My friend is single and in her late 30s. She would like to meet a boyfriend and actively goes out in the hopes of meeting men. The problem is, her single friends are younger and like to go to hip clubs that are full of 20-somethings who are binge-drinking.
She goes on to complain that she never meets any good men, and that all the guys at the club are too young and just out for fun, not looking to settle down. She is simply not looking in the right place to find the kind of man she wants to meet.
Indeed, this could apply to friendships just as much as romantic partners. You don’t meet people whom you share a lot in common with, possibly due to the nature of your job or your hesitation to meet people other than your trusted friends. This, in turn, results in you not being able to branch out and meet a potential partner who’s your type.
What should you do to meet like-minded people or a like minded partner?
Meeting people is not an exact science, there are a couple of big variables that you can’t control *like other people’s behavior*. What you can do is stack the odds in your favor, and give yourself the best chance possible of meeting the kind of people that you want to meet. Here’s how to do just that.
#1 Define what your “type” is. You’ll stand a much better chance of meeting the kind of person you want to meet if you know who that person is! It’s a flaw of human thinking that we are very good at knowing and expressing what we do not like, but we are not very good at knowing or expressing what we do like.
If you ask someone what they like to eat, they will usually tell you what they don’t like, rather than an affirmative answer. Figure out what kind of person you want to meet, defined by whatever you feel is important. Maybe it’s their hobbies and interests, their probable personality, or their lifestyle. Decide what you think is important, and draw an avatar of this person in your mind. [Read: How to make new friends outside your social networks]
#2 The “where” and “what.” Okay, once you have an idea of the kind of person you want to meet, you need to answer two key questions:
Where do they go? What do they do?
As an example, if something that you value highly in a potential partner is health, a fit body, and a clean living lifestyle, you can assume that they probably go to places like the gym, the health food store, yoga class, etc.
They work out, they might be into home cooking, or they might be eating out at healthy restaurants. Perhaps they’re in meet up groups or networking in the health sphere. Now you have a pretty defined idea of where you might bump in to this person.
[Read: 33 best places to meet eligible and attractive men]
[Read: 10 great places to meet women who are perfect for you]
#3 Go to those places. Start going to those places and moving in those circles! You’re not likely to find this clean living health nut at 6am in a dive bar, swigging cheap whiskey.
Keep going to the same places that you always go to, just “because,” and you will end up consistently meeting the same kind of people. Maybe you go to these places because you always have, thanks to the security of being with your friends. But always doing this won’t allow you to meet the type of people you’re looking for.
That’s not to say don’t be friends or go out with them, just don’t expect to meet the kind of like-minded person you want in that specific place. Go somewhere more suitable on your own or with a different group of friends.
Sometimes, it takes thinking outside the box a little bit. It’s generally assumed that you meet people at bars and parties, or through work or school or social circles. But if you’re looking for a shy, introverted and relaxed person, you will probably have more luck finding them in a corner of the library with their nose in a book. [Read: 12 quick tips to add a lot more friends to your real life social network]
#4 Put yourself in situations of potential. You have to take action by going to new places – the kind of places you might meet the kind of person you want to – and making new friends. Getting into a new circle of friends, one which is better suited to your desires, is one of the easiest ways to be introduced to new people and new places where you might meet other people.
Besides the obvious improved potential of meeting someone, a new friendship group is never a bad thing. A new group of friends that you didn’t previously have, centered on a certain area of interest in your life, is only going to make your social life better. The benefits of this go far beyond the obvious, as you will find that meeting people comes naturally from developing new friendships around new interests.
Friends are the best connectors and are always looking to introduce people to each other and play matchmaker. Everyone enjoys hooking two of their friends up, especially if things get serious and they have been able to do a really nice thing for two of their friends. [Read: 10 ways you can stand out from the crowd]
#5 Don’t blindly follow your friends or general convention. Sometimes, your friends will give you advice that might not actually be helpful. If they don’t understand that you’re trying to meet a certain type of person, they will be all for you going to the club with them and “meeting people.” Of course, the ones you meet are not necessarily the types you’re looking for, and you might not be any better off having met dozens of them.
Likewise, it’s generally accepted that we meet people in certain places, like bars and parties, so that is the best place to go. It probably is the easiest and best place to meet people, thanks to the surplus of alcohol, but just like the example with your friends above, these people might not at all be the types that you want to meet. [Read: How to network at a party like a social butterfly]
#6 Give it time. Meeting like-minded people isn’t something that happens overnight, especially if you are looking for a serious long term partner. You have probably, at least passively, been on the lookout for your entire adult life. Adopting a new strategy and expecting it to work within two weeks is just silly.
All that you can do is give yourself the best possible opportunities, and stack the odds in your favor. Unfortunately, you cannot force the issues or meet the right kind of person with sheer will to make it happen.
They say that you will often meet the right person when you aren’t looking for them, and I think there is a degree of truth to that. I think you will meet the right person when you are in the right places and situations to meet them. You don’t need to try because it happens organically. If you’re hanging around people and places that suit your desired match, of course, you will bump into someone that takes your fancy, eventually, whether you were trying to or not.