I don’t want the kind of love that rom-coms tell me to look for.
I don’t want a love that views me as a project to be fixed.
I don’t want a love that chooses sacrifice over compromise.
I don’t want a love that I don’t have any real choice in as it’s a part of fate.
I want the kind of love that accepts me in me totality- physical imperfections, personality flaws, and love of Jim Carrey’s movies included.
I want the kind of love that will support my dreams and push me forward when I backpedal instead of asking me to sacrifice myself for its longevity.
I want the kind of love that isn’t fated to me at 7 because of a childhood proclamation of love or a love that starts because I locked eyes with someone across the room and am forever tied to them, but one that I can have a choice in both entering into and exiting.
I want the kind of love that starts unexpectedly with someone entirely new to me or a good friend and blossoms from there, thinking that you would never feel that way about them and discovering that there are new, awesome layers to the person you thought you already knew.
I want the kind of love in which red flags don’t just look like flags and one that doesn’t leave me crying on my bedroom floor after a fight in which toxicity was present.
I want the kind of love that hears me during an argument and speaks to me softly, gently, and rationally, cradles my trauma in its soft hands, and works to understand my position.
I want the kind of love that’s comprised of more than believing I’m something to be improved to catch its eye, but one that desires me in my true physical form and doesn’t ask for unreasonable changes.
I want the kind of love that doesn’t just show up when they’re drunk at 11 pm, asking what I’m doing later but shows up in the daylight during brunch, at an afternoon gathering with my family, and a dinner with my friends without embarrassment.
I want the kind of love that’s comprised of more than lust and infatuation, but one that’s present when life gets hard and is as nurturing as a best friendship.
I want more than the kind of love that I don’t expect to heal my heart, no matter why it’s broken, and gives me reason to believe that I won’t feel like it’s raining every time I close my eyes because of its mere presence.
I want the kind of love that feels realistic and ebbs with the flow of life, instead of something that’s eternally magical and euphoric.
I want the kind of love that loves me as much as I love myself and my community.
I want the kind of love that leads me to the path of someone who wants to make the choice to love me, over and over again.