There’s nothing better than the start of a new romance. When you find that special someone and start to hit it off, everything seems right with the world. Things that would ordinarily put you down no longer seem like such a big deal. That’s the beauty of a new relationship. One generally cares less about things going on in life and it’s really freeing. But there’s also a danger to letting your guard down in the early stages of a new relationship. While all seems right with the world, you may not be privy to some of the problems going on within your new courtship.
There’s a lot of truth to what Shakespeare said when he wrote, “Love is blind.” When you are fond of another, you may not see the warning signs. As a result, the relationship self-destructs. But if you had known what the issues were in the midst of it, you could have done something to right the ship again.
While not every relationship is the same, there are certainly signs that come up in most situations. We’ve put together a list of all the mistakes you’ll want to avoid in a new relationship. Here’s to the hopeless romantics out there.
24When You Get In Too Deep Too Soon
It’s nearly impossible not to get excited about a new relationship. For some, it’s an unexpected fling suddenly blossoming into more. For others, there’s been something budding between two people for too long and now it’s finally serious. In some cases, it might be your first time in a real relationship. Whatever the case may be, it’s easy to want to go all in at first. But as tempting as it might be, it’s probably not the best route to go.
According to Stylecaster, calling your new love “the one” early on could be problematic. Even if the connection is there from the get-go, it’s unrealistic to assume the relationship will be a reflection of the first few months. If anything, the first few months are like a feeling out period.
Once the dust clears after that and the couple settles into the day-to-day vibes, then the relationship starts. Stylecaster goes on to caution against getting too invested early on. You should make sure your new significant other is on the same page first before really giving it your all. Otherwise, you could end up disappointed as a result.
23When You Start Letting Go Of Doing Things That You Love
Romances have a way of taking over your life. In the early stages especially, it’s only natural to put a hold on everything else. But one of the things you shouldn’t let go of is your freedom. When you start dating a guy, your time is going to be split in half. That’s unavoidable. If you find yourself giving up more time than this though, it could be a problem. If you want to keep the relationship from burning out too soon, you should guard your time. As Slice points out, if you neglect to do the things you enjoy most while dating someone new, you could be making a mistake.
Even if it’s not your partner’s fault, Slice notes you could build up resentment towards that person. You might start thinking it’s his fault for taking up all of your time. When in reality, you’re the only one with control of your schedule. Part of a mature relationship is finding balance. That means splitting up your time evenly down the middle. Even if you have less time than you did before, it doesn’t mean you have to give up the life you once had for a guy.
22When You Start To Overlook The Warning Signs
When a new relationship starts—and everything feels good—the last thing you want to do is have any doubts. Why would you question something that puts you in a good mood, after all? The problem with feeling euphoric in the early stages is that it blinds you to any red flags that could arise. Most of us have rules we want to follow in a relationship. If we think only about how good a relationship feels though, then make or break issues may go unnoticed.
Stylecaster even points out instances where you may be aware of the issues but still choose to disregard them. Some of us are just so desperate to make things work out. If you choose willingly to disregard any red flags that come up, you’re not doing your relationship any favors. The only way to solve the problem is to meet them head-on, not pretend that they don’t exist. The truth of the matter is that red flags won’t go away overnight. It’s not like they’re going to fix themselves on their own. It’s a major mistake for you to ignore them, or else they’ll just compound and become even worse.
21When Everything Starts Being Way Too Serious
Relationships can become serious fast. It’s easy to lose sight of the more fun and flirtatious side as the months go on. Some of the best relationships start out first as friendships. It’s a great foundation for the two of you to get to know each other. But we also recognize there are problems that can arise from friends who become lovers. Truthfully, there is no perfect situation. In fact, both of you may even be very serious and that’s the way you want to be from the get-go. If that’s the case, we still think there are some pitfalls to watch out for.
According to Slice, if the relationship gets too serious, it could turn off your other half. Even if he is super serious about you, there is always going to be one of you that’s more serious than the other. If you’re ready for the next step in your relationship and put pressure on him, he might wish for a more carefree and relaxed dating style instead. That’s why it can be a mistake for you to be all serious all the time without any room for fun.
20When You Start Talking About Your Exes Way Too Much
On the flip side of the last entry, it’s not really a good idea to talk about your own dating history. In these circumstances, it’s actually more beneficial if you’ve dated less. In those cases, there’s less “baggage” to share. Otherwise, if there’s dating history—especially if it’s long and dramatic—save it for later on.
If you air out all of your dirty laundry in the first few months, it’s going to stack the odds against you. The first few months are for building up positive feelings for one another. If your dating history is brought into the mix, feelings of jealousy and animosity can develop.
