trouble talking to him at first, at least until we get to know him a bit better and feel more comfortable.
“If she’s attractive generally.”
This guy’s Reddit post proves that he finds good-looking girls to be intimidating. We might have met a lot of guys and found that nothing was happening and didn’t know why, and maybe they were intimidated by the way that we look. Sure, that might sound kind of conceited, but it doesn’t have to be like that. We should definitely have high self-esteem and feel good about ourselves. It would be awesome if guys realized that not every pretty girl is mean, but Hollywood does tend to perpetuate that idea sometimes, so we do kind of understand. Just like hot guys can be really mean, so can hot girls, but they can also be total sweethearts.
Confidence is one of those things that we either have or we don’t. We can fake it up until a certain point. We can go on a few dates with a guy and pretend to be super cool and chill and have high self-esteem… but once he starts getting serious about us and wants to be with us for real, we might freak out. We might wonder how he could possibly want us to be his girlfriend when he seems so perfect and we’re just not.
That’s totally the wrong way to go because having confidence is a really important thing, not only in dating but in life in general. We deserve to like ourselves and there’s nothing wrong with that.
“I get intimidated by overconfident girls. I can handle really pretty and good at sports/whatever else. But if they’re cocky and confident.”
Do guys get intimidated by girls who have lots of confidence? We might have thought that the answer was probably yes, and now that we’ve seen this guy’s Reddit post, we know that is absolutely true. If we’re not confident, we might get intimidated by confident guys, so really, this works both ways and we can all relate to this feeling.
12Just Dating, In General, Is Tough
We might only think about dating from our perspective, and yet dating as a guy must be tough. Guys are supposed to “make the first move” and always be confident and have no emotions. We tend not to think that they want to be in a serious, committed, long-term relationship and we make all of these assumptions about them.
Maybe some guys are intimidated by the dating scene in general, and that’s the case for this guy, at least according to his Reddit post.
“I wouldn’t say I ever get intimidated, per se. The cause of distress for most guys comes more from everything surrounding a girl: the social conventions of dating, gender roles, etc, rather than the woman herself…”
“…For example, feeling the pressure to make all the moves and make them perfectly, not being able to be yourself, knowing that she holds all the cards, stuff like that. Sure, beauty is a big part of those things, but I wouldn’t say it’s “intimidating” in and of itself.”
It would be awesome if more girls would ask guys out and if we could stop believing in these “social conventions of dating” and “gender roles” that this guy points out. That stuff can definitely be intimidating and, honestly, we feel that way, too.
11She’s Wealthy Or Intelligent
Money and intelligence seem to be a big part of relationships. If we’re smart people (and of course we are), then we want an equally intelligent boyfriend. Of course, we do, right?! It would be super boring otherwise and we would have nothing to talk about and different hobbies and interests. If we happen to come from a family with money, hopefully, we’re not snobby about it because no one likes that, but it’s just realistic to assume that if we dated a poorer guy, he might feel insecure about it. We might love him and have no problem dating him but the class differences might make it impossible to be together (or at least that’s how it seems in tons of movies).
“If they are insanely rich, or if they are ridiculously smarter than me. Pretty much the same thing I find intimidating by other men.”
This guy’s on Reddit finds it intimidating if a girl has more money or is more intelligent than him, and that probably makes more sense than most things on this list. It also makes sense that he finds men like this intimidating. We can agree that if we have a wealthy friend or someone who has more degrees than us, we might find that intimidating.
10She’s Super Social
It’s funny how some people are super social and others are homebodies. We might be the life of the party no matter what and enjoy meeting new people, or maybe the opposite is true and we like having a smaller group of friends. If guys get intimidated by a lot of things, which seems to be the case, how do they feel about a social girl?
“Social butterflies who are bubbly and get along with seemingly everyone. They are simultaneously super welcoming and very intimidating to me.”
This guy’s Reddit post proves that some guys can be intimidated by women who are social. Maybe they think that they won’t be able to keep up and party all the time with her. Maybe they think that she knows too many people and they won’t want to talk to random strangers all the time. Maybe they just find it too much to deal with. This definitely makes sense. If we’re on the quiet, homebody side, would we really want to have a boyfriend who is a social butterfly? The answer is probably not. We just might be too opposite and have too many differences, and honestly, that’s fine. There’s going to be someone who is more our social speed.
