Nowadays, my dating life is unbelievable. I mean, I literally would not have believed it just a few short years ago. The contrast is completely night and day.
The most interesting thing for me is that I’m still the same person. Of course, I developed myself, I grew as a person, achieved more success, and became more attractive, but the biggest thing is my shift in perspective and belief. My own mindset towards myself, women, and dating has changed drastically.
I say this to offer encouragement. No matter your current position in regards to women and dating, you can achieve more, much more than you ever thought possible, in fact. All that it takes is some work on yourself and the internalization of a new set of beliefs.
When you are observant of other people, and especially when you start to develop yourself and change how you act, you will very quickly see the outcomes. Things happen to you that would have never happened before. Everything gets better and starts to go the way you had always hoped it would.
This is true, no matter what your end goal. Whether you want to settle down in a nice relationship, or you want fast and fun sex with various women, the thing most within your control and most powerful is yourself: who you are and how you act. How attractive you are to women is the key to making your dating life pay off.
Top 5 realizations about my dating life
Below are the 5 most important lessons about love, relationships, and dating that I have learned through years of being in the dating game.
#1 You have control of your destiny. If you’re not happy with your current situation, the good news is you can change it! Even if you are happy, you can still improve and be in an even better position.
You are the only person who determines your lot in your dating life. You don’t have to settle for less than you desire. Of course, you are not entitled to a woman that you do not deserve, as you need to put in the work to become more attractive, but it is totally up to you. Anybody can do it.
If you don’t like the people you meet in your social circle, with the pervasive uptake of online dating, it has never been easier to meet new people. If you live in a big city, there are likely women from all over the country and even the world relocating to your city every single day. The opportunities are endless, and even if you don’t live in a big city, it has never been easier to move! [Read: 7 reasons why playing the victim only makes your life worse]
#2 There is an abundance of options available. We will never run out of women, as they make up over half the population of the planet. If things don’t work out with someone, as long as you put yourself out a little, you will quickly meet someone new.
With the open communication and freedom of movement that technology has brought us, there will always be different options. If you are still caught up on your ex, then this might not sound like what you want to hear, but the best way to get over someone is to meet someone new.
It’s funny how people treat their dating life. They think they should meet one person, their high school sweetheart, and that will be the end of it. No work, no growth, and no failure.
Imagine if life was really like that… You come out of school *don’t even bother with college*, and you walk into a job that pays a million dollars a year. You’ve never done it before, but by the end of your first session, you’re a martial arts black belter. Sure, you got the end goal, but instant results like that don’t leave much room for growth or learning. [Read: 6 reasons why you won’t *or shouldn’t* stay with your high school sweetheart]
#3 Dating is a process, not an event. If you’re looking for the one, it is still a numbers game. You still have to put yourself out there, meet lots of people, and eventually, you will find the one that you click with at the right time. For some people, it does happen when they’re 18, but the exception does not disprove the rule.
You will undoubtedly have to work through some pain, frustration, and wasted time to find the right person. The key is to not get overly invested in the first person you come across. As you grow and learn more about relationships, you will become better at it, just like anything else. The best thing about this, is that you get better with age.
#4 You can get better with age. I can only comment from a male perspective, as I have never been a woman, but for men, you absolutely become a more attractive prospect as you get older. Women mature quicker than men do, and that leaves many guys a bit clueless in their teens and early twenties, as the girls they know go off with older guys.
Your time will come! If you are focused on growing as a person by being educated and interesting to talk to, and you spend time getting in great shape and working on a successful career, you will be an infinitely better prospect at 30 than you were at 20.
You should be doing all of this stuff anyway. Don’t do it to get women, but rather do it for yourself, to build your own life and become successful in your own right. This will be a massive draw to women, and suddenly, they will start coming to you instead of you having to chase them.
As you develop your life, you learn more about who you really are as a person, and this can dramatically help to increase your confidence in yourself. [Read: 7 things to know about dating someone who’s older than you]
#5 Genuine confidence and outcome independence is like gold dust. Seriously. Nothing is more attractive to women than a confident and successful man. Confidence is honestly better than good looks, money, or blind luck. Those things all help *immensely*, but without self-confidence, you won’t be able to put yourself out there to be in the radar of the right woman for you.
Confidence will make women notice you more, and slowly, the positive experiences will start to build your situational confidence, and you will be more comfortable interacting with women. You will know your own worth and be able to communicate that to the opposite sex without being overly invested in the outcome.
Of course, you want to get her, but at the same time, you know your worth, you have your standards, and are willing to walk away if she doesn’t offer you what you desire. This is the opposite of settling, which so many people end up doing. They take what they can get at the first opportunity, and they are not willing to step out of their comfort zone and develop into the kind of man who demands something better.
Every success works to build your confidence, and things that used to intimidate you will become the easiest thing in the world. It really is just a case of trying, failing a bit, and then succeeding, thus leading to more willingness to try and more success… And then, the cycle goes on.
There are many more things I learned when I reinvented my whole dating philosophy, but I wanted to cover the big things to give you the idea that your dating life and your attractiveness to women is totally within your control. Do not settle for less than you desire. Work on yourself, and build yourself into the kind of man who gets what he wants.