Many people believe in relationship myths, and this is partly thanks to Hollywood. Movies, TVs, as well as books, tell us some storylines about love, and we are sometimes so obsessed, so we believe them.
It is comforting to think that someone is out there and waits to complete you, as well as fulfill all your wishes and needs. So, is this real? Not that much.
Behind modern relationship myths, there is also a feeling of individuality. A few centuries ago, children were strategically married off by their families for economic, as well as status reasons. Currently, in the Western world, for example, people choose their mates. However, this does not mean that relationship myths help anyone. In one way or another, they make dating and coupling even harder. In order to find true love, you should immediately stop believing in the following four relationship myths:
1. There is just one soul mate for me in the whole world.
No matter how tragically pleasing this idea seems, if you fervently believe that there is just one soul mate in the whole world for you, who waits to meet you, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. First, you will miss out anyone else that wants to date you, as well as the potential happiness of that relationship.
Keeping yourself closed off or even waiting for a soul mate to come is just like being in a state of adolescence – you cannot learn how it feels being in an intimate relationship with someone else if you never try. When you would like to start a relationship with your soul mate, you will not have practice or aptitude. Moreover, you may still carry the idealized soul mate image in your heart, which will doom the new partner.
2. If we love each other that much, we should never fight.
Conflict is a normal thing in all relationships, and it is also a sign that growth is trying to occur. Also, it is a way of expressing strong emotions, and the hope is, as we become older, as well as wiser, we fight fair and with awareness.
One good start would be to bring conscious awareness to your anger when you feel that it rises fast for you – take a few breaths before it overwhelms. Also saying internally that anger is present can help turn your anger into a useful tool for communicating, as well as strengthening your relationship.
If you believe that being truly in love means never to fight, you actually deny the reality in a way that will come back and haunt you. When something has to be expressed between people but is also forced down and suppressed, it comes out in other ways – often passive aggression or depression.
3. My partner will never be attracted to another person.
Monogamy is a concept from recently in human evolution. You should think about those times in your life, even in one day, that you feel attracted to other people, no matter if they are on the street or faces in TV commercials. You may also not be aware that you are attracted to them, only that a pleasant feeling that arises – and it is human nature, there is actually nothing wrong with this.
In the course of the relationship, there is a high possibility that your partner is going to be attracted to another person, no matter if they tell you that or not. There are entire pornography markets which are devoted to married audiences, as they admit the reality – people are often attracted to others, outside of their monogamous relationships.
However, if your partner is not acting on their attractions, then what is the problem? Insecurities like those about your body image, wealth, as well as status and intelligence, are just part of having an ego. There are chances that your partner has his or her list of fears and insecurities too. You should make sure that you are communicating about them with each other as a way of going through this human dilemma together.
4. My partner has to meet all of my relationship needs.
The last myth actually persists despite all the evidence to the contrary including centuries of divorce, murder, as well as adultery. No person can meet your relationship needs – your needs change over time, and you might not even know what they are at first.
To ask a person to complete you will not work for either of you. If you told that person everything that you needed from them, and through some hidden superhuman ability they had the ability to give it to you, you would probably be bored with that in a month or even two, or think they were trying too hard.
Everything you can do in one relationship is to bring your best self forward, over and over. If you are lucky, your partner is going to do the same, and your relationship is going to get what it needs – and then give back to you both.