Relationships have their ups and downs. If the tough times seem to happen more frequently than the joyous times, then your relationship is in trouble. There are certain behaviors that we subconsciously project when we are upset with our partner or if we just want the relationship to end but don’t have the courage to break up. Sometimes, we have been hurt just too many times in the past, and we put our walls up so that it doesn’t ever happen again. It can become a self-fulfilling prophecy when you assume that your current relationship won’t last just because past ones have failed. It is easy to become jaded and want to throw in the white towel before trying to resolve conflicts. Conflict is inevitable, and once the honeymoon phase is over, you are going to have to work as a team to resolve any issues.
There are common self-sabotage behaviors that occur in relationships that make it difficult and scathing for both parties involved. In long-term relationships, it is easy to take one another for granted, which can lead to bitter resentment. For the long haul, dissatisfaction in relationships will eventually happen, but it is how you approach the problem which will determine whether or not the relationship lasts. The wrong approaches will make your relationship toxic. Here are the subtle behaviors you should avoid:
15The Need To Be Right
Sometimes you are just plain wrong. Any self-righteous attitude will frustrate anyone in a relationship because no one is always right and no is always wrong. Sometimes, people let their egos get the better of them and they have a hard time admitting or even refuse to admit when they are wrong. This gives an air of arrogance and condescension to the other person making them feel inferior. There is no worse feeling as knowing that you simply cannot do right by the other person in the relationship. No matter what you do or say, you can’t seem to give them satisfaction. This is when it is time to re evaluate and recognize that someone’s sense of “right or wrong” might completely differ from the other person next to you.
14Lack Of Appreciation
If your partner shows you constant loyalty and is always there for you, then you should never take that for granted. If they take care of you when you are sick, bring something important that you forgot or are generally always there for you when you need them, don’t always assume that it will be there. They deserve affection and appreciation if they have shown you that they are worthy of your love. Ladies, if your boyfriend is always paying for dates, it is okay to at least offer to chip in after he has taken you out multiple times. When he does something romantic, let him know that you have landed the gold mine when it comes to finding a boyfriend. You might not always have your partner around if they feel like their efforts are not looked at with gratitude.
13Everything Is About You
Sometimes your partner needs to cancel plans to do something that doesn’t include you. Sometimes their family needs them or something has come up out of the blue to prevent them from seeing you. Thinking that the relationship is centered around your needs and depending on your partner to fulfill each and every need that you have is selfish. In fact, that is not even considered love, it is co-dependancy. Your partner cannot be your mom, best friend, co-worker and significant other all rolled into one person. Remember that they have other external factors in their life that don’t always include you, so be respectful of that. If they need to pursue certain goals or ambitions that don’t include you, then give them their space.
12Speaking Openly Turns Into An Argument
Toxic people don’t take kindly to constructive criticism or their partner calling them out on certain behavior patterns. The one true sign that you are dating a potential sociopath is when you try to gently but firmly confront them about something that is bothering you in the relationship and they raise their voice and make an argument out of it. This is a terrible pattern because you feel like you are walking on eggshells and you can’t express your concerns or needs to your partner. It creates for a hostile vibe whenever you are around that person because you don’t know when they are going to snap. Rather than acting out in aggression right back, stay calm and try to explain your reasoning logically. If they still can’t have a normal conversation, then break up with them. The problem is them and not you.
11Putting Other Priorities Ahead Of The Relationship
One thing that is sure to make your partner feel like sh** is when you engage in all these different social activities without including them or inviting them. It is one thing to want a boy’s or girl’s only night out because it creates a healthy amount of space and freedom. However, when you are frequently going out to bars, clubs, weddings, baby showers, etc. without them, then they might perceive it as you are trying to hide them from your friends and family. This might mean that the relationship is not as serious as one other person wants it to be and that they are stuck in a casual limbo. If you have hobbies that they would love to be a part of but you don’t even bother to get them into it, then this is a sign of separation. Maybe you don’t have as much in common with them as you thought.
10You Expect Your Partner To Be Like You
It is human nature to see the outside world as an extension of ourselves. We all have our own thoughts, values, and attitudes that are just that: ours. Our partner has their own sense of what is right and what is wrong and that might always be exactly 100% on par with how we feel. Understand that no two people are exactly the same even if you are soulmates. Instead, you should embrace your differences and accept them as a learning experience to become a more open-minded individual. There will be differences in opinion or how to go about routine things in every day life. You will disagree at times and you will just have to accept that. If there are too many characteristics that you cannot accept out your partner, then you need to question whether or not the two of you are compatible.
