If you’re single, you want to find love and you have a dream guy in mind. And you know the things that you want to find in your dream guy. Sure, it’s subjective and personal for everyone, but there are probably some traits that you want him to have that most girls would agree with. You want someone who is sweet, funny, smart, interested in a committed relationship, close with his family (but not weirdly close), has some cool hobbies and has a great work ethic. You know who you need to date — a guy who takes care of you but lets you be yourself and have your own life, too — and you know what you hate in a relationship, like when your boyfriend is always causing drama or starting fights.
But have you ever thought about what a guy wants, needs, and hates in a relationship? It can be interesting to switch gears and think about love and dating from a male perspective. We rounded up some things that guys are looking for (and not looking for) when they find someone that they want to commit to and settle down with. Read on to find out 25 things all men want, need and hate in a relationship!
25WANT: A Girl Who Is Independent And Has Her Own Life
Guys want to date a girl who has her own stuff going on. A girl who has an amazing career that she cares about, a group of friends that she loves spending time with, a loving family, and some interests and favorite things. Otherwise, they would feel like they were the only thing in their girlfriend’s life, and while it can feel that way when you’re in love, it’s not the healthiest way to be.
This is music to your ears, right? You want to live your own life but have a boyfriend, too. It’s really the best of both worlds. You don’t want to give up seeing the people that you love or doing the things that you love when you get into a relationship. And you never should. Your brunches with your girlfriends and yoga classes mean a lot to you.
24NEED: A Girl Who Will Take Care Of Him
Guys might not admit this, mostly because it sounds super sensitive and emotional and most guys think those are not the manliest qualities to have, but they love when a girl takes care of them. They like coming home from a long day at work and having their girlfriend hug them and ask what happened and make them dinner. Of course, things should be equal in a relationship, especially if you’re living with your boyfriend, but it’s totally okay to take care of your partner (as long as they do the same for you).
Sure, some guys might act all tough and macho, but they don’t need to date a tough girl. They need someone who will understand when they’re having a rough time or are sick and just want to rest and relax on the couch instead of going out.
23HATE: When You Complain When He Hangs Out With His Friends
If you’ve ever done this, you probably figured out that it’s a really crappy way to behave. How would you feel if your boyfriend told you not to see your best friends this Friday night? Yeah, exactly. It’s not a great feeling. It makes you feel like your partner doesn’t care about you and doesn’t want you to have a social life. It’s clingy and controlling behavior and it’s not healthy at all.
Guys really hate being told what to do (which anyone does, really) and they especially hate feeling like they can’t hang out with their friends just because they have a girlfriend. All anyone wants is to have a happy, full life and see the people that they care about. There’s no reason not to socialize without your partner sometimes. It’s a good thing.
22WANT: A Girl Who Can Chill Out, Enjoy Beer And Junk Food Every Once In A While
There are a lot of people who still believe that you shouldn’t eat anything but a salad or something super healthy on a first date. Chicken wings? Pizza? Nachos? No way. Too messy.
That’s the worst advice ever. You should definitely eat whatever you want on a first date (and any other time, too). If there’s something that most guys want in a relationship, it would be a girl who can relax and drink a beer and eat some junk food every once in a while. Guys don’t think it’s attractive when girls refuse to have fun and enjoy themselves. Plus, come on, everyone loves junk food. You know that you want to eat it sometimes and you should when the mood strikes. Guys are going to find you more, not less, attractive if you do.
21NEED: Someone Who Makes Him A Better Person
If guys want a girl who has her own life and can eat nachos sometimes, they definitely need someone who makes them a better person and inspires them on a regular basis. Again, this is probably not something that they’re not going to admit. They would be totally embarrassed to tell their friends, “Yeah, she makes me a better man” even though if they’re in the right relationship, that’s going to be true.
The happiest couples are the ones who inspire and motivate each other. If you’ve met the person that you’re meant to be with, then you know that this person changed you and changed your life. You feel like the best version of you and it’s hard to imagine being the old you anymore. This is how guys want to feel, too.
20HATE: When You Nag Him To Pick Up His Dirty Clothes Or Clean Up More
Ugh. This person just sounds annoying, right?! You can definitely see why guys would hate dating someone who did this all the time.
