September25 , 2022

25 Seemingly Normal Relationship Requests (That Are Actually Red Flags)

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When we meet someone new, we can’t help but feel like we’re in a whirlwind of sorts. Honestly, this is to be expected: a new relationship is kind of like that. We meet someone and once we realize we’re falling for them, chances are you’re going to start falling that much harder now that you’ve acknowledged it. However, just because a relationship is new and you feel like you’re falling in love doesn’t mean that you should be putting on the rose-colored glasses here. Actually, in the beginning stages of a relationship, you actually need to pay attention to some things that might come off as cool and normal because you like them so much but are actually huge red flags telling you to get out.

Not every toxic person you date is going to come out of the gate swinging at you and making you feel terrible. Some of these seemingly normal relationship requests are so commonplace nowadays that you might not even see them as weird. However, just because something is accepted doesn’t mean that that thing is good. You might not realize it right away but trust your gut. Ignoring it could get you into a situation you don’t need to be in.  If you find yourself in a relationship with someone who starts to do or hint at these 25 things, you might want to reconsider the relationship.

25Asking For Her Cell Phone Code And Acting Like That’s Normal

A lot of people are actually comfortable with the idea of giving their partner the password to their cell phone or email or social media accounts. If that’s something you’re comfortable with, that’s cool! However, being needled or even forced into giving up passwords for things like your cell phone is a decidedly bad thing and a major red flag in a relationship. It just goes to show that if they force the issue, they don’t respect your privacy or they don’t trust you.

24Only Going Out With His Friends, Refusing To Meet Her Loved Ones At All

Another major red flag is if they refuse to meet anyone in your life. A little shyness is okay, but if they make it a point to avoid people in your life, it means that they don’t care about becoming a part of your life as a whole. They might even know that they come off a certain way and will set off alarm bells with your loved ones so they want to avoid that and keep the honeymoon stage going by not showing off those red flags. If they want to keep you to just their friends and make zero effort to connect with yours, it’s worth considering why.

23Isolating Her When Their Friends Also Become Her Friends

Sometimes in a relationship, you don’t like your partner’s friends or even really connect with them, so when you do manage to break into your partner’s friend group, that’s pretty special. However, if your partner actually doesn’t like this and keeps you away from his friends, that could be an issue. Either he doesn’t trust you because he falsely thinks you’ll leave him for one of them, or he doesn’t trust his friends to not be terrible and jeopardize the relationship. Either way, this is definitely something that spells danger if not discussed.

22Requesting That She Drastically Change Her Appearance

When we start to date someone, it stands to reason that we are physically attracted to them. I’m not saying that they have to hit every major button of yours, but you do need to like looking at them because you’re probably going to be looking at them for a long time. That’s why it’s a real problem if your partner tells you that they want or even need you to drastically change your appearance because they should like you for who you are.

21Requesting That She Never Change Her Appearance

On the flip side, it’s also really bad if your partner makes it a requirement of your relationship that you absolutely have to maintain your current appearance. Your partner shouldn’t be the one to dictate how you maintain yourself. If he can’t handle you gaining or losing weight, dyeing your hair a crazy color, getting a tattoo, or anything like that, that’s on them. If you can’t be yourself in your relationship, that’s a major red flag.

20Asking To Spend All Her Time With Them

If you’re in a situation where you don’t like spending time with people without your partner because you know they’ll get upset if you’re not with them for whatever reason, that’s a red flag. THis goes double if you’re legitimately afraid of what will happen if your partner finds out you’re having fun without them. The two of you are together and you’re partners and all that, but you’re also separate people and the time you spend without each other should be respected.

19Ignoring Their Serious Issues

A huge issue that can come up in a relationship is vice issues. If you find yourself repeatedly glossing over some major vices to the point where you’re basically discounting them or enabling your partner in those vices, that’s a real problem. Not only are you enabling someone who could potentially have a serious issue with certain vices on their hands, but you’re also putting yourself in a situation you don’t need to be in. Love is love, but love is also about letting go and allowing people to grow on their own if that’s what they need.

