Fact: How you start a relationship can predict its success. If you jump into a new relationship and behave like a stage-five clinger, for example, you’ll only make your partner want to run in the other direction! However, if you don’t take the relationship seriously enough, perhaps by letting your partner do all the initiating when it comes to texting and inviting you out on dates, this can make them think you’re not interested in them. That’s why the first 15 days of your new relationship are so crucial. During this period, which is about two weeks, you want to play it cool but be sure that you and your partner are both on the same page. Do you both want a real relationship, or something more casual? How you behave during this time will show the guy what you want and where you’re at. The best thing to do is show some interest but not come on too strongly – talking about how much you like them or telling them everything about yourself on the second date is TMI! To make the best first impression and maintain your relationship standards, here are 20 things you should avoid doing when you start dating someone.
20You Hide Your Real Self
When you first start dating someone, you want to make a great impression on them. But sometimes people take this too far. You might, for example, think that you have to be someone different in order to make the best impression on your new partner. But that’s only going to make your partner lose interest in you! Being yourself is liberating.
It shows you’re confident and prevents you from having to play games, which always backfire and can wreck your new relationship before it’s even become serious.
Remember: it’s always better to be loved for who you are than for who you aren’t.
19You Text Him Throughout The Day
When you meet someone you really like, you might want to rush in and text them all the time. If they reciprocate by chatting to you a lot, that can make you feel that it’s safe to chat throughout the day. However, you don’t want to become clingy or talk so much that you lose the mystery and anticipation of those early relationship days. The slow burn is there for a reason: you’re supposed to pace yourself so that you and your partner can slowly get to know each other. Keep some of the mystery alive!
18You Behave Cynically
If you’ve been hurt in relationships before, it can make you feel like everyone you date is going to do the same thing to you. Thinking in this way can make you cynical, which isn’t a good start for a relationship.
It’s unfair to assume that your new partner’s going to upset or disappoint you, so try to gain some perspective on the issue without letting your fears run away with you.
Ironically, by judging a new partner without first giving them a chance, your fears could push someone great away.
17You Ignore Red Flags
You’re on a third date with a guy who tells you something that’s a red flag. Maybe he casually mentions that he cheated on his ex or doesn’t believe in relationship labels. But, instead of making this put you off dating him, you try to give him the benefit of the doubt by focusing on his good qualities. The danger is that by ignoring the red flags that come up early on in a relationship, you turn a blind eye to your dating deal-breakers that will make you unhappy and unsatisfied if you stay in the relationship. It’s not worth it.
16You Feel Anxious And Worried
Although the start of a relationship can feel exciting, it can also make you scared that the great time you’re spending with someone new will come to an end.
The problem with allowing your nerves to get in the way is that you don’t show your partner the amazing person you are.
Instead, you’re always stressed out. Over time, this turns a potentially fun new relationship into a dreadful experience, which it really shouldn’t be! Try to see the relationship in a positive light: no matter what happens, whether or not the guy ends up being great for you, you’ll be okay. When you realize that, you can live in the moment and be your best self.
15You Set Up All The Dates
Taking charge of the relationship, such as by making the first move on a guy, is fun and liberating – it is 2018, after all. However, that doesn’t mean you should be the one leading the relationship all the time, such as by asking him out on dates or being the one to text him first. He needs to meet you halfway to show you that he’s really interested in you and wants the relationship to work. If you’re the only one doing all the work, then the relationship risks becoming toxic.
14You Tell Him You Like Him By The Second Date
It’s great to feel comfortable around the new person you’re dating, but just because he likes you as much as you like him, it’s not a good idea to tell him how much you’re into him before you even know the guy properly.
Letting rip by spilling out all your feelings too soon can make you seem clingy or desperate, or make him think that you want to rush into a relationship.
Take a deep breath and slow down! Show him that you’re not relying on him to make you happy and let him earn your love.
13You Play Mind Games With Him
There are many different games that people play when they get into new relationships, with a common one being playing hard to get. This is usually done early on in a relationship when you might show that you’re not interested in the guy in order to make him work really hard to chase you. While it’s good to play it a bit cool in the early stages of your relationship, playing around with someone’s feelings only denies you of a happy relationship! It also pushes good people away. Avoid being manipulative because you’re better than that.
12You Want To DTR
Defining the relationship is a big deal. It’s a sign that you and your partner are moving forward in your relationship. However, you shouldn’t be trying to define the relationship when you’ve only been dating for two weeks! That’s really premature. According to Bustle, there are some signs to look for that tell you it’s a good time to have the relationship talk with the person you’re dating.
Examples include if not knowing where you stand in the relationship has started to make you feel hurt.
But take your time and let the relationship naturally evolve before you make any big moves.
11You Want To Be With Him All The Time
You meet an amazing guy who makes you feel like you’re walking on clouds, so it’s only natural that you’d want to spend all your waking hours with him. But resist the temptation. When you’re too available to a guy early on in a relationship, it sends the message that you’re making him the most important priority in your life and revolving your entire schedule around him. It’s needy. By letting him see that you won’t always drop everything to see him, he’ll learn that you haven’t been waiting around for someone to love – you’ve been living your life! There’s nothing more attractive than someone who’s got a full life going for them.
