The world of dating is an interesting, intricate and, at times, exasperating one. On one hand, we’re really excited to meet someone new and to discover whether we mesh well with them, and on the other, we’re sick and tired of always meeting a bunch of people but never really getting involved in a serious relationship. Our friends and family members keep finding their soul mates and we’re over here swiping through Tinder, wondering when it’s finally going to be our turn to send out wedding invitations.
Here’s the thing – sometimes it’s really hard to find the right partner because we’re unwittingly playing immature relationship games that ultimately end what could have otherwise been a great romance. It’s tough having to admit when we’re in the wrong, but sometimes that’s just how it is. We’ve spent so many years playing so many of the same games, that lines were crossed and suddenly it’s too hard to tell whether we’ve been played – or if we’re the ones playing our partners. Do you want to find out whether you’re playing these immature relationship games or if you’re just the victim? Well, here’s a list of the kinds of games all women need to stop if they want a real relationship. Are you guilty of any?
26Not Considering His Feelings
Being considerate is one of the most basic forms of respect you can show another person. So you love to go out to movies, but your partner prefers to go out to restaurants. Find a common ground and on your next date, offer to eat before or after the film so you can both enjoy your favorite pastimes with your favorite person. If you’re not willing to consider your partner’s feelings, you might as well end the relationship now.
25When Things Get Tough, She Gets Going
Rather than talking through your relationship’s issues, you’d rather just call it quits. It’s a lot easier to give up than it is to work to fix something as complex as a romantic partnership. The thing is, if you want a real relationship, you’ve got to act like an adult (even if you really don’t want to, which is kind of the whole point) and at least try to work through your differences. It’s amazing what a little effort can produce.
24Believing Her Friends’ Opinions Matter More Than Her Partner’s
It’s always important to consider what your friends have to say about things, but remember their opinion isn’t always the most informed. If your romantic partner suggests something and your friends try to encourage you not to take your partner’s advice, stop and think about it. Does your love know more about the situation than your friends do? Just because there are more of them and only one of your partner, it doesn’t mean they’re right – especially when it comes to your relationship. Some things are best kept private.
23It’s Not Cool To Avoid Confrontation
You’re out and about, having a great day, when you get the dreaded, “We need to talk” text from your partner. A million things go through your head and in the end, you decide to ignore the text for as long as possible. Out of sight, out of mind…right? Well, not always. In fact, it’s not even sometimes. Most of the time, this just builds anxiety. Don’t stress over what your partner could be talking about. Just meet up, talk, and find out for yourself.
22Playing The Victim 100% Of The Time Isn’t Cool Either
It’s really easy to pretend you did nothing wrong so you’re just the victim in every circumstance that ever pops up in your relationship. The thing is, if you want to have a real partnership, you’ve got to admit when you make mistakes. Not everything can possibly be your partner’s fault – you’ve got to own up to the mistakes you make or the misunderstandings you created. No one wants to stick with a perpetual victim, or worse – someone with a victim mentality.
21It’s Ok To Be Wrong Sometimes
As crazy as it might sound, no, you’re not always right. Your partner may yield to your whims more often than not, but that doesn’t mean your decision to spend your entire paycheck on a new wardrobe was a good idea – it just meant that your partner is crazy patient and open to looking past your propensity to spend money you really shouldn’t. Remember this when your next argument comes up – are you willing to listen to what he has to say or are you giving him an ultimatum? Don’t back your relationship into a corner and just admit that sometimes you’re capable of making mistakes too.
20Talking To Her Friends Instead Of Her Partner
After a hard day, it makes sense for you to want to relax and talk about everything that happened. If you’re always going out with the girls instead of talking about things with your partner, odds are your relationship isn’t as “real” as you might be assuming. Your partner is there for your emotional needs, so if you can’t turn to them at least every now and then, the relationship may be on thin ice. Consider why you choose to share with your friends instead and recognize that your partner is just as important as they are, and he probably really does want to hear about your day anyway.