It’s best if you keep those details to yourself until it comes out naturally. The opportunity will inevitably present itself. All it takes is a little patience. Stylecaster also stresses the importance of resisting an age-old urge: talking bad about your exes.
According to Stylecaster, when you paint your exes in a negative light, it makes your new partner curious about them—and you. He might start to think the problem wasn’t all of your exes after all but in fact, the person sitting before them. While it might look like talking bad about exes works in your favor, it’s a mistake early on.
19When You Try To Get Close To His Friends Before They’ve Accepted You
Not everyone gets along with their partner’s friends. If you do though, it works in your favor. When we date someone, we are opening our lives up to them, and vice versa. That means accepting all of him for who he is. His friends are also part of him. There’s a problem though in getting too close to his friends. Should anything ever happen to the relationship, what happens to those friendships? It practically forces his crew—your new crew—to pick sides, as if you’re all on a playground in grade school. No friends should ever have to be in that kind of situation.
As Bustle notes, it can be especially difficult in an age where Facebook exists. After all, who doesn’t want to bump up their friend’s lists? We’re always sending out Facebook friends requests to whoever we meet. But it gets complicated when those new pals are friends with your partner.
Bustle suggests letting his friends initiate the requests, not the other way around. Otherwise, it might come across desperate in the first place. But most of all, should the relationship not work out, it only makes for a tricky situation. Don’t fall into the mistake of becoming too good of friends with his peeps early on.
18Lacking Transparency In Social Media
Today, social media is a part of all of our lives. We are on every platform and check it constantly. So, when we make our relationship official and start going out with him for real, we need to be sure our social media reflects it. If we don’t change our relationship status, some would argue we are not being true to our partner. Some people believe it gives others the wrong impression, including other potential suitors who are possibly interested in us.
Whatever your stance is when it comes to your relationship status on platforms like Facebook, there’s not much debate when it comes to dating apps. If you are currently in a relationship, you need to be sure it says so on dating apps like Tinder or Happen. Otherwise, you’re inviting trouble.
Not only could you lead others into thinking you’re still available, but you could hinder the relationship you’re currently in. If your partner discovers an inconsistent status on social media, it could raise a red flag for him. While some guys might shake it off, in the early stages, it’s hard to predict how he could interpret this. Maybe it’s an accident and you forgot to change your status. Regardless, it could leave a bad impression on your beau and risk the relationship falling into shambles.
17Always Texting And Calling
If this one is hard to swallow, you should think about this while figuratively standing in his shoes. Would he want phone calls and text messages blowing up his phone constantly? Or would he prefer there be boundaries when it comes to how often they talk to you? While some guys would enjoy the constant attention, it gets old real fast for most anyone. We understand in the early stages, all you want to do is be with the fascinating new guy in your life. While it’s not always realistic to be with him 24/7, it’s, unfortunately, it’s always possible to connect through that little device in your pocket.
As Stylecaster notes, the incessant texting and calls can get aggravating after a while. It’s inevitably going to turn him off. If he gets the sense that this is what the relationship is going to be like, then he’s probably going to have second thoughts in general.
Stylecaster gives some good advice: your text volume should match up to being about the same as his. Otherwise, he might decide to head for the hills—and you’ll literally turn him off—phone all. Besides, if the relationship works out, there’ll be plenty of texts and calls in the future. Isn’t it better to let that play out organically and spread it out over time?
16When You Feel Yourself Starting To Force The Chemistry
When we feel connected to a guy, it’s one of those indescribable occurrences. It also happens naturally. Forcing it won’t work. If we don’t connect with him, it’s apparent. In some cases, even when there’s no chemistry, we choose to press forward. We hope that we’ll eventually click. Unfortunately, attraction doesn’t work that way. It’s much more complex than something that can turn on or off.
Lifehacker has some words of advice when it comes to those of us who try to make it work in spite there not being any deep interest between us and our hopeful new boyfriend. According to Lifehacker, you may press on even during a date in order to keep up appearances. Even though it’s a waste of time and both of you aren’t feeling it, it can feel uncomfortable being honest with this new person you barely know. Sometimes it even takes a few dates before you can each realize you two just don’t have it.
It’s a major mistake to stay with him even when there’s no chemistry. It might sound obvious to say, but some women stick around even when there’s none to be found. Are you? Perhaps you holding out hope. The truth is you don’t have that kind of time. Life is too short. Delaying moving on will only delay you in finding the guy it does work with.
