Being intimate with someone is crucial for a healthy and happy relationship. If you don’t have it, you’ll never be able to build the connection needed for a long-term love. That’s why you always want to fix intimacy issues with your partner ASAP.
When you can never be close with someone emotionally or even physically, you’ll begin to drift apart. That’s why allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone else is so important. But what if you’re not the problem? What if the one person you have feelings for has a lot of intimacy issues?
What does having intimacy issues look like?
Many people have heard of intimacy issues, but they don’t actually know what it is. For most of us, these problems don’t exist because we enjoy getting close to people and sharing ourselves with them.
For others, however, those problems are real. If someone has intimacy issues, they share very little about themselves. They don’t divulge stories of their childhood and they can even hold you at arms-length, not allowing you to get too close physically, either. As you can imagine, this makes getting to know someone nearly impossible.
How to date someone with intimacy issues
Just because it may be more work doesn’t mean it can’t happen. There are plenty of people who end up having successful relationships even though their partner has a lot of problems when it comes to intimacy. They just figure out how to make it work.
And you can, too. It may take some time and it’ll be a learning process, but you can do it. In order to have a successful relationship with someone who has quite a few intimacy issues, this is what to do.
#1 Never push them. Pushing someone to open up will only make them close themselves off to you more. You can’t force someone to tell you everything about who they are and why they have issues. You have to allow them to open up on their own terms.
#2 But offer them opportunities to open up. If you want them to let you in on their own terms, you have to give them opportunities to do so. You can’t just never try to get to know them. If you give them the space they need and then allow them to pull you in, they’ll do so.
#3 Be open, yourself. You can help them open up by being an open book yourself. When someone with intimacy issues realizes there’s no reason for them to hold back when you are being so forthcoming with them, they’ll be more likely to show you who they really are.
#4 Show them your flaws. Another way to have success when dating someone with intimacy issues is to be honest about your flaws. Show them that you’re not perfect and you make mistakes. Doing this will prove to them that they don’t need to be perfect, either.
#5 Don’t allow them to avoid questions. Most people with intimacy issues have basically perfected the art of evasion. You ask a question, they find a way to not answer while still giving you something to work with.
Don’t let them do this. If you’ve asked an innocent question and they seem to be avoiding it, bring the conversation back to it until they can’t refuse anymore. However, you don’t want to do this in a way that seems pushy or it’ll have the opposite effect.
#6 Give them reassurance of your feelings. Many people with intimacy issues have them because they fear being hurt. They shield themselves from you in order to prevent pain. By assuring them that you have strong feelings for them here and there, they’ll be more likely to open up because they won’t be as afraid of being rejected.
#7 Recognize when they pull back the most and focus on that issue first. There are usually specific times you can pinpoint when someone pulls away from you. Is it when you try to get frisky with them? Is it when you ask about their past relationships?
When you find the specific moment they put that wall up, it’ll be much easier for you to figure out how to go about fixing the issue so they can open up.
#8 Talk about your past and encourage them to talk about theirs. Not only should all couples discuss their past relationships, but by learning their history, it can help you figure out why they’re so closed off.
So bring up some of your own history and the negative parts of it so they feel more comfortable telling you about theirs. Just don’t do this too much because they may take it the wrong way.
#9 Don’t just allow it to happen. Don’t ignore their intimacy problems because they’re just that – problems. You need to address them in some form and work to get past them if you want to make a relationship with them successful.
#10 Determine if you care enough to help them through it. Do you have strong enough feelings for this person to go through the trouble of getting past intimacy issues? You need to. And if you don’t know if you like them enough just yet, work on getting to know them as much as you can.