18Acting Like She’s The Center Of Their Universe And She Alone Can Make Them Happy

Everyone in a relationship tends to see the very best in their partner. That’s totally normal and not an issue at all. What is a huge issue is if your partner sees you as the only thing in their world that makes them happy, to the point where they rely on you for all their happiness. That’s a problem because they’re essentially making it so you are responsible for their mental health, and that’s not a situation anyone needs to be in.

17Refusing To Define The Relationship

If your partner is basically going out of their way to not define the relationship even as the two of you move towards relationship territory, this could be a red flag about to pop up. This is fine if you’re okay with that ambiguity and don’t really care about putting a label on things, but if the two of you are basically in relationship territory and you want to have that conversation and they don’t, it’s probably worth considering that they’re giving you their answer to your question.

16They Always Ask For Compliments

If your partner is basically asking you to be their cheerleader at all times, even telling you to gloss over the times where they’re wrong or they might need to be taken down a peg, that’s a huge problem. This is because your partner doesn’t want to grow as a person and possibly see their flaws, or worse, they want you to basically fool yourself into thinking that they’re the best partner ever with your own words. This doesn’t have to be bad, but if they’re refusing to take responsibility for things they need to take responsibility for, that’s a real problem.

15Acting Like Simple Relationship Gestures Are Smothering

On the flip side, if your partner is basically acting like even the slightest compliment or display of affection is smothering them and they leave you feeling neglected, that’s also a problem. Your partner could be avoiding being seen with you as a precautionary measure in the sense that they’re dating someone else and don’t want you to know. They could also be refusing to define the relationship so they can excuse any bad behavior with the excuse that you two don’t act like a couple. Either way, this is behavior worth addressing.

14Insisting They Spend Every Waking Second With Her

This is different from someone wanting to spend their time with you with their friends or with your friends and is a red flag for a whole different reason. Asking you to spend every waking moment with them is basically using you as a human security blanket because they can’t function on their own. Spending time apart from each other and having different interests isn’t just normal, it’s healthy! If your partner refuses to or even refuses to give you space too, that’s worth reevaluating what you’re doing with that person.

13Asking To Be Her Number One Priority

If your partner is asking you to put you above your school, work, or other aspirations, that’s a real problem you need to address before you decide to move forward in that relationship. This is a red flag because your partner is putting you in a situation where you have to choose between them and the things you want to do in life and they’re asking you to pick them. Relationships are wonderful, but the most healthy relationships have balanced priorities.

12Asking Her To Tolerate Small, Seemingly Harmless White Lies

If your partner has a problem with lying, this doesn’t have to be a huge deal if they acknowledge the problem and are working on it. It still is a problem, but it doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker. However, if your partner is lying to you and asking you to tolerate that and allow yourself to be lied to, then this is a red flag. It shows that they either don’t trust you with the truth or don’t care if you trust them, and it’s a good reason to reconsider the relationship.

11Being Super Secretive About Financial Matters To The Point Where It Erodes Trust

I’m not saying you absolutely have to share everything financial with your partner: if anything your partner oversharing their finances or asking you to is a red flag all on its own. However, if your partner is weird about money to the point where they’re always broke but make more than you, or they don’t have a job but are constantly sporting the latest designer clothes and tech, this could be a sign that they’re hiding something major like a gambling problem or major debt. That’s something you’d need to know before deciding on starting a future with someone.

10Acting Like She’s The Weird One When She Expresses Remorse Or Empathy

Empathy is really important in a relationship because you need to be able to feel for your partner and see them as a fully formed human being just like you are. However, if your partner laughs at that and tends to see themselves as superior to everyone around them, that’s a problem. This is an even bigger problem if they can’t feel remorse or empathy at all. This is a red flag because it could reveal narcissistic behavior in your partner, and narcissism is really something no one should ever have to deal with.

