When we hate someone, we are not only trying to hurt that person but we are also hurting ourselves. When there is hatred in our hearts, we lose the peacefulness of our minds and the joy of our souls. We can’t also move on with the good and normal activities in our lives. Hatred destroys our productivity and opportunity to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
The only way we can stop hating people is to start loving them. However, loving is easier said done. It’s the greatest virtue and even the greatest commandment that God wants us to do. To love is probably the hardest thing to do.
If you have decided to stop hating and start loving but find it too hard to begin, do not worry because it’s just normal to struggle to love people, especially those that you think don’t deserve your love. However, whatever type of people you are dealing with, you have to love them. And you can do it by starting to practice the following:
1. Have compassion.
If it’s too difficult for you to stop hating and start loving other people, start by being compassionate with them. You may hate them because you are only thinking and feeling of yourself. Perhaps, you are only aware of your own suffering. If you can only start thinking and feeling the people you hate, you will also realize that they, too, are suffering.
If you will only put yourself in their shoes, you will understand their pain and hurting, and your heart will soften. Your heart will open, and that’s how you can stop hating and start loving.
2. Stop being judgmental.
The more you judge people negatively the more you hate them. Stop hating people by focusing on judging yourself rather than judging them. Do self-reflection by finding mistakes in yourself instead of looking for them in other people. When you reflect on yourself, you gain opportunities to discover your own shortcomings, correct them, and be a better person. But when you focus on finding other people’s faults, you only gain frustration.
Stop hating and start loving by finding goodness rather than negativities in other people. Do you hate your friend because she said something that offended you? And now you are judging her as a disrespectful person? Why not consider that she’s only being an honest person and is only telling you what is true? Why don’t you consider all the good things that she has done to you for all these years? Why not judge yourself instead? Perhaps, there is something that must be changed in you so you can be a better person.
If you can stop judging people, you can also stop hating them. And if you can start finding your own faults to correct them and grow as a person, you can learn to appreciate other people and love them.
3. Be patient.
Love is patient. Hence, you cannot love without patience. Stop hating people by adding more patience into yourself. If people hurt you, restrain yourself from hurting them back. Do not be easily angered and think of revenge. Take note that the more you lose patience, the more you lose love and get hatred in exchange. Thus, if you want to regain your love and get rid of hatred, recover your patience.
Remember that it may be hard to be patient, but there is joy in it, knowing that your extended patience will give you more opportunity to enjoy life with the people you love.
4. Do acts of kindness.
Love is kind. If you think it’s time to stop hating and begin loving, do kindness to the people whom you used to hate. If you hate them because they hate you, it’s time to not hate them back. Be kind to them instead of plotting for vengeance. Show the opposite of their hatred. If they are rude to you, don’t be rude to them too. Instead, be kind and polite to them.
You are naturally a good and kind person. Don’t let the hatred of other people corrupt your good character. Don’t hate them like what they do to you. If you don’t stop hating, your heart will continue aching. Hence, do even the simple acts of kindness, such as greeting them a good morning, offering them some help they need, talking to them when they need someone to talk, and doing anything that can make them smile and happy.
Kindness is an action. Just do it without expecting anything in return. When you show kindness, the chain of hatred breaks, and love continues to live.
5. Get rid of envy.
Envy makes people feel bitter and insecure. It makes a person hate other people because of what they have that he or she lacks. If the root of your hatred is envy, you have to eradicate it. You cannot love people if you treat them as your competitors.
Stop hating others by considering them as your inspirations, not competitors. You should only consider one competitor – yourself. Instead of getting insecure trying to surpass other people, let them be your motivations to surpass yourself.
6. Be humble.
Pride is one of the main causes of hatred. When people are prideful, they feel superior to others. They always think they are always right. They do not admit their own mistakes. They become ignorant and arrogant. And they hate people who will hurt or step on their pride or ego.
If you want to stop hating and start loving, learn how to overcome your pride. Be humble. Understand that pride will only cause you pain and suffering. It will destroy your happiness. It will create walls that will separate you from your friends and loved ones. It will stop you from communicating with them. It will produce misunderstandings and more fighting.
Embrace humility and accept that you, as a human being, are not perfect and can also make mistakes. Learn how to apologize to people whom you may have hurt. When you practice humility and realize your own mistakes, your hatred transforms into love and your soul evolves into a greater being.
7. Be forgiving.
Without forgiveness, your heart will always feel heavy. Your soul will be imprisoned by the past. You cannot move on to the future. You will continue to hate the person who breaks your heart. You will not find joy in life.
For many people, it’s hard to forgive someone. But for some, the act of forgiving is a piece of cake. Forgiving is just actually difficult to practice if one’s heart is full of pride, resentment, and regret.
Learn to give up your pride, think of the many good things that the person you hate has done to you, and think of the future instead of the past. If you do them, you will learn how to forgive and move on from the past. You will stop hating and start loving, even if that person is already your enemy.
8. Be selfless.
Loving is a series of selfless actions. You cannot do all the tips above if you are selfish. You cannot be kind, compassionate, humble, forgiving, and content if you are a self-centered person. You can only do them if you learn how to make a sacrifice.
To get rid of hatred in your heart, start thinking and caring for others rather than just yourself. Understand that you cannot make yourself happy by hating others because true happiness in oneself is attained by putting your own happiness in the happiness of others.
When you sacrifice your own pleasure, you make other people really happy. When this happens, the pleasure you give up is replaced with real joy. Remember that the happiness you get from loving is greater and more lasting than the pleasure you get from hating.
9. Be spiritual.
You can easily stop hating and start loving if you will focus on the things that last eternally rather than those that perish in time. Material things like money and expensive cars will only make you envious and hate others. Fame and physical beauty also cause the same.
If you want to cleanse your heart from hatred, envy, pride, and the like, you have to focus your life on spiritual things. You have to nurture yourself with spiritual things, such as kindness, compassion, patience, and humility which also strengthen your love.
Stop hating people due to issues brought by money, food, time, distance, and other physical things. These things don’t matter when we die. Give more value on things that we can bring in the afterlife, such as our good deeds, friendship, and love.
10. Have faith in God.
If you want to stop hating a friend, a partner, a family member, or even a stranger who is hurting you, pray for them that their hearts and minds will be enlightened to stop hurting you. And most importantly, pray that no matter how people will treat and hate you, you will never hate them back but will only love them and do good to them so that you may glorify Him who is in Heaven.
Control your life
You are responsible for yourself. Your happiness lies not in the hands of other people but in your own hands. God gave you free will. You can easily choose to hate others and make your heart suffer or you can choose to patiently love and fill your heart with everlasting joy. The choice is yours.