I’m not a cynic and I’ve never been one to frown on love.
Like all the girls in the world, I’ve grown up believing in fairytales and hoping for Prince Charming to come and sweep me off my feet.
While I’ve grown up over the years, my notions of love still remain the same.[Read: 10 types of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]
I watch romantic movies that glorify a “happily ever after” and cry shamelessly when they don’t.
But in reality, things are far from rosy and you soon learn the bitter truth about dear love.
Countless times, as a new love beckons, I’m convinced that he is “the one”, the soul mate that was created for me.
However, I soon learn that I was wrong and I’m back to square one. Again![Read: 10 tips to find your soulmate the right way]
Falling out of love
Falling in love is very easy.
And falling out of it is even easier.
The start of a relationship is always the finest hour of romance.
It’s the magic of first moments, the time when you love every little thing about your partner, including the annoying habits.
Romantic gestures, soft whispers of undying love and the compelling need to be with each other are all the symptoms.
But it doesn’t last for long and you’re left wondering how it all changed. Where is the love that once existed and was so prominent in everything you did or said? Where has it vanished? The real truth about the first few months of love is that we’re only infatuated be each other. It’s only the first phase of what we identify as love. [Read: The real truth about love at first sight]
Walking out of love even before stepping in
The question of love doesn’t even enter the relationship until you really get to know each other, build a relationship and see if the two of you are compatible enough or not.
Strong emotions and affections can’t be determined by a single look or a mere week of being with one another. There goes your theory of it-was-love-at-first-sight, doesn’t it? But it’s the truth. All love at first sights are just infatuations. Once the infatuation stage is over and you’re familiar with the person, the feeling of excitement and giddiness eventually rubs away, and all of a sudden, those same habits that you so sweetly endured become excruciatingly annoying.
We have all been in a relationship that didn’t last for as long as we would have liked it to. Even though we wanted the feeling to last forever, things just changed over time, didn’t it? [Read: What should you do when you start liking someone else?]
With each passing day, your love for each other seems to wane and gradually disappear right before your eyes. But being “in love” is a tricky business. There are millions of guidelines to follow, promises to keep and pitfalls to watch out for. You just cannot simply savor the essence of love peacefully without a few hindrances.
How did you end up falling out of love?
To begin with, perhaps you were never really in love in the first place. Maybe it was just an infatuation.
Or perhaps, once the veil of infatuation was removed from over your eyes, you eventually realized that your partner is not the right one for you.
There could be numerous reasons and it could be silly, and some may be really genuine. But the bottom line stays the same. You’re falling out of love and you can’t do a thing about it.
At the beginning of a relationship, the clouds are under your feet, the world is all flowery and great, the sun shines brighter and the person you’re with seems to be the best person in the whole world. When we’re infatuated, we’re all in our best exaggerated self and put our best foot forward.
Then comes the part where we indulge in romantic gestures and sweet sacrifices only to prove our love for the other person. We do things for each other to show that we care and love the person. Now this is when we start expecting the other person to respond similarly to us. [Read: 25 selfless romantic gestures for everyday life]
We feel that it is only right that the other person should also fulfill our needs and desires. But it’s never a guarantee whether the other person will have the heart to understand our emotions or not. Disappointment slowly seeps in and one starts withdrawing from the other.
Eventually, tantrums start to surface and soon it’s the first fight and then some more, until both of you are no longer on talking to each other. [Read: The right way to fight fair in a perfect relationship]
Reasons for falling out of love
There are many reasons behind why couples fall out of love with each other, or end up getting attracted to some other person. But almost always, it starts with these reasons.
#1 Falling in love too fast
It takes time to fall in love. But some people have a tendency to fall in love easily. It usually takes less than a minute to determine whether we like a person or not. But a lot more time should be taken to decide whether we love a person or not.
Falling in love should include getting to know the core of the person and building a compatible equation between each other, and shouldn’t involve just the simple act of getting attracted to each other.
Just take a look at celebrities. True love is announced within days of spending time with each other and a whirlwind romance starts until it ends in divorce, sometimes less than a few months later. [Read: How to have a perfect start to any new relationship]
#2 Great expectations
We all desire to find partners with the perfect qualities. But when you seek perfection in a relationship, you’re building something up to doom. The more we expect, the more we get disappointed.
It’s human nature to never be satisfied and to want more. Besides the physical quality, there are a whole lot of things we look for in a mate. And when you don’t find those qualities in your partner, you still may love your partner but just not as much.
But that doesn’t mean you should accept mediocrity. It only means you get what you give. If you expect a perfect partner, you have to be willing to be the perfect partner in all ways too.
#3 Getting back to reality
Once the stage of infatuation is over, you begin to realize that the world isn’t all that rosy and your love isn’t as pretty as it once seemed. When the shine of new love begins to wear off, you see what is underneath the faà§ade and most times, it’s not a pleasant sight. Besides love, relationships require work, effort and action, and many people are just not prepared for that. [Read: The real truth behind why you’re not finding happy love]
#4 When priorities start to change
As time passes by, people in relationships change. Along with change, priorities also start to change and we start to put other things before love. When you’re with somebody for a long time and you don’t get the same attention from them as you used to, problems will begin to arise. When you resent change, you’d start to resent your partner and ultimately, the love starts to crumble away.
#5 Loss of chemistry
Chemistry is what makes a relationship so exciting. In the beginning, every relationship is full of creative chemistry! Work and other commitments sometimes take a backseat to this chemistry, and you’d have a hard time thinking of anything other than your sweetheart. But this doesn’t always last forever. As chemistry fizzles out, most relationships follow suit too.