15When You’re Way Too Tolerant Of His Misbehaviors
Everyone can appreciate someone who goes with the flow. In relationships though, this doesn’t always work out well. Not if you give too much ground, that is. When we start to date a new guy, there are a lot of difficulties that can arise from getting to know someone else. That’s why a flexible attitude is good to have. It can help ease the transition from single life to dating when his quirks aren’t a burden. But if you’re too tolerant of his behavior, you might discover that you’re letting him get away with a lot.
According to Bolde, one of the reasons you might do this is simply to keep the relationship on good terms. As long as you put up with his behavior—even the questionable things he does—then you prevent conflict from happening between the two of you. While your intentions are good, this is not a healthy way to start out a relationship. This is what can make the early stages tricky in a relationship. Usually, it’s happy-go-lucky in the beginning. But it’s also important to establish your ground. Otherwise, he’ll think there’s free reign to act and behave however he wants. This could be an irreversible mistake that gets out of hand quickly.
14Coming Across Desperate
No one wants to come across as being desperate. But sometimes we just come across that way without meaning to. It can even happen after we have already found love. We might be content and happy to have found the man of our dreams. But it doesn’t mean we won’t stop appearing overeager. This can come across as a major turn off to your significant other, though. If you are always hanging on him, doting on him —and hanging on his every word, it’s going to become annoying—quickly.
When looking for advice, we think it’s safe to say the dating site eHarmony knows what they’re talking about. One example of these types of girlfriends eHarmony identifies are those that seek compliments. They say these gals look unattractive only so that their other half will affirm them. Even if you believe you’re coming across innocently, most guys see right through this act. It’s not the kind of behavior that that most dudes will put up with either.
Women who are desperate to have a man in their life often go to extreme lengths to get what they want. It can be as innocent as a compliment, or something more extreme. Behavior like this can end a relationship in no time.
13Making Assumptions About Feelings
There are some things that take time when a relationship is developing. They won’t happen in the first few months. One of those things is the ability to read the new man in your life. Anyone can make an assumption about what someone else feels. To be right about those feelings or thoughts though usually takes years.
Making an assumption about what he is thinking early on in dating is not recommended. It can even be a problem for people who are friends for a long time and decide to date. In a dating context, what you feel can impact his behaviors. For example, if you’re upset about something, but don’t say anything, it’s a bad sign if he assumes you’re okay. Ideally, he’d address how you feel, even if it means playing ignorant to get you to be honest.
Stylecaster sheds some light on this issue, even presenting an alternative to handling each other’s feelings early on. Instead of thinking so much about what your other half is feeling, Stylecaster suggests thinking about your own feelings instead. That prevents any assumptions about the other from taking place. Assuming you know what he feels is a recipe for disaster.
12Keeping A Close Eye On Who’s Paying For What
A sensitive issue in any relationship at every stage can be money. Unless you’re a high-profile celeb, chances are you don’t have a lot of it. So, it’s natural to assume this is going to be a point of contention in a relationship. In most cases, it’s best not to think about it early on. Finances should be the last thing on your mind when you start dating. Hopefully, it starts out on equal footing before the relationship gets really serious. He pays for this, you pay for that. Neither of you should really keep track.
Go Banking Rates has your bank account in mind with this sage advice: don’t spend too much on those early dates. Sure, it’s easy to want to impress your potential new suitor. But if you empty your wallet early on, there are no guarantees it’s all going to work out. There are other (free) ways to make your guy feel special.
Plus, as Go Banking Rates mentions, it can set outlandish expectations for him, too. He might even be intimidated when he sees how much is spent on him. It could turn him off in a big way. It’s better to start out small when it comes to expenses and see where things go from there.
11Asking About His Exes With An Ulterior Motive
More than likely, you’re going to bring some baggage into any relationship. Even though “baggage” sounds negative, your history can truly bring some drama. With that comes the possibility you may have exes come up in conversation at one time or another. Some women don’t like to think about this and they are content leaving their own exes in the history books where they belong. But some of us aren’t so easy to please. We want to know all about his exes, too. Maybe you’re jealous and worried about any latent feelings he still has towards his exes. Or maybe you want to be ready in case the exes are still around.
Whatever the case may be, it’s usually not a good idea to inquire into those details. Over time, the truth is going to come out. It just may not be when you want it to. In a relationship, no one can hide. The truth eventually surfaces. Plus, why would you want to be in a relationship anyway wherein you have to interrogate him for information? If there’s any drama or earth-shattering news about exes, it’s bound to come up. Otherwise, it just creates unnecessary tension, in the beginning, should it ever arise.