9She Seems “Better” Than Him
Not every couple can be totally equal. One person might have a higher-paying job, another might have more family money, and countless other differences. It doesn’t have to be a bad thing. If the couple is truly in love and meant to be together, it won’t even matter. They’ll take care of each other and make it work.
We know that everyone gets insecure sometimes, particularly when they are interested in dating someone, and we might wonder if guys get insecure about dating a girl who seems “better” than them.
“Very attractive. More educated than me. Substantially more intelligent than me. Substantially more successful than me.”
This guy on Reddit gets intimidated when he thinks that a girl is above him in status in terms of good looks, education, intelligence, and success in general. It sucks to hear this because we don’t want to feel like we have to dumb ourselves down or stop being accomplished in order to be attractive to guys, and we have a certain pride about how we look. It doesn’t seem super fair to hear that this can be intimidating, but maybe we have come across this before with guys and so it makes total sense to us.
8She Tells It Like It Is
It’s awesome when we meet someone who is super real and honest and always gives us their opinion. Hopefully they’re not mean about it because that’s not cool, but otherwise, it can be refreshing to know that this person isn’t fake. We love having friends who tell it like it is because we know that they can always give us good advice. They’re not going to just nod and smile and tell us what we want to hear, like other (well-meaning) people in our lives.
How do guys feel about a woman who tells it like it is? Is it an attractive quality to have… or can it be intimidating?
“A straight shooter that’s extremely competent, regardless of gender, can be intimidating. Someone I have to prove my worth towards.”
This particular Reddit post tells us that it can definitely be intimidating. This guy’s statement that he’s intimidated by a woman he has to “prove his worth towards” makes sense…. but shouldn’t everyone have to prove that they are worthy of being a boyfriend or girlfriend? We can’t just commit to anyone, we have to know that they care about us and are going to treat us well. It’s really good if girls act that way.
7She Seems Cold
We’ve heard about the whole “resting [explicit] face” thing and while at this point it’s a joke or a meme, we probably wonder if some girls really do look like that all the time… and if guys think that they do. Do guys ever think that a girl seems kind of cold? Would that be intimidating, and would they still want to date her, or would they be all, “No thanks”? Have any of us been told by guys that we couldn’t be their girlfriend because we’re cold or unemotional?
“Being just… Cold. I get that some people aren’t going to always be the life of the party. But some just have this constant searing look of disdain on their face.”
This guy posted on Reddit that he’s not into dating a girl who seems “cold” and that would seem intimidating, so yes, that’s definitely our answer. This is a good reminder that even if we think that we look normal and friendly, maybe we don’t, and maybe a guy that might otherwise want to ask us out or want to be in a relationship with us assumes that we don’t like him or that we’re always in a bad mood.
6She’s “Out Of His League”
When we like someone and want to start a relationship with them, we have to assume that they would like us back. We don’t have to be super conceited (and, of course, we probably shouldn’t be since there is nothing less attractive than that) but we need to believe that we could be attractive and interesting to someone else. And we should also believe that we would make a good girlfriend.
But that being said, we definitely assume that some guys are “too good for us” and that they would never be interested in dating us, and so it would make sense that some guys would like at us that way. Do guys think that some girls are just not going to want to date them? Would they find that intimidating?
“Confidence & beauty. Both indicate higher status than mine = out of league.”
This guy’s Reddit post shows that if a girl seems to be out of his league, she’s both gorgeous and full of confidence, and he finds that intimidating. We always hear that if you want to be attractive to someone else, you have to be confident, so it’s a bit disheartening to know that some guys might find that tough to deal with. But, hey, that just means that we need to wait for someone who won’t find that intimidating and who will love how self-assured we are.
5She’s Got A Good Job
Most of us would say that we’re not really all that interested in dating an unemployed guy. Sure, a good guy might be out of work for various reasons and it’s not always someone’s fault, and of course, we could start dating him and he finds employment ASAP. But that’s not usually the case and sometimes, a guy without a job doesn’t have a great work ethic and he seems pretty undesirable.