The truth is that some people are messy and some people are neat, and while guys might have a reputation for being slobs, that’s not always necessarily the case. Your boyfriend might even be more of a neat freak than you are. But if there’s one thing that all guys hate in a relationship, it’s a girlfriend that nags them constantly about not leaving dirty socks lying around on the living room floor and someone who tells them to clean up all the time. There are much better, more polite ways to communicate that you want your partner to clean more. You don’t have to act so pissed off and frustrated with them.
19WANT: A Girl Who Can Let Her Hair Down
Every guy wants to date a girl who can let her hair down sometimes, whether that literally means wearing her hair down and messy and not worrying about straightening it, or whether it’s a metaphor for having fun and chilling out.
This is everyone’s dream girl, really, because she’s the opposite of every girlfriend stereotype out there. She’s not going to say that she doesn’t want to go out and grab a few drinks with his friends. She’s not going to be in a bad mood and ruin the whole night. She’s not going to worry about anything and be a total downer. Nope. She’s just going to have fun and that’s all anyone wants in a partner (well, besides the other things on this list, that is).
18NEED: A Girlfriend Who Inspires Him To Eat Healthy And Work Out
It’s attractive when someone eats healthy and exercises on a regular basis. It’s awesome to see that someone cares about themselves and wants to feel good and have energy all the time, and let’s face it, when someone works out, they look really good too.
It’s no secret that guys love girls who work out and think that it’s really hot. Like really, really hot. While every guy would agree that they want to date a girl who exercises and loves her kale and almond butter, they also honestly need to date someone like this. A girl who is healthy can stick to something and commit to it and she’s probably going to be in a good mood most of the time, too, thanks to those endorphins. This is the best kind of girl to date for sure.
17HATE: When You Act Passive-Aggressive
Passive-aggressive behavior really has no place in a relationship and yet it’s the way that so many people act. This goes for both guys and girls, of course, but it’s become a real stereotype for girls to act this way.
Guys totally hate when their girlfriends act passive-aggressive. They want them to be clear and honest about their feelings and what’s going on. They always want to know if they’re doing something that’s upsetting you or pissing you off, and they would much rather hear the cold hard truth instead of having you shrug your shoulders or say mean vague things. It’s just not a healthy, mature way to act in a relationship. If you act this way, you’re never going to get what you want. Guys are not mind readers.
16WANT: A Girl Who Isn’t Obsessed With Her Appearance And Always Needs Perfect Hair And Makeup
Most guys are going to agree that girls look their most beautiful first thing in the morning — you know before you’ve gotten a chance to put on tons of makeup and straighten your hair so it looks perfect. They love it when you’ve got zero makeup on and when you look most like you. That’s the girl that they fell in love with and continue to love.
Guys want a girl who can sit on the couch with her hair in a messy bun and with no makeup on and just relax. This is super attractive to them. If this is you, then you definitely are amazing and you get that there are more important things in life than looking flawless all the time.
15NEED: Someone Who Does Little Things For Him
If you’re currently in a relationship, you probably really enjoy when your boyfriend does little things for you. That could mean getting your favorite food sometimes, buying you flowers just because, cleaning the apartment as a surprise, or really anything at all. None of these things are crazy romantic or on the level of red roses and candlelit dinners… and that’s the whole point. That’s why they’re so amazing and mean so much.
Guys definitely need to be with someone who does little things for them. They might not even know that this is the kind of person that they should be looking for, but once they have a girlfriend like, they’ll totally understand. This proves that a girl is caring and kind and those are the best qualities to look for in a partner.
14HATE: When You’re Mad But Won’t Explain Why, Or When You Storm Out During Fights
Guys really, really hate when their girlfriend is pissed off but refuses to tell them what’s wrong. And they especially hate when girls leave the room (or even the apartment) when they’re in the middle of the argument.
You’ve probably done some of these things (because everyone has) but you probably have grown up and realized that you should use your words and communicate better. No one wins if you’re upset but won’t talk to your boyfriend about it. He’ll just get mad, too, and then things will get even worse and more tension-filled. Guys really want you to tell them what’s happening and how you feel. They hate when they feel like you expect them to just magically know what’s wrong. Guess what? They won’t be able to tell.