19Stop Taking Everything He Says So Seriously
Even when he’s joking, he’s got to hold back because you take everything out of his mouth straight to the heart. What he considers a joke, you consider a hurtful or embarrassing comment. While the chemistry obviously isn’t quite there with this sort of disconnect, it’s still possible to make things right. Learn to relax around him and recognize when he’s joking. Loosen up and roll with the punches, or better yet, try joking right back with him. Friendly banter is an important part of any relationship as it allows people to learn the limits of conversation with each other.
18Alternatively, It’s Important To Recognize When He’s Trying To Be Real
So your partner is a joker, okay. You laugh at everything out of his mouth and life is good – so what happens when he’s trying to be serious and you’re laughing at him as if he didn’t just open his heart to you? There’s a time and a place for everything, and knowing how to communicate with your partner is a huge deal for any relationship. A good relationship includes two people who know how to speak to one another, but a great relationship is one built on a level of communication where each person actually hears what the other is saying and understands.
17Try Not To Be Jealous
It’s so easy to be jealous of the pretty waitress making eyes at your partner or feel the gut-wrenching anger when your partner is talking up a group of admirers. It’s hard not to be so possessive over the person you love, but if you try to keep them all to yourself, you’ll be taking away their freedom to speak with whomever they like. Don’t pressure your partner to stop befriending people – learn to hold a healthy amount of jealousy without making it cloud your judgment or raise suspicions when there is no reason for it.
16She Shouldn’t Throw Tantrums When Things Aren’t Going Her Way
How can anyone take you seriously when you’re acting like a toddler? No one likes spoiled brats, so don’t be one. If you want a real relationship, then talk things through instead of throwing things, screaming uncontrollably and trying to force your will onto your partner. It isn’t that hard to keep yourself composed – so practice a little restraint the next time something gets your blood boiling, and keep up the hard work. Over time, you’ll learn to hold back and control yourself when things get tough and your relationship will thank you for it.
15Double Standards Aren’t Going To Get Her Very Far
You may be okay talking to other guys but he’d better not let you catch him talking to other girls! Right? Wrong! In a real relationship, both parties are considered equals, meaning there are no double standards. If he’s not allowed to flirt with other people, neither are you. If you want the freedom to date around but expect him to be exclusive only to you, you’d better believe that relationship is going to meet with an unhappy (and swift) ending.
14She Doesn’t Get To Decide Who His Friends Are
His best friend since kindergarten happens to be a gorgeous model who always struts her stuff around him and flaunts her friendship and their closeness in your face. You can choose to be jealous, or petty enough to tell him to choose between you two, but if you want a real relationship you’ll make your feelings known and won’t go as far as tell him to make a choice. You don’t get to choose who he hangs out with. Remember, his friends were around long before you arrived, and they’re all expecting to be there if things don’t work out. You can’t control him if you want a real relationship! Remember that.
13Stop Trying To Monopolize His Time
Going out on dates a few times a week is normal for most couples, but if you’re demanding his attention every waking moment of every single day, things are going a little too far. You can’t expect him to drop everything and everyone from his life for the sake of spending a little more time with you. At the beginning of a relationship, that might be the case, maybe, but after a few months, he should have the freedom to hang out with his friends and family without you – and without feeling guilty for spending a little time apart.
12Keeping Secrets Is A Big No-No
If you want a real, mature, loving relationship, you’ve got to stop playing games. One of the biggest games women play with their men is the “secrets” game. You can’t keep secrets, especially big ones, from him and expect him to magically know what’s going on with you and know how you feel about things. Being secretive doesn’t add a shroud of mystery around you, it puts up walls. Be open and honest with him because, in a real relationship, you two can share anything with each other without fear.
11Don’t Even Think About It
This really should go without saying, but there’s always those few who literally need to be told or they won’t get it. If you want a real relationship, you can’t play dumb games like, “Oh, I’ll have fun with someone else and expect my current relationship to remain unchanged.” It isn’t gonna happen. If you’re unfaithful, expect your relationship to be over in the blink of an eye. He deserves better and you need to pull your head out of the clouds.
