Want to read between the lines of his texts? It’s easy to do. A guy’s messages can give off massive clues about his personality, his relationship style, and even his hidden agenda (if he has one – and lots do).
Men think they’re being sly about their messaging game, but we see right through them. That’s cause so many guys send us THE SAME kinds of messages all the time. We know what they’re trying to do!
We’d think that in 2019 most men would have wised up and improved their texting skills, and plenty of advice has been published to help them do just that. In Flirtexting by Olivia Baniuszewicz and Debra Goldstein, guys are warned to avoid recycled text pickup lines. Meanwhile, we’re still getting ‘what’s up?’ over and over again. What’s up with that?
In Text Appeal: For Guys, relationship expert Michael Masters even tells men that one wrong text can get them deleted from our phones, and he’s not wrong. “Recovery is a nightmare,” he tells Muscle and Fitness magazine. “Women don’t generally give you a second chance.”
That’s because our time is precious, and we’re not looking to waste it on dudes who can’t even text right. We’ve collected the 20 most common texts that actually reveal if a guy is a loser, user, or time-waster and listed them below. When our phone buzzes and we see one of these, know that our eyes are rolling sky high. Don’t fall for guys who send these messages.
20The Impatient ‘Guess You’re Busy’ Text
If he can’t wait for you to respond before sending the passive aggressive “guess you’re busy” text, he’s not worth any of your time. This is the kind of text that comes from a so-called ‘nice guy’ – a guy who puts on a kind, gentle, and patient attitude that he hopes will get him some action, and turns into an angry mess when it doesn’t work out that way.
When nice guys get friend-zoned their chill attitudes fall away to show that they had an agenda all along. There’s no reason for guys to get mad at you for just being yourself and living your life, especially by sending diva-ish texts like this one.
19The Late-Night ‘U Up?’ Text
Picture this: you haven’t heard from a guy in a while when out of the blue, at around 2 a.m., your phone lights up with his name on the screen. You don’t need to be a Karamo Brown-level social skills genius to guess what the text will be.
A guy breaking the silence to text you in the middle of the night has ONE THING on his mind. It’s a booty call, girl. If you feel like indulging this dude, more power to you. But if you’re expecting LTR potential and looking for real romance, this text should send your red flags flying.
18Lame ‘I’m Bored’ Texts
Telling you he’s bored is a pretty boring thing to do. It’s not your job to entertain anybody. More importantly, a guy who thinks of you only when he has nothing better to do isn’t really making you a priority in his life.
Don’t you want to be with someone who texts you about exciting things happening to him, or because he just can’t wait to talk to you throughout the day? That’s not really the same person who uses you to occupy the boring moments in his life. Quite frankly, he might not have better things to do, but that doesn’t mean that you don’t.
17‘Just Checking Up On You’ Texts
Why? Why does he feel like he needs to check up on you? Unless you’re in some kind of major, life-changing, unhinged emotional crisis and he knows it, there’s no reason for a guy to ‘check in’ on the reg.
This text is a red flag that should be taken seriously if it becomes a habit of his. Needing to know where you are all the time is a sign that he might have too controlling of a personality to manage a healthy relationship. He should trust you to be completely independent when you’re apart instead of needing you to constantly keep him in the loop.
16Texts Meant For Another Girl (It Happens)
Awkward…but real. If he gets your name wrong in a text, it’s likely that the text wasn’t even meant for you in the first place. A text that he didn’t even bother to make sure he sent to the right person – especially the right girl he’s seeing – is a red flag that shows he might be too much of a player.
A text doesn’t even need another girl’s name or details in it to be suspicious. An overly generic text that sounds like it could apply to a number of different girls might be a mass text that he is actually sending to a number of different girls. That ain’t cool.
15The Days Later ‘Sorry I Never Saw This’ Text
He saw it. We all saw it. This excuse is so old and tired that we’re surprised guys are still using it. The ones who are trying it these days really need some new material. It’s always an obvious lie.
If he’s saying he didn’t see your text as an excuse for responding to you late, ask yourself: does he usually have his phone on his when you guys are together? If the answer is yes, which it always is, he’s lying. We’d much rather date a guy who straight up apologizes for being busy than one who thinks we’re dumb enough to fall for this one.
14Any Text To His Ex
Texting is personal. That’s why part of getting serious with somebody is taking conversations off the apps and exchanging personal numbers. If he’s texting his ex as much as he’s texting his friends or fam, this could be a red flag that he’s not over her. More on that here.
We’re cool with guys staying connected with exes over social media, because sometimes it’s more awkward to delete them than it would be to just quietly mute them and ignore their life updates. Texting them is unnecessary, though. Why do you need to talk to your ex on your phone when you’ve got a new girl right here?
13Making Plans? The ‘I’ll Let You Know’ Text
Your time is precious! If you ask about making plans and he doesn’t follow up quickly with some options, he either assumes you’ll be free to make last-minute plans (rude) or just isn’t that interested in seeing you.
The ‘I’ll let you know’ text is basically a soft way to let somebody down. We’ve all done it! It makes it seem like you’re going to move things in your life around for somebody when really you have no plans to see them at all. Take this message for what it is and make plans with somebody who values your time.
12‘Anyway…’ Texts That Avoid Answering Questions
We’ve all dealt with this before. You text a guy asking about what he did last weekend and he responds with a completely unrelated meme. What? This always comes across as one of two ways, and neither of them are good.
The first option is that his reading skills don’t seem to be up to scratch. Did you miss what we said? It’s right there! The second way this could be seen is completely suspicious. It seems like a guy who changes the subject over text without explaining himself is trying to avoid owning up to something. It’s just way too frustrating.