13WANT: A Girl Who Is Comfortable In Her Own Skin
Guys want to be with someone who is confident and who likes herself. You know how people always give you the advice that you need to love yourself before someone else can love you? It might sound cheesy but it does make a lot of sense.
You have to think of yourself as someone worth loving and dating. Guys will flock to you once you love yourself. Seriously. You’ll be super attractive to them and it’ll be pretty awesome. You probably don’t want to date a guy who is super insecure and has zero confidence, so you can see how a guy would feel the same way about the girl that he’s looking for. Being happy with who you are and accepting yourself is really the only way to go.
12NEED: A Girl Who Truly Gets Who He Is And Doesn’t Try To Change Him
Guys absolutely hate girls who want them to become different people once they get into a relationship. Plus there’s the fact that even if you want to, you really can’t change a guy. He is who he is just like you are who you are. The sooner that you accept this, the happier that you’ll be in your relationship.
Guys want to be with someone who understand them and love them exactly the way that they are. You totally want the same thing, right? If you start dating a guy and tell him that you like him because he’s truly himself and never pretends to be anything else and that you wouldn’t change a thing, he’ll be super into it. He’ll really love hearing that.
11HATE: When You Insist That Everything Must Always Go Your Way And Won’t Compromise
You always hear that compromise is a big deal in a relationship. It’s hard to argue with that fact. It matters for little things, like what movie you and your boyfriend are going to watch on a Friday night, to bigger things like what apartment you want to move into or even if you both want to get married in the future. Maybe marriage means a lot to your boyfriend and you would be cool if you just stayed together, but you decide to get engaged because you know it matters to him. That’s compromise.
Guys hate when you always want things to go your way and take that “my way or the highway” kind of attitude. They definitely want to be with someone who will listen to what they want and need and understand that you don’t always do everything that you want to do when you have a partner to think about as well.
10WANT: A Girlfriend Who Likes To Party But Is Just As Comfy At Home In Sweats
Guys would definitely all agree that when they think about their dream girl, she’s a great mix of party animal and homebody. This sounds really attractive to them, and this is someone who they would absolutely want to date.
They want someone who they can go out with on a Saturday night and then spend all day Sunday lying around and watching TV. That sounds amazing to them… and to you too, right?! Everyone wants to be with a partner who can have fun but also chill out. It’s too boring to be with someone who never wants to go to a bar or to someone’s birthday party, but it’s exhausting if someone is never interested in staying home and relaxing. This girl is the best of both worlds and basically perfect.
9NEED: Someone They Can Talk About Anything With
You know that it’s super important to be with a guy who you can really talk to. He should be your best friend and favorite person, and he should, of course, feel the exact same way about you. You should be able to talk about everything under the sun and awkward silences definitely shouldn’t be happening.
Guys may not put “great conversations” on the list of things they’re looking for in a girlfriend, but they totally should. A girl who is great to talk to is someone who they need to be with. It might sound boring but it’s honestly anything but. This proves that you two share a bond and have a connection that you just don’t share with anyone else. Talk about the relationship dream.
8HATE: When You Say That His Family Hates You
Best case scenario, you meet your boyfriend’s parents and absolutely love them. The same thing goes for his siblings if he has any. Everyone gets along swimmingly and can really have a good time together, and you feel like a part of the family pretty much instantly.
Well, that’s the best-case scenario. Sometimes, despite your best intentions and no matter how hard you try, your boyfriend’s family doesn’t think that you’re the best fit for your boyfriend. And it sucks. For sure. But you shouldn’t tell him that his family hates you because that’s just going to upset him and cause more drama than is necessary. The same thing goes if you’re just feeling insecure and his family doesn’t actually dislike you at all. No guy wants to hear this. After all, this is his family that you’re talking about.
7WANT: A Girl With An Amazing Work Ethic And Goals
It’s super hot when you love what you do every day and want to work harder and do even better. It’s even hotter when you have goals that you follow through on and keep coming up with new ones.
It’s easy to think that guys hate when a girl is ambitious and has a great work ethic. After all, if this is you, you’ve probably heard from more than one guy that you’re just way too intimidating to actually date. And you totally groaned because that’s the worst thing ever to hear. The truth is that most guys think it’s really attractive when you’ve got an amazing career going on and when you care about working hard. If this is you, then remember that you’re girlfriend material for sure. You just need to meet the right guy and he’ll absolutely love you for this.