10When There’s Too Much Of A Lack Of Trust
We hope that the early stages of any relationship are fun and carefree. Challenges and bigger issues will come eventually. It’s best if you don’t think about tomorrow in the first few months. You shouldn’t be in a rush, either. That’s why we agree with Bustle when they say the issue of trust shouldn’t even factor in that early on. That dynamic shouldn’t even exist yet because the two of you are still getting to know each other. That’s something that comes along later when the relationship has had more time to develop.
According to Bustle, texting him when it’s late at night wondering where he’s at isn’t something that should come into the equation. While it’s more acceptable later on, you don’t really have the right that early on. There should still be a period of feeling one another out and learning about each other more. In turn, there shouldn’t be the complete comfortability to get up in his business, even if he’s officially dating you by now. You should go into the couplehood, assume he has positive intentions and put your trust in him. Unless something bad goes wrong, you shouldn’t stray too far from this. It would be a mistake otherwise.
9When You Start To Stalk… Seriously?
Just hearing the word “stalker” can strike chills down anyone’s spine. It’s the kind of creepy behavior people look down upon. That’s a sentiment we share with society. We don’t mean to be hard on this kind of behavior, it just really makes us uncomfortable.
In reality, stalking can present itself in several ways. One of the more obvious ones is keeping tabs on another person. Whether out of jealousy or suspicion, you can literally follow him when he’s not aware of it. This type of behavior can happen even in a very new relationship. While it’s never acceptable to stalk, it’s especially true at the beginning of a union. It’s a mistake to go to such lengths when dating him. If there are still questions about his behavior when he’s not in your sight, it’s best to learn about it from him directly.
But stalking doesn’t just apply to the real world. According to Stylecaster, it can also happen online. Obsessing over his social media feed can manifest in relationships all the time. You may be tempted to scrutinize over every comment, photo or activity. Why does he still have that picture of that girl that you’re assuming is an ex hook-up merely because she’s pretty? Sisters and cousins aren’t pretty, right? However, this only leads to creating more assumptions about your new partner. It’s a mistake to indulge in this kind of behavior.
8When You’re Way Too Eager To Impress
When two people agree to date each other, the hope is that they feel more comfortable and relaxed around one another. There’s less pressure to be a certain way to attract the other person. Of course, there’s still always going to be an element of that. You both want to stay together, after all, so you’re going to keep doing things that look good in the other’s eyes. Or at least what you think looks good. In reality, trying to impress the him is something that could really backfire. Wanting to look impressive is generally acceptable, but there is no need to go overboard.
As per Bustle, you should be liked in a relationship for who you are. Usually, when you trys to impress him, you’re not being yourself. Bustle also points out that it’s not feasible to maintain an image that isn’t you. You shouldn’t always be spending money to improve your looks. Whether it’s a new hairstyle or clothes, those things cost money. It’s a mistake to think that your partner only wants to be with you because of how you look. Really, it has to come down to the heart in that chest of yours being what makes your partner want to stick around.
7Letting Your Emotions Fly
Relationships are full of emotions, especially in the beginning. Usually, at the start of a new romance, there are all kinds of great vibes going around. The problem here is that it can often affect your grasp on reality. Only it’s not for the better. That’s why it’s important that you keep your emotions in check early on. That means even watching how happy you are with your new favorite person in the world. If you show too much excitement, it might put unwanted pressure on your beau to act a certain way.
Another challenge Stylecaster address is showing emotions that are further along than your partner’s. If you confess to being in love, your guy may not be ready to reciprocate yet. Even if the relationship is going well up to this point, revealing too much too soon could jeopardize everything. Despite how hard it will be early on, it’s better if both of you keep any emotions to yourselves. It’s ideal to wait a few months before showing that side. Let the first few months be carefree and fun instead of bogging it down with how you both feel.
6Forcing Family Functions…With His Family
At some stage in the relationship, you two are going to meet each other’s families. Depending on the circumstances, you might be might be excited to meet his family and vice-versa. It’s problematic though to try and force any family gatherings from happening. Even if you are really anxious to meet the fam, you need to recognize that it’s a huge step. If you both jump into that too soon, you face possible repercussions.
A family might attach early on to your new partner. What happens then if you two break it off? On the other hand, the family could disapprove entirely of your new choice, or his fam could decide early on that they despiseyou—leading him to break it off because he’s not that attached to you yet anyway. Either one of these is an undesirable scenario that can result from meeting the family too soon.
JetMag cites some other reasons why it’s not such a great idea, mentioning whether your relationship is even ready yet. The early dating stages are for learning about each other. That’s more than enough to focus on without needing to introduce parents into the mix. That time will come. But for the early days of the relationship, you don’t have to worry about the family yet.