We would assume that guys would like if we had a really good job and had figured out what kind of career path we wanted to go down… and yet that’s not always the case.
“Highly paid professional job. Being a highly paid professional is like my only real advantage.”
As this guy said on Reddit, he doesn’t want to date a girl who has a good job and gets paid a lot. As he put it, that’s something that he has, and he figures that’s his most attractive quality. It’s a real shame to hear that, don’t we think?! It’s amazing to have a good job and we should never feel bad about that, but that just means that if a guy is intimidated by our career, he’s not the right one for us.
Some girls act like the mom of their friend group or even toward their coworkers. They bring in treats and ask people if they ate lunch and want to be a support system. It’s sweet and cute and generally considered to be a good thing.
It’s not usually considered to be a good thing if a girl mothers her boyfriend or husband. Sure, couples should take care of each other but it should totally go both ways and be an equal thing. If a guy wants his girlfriend to act like his mom, it’s safe to say that he might have some things to work out. Maybe he’s never really taken the time and made the effort to grow up and maybe he expects others to always do things for him… and, well, that’s not the best kind of person to date.
We might not think that guys would think that a motherly girl would be intimidating, but according to someone on Reddit, it can be.
“she acts like a mother.”
It’s tough to know why this would be a problem, but maybe some people want to be independent and don’t want someone to take care of them and make sure that they’re happy and doing well.
3She Doesn’t Need A Guy
Being a successful single girl is obviously an amazing thing, just like success, in general, is something to be proud of, and yet it can also make it hard to find a guy who isn’t totally intimidated. The funny thing about being in this situation is that we’re exactly the type of girl that would be attractive. We’re confident, we’re doing well, we can take care of ourselves, and we have our own lives. We’ve got it all going on, basically. Guys want that… but some are freaked out by it.
“I think women who are emotionally independent are pretty intimidating. They don’t really need you and that’s scary.”
As this guy put it in his Reddit post, he doesn’t think that women who can take care of themselves need a guy, and he’s more likely to find that to be a negative thing than a positive one. This has probably happened to us at least once. All we can do is believe that the right guy is out there and he won’t be worried about this at all. He’ll love all of these qualities. It just sucks waiting to meet someone who doesn’t find us intimidating just because we’re independent and confident.
2It’s Just Everything
Sometimes we meet a guy and we can’t quite put our finger on why we might not want to date him. He could be perfectly nice and fine and boyfriend material, at least in the eyes of someone else, but it’s just not going to work for us. If a friend asked us why we didn’t like him or want to be his girlfriend, we might say “it’s everything” and that we don’t have a specific reason.
“Shouldn’t be anything, but for me it’s everything. I still have a hard time believing any woman could be interested in me.”
According to this guy’s Reddit post, he sometimes gets intimidated by “everything” about a girl. He also mentioned that he gets insecure about a girl liking him, which definitely makes us want to tell him that there will be a girl who will be into him and he doesn’t have to worry about that. If we’ve ever been in a situation where we wondered why a guy didn’t want to commit to us when we knew that we’ve got a good job and work ethic and are interesting and everything like that, it could be that he just finds us generally intimidating. It sucks, but this is definitely going to happen.
1She’s Fit And Doing Well In Life
Most of us would agree that it’s awesome to get into a fitness routine and live a healthy lifestyle. Whether yoga or barre or Crossfit or running is our jam, we’re happy and healthy and it’s pretty awesome. If we add career success on top of that, we’re basically living our best lives and should be so proud of ourselves.
But is that a bad thing for our love life? If we’ve wondered if some guys are intimidated by how well we’re doing, we might have thought that made us sound kind of full of ourselves. It’s actually a thing, though, at least according to this guy’s post on Reddit.
“Fitness, accomplishment, all the usual stuff. I don’t resent any of it, good for her, I just tell myself that she could never be interested in me (with all that entails), so why bother?”
It’s a shame that some guys think that if a girl is fit and doing well in her life, that automatically means that she wouldn’t like him and want to date him. After all, sometimes opposites do attract. We can still date someone even if we’re not at the same place career-wise — couples inspire and support one another, and one person can really help the other one reach their full potential. There’s really nothing to be intimidated about.