Love, as happy and blissful as it seems, can still be a minefield of confusions.
If you’re unaffectionate, your partner may think you don’t love them.
And if you’re too giving, your affections and your giving nature could be taken for granted.
Do you ever wonder why some people get taken for granted so easily, while a few others are never taken for granted?
The truth is, not all of us get taken for granted.
And almost all the time, it’s just a few kinds of people who get taken for granted all the time, by everyone around them!
[Read: 16 reasons and traits that make some people get taken for granted all the time]
Why do lovers start taking each other for granted?
Every relationship always starts with insecurities and confusions.
Does my partner really love me? Am I good enough for my partner? Will they ever leave me?
Even if both of you are madly in love with each other, you may find these questions floating in your mind every now and then.
And it’s this insecurity that makes you try harder to woo them all the time, even if both of you are dating already.
You want to be reassured in love, because uncertainty just drives you crazy.
But as the first few weeks turn into months or years, you may start to feel more reassured in love. And you may start to realize that your partner really does love you, and may not leave you for anyone else.
And it’s at this point, that lovers start taking each other for granted. It’s at this point of time when gestures and expressions turn into expectations and demands. When you start to believe your partner would never leave you because they’re so much in love with you, your mind starts to take it easy and you may not try hard to woo them or impress them. [Read: 12 reasons why most couples drift apart over time]
How do lovers start taking each other for granted?
Now not all lovers take each other for granted. But most of us do, even if we don’t realize it. Ever since both of you started dating, you may be doing something special for your partner all the time, like planning a surprise birthday party or cooking them a hearty four course dinner each time they come home.
And at some point of time, your partner may turn this romantic gesture of your affection into an expectation.
If you plan an elaborate birthday party for your partner every single year and surprise them with a big gift on each birthday *you save for months to afford it!*, and one birthday, you decide to take it easy and just take your lover out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, you may still find that your partner may be slightly annoyed with you! And that’s a clear case of being taken for granted in the relationship. [Read: 7 signs your relationship is starting to go bad slowly]
So does that mean you should stop being affectionate to your lover?
No, it only means you need to start letting your partner know just how much of an effort you’re taking each time. Don’t be a martyr. You may think being a silent martyr works because your partner would understand just how devoted and loving you are someday, but it doesn’t always work that way.
Your partner may realize it at times, and at other times, they may not. And you’d just end up disappointed. When you’re being taken for granted by your lover, it all starts with your overwhelming silent love, and your partner’s lack of reciprocation and increase in expectations.
You have every right to expect your partner to treat you with the same love and affection that you shower upon them. And the day you start to believe that you need to do more to win their affection or to hold on to them, that’s the day they’d start to take you for granted. [Read: 20 signs you’re a people pleaser and don’t even know it!]
16 signs you’re already being taken for granted in your relationship
Do you ever feel like you’re being taken for granted by your partner? Now we’re not all saints, and any of us could feel just a wee bit disappointed now and then when it comes to expectations from a lover. But there’s a thin line between taking your gestures for granted and taking you as a person for granted!
If your partner starts taking you for granted, they may not care enough for you or they may treat you like you don’t deserve their love or attention, all because they believe they’re too good for you or that you’d never leave them no matter what they do because you need them so much more than they need you. [Read: 10 signs to recognize a selfish person and 5 steps to stop them from hurting you]
Here are 16 signs that can help you find out if you’re being taken for granted in your relationship. If you find any of these 16 signs in your love life, you really need to talk to your partner about it, or you may end up feeling miserable and useless in the relationship, even if you’re the one who’s more giving and loving in the relationship.
#1 When you call or text your partner, they don’t call you back even if several hours pass by and you know they’re not that busy. Or worse, when you confront them about it in the evening, they tell you that they completely forget about it!
#2 They get very impatient with you. Your partner loses their temper very easily while trying to explain something to you. And at times, they intentionally try to explain it in a way that’s too complicated to understand just to make you feel small.
#3 They just don’t have time for you. You may make plans several weeks in advance, but they keep cancelling it with silly reasons all the time. But yet, each time they make plans, even in the last minute, they expect you to drop everything and be there for them. [Read: 16 signs you’re settling in an unhappy relationship]
#4 They don’t fear losing you. How can you tell? They just don’t seem to care with whom you go or what you’re doing, even if you mention that you’re at a party or out with an old friend from college. And at times, they may even make bold statements in arguments like “I know you’ll never find someone as good as me” or “You know I’m too good for you!”
#5 Mistakes. They just don’t admit their mistakes even when they’re wrong. They have a very big ego and they just don’t ever want to see you outdo them at something. They believe that looking small in front of you or apologizing to you is an insult to their ego. [Read: 17 questions to help you realize if you’re being abused in your relationship]
#6 You’re used to being forgotten. It’s been happening for so long that you don’t even think twice about it. Your partner forgets your birthday or your special days, doesn’t really know what’s happening in your life, and doesn’t take the initiate to even ask you about your day because they believe their life is so much more important than yours.
#7 You’re not their priority. Your partner may not acknowledge this, but you know this already. You don’t feel like you’re an important part in their life, and see yourself as a second or third option at best. [Read: Should you make someone a priority when you’re only an option to them?]
#8 Your favors. Your special favors have now turned into an expectation. Even if you do something special, your partner believes it’s your responsibility to do that. And if you don’t do something nice all the time, your partner gets angry with you or sulks like you’ve done something really bad.
#9 Your sacrifices don’t count. You may have sacrificed many things for your lover, your happiness, your life or even your future. But yet, your partner doesn’t respect you and still behaves like you’re such a small part of the relationship.
#10 You’re ignored. Your partner is indifferent towards you. Sometimes, they don’t answer your questions, at other times, they just give you a dark stare and walk away even if you ask them something. [Read: How your own self respect affects the way your partner treats you]
#11 You are often blamed. You may treat your partner with a lot of love and affection, and you may try hard to please them all the time. But no matter what you do, it just goes unnoticed. And on the other hand, even if you make one mistake, they make it a point to never forget it and keep bringing it up at every instance they get.
#12 You wonder if they even care. Your instincts tell you that your partner doesn’t even care about you. And almost all the time, you feel like you’re just being used in the relationship to cater to the whims and fancies of your partner.
#13 You know you deserve to be treated better. You feel this, but you’re too scared to say it out in the open. And you’re too broken inside to even acknowledge that you deserve something better even though you know you’re being wronged in the relationship. [Read: 21 big signs of emotional abuse in a relationship]
#14 They don’t listen to you. Your lover constantly forgets what you say even if you remind them about it several times. They may not be a bad person, but this kind of behavior just shows how low on their list of priorities you are. If they can’t even remember something you ask, it’s obvious there are other things that are of more importance to them.
#15 They expect more all the time. You know a happy relationship shouldn’t feel this way, but yet, you just endure it in the hope that they may see just how giving and loving you are. But the harder you try, the more they take you for granted and expect more from you. No matter what you do, it’s just never enough to please them.
#16 You feel unappreciated in love. You feel used, hurt and disrespected in the relationship. You see yourself as a strong individual around other people, but your partner has broken that pride of yours and always makes you feel useless and small in the relationship. You don’t even think of leaving them, but you’re constantly worried about whether your partner would leave you someday.
And this fear makes you try harder to please them. And the harder you try, the more they expect from you. And what starts off as a little doubt turns into a vicious cycle that hurts you and leaves you feeling more vulnerable and defeated all the time.