It’s a part of human existence–heartbreak, whether it’s when we physically lose someone or lose a part of our hearts when someone chooses to leave us behind. Whether we go through heartbreak when we’re young, or when we’re in our twenties just living up life, it will sneak up on us in some shape or form and manage to completely change our existence.
When it happens after a long relationship, it can take us by surprise. It’s something unexpected that promptly ends things with another human we thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives with.
So what do we do then?
Do we simply walk away and try to move on? That can prove difficult for some people if they know that there’s a slight possibility that their ex might still be harboring some feelings in there somewhere for them.
In that case, there may be a chance for us yet. There are tons of books on the subject and scientific articles that can aid us in our quest to win back that ex, and we’ve managed to comb through a great deal of them to compose this list.
Here are 20 proven tips that will make our ex truly miss us and want us back.
20Stay Away And Make Absolutely No Contact With Him
This is probably the toughest thing to do when coming out of a long-term relationship–no contact. You need to give you BOTH time to grieve and contemplate an existence without each other. Remember that old saying? “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Well, this is exactly that.
Give your ex time to actually miss you, and that means ABSOLUTELY NO TALKING TO THEM ON ANY LEVEL. That means no texting, calling, and definitely no social media. NONE OF IT. You need to make like you’re not thinking about them at all and to do that, you need to cut off contact.
19Focus On You (And The Little Things That Make You Happy)
Whenever we find ourselves going through heartbreak, it’s always best to take care of ourselves and OUR needs first. Take some time away for self-care and put all thoughts of your ex out of your mind (as difficult as that may be) and just pay attention to the little things that make you happy in life.
Go spend some time in your favorite coffee shop, take a long walk, fix what needs fixing around your place. Just do what you need to do in order to make yourself happy–it will show and your ex will actually start to take notice.
18Simply Act Aloof
The term “acting aloof” sounds a whole lot better than “playing it dumb” but that’s what you’re doing. Act like you don’t even know he’s around when he actually is. What you want to do is act like you don’t need him in the least, but don’t be cruel about it.
“This move is cliché, so keep it classy,” one article on the subject says. “Don’t unfriend your ex and don’t have loads of pictures of you draped around another person. However, showing your ex that you don’t need them, that you’re not sitting at home crying yourself to sleep every night, and you’re getting on with it and enjoying your life shows them how strong and fun and level headed you are.”
17If He Initiates Conversation, Be Friendly
Do you know the old saying “you catch more bees with honey” line? As annoying as it is, it’s true. It’s always best that when you run into your ex, you keep it friendly. And don’t make a fool out of yourself in a begging manner.
“You’ll know when the time is right to start talking again,” Locke says. “Once you do, make it clear you would like to be friends. Don’t dive head first and proclaim your undying love for them or gush about how much you miss them, simply keep it calm and friendly and see if they would like to go for coffee or a drink.”
16Start Talking To Other “Might Be More Than Just Friends” Guys
Now, we won’t say we’re going as far as to “make him jealous” but that’s basically what you’re doing when you go and talk to other guys with him still on your mind. “This is the oldest trick in the book and can be a little immature, but it does often get great results,” Locke claims.
When he hears through the grapevine that you’ve probably already have moved on to someone else, it snaps a jealousy switch inside them and they come sniffing around again. Just don’t be that person who leads on another person who is genuinely interested in you.
15Live Up Life With Your Girlfriends
Having fun with your friends and taking your mind off of everything is the most therapeutic thing a person can do following a breakup. It also helps when your ex sees you do it too (via social media where you’re sure to post some images of your fun adventures with your girls) as he casually checks up on your Twitter/IG feed.
You become your best self when you’re around your friends because they can pick you up in the best way possible, and that can create a glow in your that’s clearly visible. Sidebar: they’ll also be honest with you on whether you should get back with your ex or not.
14Never Ever Act Jealous
This is probably easier said than done, but it’s important to never act jealous, both on the net and in person if you happen to run into them with someone new. “As hard as it might be, if you seem genuinely happy for them or simply ignore them when they try to make you feel jealous they won’t know what to do,” Locke writes.
“Always act naturally, keep calm, and remember that you came out of a relationship together. Any new person just cannot compete with the history there.” This is very true–the more natural (and happy) you act, the more confused they become.
13Bring All That Stuff He Left Back To Him
After the breakup, you’ll notice that he left more than a few items at your place. They might be small, or they might be big (I mean, if he leaves an expensive game console at your place, chances are he plans on getting it sometime soon) but regardless, it’s best if YOU make the first move and offer to return them to him.
It also helps if you personalize the items a tad (Locke says you should go as far as to even spritz some of your perfume on the objects, which will then trigger some emotional responses from him as memories of you flood back).
12Pick Up Some Brand New Hobbies
Usually, post-breakup, some of us go the “getting bangs” route (and we’d sometimes go so far as cutting our bangs ourselves in the middle of the night during a crying spell in high school post-breakup–hopefully we’re out of that phase by now) when it’s always best to go down another path, which is pick up some new, fun hobbies.
It’s always best to pick up an activity that includes working out, burning some energy, and creating endorphins that will make you happier. He’ll be sure to pick that up when you post pictures of you taking up kickboxing at the gym.
