Have you ever experienced a time when you think you’ve been in the right place at the right time, and saw a great guy, and yet nothing happens between the two of you?
And has this happened more than a few times?
You may assume you’re friendly and approachable, but without realizing it yourself, you may be dropping cues that push away any guy who wants to talk to you!
Why aren’t men approaching you?
Let’s imagine this scenario.
Every now and then, you go to a nearby pizza place during your lunch break.
They make great Calzone, and you get to cross paths with a really cute guy that seems to share your love for stuffed dough, as he’s always eating the same thing you are.
Must be a perfect twist of fate, right?
You start frequenting the joint, hoping that if you run into each other enough times, by the odds of familiarity, he’ll finally notice you.
And if your lucky stars feel rather generous, he may approach you and ask if the seat next to you is taken. Oh, if you could only get him to come and talk to you!
But he doesn’t. And he’s not the only one. The same thing happened with that handsome man in the bar last week, and what seems like countless, countless other men. [Read: 10 casual moves to get a guy to notice you and fall for you]
7 reasons why guys don’t approach you – And ways to fix them!
He’s there and you’re there. The smell of something new and exciting is in the air, yet nothing’s happening, and you have no idea why. The sad truth is, you might be sabotaging yourself without knowing it.
Here are the 7 most common mistakes most women make when it comes to making themselves appear approachable.
Avoid these all too common errors, and you’ll see that getting a guy to walk up to you and say hello at a coffee shop would be as easy as taking a sip of that cappuccino you’re having! [Read: Does he like me? – 18 signs to decode his body language]
#1 You’re always on your phone/tablet/laptop. Few things scream “stay away!” like constantly having your phone in your hands. It doesn’t matter if you are talking, texting or surfing the net, it is as if you’ve hung a big do-not-disturb sign over your forehead. The same goes for your laptop or basically any device that you are completely swallowed up by.
The only somewhat acceptable exception is if you are reading an ebook or an article truly worthy of your undivided attention. Believe it or not, this will show on your face, in your posture and the general impression you make on people, giving you a more thoughtful and intelligent look.
If you are indeed going to read a book, keep in mind that a paperback is by far the better icebreaker. It carries a certain dose of romance and serenity with it that rarely goes unnoticed. [Read: 15 easy conversation starters you can use with a guy you like]
#2 You don’t make eye contact. You can’t really blame a man for not coming over to talk to you, if you couldn’t be bothered to even look at him now and then. We wouldn’t go as far as to use the “eyes are the window to the soul” cliché, but we will resort to another one – eye contact is how you throw your hat in the ring.
A quick, shy glance or a long, intent look, both combined with a warm smile is how you let a guy know you’re interested.
If you aren’t sure how long you need to keep your gaze locked with that candy of a man, without it becoming creepy or turning into a staring contest, you can use this simple tip – stare long enough to notice the color of his eyes. Then turn away and glance at something else. Slowly. You don’t want to do this with a fast motion as it makes you resemble a scared animal. And you are not. You are a seductive, confident woman who knows how to get what she wants. [Read: 10 subtle eye contact flirting moves that always work]
#3 You behave rudely. Rude behavior is a huge turn off for any guy, irrespective of whether he’s just trying to catch your eye, or he’s sitting across the table on a first date. If you’re perceived as rude or annoyingly moody, the chances of a guy approaching you drops down to a zero almost immediately!
So how can you be a nicer person? Well, you know, avoid mistreating the staff wherever it is you are, don’t raise your voice for no reason, and don’t crush that other guy that worked up the courage to come and talk to you. And for crying out loud, stop shooting angry laser beams from your eyes at anything that moves.
Why? Well, it’s quite simple actually – men neither want, nor do they need, to be your target.
Seriously, would it kill you to say a polite “thank you” when the waitress brings your order? Will it physically hurt you to let that guy down easy, regardless of how out of his league you are? And perhaps, try and smile every once in a while. We’ve heard people all over the world are doing it and guess what – nobody’s died from it. [Read: 15 tips to be nice and loved by all instantly!]
#4 You act like you’re way too good to be there. Speaking of being well out of somebody’s league, you should know there is a very fine line between having a good self-esteem and being an obnoxious narcissist. And while we’re sure you know which side of that line you’re on, it’s quite possible it doesn’t appear the same way from another’s perspective.
That frown and those half muttered words with which you dismiss everything and everyone around you can easily be interpreted as the doings of an uptight egomaniac. In other words, not exactly the type of girl guys would line up for!
We’re not suggesting that you lower your standards and settle for less than you deserve. You could, however, work a bit on your patience, like giving a place five minutes before deciding you’re the best thing in it, or doing people the courtesy of allowing them to say a few words before giving them your you-lowly-scum look that you’ve perfected over the years.
#5 You are being too easy. There is nothing wrong with going out and looking for a good time. We’ll say it again, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to have fun, just as long as you know the difference between being a cheerful flirt and an easy picking.
We don’t mean to sound like your grandma and give you a lecture on how men won’t respect you when you’re too easy. But the truth is, if you throw yourself at guys all over the place, you’ll only end up looking desperate. And girls who appear desperate and easy don’t get the guy they really want.
The great guys that leave you drooling and biting your lip, they like a conquest. Not necessarily having to fight a dragon for the right to kiss the princess, but at least a little something to tickle their male ego and make them feel like they earned it, and beat the rest of the competition to it. [Read: The art of attracting men in a way they can’t ever resist!]
#6 You aren’t giving him a chance to catch you alone. So you’re out with a bunch of your friends, dressed to kill, laughing, dancing, and having a blast. To add to all the excitement, there’s this cute guy you think is eyeing you. Ah, what a night! But why is he not coming over? By now you’re sure you’ve caught his attention and it’s plain as day that he’s interested in you. What the H?
You know how they say there’s safety in numbers? When it comes to flirting, the only safety you gain by never separating from the group is an almost perfect firewall between you and any men that want to talk to you.
Give the poor guy a chance to catch you alone. Go to the bar and get a drink, step outside for a breath of fresh air or come up with some other excuse to wander away from your friends for a minute. He’ll know that’s his window and take it. If he doesn’t, you can bet your sweet, sweet smile someone else will. [Read: 10 tips to look really attractive when you’re trying to get his attention]
#7 You hang out with other guys. This is a roadblock for men who want to approach you, not because it’s a bad thing, but because most men don’t want to step on anyone’s turf. Consider it the Bro Code if you will, but territories are territories. And almost all men are more likely to stay away from a woman who’s sitting with another man, even if she makes eye contact often. [Read: The real reason why guy best friends are nothing but trouble]
If this is the case, you will need to be the one taking action. There’s a guy you like and you want to see if there’s a potential for chemistry? Be proactive and go for it. Walk your butt over to him and say ‘hi’. Find a clever way to tell him he’s not in a competition and that you’re just hanging out with a friend.
At times though, a guy friend can be even more helpful as a perfect wing-woman. If he’s as awesome as he ought to be, having a guy friend along could work out to your advantage all the time!
And that’s that, your go-to-guide when it comes to the old nerve wrecking question of “why doesn’t he make the first step?” Now that you have your game on, ladies, remember this tiny, little detail – no one ever said you couldn’t go after that guy yourself and prove all of his misconceptions about you wrong.