10You Neglect Your Friends
A study that was conducted by the Institute of Cognitive and Evolutionary Anthropology at Oxford University found that men and women are equally likely to lose their closest friends when they begin a romantic relationship. The average number of friends you can expect to lose is two, according to The Guardian, which reported the study.
But, the number could be more if you find yourself revolving everything around your partner so that you neglect your friends.
Don’t forget that your friends have been there before your relationship and will always have your back, so don’t push them aside. You’ll regret it.
9You Don’t Tell Him About Your Boundaries
One of the most important things to talk about early on in a relationship is your boundaries. By having these in place, you communicate your needs, ensure that you don’t get taken advantage of, and prevent a conflict of values with your partner. Talk about your boundaries right away! If you don’t, you put yourself at risk of being in an unsatisfying relationship or wasting time with the wrong person. As stated by Elite Daily, “Being with another person should not mean you give up who you are, but rather, you learn to respect and compromise (even cherish) each other’s differences.”
8You Lose Your Independence
Just because you have a romantic partner with whom you can set relationship goals and focus on an exciting future together, it doesn’t mean that you should neglect your life or independence. You should maintain your own hobbies, interests, passions, and goals.
Being able to stand on your own feet and live the life you want is important.
It means that you can make yourself happy, without depending on someone else to complete you. You’re already complete, and it’s important to choose a partner who respects your need to be independent. It’s a huge red flag if he doesn’t (possessive guy alert!).
7You Talk About Your Ex Too Much
Although it’s advised that people on a first date don’t talk about their exes because it can be too heavy a topic, as you get to know your partner you should share stories about your previous relationships so you can learn more about each other. However, that doesn’t mean you should talk about your ex all the time! This can make your partner think that you’re still hung up about your ex, or that you have serious emotional baggage to work through. Don’t let being stuck in the past ruin your chance of a happy future!
6You Put Him On A Pedestal
No matter how great the guy you’ve started dating is, you should never put him on a pedestal. As reported by Live Science, research conducted by Colgate University in New York found that when people are put on a pedestal by their partners, their relationship satisfaction actually suffers. Who knew?
So, you’re not only hurting your self-esteem by making your partner seem better than you, but you’re also hurting him.
Fawning over your partner can make him feel like you don’t really know him or that you have huge expectations that he won’t be able to meet, the site continues. That’s a lot of pressure to deal with so early on in a relationship!
5You Don’t Really Enjoy Yourself
If, for whatever reason, you’re not enjoying the dating process, it’s important to try to understand why. Maybe you’re not that interested in being with the guy, which means you should get out of the relationship before you waste your time. If, on the other hand, you’re focusing too much on how to make the relationship work, it’s a good idea to remember that relationships sometimes require letting go and having fun. Relax a bit and try to enjoy the dating experience – you can never guarantee what will happen, but that’s exciting.
4You Put Your New Relationship On Social Media
Although it might seem like fun to become Facebook official, if you’ve only been dating for a week or two, you’re moving way too fast for your own good. Social media can complicate things. As stated by eHarmony, “As with all stages in a budding romance, it’s important that you’re sensitive to the views and feelings of the other person.”
“It may be that you’re moving ahead at different speeds and, while you may be ready to make a public announcement, they might be a bit reluctant.”
So, wait until you’re at a more serious stage in your relationship to have The “Facebook Official” Talk.
3You Suggest That He Meets Your Parents
You’ve been dating for almost two weeks and your parents come to visit you. How perfect! You could suggest to your partner that he meets your parents. Hold on a minute. Introducing the guy you’re dating to your folks right away is too much. You don’t want to freak your partner out or appear to be rushing through the relationship milestones. Even though you’re excited about your new relationship, you don’t really know much about your partner. He might not be someone you actually want to become serious with, so don’t let any serious introductions happen yet.
2You Give Him TMI About Your Life
Telling your new boyfriend every single thing about your life when you’ve only been dating for a week is TMI! Not only does it zap the mystery, but it feels boring and denies your partner the chance to learn about you in a more natural way, which also feels more exciting.
Getting to know you should feel like unwrapping gifts instead of just reading a long text that details everything there is to know about you.
The former’s much more fun! Talking about yourself so much could also be a sign that you’re dominating the conversation. Make sure you listen to what your partner has to say to keep the conversations balanced.
1You Lose Sleep
It’s normal to battle to sleep when you first meet someone amazing because your life feels so exciting. However, your new partner should never make you lose sleep because he’s always calling or texting late at night, or pitching up unannounced to see you and then staying for dinner that lasts long into the early hours even though you have an early start the next day. You need to have boundaries and focus on your health, and that includes getting a good amount of sleep every night. If you’re looking exhausted, that’s usually a bad sign that you’re with the wrong person or allowing them to take advantage of you.