Every marriage is bound to encounter some bumps along the road. But if it feels more like you are on a rollercoaster, then you may be wondering if it is all worth it. Marriage is not supposed to be easy, but if the flame is gone and you feel like it is sucking the life out of you, then you may have to re-evaluate if your significant other really was the one for you.
How do you know when your marriage is over
There are signs that your marriage may need a little TLC. But, if you are getting caution signs, that is another thing altogether. The problem is that it is difficult to know the difference. In general, there are some things that are not repairable. So, how do you know if your marriage is over? Here are some clues.
#1 One or the both of you is being abused. Some things in a marriage appear to be bad, but when you look around and consider that everyone has problems, you can work through yours. If, however, one or both of you is abusive or being abused, then your marriage is not able to be repaired.
#2 You can’t seem to get past the arguing. The rollercoaster is a horrible way to live life. Rollercoasters are supposed to be fun, but instead, you get all the stomach sickness without the thrill of the ride.
If two people can’t let go of resentment and hurt, or resolve what is eating them individually, then they are bound to go ‘round and ‘round over and again without resolution.
#3 You don’t have s*xual feelings for your significant other anymore. We all can experience a little lackluster in the bedroom during times of stress or after the honeymoon is over, but you have a complete lack of s*xual arousal for your partner, it may not return.
There are times when things happen between two people, and they lose that loving feeling. If it isn’t that you need a little spice in your love life, but rather that you would rather never touch or be touched by your spouse again, then that probably is not fixable.
#4 One of you has cheated. When you make a commitment to someone and say I do, part of those vows include “forsaking all others.” If one of you didn’t live up to that commitment, it might have cause damage to your marriage that is beyond repair. Some people can learn to forgive and forget, while others simply can’t get past the betrayal.
#5 There is no trust left. There are all different reasons that couples stop trusting one another, and it isn’t always about physical cheating.
Whether it is that you can’t trust them to come home when they say they will, stop talking to their friends about you, or hiding money in different accounts, trust is the cornerstone of a marriage. And without it, it is very hard to maintain a happy and healthy marriage.
#6 Your fighting is messing up the kids. If you think that your fighting isn’t tainting your children’s emotional well-being, think again. Kids are very perceptive. You don’t have to be fighting out loud or throwing dishes at each other for your children to know that you don’t get along. Kids learn through modeling, and that includes relationships.
If you are in an unhappy marriage and are staying because of the kids, don’t. What you are teaching them is that marriage is about a bad relationship with two people sticking it out. That is likely what they will seek when they get older.
#7 It’s a co-dependent relationship. Co-dependent relationships are ones that are unhealthy for both parties. Whether you stay because she pays the bills or because he turns a blind eye and cleans up after your drunken stupors, then your marriage is making you both unhealthy.
You shouldn’t be in a relationship unless the other person is challenging you, cares for you, and wants you to be the best you possible. If they are just there to clean up your mess, you are both messing each other up, and it might be time to move out and on.
#8 You are with a narcissist. When we are in love, we think we can change someone, especially at the start of a relationship. If you didn’t know that you were married to a narcissist until you were well after the “I dos” and think that it is going to get better, it isn’t.
#9 You have nothing in common. When you first fall in love, the little things don’t seem to matter at all. So what if you didn’t like going to movies together, or going hiking together, or really doing anything together, right?
Marriage is a huge commitment and not one that you should ever leave without excellent cause. I can’t tell you if your marriage is going to last or not. All I can tell you is that life is way too short to be stuck in a relationship if it isn’t healthy, or if it is killing your happiness and you’ve tried everything to change it to no avail.