9Never Planning Dates, Only Wanting To ‘Wing It’

If your partner only really comes to you when they don’t have anyone else in their lives, they’re basically treating you as an option and not as a priority, and that is also a problem. This is a problem because they’re basically putting you on hold to go do their own thing or have another relationship, and when those things fall through, they come to you and expect you to be there like they made you their first priority. It’s messed up and while it’s hard to think of someone you really like treating you that way, it’s important to recognize that pattern and realize you’re worth more than that.

8Asking Her To Tolerate Irrational Jealousy

Jealousy doesn’t have to be this terrible specter over a relationship and it can even be a marker that you’re serious about someone. However, if your partner is being irrationally jealous for no reason to the point where it’s destroying the relationship, that’s a red flag. Furthermore, if you’ve called out this behavior and they dismiss it, or worse, they blame it on you, that’s even worse. In that case, jealousy is messing things up and you’d have to decide how to proceed.

7Being Mean To Her As A Joke And Dismissing It When She Gets Upset

Lighthearted teasing in a relationship can be great and funny, but if it’s getting to the point where it’s mean and you’re feeling hurt, you’re well within your right to say something to you partner about how it makes you feel and how they should proceed. However, if your partner laughs at this and tries to make you feel like you’re wrong for how you feel, that’s a red flag. When you’re hurt, no one gets to decide that you’re not.

6Asking Her To Forgo Protection

If you and your partner are getting physical and you’re okay going without protection, that’s a decision you have every right to make. However, if your partner is needling you into making a decision you’re not comfortable making and putting your health at risk so they could be more comfortable without considering how you feel, that’s a red flag. This is a problem because it shows that your partner is selfishly putting their own temporary comfort over your permanent comfort and health.

5Their Family And Friends Make Comments Warning Her To Get Out

Let’s say you’re serious enough to meet your partner’s friends and family. This can be exciting, but let’s say you’re in a situation where your partner’s loved ones are saying that they’re dangerous and you need to get out of the relationship. This could be confusing, especially if they’re saying this and it sounds like a joke. If your partner’s loved ones are doing things like this and your partner is laughing this off, it might mean that they all know what heartache you could be in for.

4Asking Her To Not Catch Feelings

Let’s say you’re in an almost-relationship where your partner has basically said they’re never going to catch feelings so not to bother doing so on your end. You’re cool with this, so you go about your business. However, time passes and they actually catch feelings and then they get mad at you when you haven’t. That’s a major red flag because they misrepresented their intentions and if someone does this, chances are there are other red flags under the surface that you might recognize from this list as well.

3Asking To Her To NOT Prioritize Him, And Vice Versa

On the flip side, if your partner is basically saying they want to be your last priority and they want to do their own thing without considering you at all, that is also a red flag. Balance is an issue and you can’t skew too far the other way, either. This might not happen as much as your partner trying to be your first priority, but someone basically saying you’re going to be their last priority and it should be vice versa is basically saying to you that they’re not going to be considering you for anything and they don’t see you as a partner.

2Wanting All Her Attention While They’re Out In A Group

Another major issue is if, on those occasions that you are spending time with other people, with or without your partner, your partner makes it a point to keep your focus on them or pull you away from the other people to tend to them and their needs. That’s a major issue because you’re being put in a situation where you basically exist in the relationship for them and you don’t really get to be your own separate person.

1Asking Her To Defer To Their Parents, Since They Do

There’s nothing wrong with having a close relationship with your parents. However, if your partner’s parents are overstepping the line when it comes to your relationship and ripping you down to establish themselves as the main connection in your partner’s life, that’s a problem, but it can eventually be dealt with if you’re willing to put in the work. What cannot be dealt with is if your partner lets this happen and mistreats you along with their parents to keep them happy, putting them over you. That would be the point to reevaluate the relationship if your partner can’t see what they’re doing.