If there’s one thing that sucks about love, it’s the uncertainty of it.
You could fall in love with someone, be happy for years and then, just like that, the whole relationship could come crashing down.
If you’re the one who doesn’t feel like the relationship is working out, that’s great for you because big chances are, you’ll get over your ex pretty soon after the break up.[Read: Why getting over a break up is easier if you’re the one who breaks up]
But what if you’re the sad and miserable one, the one that’s left crawling on the floor, shattered inside and trying to pick up the pieces of your broken heart?
Well, if you’re that lover, then love can be a real bitch for you.
No matter what you do or how hard you try, there’s a constant hammering in your head and a hollow pit in your heart that nothing can fill.
How to deal with a break up when you’re a mess
Nobody likes a bad break up because it’s just pitiful.
A relationship where both lovers just drift apart or end up simultaneously meeting new lovers seems so much better than the traditional breakup.
But almost all the time, if your lover leaves you, they may already have someone else in mind. After all, when we’re as selfish as the human beings that we are, we like having a backup plan with everything we do in life. [Read: 9 interesting dating facts you really need to know!]
As humans, we need a purpose for everything, and for breaking up too, we need to believe that there’s something better out there for us.
But leaving human psychology aside, the fact of the matter still rests. You’ve broken up. You’re hurting. You need to move on.
It hurts, but you really, really have no choice at all. But you knew that already, didn’t you?
How to move on after a breakup
Acceptance is the biggest hurdle after a break up. Most of us constantly pine for a second chance or constantly hope that our ex will want us back. But as long as you keep that flicker of hope alive and think of your ex often, you will always writhe in misery and pain. And you’ll never be able to move on. [Read: 20 effective ways to stop thinking about the person you still like]
To truly understand how to move on after a break up, you need to have the strength to accept that the relationship is over.
And if your ex does ever come crawling back to you a few months down the lane, you need to convince yourself that you will not get back with them. If you live your life in the constant hope that your ex may someday realize how much they love you and need you, you’re only going to feel worse with each passing day, especially if your ex starts to date someone else. [Read: 16 signs your ex really likes you and wants you back in their life]
How to deal with a break up and smile!
Your will power and your determination is the only thing that matters when it comes to moving on after a break up. Nothing else will help you, not your friends and not a string of flings. Hold your ground, convince yourself that you’re ready to move on and get away from the pain. And use these steps to move on and deal with a break up.
#1 Don’t write letters. There’s always a constant itch to get in touch with an ex. When you feel down, when you listen to a romantic song, or even when you’re drunk. But hold that thought. Never try to get in touch with an ex unless you’re just bumping into them accidentally. It’ll weaken your resolve to get over your ex.
If you find yourself writing a long email to your ex, write it if you must but don’t send it. Hold on to that draft copy overnight. When you wake up in the morning, you’d realize that it was just a weak moment and you don’t really want to send the email anymore. By waiting a while, you’d be able to feel stronger about your own resolve. The same rule can be applied to phone calls and texts too.
If an uncontrollable urge to call or text your ex overwhelms you, don’t stop yourself. Instead, just convince yourself that you’ll call the next morning if you still feel like it. Each time you put away a phone call or an email, you’d feel more confident about getting over your ex and moving on. [Read: The humiliating and cruel experience of unrequited love]
#2 Deal with the addiction. Exes are an addiction, just like any other serious life threatening addiction in the world. And the worst part here, is that you can’t really cut down a little bit at a time. You have no choice but to go cold turkey and avoid all contact. It will hurt and you will feel terrible, but you’ll feel better a week later, and even better another week later.
Treat your ex like a bad addiction, and learn to deal with the break up. It’ll help you when you start to see your ex as something that’s bad for your life.
#3 The evil selfish ex. Let’s face it, if your boyfriend or girlfriend dumps you, they’re evil *at least in your head*. If your ex gets rude or yells at you when you try to talk to them, or if they ignore you, or if they look at you with spite and disgust each time you walk up to them, you have every right to believe that they’re evil, selfish little devils. But you know what, you can’t blame them for it.