10Ransoming Love Is The Worst
If you love playing games, you’ll know this one pretty well. If he doesn’t bend to your every whim, you act as if you don’t need him. It’s a power play and you’re messing with him mentally. You can’t try to have a real relationship if it’s based on manipulation – either you love him for who he is or you don’t. You can’t withhold your feelings from him every time he disappoints or frustrates you. A real couple would talk things through and come to a conclusion together – no need for mind games at all.
9Don’t Confess Love Without Meaning It
The “L” word is so easy to say that most people are quick to throw it out – but be warned! Saying you love someone when you don’t really is one of the worst things you can ever do. He’ll believe that you’re genuinely in love with him and all the while you’re actually still trying to figure out your jumble of emotions. Do your relationship a favor by holding off on offering the word “love” until you’re absolutely certain it’s how you really and truly feel.
8Demanding Anything From Him Is A Bad Idea
If you’re expecting to be spoiled, you’re not ready for a real relationship. When you love someone, you obviously want to spoil them. There’s a reason people say they want to give someone the moon – it’s because when you’re in love, you’re willing to give them anything their heart desires. The truth is, a gift offered is a million times better than a gift demanded. If you can’t sit back and wait, or at least ask politely, for something, then you’re not ready for a real relationship.
7Stringing Him Along
If you’re using him as a backup in case you can’t find Mr. Right, then you need to just stop. It’s not fair to him and it makes you out to be the bad guy – which really, you are in this case. When you’re in a real relationship, you’re honest with your partner. There’s no need to string him along because you’re with him for all the right reasons. If you’re not expecting things to progress, then it’s time to sever the relationship and stop wasting his (and your) time.
6Conforming To Who He Wants
One of the worst things you can ever do in a relationship is morph into the person your partner wants you to be, instead of remaining true to who you really are. As cheese ball as it sounds, it’s true. Your partner will love you for you who are or they won’t. In a real relationship, he’ll fall for you because of your personality, style and the way you carry yourself, not because you’re willing to change to be his “ideal.” Hold more respect for yourself and learn to have a real relationship with the real you.
5Always Taking, Never Giving
It’s so easy to accept gifts! It’s almost too easy, really. He buys you flowers and meals and he takes you out on dates and always showers you with compliments and it’s like every day with him is the best day of your life. While this is all wonderful, it’s important to remember that you should be returning compliments, getting him gifts as well and at least offering to pay for things every now and then. The best way to show your thanks is by reciprocating.
4She Shouldn’t Guilt Him When She Doesn’t Get Her Way
Similar to throwing a tantrum, trying to guilt your partner so you can have your way is a huge form of manipulation. Your partner isn’t clay to be molded, they’re human beings who deserve enough respect that you know better than to try to make them feel awful just so you can feel a little better about something. Once you mature enough to stop trying to manipulate your partner, a true and real relationship can begin – but keep in mind a real relationship can never come about with a spoiled brat.
3Stop Trying To Make Him Jealous
If he isn’t giving you enough attention, tell him! Don’t just go out and start openly flirting with a complete stranger in an attempt to turn your partner’s head. Grow up and learn to actually communicate your emotions. This is definitely key to any real relationship – open lines of communication. He’ll respect the fact that you shared your feelings way more than he could ever come to respecting your attempts at making him jealous. If he sees you’re mature about things, he is likely to follow suit.
2Don’t Fish For Compliments
If you’re going to meet up after work for a nice dinner, don’t show up with perfect makeup and pretend like you’re unhappy with the results. Fishing for compliments is tacky and when a compliment is forthcoming, you’ll feel a lot less flattered than if your date came up with a compliment on their own. Your partner shouldn’t feel like he has to comment on your cute hairstyle or new dress – he should comment because what he’s saying is truly what he’s thinking about you.
1Real Men Don’t Like Women Who Put Themselves Down
Another way some women fish for compliments is that they’ll say something like, “Oh my gosh, I look so fat today!” This isn’t cute and the first thing he’s going to do is feel obligated to say you’re perfect just the way you are. If you go as far as making a habit of putting yourself down, he won’t be the only one tired of trying to lift your spirits. Don’t alienate yourself from friends and family with a “Debbie Downer” attitude – be yourself and watch your relationship blossom.