5Thinking Only About The Future
When we start dating someone new, we’re going to get excited about the future. As a human being, it’s natural to be always looking forward. Sometimes it can be hard to stay in the present. But the present is exactly where you should want to be.
In the early stages, it’s usually better to let the future worry about itself. Bustle agrees with the pitfalls of a couple moving too fast too early on. While it can be fun to talk about marriage and kids, it’s better to let those conversations wait. As Bustle notes, what’s more important is learning about each other first before those conversations take place.
Bustle also mentions that if you only look forward to the future, you might miss smaller things in your day-to-day relationship. If you’re always looking to the next step, it’s easier to lose sight of the present. It’s going to be tempting for you—especially if you two are head over heels about each other from the get-go—to resist thinking about the future. But it’s in your best interest to avoid going down that path. Otherwise, you might make a mistake in jumping the gun too soon.
4Clingy Behavior Will Backfire
Being in a romance early on can do crazy things to people. It can even cause you to do things you’re not totally aware of yourself. It can be natural to become clingy as a result. You’re excited to be with your person and can’t help but be all up in his space. The problem with that is we all need our own safe zone. Even extroverts need a break every once in a while.
Stylecaster alludes to clingy behavior often backfiring on a relationship. Clingy behavior can become unwanted. Instead of bringing the two of you closer together, it ironically creates distance between you instead. The real problem that should be examined is where the clingy behavior comes from. Is it compensating for something lacking in the relationship?
Usually, it’s just a natural byproduct of early love. The two of you get butterflies and always want to be around each other. In reality, there is usually one of you that wants it more. Although it may seem like it, moods and feelings are never on equal footing. That’s why it’s better to keep those urges in check. Otherwise, they could have an adverse effect and actually push him away from you.
3Failing To Find Balance In Your Me-Time And Your Relationship
A relationship thrives when it has balance. Balance is usually a sign that the couplehood is healthy and kicking. It’s what helps a pair in love to stand the test of time. Without balance, the two of you are more likely to burn out. You’ll get sick of each other if you’re always together. Otherwise, if you make sure to spend time with friends and family without your partner, chances are there will be less tension.
In fact, Slice points out that even time apart can be beneficial. As per Slice, always being together could lead to boredom. Whereas time apart will actually make the heart grow fonder. You’ll find you actually miss him after an afternoon without him.
If you only hang out with each other, you miss out on other opportunities in life as well. According to Slice, you’ll start to feel anxious for another person’s company. It’s going to get old if you’re always with him. That’s why it’s healthy to have a diversity of people in your life. Different opinions, humor, and perspectives can be refreshing. If you’re always stuck talking to him about the same things over and over, you might start to think he’s dull. You’re making a mistake if you only hang out with him.
2Hiding Nothing And Showing Him Every Single Side Of You
When some of us go into a relationship, all bets are off. We’re all in. Nothing is going to keep us from investing everything we have into our new partner. While this gung-ho attitude is something to admire, we don’t totally advise it.
One could argue there are certain things that shouldn’t be divulged, at least not in the first few months. Secrets and background information can often bring complications into a relationship, especially when it’s just starting out. It’s still in a fragile stage, after all. Introducing things from your past could disrupt a great thing you’ve got going on.
While we don’t encourage you to keep secrets, we don’t think you should share them freely either at first. Dating is about the two of you anyway, not all of your dirty laundry. To dredge up any past mistakes or memories would take the focus off the relationship at hand. Those things will come out eventually. It’s unfair to lay it all out from the beginning without even giving the relationship a shot. Sharing any past mistakes or memories doesn’t even give you two a chance as a couple. It could be a mistake to put it all out there without even getting to know the him first.
1A Reliance On “Physical” Chemistry
Where do we start with this one? Getting physical can make things complicated. Physical intimacy is something of a double-edged sword. It can either make or break the new couple. Where physical intimacy can be a problem, as Stylecaster points out, is when you two get physical too soon. Stylecaster also notes that it can influence your thinking, and his.
Although you two may have great chemistry making out, what if you don’t really connect when you’re not physical? There has to be another foundation to hang your hats on beyond kissing, holding hands and the rest.
Things should go at a natural pace. If the two of you rush into things physically, you’re putting yourselves in a corner. Sometimes we become physical when we realize there’s no chemistry. While our intentions may be good in trying to salvage the relationship, turning physical won’t help it. If anything, that’s a couple’s attempt to run from the problem. A relationship has to be about more than the physical in order to stand the test of time. The last thing you two want to do is become emotionally compromised in the first months together. Sadly, it’s a trap lots of couples fall into before quickly calling it quits.