Your ex doesn’t like you anymore, they despise you. Of course, they could be nicer and try to be more understanding. But you can’t expect every ex to hold you by the hand and help you find the way out. A few exes prefer tripping you and kicking you where it hurts. Hate them for it. But deal with it. And get over it. [Read: The art of getting over an ex by hating them]
#4 Replay your relationship. While you sitting alone and staring at a wall or an empty glass of wine, replay the relationship in your head. Pick the mistakes and the flaws in the relationship, and try to see where things started falling apart.
But remember to pick the mistakes, not the pieces of the relationship. The love affair is over. What you need here is to try and figure out where you went wrong, and where your partner hurt you. Were you trying too hard to please, insecure, clingy, or were you just too busy with your own life? And about your ex, try to pick their flaws too, so you don’t fall for another person with the same flaws again.
#5 Don’t force yourself. For the first week or so, don’t bother trying to convince yourself that you’re over your ex. Just let life take its course. Do your best to get over your ex by keeping yourself occupied, but don’t force your mind to forget your ex. You may be successful in bottling the thoughts, but they’ll always come back now and then in surges that will hurt you more. [Read: I miss him but I don’t think he misses me]
#6 Stay miserable. Allow yourself to feel miserable and hurt. But time yourself and keep an eye on the calendar. Give yourself about three weeks to get over your ex. Mark the date on your calendar with a big red marker.
Think about your ex for those three weeks, but constantly remind yourself that at the end of these three weeks, you’ll wake up the next morning and completely overcome the sadness you’re feeling. Keeping a date marked on the calendar can psychologically prepare you to get over your ex. And at times, your wound may heal even before those three weeks!
#7 Fantasize the high road revenge. There are two types of fantasies you can think about after a break up, the I-wish-we-could-get-back fantasy, and the I’ll-get-even-with-you fantasy. Don’t try anything below the belt like spreading naked photos or cheap comebacks like that, it’s not fair and you’ll never forgive yourself for years if you even have the slightest semblance of a conscience.
Take the higher road. Convince yourself that you’ll put your focus and energy into other positive things, so that one fine day, many years from now, you’d do something spectacular with your life. And fantasize scenarios where you’d run into your ex. It’s not fair, but it helps for the moment. And odds are you may forget all about this a few years later. Don’t know what I mean? Go watch Cee Lo’s F*ck you on youtube. Fantasizing about success and exes makes the dreams of success so much sweeter! [Read: How to be happy and change yourself into a better ‘you’ in 12 steps]
#8 Laugh like a crazy person. For the first few weeks, don’t convince yourself you’re happier. Just wallow in your self pity and depression. But once you wake up one day and feel better, a few weeks later, laugh! Feel the happiness well within you. Realize how good you feel. It takes a while, but you’ll feel it when you’re ready. Listen to happy songs, watch funny movies, and laugh out loud. When you’re ready to move on from your sad state, your mind will be more than happy to help you have a nice time. [Read: 10 things you definitely have to do after a break up to feel awesome again!]
#9 Curiosity and the no contact rule. The no contact rule is really important. You can use all the other steps and follow it to the tee, but if you screw up here, you’ll be back on square one in no time. Have you ever looked for your ex’s facebook page sometime *just to see what they’re doing*?
The first time you take a peek at your ex’s page, you won’t think too much about it. But as time goes by, you’d end up visiting their page more and more often, until you realize you’re addicted to the idea of wanting to know more about you ex. There’s no escaping your ex once you get wrapped up in the curiosity of knowing more. Avoid it. Don’t stay in contact, and don’t go looking for information either. [Read: 12 reasons why the no contact rule always works and helps you get over your ex]
#10 Get better and sexier. Have a life, go on out there and enjoy yourself. Sitting by yourself in the corner of the room will never make you feel better. Date others or at least meet a few interesting dating potentials that catch your fancy. Remember, you’ll have a very difficult time moving on if you find out that your ex is dating someone new, especially if you aren’t getting flirty with someone else already.
Work out and get fit. You’ll look better, and the endorphins released in your body will make you feel more upbeat and look sexier. [Read: 10 kinds of love you’ll experience in your lifetime]
A heartbreak isn’t the end of the world. Sometimes, as hard as you try to prevent it, break ups are inevitable. What you do next and how you pull yourself together to deal with the break up makes all the difference between a person who experiences a break up, and a broken lover who gives up on a chance to have a happy life again.