11‘What’s Up?’ Texts With No Follow-Through
This text is the most boring, basic, and low-effort way someone can try to start a conversation with you. Maybe if you’re lucky, ‘what’s up’ will lead to some real talk or a fun connection, but we’re willing to bet that it won’t – especially when a guy uses it with no real idea of what he wants to talk about.
How good a conversation starting with ‘what’s up’ can go is almost completely dependent on how YOU answer right off the bat. If you don’t have anything clever or interesting to say, it’s like you’re responsible for killing the conversation. In reality, it was DOA.
10The Creepy ‘What Are You Wearing?’ Text
Ughhh. A guy texting you this is in a certain kind of mood, and it’s super clear what kind of mood that is. He’s also taking a big risk. If you’re not in that mood, it comes across as needy and creepy. Even if you ARE feeling down for some daring conversation, this is probably the least creative line a person could use to kick it off.
If he follows your Stories he definitely has at least one way to find out about your #OOTD, so it’s lame to pretend that that’s what he wants to talk about at all. We know what you’re thinking, dude. Be a little more obvious.
9The Sarcastic ‘Lol’ Text
Give us something to work with! In the early days of the internet ‘lol’ actually meant “laughing out loud.” Obviously times have changed. More often than not, we use ‘lol’ as a little nod to show that we saw someone’s message and we aren’t mad at it. It can also be used as a sarcastic way to laugh at something that you don’t really think is funny at all.
If a guy is sending you ‘lol’ with nothing else to go on, how are you supposed to know if he’s really having fun talking to you and laughing out loud (probably not TBH), or being basic/sarcastic and giving literally nothing to the conversation.
8‘…’: The Typing Bubble Text, Then Silence
This is worse than saying nothing at all. If we can see a guy type something out, hesitate to send it, and then delete his words, we can only assume that he said something risky in the first place and then chickened out.
We can’t help but wonder if he was about to make some kind of big emotional confession, or spill some gossip that he decided to keep to himself. Just say it! Typing it out is half the battle, and those three little dots prove that he at least got that far. How much effort does it take to just press send?
7Constant ‘Send Me A Pic’ Texts
It’s cool if a guy is into what you look like. That’s obviously a good thing. But if you find yourself being asked for selfies every moment of your day, he needs to step off. The kind of guy who wants constant pics is usually the kind of guy who also wants you to be baring it all in those pics, and who has time for that?
We have things to do! While asking you if you want to send a cheeky pic can be better than sending you a random picture of his own bod out of the blue, either way these kinds of interactions can get annoying. No thanks, attention-seekers.
6The Out Late, Spelled Wrong, Slurring-His-Words Text
These texts are like ‘you up?’ but worse. With the added factor of alcohol in their systems, some guys have absolutely no game. They’ll send super sloppy messages that make it so obvious that they’re under the influence of something besides their emotions.
Usually these texts come in two different waves: the first one is the mess of messages either telling you how they feel or what they want from you, and then the second wave of texts comes the next morning, when they apologize and regret revealing to much or whatever. These texts can be fun to laugh at, but they’re ultimately a sign of someone without much self-control. Pass.
5‘Who You With?’ All The Time Texts
The ‘who you with?’ text is a guy’s sly attempt at seeming casual when he actually has a real agenda. A dude who sends this message often is SUSPICIOUS. Why does he think you might be with another guy? Why does he care which one of your friends you’re talking to? He wants to know exactly what you’re doing and who you’re spending time with because he doesn’t trust you. It’s none of his business anyway.
We don’t need any of these controlling vibes in our relationships. Insecure, overbearing guys don’t belong in your contacts list. The right one will let you be as independent as you want to be, no strings attached.
4The Lazy One-Word Response Text
‘Yep.’ ‘Nothing.’ ‘Sure.’ Give us something to work with! Someone who only has one-word answers to offer is giving off the impression that they don’t want to be talking to you at all. If that’s the case, there’s no reason for you to be wasting your words on them.
Don’t get us wrong – we like it when guys can get straight to the point, especially if we’re making plans to meet up and need answers fast. When he’s ONLY sending you one word at a time, however, the red flag is waving high. This guy is making no effort to keep talking to you, so feel free to pull the plug on the conversation.
3The Way-Too-Long Emotional Rant Text
There’s no excuse for thinking this is chill behavior in 2019. Advice columns made just for men are even telling them to cut it out. According to Muscle and Fitness, overly emotional texts are unacceptable in any context.
“Any emotional conversation via text is an obvious no-no,” the site explains to male readers. “Don’t ever start a text with ‘We need to talk,’ or ‘I’ve been meaning to tell you.’ If you have feelings to share, pick up the phone or run the risk of sounding pathetic.”
Agreed. If he can’t save the big talks for in-person conversations, his emotional maturity isn’t where it should be.
2The Text That’s All Emojis
In general, using emojis in texts is a matter of personal taste. Some of us like to end a sentence with a couple of little kiss-faces, some of us wouldn’t do that unless we’re texting a really good friend. A guy who sends full texts of emojis right off the bat has a better chance of putting himself on the BFF level than the BF level with you.
Besides being a kind of goofy thing to do, sending texts that are all emojis can make it hard to keep up a conversation. How’s a girl supposed to respond to five eggplants and a fire emoji? Like…thank you?
1The Infamous ‘K’
Have you ever been excited about a guy and then received a ‘k’ message from him? It feels so insulting. We don’t know if it’s because we personally only send ‘k’ texts when we want to use the most passive-aggressive letter, but something about that ‘k’ just ain’t right.
A guy sending ‘k’ is telling you something more. It’s either that he has no interest in talking to you, that he doesn’t care what you think of him at all, or that he’s incredibly lazy and can’t force his thumbs to produce anything more interesting.