9Attraction Fizzles Out
The first time you met them, there were butterflies and feelings of lust. The honeymoon phase was in full swing and you just could not get enough of each other. After you have been in a long-term relationship, the initial physical attraction can wane and the butterflies can migrate south. This is usually around the same time when you start to see each other’s flaws and understand that they were not the god or goddess that you fell for the first time around. If their appearance has changed in any way, you might not be too fond of it. This is a painful and rude awakening when one partner realizes that the other one no longer finds them attractive or has even fallen out of love. Bedroom sessions become less frequent or they just cease from happening. Find a way to rekindle the spark or find someone else who does.
8You Forget Why You Are With Them
When so many arguments have taken place and too much conflict has gone down, sometimes you begin to question, “why am I still even dating this person?” If it seems that you have just had it up to here with this person and completely forget why you fell in love in the first place, then you need to re-evaluate the entire relationship. There could be just a rough patch that you are going through, but more likely than not there is a good chance that you have fallen out of love with this person. This happens all the time. We stay in relationships that we know are not going to work out because we are afraid of being alone and single. In this case, it is just better to cut your losses and move on.
7Too Much Criticism
When you are just doing everything wrong in your partner’s eyes or they just simply cannot do right by you, this is when familiarity breeds contempt. You have been with each other for a long enough time to know full well the fatal flaws that the other person has. You see much of the dark side that many friends and family members do not see. Due to this familiarity, you start to judge that person because they are no longer the idealized dream that you fell in love with in the first place. Understand that we are all human beings who have flaws, and judging your partner is going to make both of you resentful towards one another. Learn to accept their flaws and if you can’t, then they are not the right person for you.
6You Play The Field
It is human nature to have a wandering eye and to check out the opposite sex. Acting on those thoughts and desires is in a completely different league of its own. Are you giving away your phone number to other guys? Are you putting yourself in dangerous circumstances where you could potentially give into temptation in cheat? If so, then you are in trouble of seriously betraying your relationship. You have to question why you are looking to step out and if there is something that your partner is doing to not meet your needs. The reason why women cheat is because their emotional needs are not being met. Men usually cheat because their sexual needs are not being met. People also cheat just because they like the variety. In that case, try to figure out why you are all of the sudden feeling the urge to play the field and see what else is out there.
5You Lose Confidence In Their Goals
If you have ambitions and dreams, your partner should be 100% supportive and be your main cheerleader no matter how far-fetched they seem. Whether your goal is to be a doctor or the next UFC fighter, your significant other should have your back and provide a source of encouragement. Connor McGregor and his girlfriend Dee Devlin were living on only $2,000 a year and on government assistance before he got famous. They both had essentially nothing but she kept telling him to keep fighting even when things seemed like they were not going to work out. Making it as a UFC fighter was no easy task. This is the type of relationship that should be used as a model reference when one person is pursuing a goal and the other is their rock for emotional stability. If your significant other is discouraging of your dreams in any way, then find someone who empowers you.
4Free Time That Doesn’t Include Your Partner
Everyone needs their space to do their own thing in relationships. In fact, being attached at the hip is not healthy. Conversely, it is also not healthy to have too many hobbies and not include bae. When you engage in too many different activities without them, it will make your dude feel left out or otherwise not an important part of your life. This could also be an indicator that you don’t have enough in common with him. If it feels like you are excluding each other from your lives, than why keep each other in your lives? Find someone who values your time and wants to invest some time in you. Or at the very least, try to take an interest in each other’s lives and interests. You may even find a new hobby that you both enjoy.
3Avoiding Certain Conversation Topics
This one goes along with the feeling like you are walking on eggshells. Some people have certain subjects that they simply cannot talk about because it hits a huge nerve or it just brings back bad memories. As long as certain conversation topics are avoided in the relationship, then it will lack the transparency for open communication. If there is an event that is a cause for a serious talk (like if you did something to hurt them or they did something to hurt you), then you cannot avoid the elephant in the room. Letting the resentment build and not addressing issues will eventually blow up in both your faces. Avoid this kind of drama by speaking openly but respectfully with your partner. If you dodge these topics, then it will make your relationship toxic.
2You Only Take Care Of Your Own Needs
Taking care of yourself is essential. We all know that. Just remember though that there are two people in a relationship. It is selfish to expect your partner to put more into the relationship and then not make any effort on your end to satisfy them. For example, if you are in a long distance relationship and you find that bae is always driving all the way across town to see you, then you need to step up your game. If you are always making an excuse as to why you can’t see them in their city because you are busy, then you need to put them at a higher value. If you don’t see them at a higher value and your own needs come before theirs all the time, then stop wasting their time.
1Your Partner Needs To Censor Themselves
When you are in a relationship, you want to be with someone who you can be your true authentic self around. If you seem offended or taken aback by your partner’s sense of humor or their opinions, then they might feel like they are walking on eggshells. As long as bae is being respectful to you, then they should have the freedom to express themselves. It is a terrible feeling in your stomach when you feel like your significant other cannot express themselves around you. This is nothing more than a clear indicator that you are not compatible with each other if one person feels like they need to adopt a brand new mindset and censor their thoughts and words.