One sided love is truly the most painful types of love you’ll have to deal with in your life.
It’s demeaning, insulting and so painful, it makes you wonder why love even exists.
[Read: Understanding one-sided unrequited love better]
I’ve been there too.
How to let go of someone you love
I remember a time when I was in love with this girl a few years ago.
She really liked me too.
We weren’t dating yet because of a few complications, but we had every intention of letting the world know about our love when the time was right.
She was away on a vacation for a couple of weeks and ended up having a fling with another guy.
When she told me about it, I was angry and really upset.
But she thought I was being unreasonable.
“Listen, I’m not your girlfriend, and you’re just my friend. You really have no right to tell me how I need to live my life,” she yelled at me when I got upset with her.
A lot of angry words were exchanged in that conversation, and that was it. She didn’t call me back ever again, even when she got back home from her vacation.
I tried calling her and emailing her to no avail. She was just ignoring me like I didn’t exist. [Read: Why does love hurt so much when it goes bad?]
About a week after she returned from her vacation, she answered my call.
She said so many things. And all I could do was listen to her with my ripped out heart in my hand.
That was the last time we ever spoke.
Getting over someone who will never love you again
Heartbreaks are painful, and it hurts a lot more when you feel helpless. Ever felt like the harder you tried, the more the person you loved slipped away from you? It’s like squeezing grains of sand in your palm.
It isn’t a man thing to cry, but it hurt so bad that my life came to standstill. I was bitter, angry, and so helpless. I just didn’t know what I had to do. Should I just stay a friend all over again and pretend like nothing ever happened between us? I couldn’t do that. It would have been too painful. I had to let her go.
Sometimes, you just have to let go if you want to move on. And the easiest way to do that is by replacing all the love you have for someone with hate. It’s not the safest way, but it’ll definitely help you.
Letting go of someone you love by hating them
If you’ve tried everything else and still have a hard time getting over someone you love, perhaps hate is the only alternative.
[Read: Ways to fall out of love when you see no future]
#1 Get an answer. This is important, but not always easy to get. Find out why this person doesn’t like you anymore, or find out why they stopped liking you. Getting an answer can give your mind the rest it needs, even if it hurts. But if you can’t get any answers, don’t make your own assumptions. Think of it as something that wasn’t meant to be and let go.
#2 Accept the lost cause. Don’t live in denial. Accept that you can never get this person. You’ve lost. Sometimes, we can’t win it all and you’ll just have to accept it. Just like dealing with an addiction, you need to accept that there’s a problem before trying to overcome it.
#3 Have self respect. Love takes away any self respect you may have. And while that may seem cute when both of you love each other, it isn’t so sweet when love is one sided. Stop trailing your lost love. And don’t go dedicating silly love songs on youtube. [Read: Signs the one you love is thinking of you too]
You may feel like you’re pouring your heart out, but the person you like may think you’re an annoying pest with no life. Have self respect and respect this person’s space. Sometimes, nothing you do can ever change the way someone feels about you.
#4 Keep your memories. Remember how your heart was ripped in two by this person. If you want to let go of someone you love by hating them, you need to keep those bad memories alive. If you have any self respect, you should feel insulted every time you recollect the way you were treated by this person. [Read: What should you do with old love letters?]
#5 Avoid this person. Almost always, the person you like may start to avoid you. After all, they don’t care about you. But even if this person doesn’t avoid you and decides to pretend like nothing ever happened, start avoiding them. How can you behave like a friend when you clearly have feelings for someone? If you don’t avoid this person, you’ll only feel worse. It’s not easy to avoid someone you love, but you have no other option here.
#6 Avoid hearing any news. Don’t keep in touch with this person, be it online or offline. If you have common friends, avoid them too. Avoid checking their facebook page every evening, unless you want to stay a loser for the rest of your life. The person you like doesn’t care about you. How long are you going to keep them on a pedestal and worship them like a loser?
#7 Keep yourself occupied. This person you love so much is not even thinking of you. You mean nothing to them. Admit it. You’re the only one pining about your lost love. This person you like has forgotten you already. You think of this person a hundred times a day, and in all probability, the person you like may not even think of you once a week. How does that make you feel? Don’t you think you need to move on? [Read: How to kiss a friend accidentally and get away with it]
Do something else, anything at all as long as you can meet other people who appreciate you for who you are.
#8 Get angry. Get bitter. Get loco. Hate this person for the way they treated you. Don’t feel pity or weakness. Instead, feel angered and pained. How could someone you cared for so much, treat you like you were dirt and walk all over you? Doesn’t this person even have a heart?
#9 Listen to hate songs. Youtube is filled with hate playlists. Pick the songs you like and explode them in your ears. Let each song you play remind you of how messed up you are right now because of the way the person you liked treated you. Force yourself to get over all the negative emotions.
And after listening to a whole playlist of angry songs, listen to one happy song that always makes you feel good about yourself. And step out of the house like nothing happened and go meet someone new! [Read: Why are rebound relationships the best thing to have?]
#10 Every time you close your eyes. Every time this person comes in your mind, force yourself to see only their negative side. Remember how they laughed at you or treated you like a child when you pleaded to be taken back. Replacing all the love you have with hate or anger can sometimes be more easier than just trying to overcome the affection you have for someone.
After all, hate too is just as powerful as love. As long as you know how to replace all the love with hate, you’ll know how to get over someone you love.
But let the hate you build up be a temporary thing. Turn your love to hate, and eventually when you’re feeling stronger, turn that hate to indifference. It’ll be easier because you don’t really hate the one you like, you’re just feeling bitter and lonely right now.
By turning your love to hate, you can overcome the helplessness and overwhelming love you have for someone and learn how to let go of someone you love at the same time. And when you feel ready, you’ll learn to be indifferent too.