6NEED: A Girl They Have A Friendship With Along With A Hot, Passionate Romance
What are you looking for in a relationship? Do you want someone who’s totally your best friend… who you can have hot makeout sessions with all the time, too? Yeah, that’s exactly what you want. Because that’s really what everyone wants. And it’s definitely what guys want in a girl, too.
Guys are looking for a girl that they can have a friendship with and enjoy great, interesting conversations with, but they also want things to get hot and heavy in the bedroom. When you find someone who you share all of these things with, things just work and it’s the best and it just doesn’t get any better than that. Everyone will be super jealous of you because you’ve found relationship paradise. And you’ll smile because, well, you have.
5HATE: When You Make Fun Of The Things That He Likes Or Enjoys Doing
You’re not going to like the same things as your boyfriend does. He’ll be all about Marvel movies and you’ll shrug your shoulders at superheroes because it’s just not something that appeals to you. He’ll like running and you’ll prefer yoga classes, or he’ll drink beer and you’ll drink a beer every once in a while but prefer wine or cocktails. And that’s totally fine. You shouldn’t be exactly the same as your partner. It’s a problem if you make fun of the things that he likes or enjoy doing, and every guy is going to hate having a girlfriend who does that.
A guy wouldn’t stand for that, really, so if you do this, you’re probably not going to have a boyfriend for very long. You wouldn’t want your BF to laugh when you tell him that you love Pretty Little Liars, so you probably shouldn’t giggle when he tells you about the shows that he’s obsessing over.
4WANT: Someone Who Takes Care Of Herself
Guys are attracted to girls who take care of themselves and that can mean a lot of different things. It can mean a girl who knows when it’s time for some self-care moments, like sleeping in on a Sunday morning or cooking a healthy dinner or just chilling out all day in front of the TV. It can mean a girl who eats well and works out and makes sure that she gets enough sleep. It can also mean a girl who knows how to be a grown-up and can pay her rent, her bills, grocery shop, clean her apartment, and so on.
It’s not cute when a guy is basically a man-child and still lives at home and won’t cook or clean or do anything. It’s not cute when he takes no responsibility and doesn’t want to grow up. So you can definitely see how you taking care of yourself would be something that guys are into.
3NEED: A Girlfriend Who Talks Things Through Instead Of Starting Arguments All The Time
Relationships thrive on good communication and without that, things just aren’t going to work out. No guy wants to date someone who starts fights all the time, especially about little things or things that don’t matter.
Every guy needs a girlfriend who will actually talk about relationship problems or emotions. This is a much healthier way to have a relationship. There’s really no other way to function. Otherwise, you’re just going to resent each other and feel like the other person doesn’t understand you or where you’re coming from. Before you know it, you’ll be arguing all the time. Since everyone has different fighting styles and ways of communicating, if you can talk to your boyfriend when things come up, he’ll appreciate it and you’ll balance each other out.
2HATE: When You Don’t Appreciate The Things They Do For You, Like Cooking Or Cleaning
Thankfully, most guys (or at least the ones who are worth dating and calling your boyfriend) totally get that they don’t need to have waited on hand and foot. They want to contribute to the housework and cook and clean and run errands. And it’s honestly super hot. There’s no greater feeling than having the person that you love to take care of you by cooking you a nice homemade meal. Swoon.
But one thing that guys definitely hate in a relationship is if their girlfriend doesn’t appreciate anything that they do for them. They don’t want to spend time cooking or cleaning and have their girlfriend shrug at it and they would hate to never hear a single thank you. You would hate if someone did this to you, so you can see how it works both ways, right?
1WANT: Someone Who Takes An Interest In His Life, Including His Career And Family
When you start dating a guy, you should care about the things and people that he cares about. You should be interested in his job and how everything’s going there. You should want to get to know his family and friends and hear stories about them. He should do the same thing for you, of course, and if that’s happening, then you both know that you have a healthy and happy relationship.
A girl who does all of those things is the kind of girlfriend that guys want. Every guy would most likely agree with that. If you do this, then you’re an ideal partner and definitely girlfriend material. You’re loyal and caring and compassionate, and any guy would be super lucky to have you.