Trust is the foundation of a great relationship. When that trust is broken, and you’ve been betrayed by your former boyfriend or husband, it can feel like you can’t trust anyone but yourself. Learning to trust men again after a devastating betrayal might seem like a long shot, but it is definitely possible.
Accepting the process, acknowledging your feelings, learning to let go of the past, and building new beliefs about men are some of the ways you can move towards attracting a loyal and faithful partner in the future. Learning to trust again takes patience and perseverance, but if you make the effort, you will reap the rewards.
Stop being a man hater – here’s how you can trust them again
Here are some of the ways you can work towards learning to trust men again.
#1 Stop blaming yourself. It wasn’t something you did or said that caused your partner to betray you. It was as simple as the fact that you picked a bad egg. You got it wrong last time by putting your trust in someone who didn’t have the decency to value that trust, and you most definitely learned from that experience.
Remember that when someone betrays their partner, they are not a loyal and honest person of good moral character. You didn’t want someone like that in your life, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for someone else’s bad behavior.
#2 Feel your feelings. Make sure you go through the feelings of grief, loss, sadness, guilt, and anger, even when they are hard to face. It can be uncomfortable to confront painful feelings head-on instead of suppressing them.
However, it’s important for you to feel the ugly feelings, so that you can gain closure and let them go in a healthy way. If you don’t feel your feelings, you will always go through life feeling bitter and holding on to resentment and anger. That isn’t the best way to attract a great partner in the future.
#3 Write it out. Write out all the feelings you felt when your partner betrayed you, and also write why you never want to feel them again. Then write all of the positive things about the people that you do trust in your life.
Affirm to yourself that you will find someone who will treat you the way you want to be treated, and write down a list of qualities that you need in a potential partner. These lists will be the basis for your future seeing endeavors, and they will help you narrow down your relationship prospects with ease.
#4 Surround yourself with people you trust. Trustworthy people will serve to be constant reminders that there are people in the world who can be trusted, and there are plenty of people who are loyal and honest with their partners. Look at the good hearted people in your life, and remember them whenever you notice yourself feeling reluctant to trust again.
#5 Remember: Not all men are the same! Not all men are unfaithful or dishonest, and you will never attract a good guy by believing that all men are lying, cheating dogs. At worst, you’ll only end up pushing great men away with your paranoia.
Have faith that since you have already had to deal with betrayal once before, you won’t have to go through it again. Learn to seek out better qualities in a future partner by recalling the bad ones your previous partners had.
#6 The past is the past for a reason. Once you’ve released all of your negative feelings, do your best to let go of any lingering anger, sadness, frustration, and desperation. The past is over and done with, and you have to believe that the future will be different, thanks to what you learned from what you went through.
There are so many exciting new experiences in store for you. The past is not meant to be a burden that you have to carry throughout all of your future experiences and relationships. Let it go, and start anew!
#7 Look within yourself. Are you attracting bad boys in your life on a regular basis? Do you enjoy chaos in a relationship? Look within yourself to make sure that you’re not attracting the very thing you never want to experience again.
Sometimes, women don’t even realize that they can ignore the good guys in favor of the bad guys, and they usually end up getting hurt as a result. Do some soul searching, and work on the reasons you attracted your last lying partner.
#8 Seek professional help. If you realize that you set yourself up for failure by attracting the wrong types of men, a therapist can help you revise your seeing behavior to attract better men. That way, you can move towards a happy future, and find a trustworthy partner when you are mentally and emotionally ready.
You may have trust issues stemming from childhood, and if you go on believing that you can’t trust people, you will continue to attract untrustworthy individuals who will treat you poorly.
#9 Trust yourself first. Learn to trust yourself and your instincts before jumping into anything. Go with your gut, and if you feel any red flags popping up, don’t waste time giving more chances than someone deserves.
The right guy is out there, and he’s looking for you. If you don’t trust your own inner guidance system, you may end up seeing someone for what they are trying to project, rather than for who they really are inside. You will also learn to trust others more if you are also able to trust yourself.
#10 Don’t date blindly. This doesn’t mean to avoid blind dates. It’s really just a warning not to fall blindly in love with a guy’s looks and charm, and end up forgetting to ask the important questions, such as his integrity, and the value he places on honesty in a relationship. You can usually tell if a guy is genuine in the way he answers your questions.
Don’t let him lead the entire conversation, and be sure to ask questions about his past relationships to gain insight into why it ended. This can sometimes be an indicator of the type of person he is while in a relationship.
#11 Model your standards on others. Base your standards on the principle that you are a trustworthy and loyal person, and you know plenty of other trustworthy and loyal people. These examples will be the guide for your future boyfriend or husband. If you focus on the positive aspects of life, and pay attention to all the great people you know, you will regain your trust in men over time.
Learning to let go of the past, acknowledging your feelings, and having a positive outlook for the future will help you to gain a renewed trust in men. Don’t let a past filled with pain, regret, and betrayal define your future!