11Engage More In Social Media – But Not With Him
We all do this anyway–social media is part of our daily lives (if not our whole lives considered what we do for a living) however, after a breakup, you’ll find that you tend to pay closer attention to it. This is key whether it’s checking up on your ex to see how THEY’RE dealing with the breakup or you’re using it as a tool to help mend your own feelings in the aftermath.
Using it as a tool can be very wise and helpful if you’re looking to get your ex back, but only if you know he keeps a close eye on your feed. If he does, engage more with followers, with your friends, and most importantly, with men OTHER than your ex.
10Travel More (And Post Those Pictures)
Sometimes, after a particularly hard breakup, we find ourselves wanting to connect with the world at a much more different and curious level. We want to get out there in order to take our minds off things and have new experiences in exotic places we’ve never been to before. And, of course, we’re going to post about it on our IG feeds, and a particular someone is going to see.
Going to new places that you never went with him shows how adventurous you can be WITHOUT him, and it’s actually very attractive and will make him sit up and take notice.
9Update Your Look Just A Tad
Now, we’re not saying to that very specific “hair bangs” thing you did way back in the day (put down those scissors, girl), but we are saying you can do something different to switch up your look a little (to throw him off and make him stare a little longer than he used to).
Maybe you’ve been debating about changing your hair color dramatically? Or updating your wardrobe to include that beautiful yet risky little black dress? Go for it, and then flaunt it on social media so you’re sure he sees–and oh yes, he will see and he will suddenly take notice of the new you and who you are without him.
8Toughen Up And Go For That Promotion At Work
You were going to do it anyway with or without him still in your life, but since going through that breakup, you found the courage in places you didn’t know to even look. Finally going for that promotion at work can be an intimidating yet crazy rewarding task. You think “well, I’ve already been through the worst so this can’t be too difficult” and you’re absolutely right.
The benefits are not only rewarding, but it will also give you the confidence to actually work at getting your ex back (if, you know, you still want him after you get that promotion).
7Take New And Wonderful Risks (That You Would’ve Never Taken With Him)
Risks can be intimidating, even if you’re with someone. But maybe, MAYBE, he always wanted to go mountain biking in a rugged area? Or skydiving? Anything along the daring line. But perhaps you didn’t have the stomach for it or found it too death-defying. But now? Nope, now you’re up for anything the world has to throw at you.
Now you’re ready to go jumping out of that airplane and tasting the wind against your skin. And you’re ready to show it off and let him know you’re no longer the person you were before the breakup. And the new, adventurous you happens to be more appealing.
6Attend Sporting Events (Of His Favorite Teams)
Maybe you didn’t like when your ex would constantly yell at the TV whenever the Los Angeles Lakers were playing? Maybe you didn’t care that he would constantly go to the ballpark with his buddies to watch the Dodgers every summer (and didn’t invite you)?
Well, guess what–now you’re able to attend all those either alone or with your buddies and get a feel for all the excitement. If they’re major sports fanatics, men will be drawn toward a woman who knows her stuff when it comes to games. Your ex will be pleasantly startled if you ever invite him out to a day game at Dodger Stadium as friends.
5Expand Your Friendship Circle
Meeting new people can be tough depending on how you are personality wise or what you do for a living. It’s always intimidating when you think about expanding your friendship circle outside of your comfort zone, but, trust us, it’s ALWAYS rewarding. Especially if you want your ex to sit up and take notice.
Whenever you venture out with new folks, it shows your versatility as a person and signals that you’re comfortable with change. Maybe you didn’t always when you were in a relationship with him? Now, the tables have turned and things are different, and he’s going to notice.
4Spend More Time With Your Family
It’s always good to spend ample time with your family, especially if you’re close with them (and if you are, then we really don’t have to tell you to). When you spend time around family, it shows your nurturing side, which is actually appealing to a lot of individuals.
Maybe you spent all your time with your ex and didn’t make room for some quality time with your parents or your siblings or even your grandparents? Now is the time to do so–especially if your ex happens to be a HUGE family person himself. Plus, it’s time you called up your mother anyway–she worries about you.
3Don’t Make Yourself Available
This has always been a biggie when it comes to winning back an ex–but it also requires a ton of self-control as well. Say you’re talking to your ex “as friends” now and you’ve done everything else on this list. When he starts to ask you to hang out on a regular basis again, don’t agree right away.
Don’t make yourself too available when he suggests doing something on a specific day. “Oh, I’m sorry, I already have plans with so-so–how about next week?” It’s important to keep an air of mystery surrounding you when he starts sniffing around again.
2Step Up Your Humor Game On Social Media
Humor will draw people in from all walks of life. You can have nothing in common with a person until you two laugh at the same exact joke. Social media is THE place where you can let your sense of humor just fly, especially on Twitter, which is an unofficial, official gathering place for amateur comedians.
If your ex follows you, throw in a few funny tweets here or there and he’ll begin to notice the attention you receive from others when you do so. And he’ll especially notice the male attention you get when doing so. It’s always a win-win scenario.
1Simply Be Independent And Flaunt It
After a relationship ends, we usually like to reflect on ourselves and our lives in order to figure out what exactly went wrong. It’s always important to do all this on an independent level rather than with someone new (especially if you want to win back your ex).
For the time being, BE INDEPENDENT and find out who you are without someone to cling to for emotional support. Be that powerful, independent woman who doesn’t need anyone to boost her up–she can do it herself. And believe us, he will notice and start to reconsider his own decisions (like the one to leave you).