When we get into relationships, it’s easy in the beginning to be totally swept away by our significant other and by, well, being in a relationship in general. This happens especially if we haven’t been in a relationship in a while or that relationship was a long time in the making.
That honeymoon phase can last a really long time, though—maybe even forever if we’ve really found that forever person. But more often than not, that honeymoon period ends and what’s left is either a stable relationship or an unstable one. Regardless of the kind of relationship, though, people can still get bored.
Relationship boredom looks different for everybody, but there are some telltale signs. Some of those signs are noticeable to even perfect strangers: if someone is outwardly uninterested in their boo, that’s a major sign that someone is bored in the relationship.
Sometimes those signs are more innocuous, like how annoyed we get at our partner for little things yet remain attracted to them. Either way, while any one of the signs of relationship boredom doesn’t spell trouble in and of themselves, pile on enough of them and the relationship could very well have an expiration date.
Here are 25 signs that she’s bored in her relationship, and if she can relate to at least a few of these, she might need to reevaluate some things.
25She Never Gets Super Attracted When She Looks At Her Partner Anymore
When you start a relationship, it’s only natural to see the stars in their eyes. It’s also natural for those stars to dissipate a bit because of the length of the relationship. If anything, being able to see your partner’s flaws more clearly is great and helps you both grow together.
However, although those stars have been dimmed a little bit by the realities of life, there should definitely still be stars there. If you look at your partner and don’t see any stars at all, it might be time to figure out just what you’re doing with them in the first place.
24She’d Rather Be With Her Friends
It’s good to spend time with your friends, and sometimes it can be great for a relationship to have that sort of separation between the two of you. That way, you have the space to develop separately, as well as together, and maintain friendships that are important.
However, if you’re in a place where you’d rather spend time with your friends all the time, without your significant other, it’s honestly a bad sign because it shows that your priorities have changed and your relationship has taken a backseat.
23She Consistently Picks Her Friends Over Them
Spending more time with your friends is one thing, but being on their team rather than your significant other’s is probably even worse. In a relationship, you’re a team, and while it’s not you two against the world, you two should move as a unit if you’re thinking about forever with that person.
That being said, if you’re actively not on your relationship’s team anymore and choose your friends in every circumstance, it’s time to reassess. This is likely a sign your true priorities are showing through that behavior.
22She’s Looking Through Dating Sites
Some dating sites are weirdly kind of innocuous and you have them for reasons other than dating. Full disclosure, I still have an OK Cupid account that I never use and forgot to delete, solely because I wanted to take dumb personality quizzes years ago. That being said, my significant other knows about it and I would never dream of using the actual dating aspect of it.
If you’re wandering away from the relationship by looking through dating sites, even if you’re not actively using them, and your significant other doesn’t know about it, that’s a problem.
21She’s Actively Swiping Left And Right On Those Sites/Apps
Looking through dating sites is one thing, but actively using dating sites and apps for their intended purpose is another. You don’t even have the excuse of “using Tinder or Bumble to make friends” anymore because now there are actual friendship versions where you can swipe left and right on your potential new besties.
Using a dating site for its intended purpose is a huge sign that you’re bored in your relationship because even if you don’t mean it in that way, you’re looking to see where the grass is greener.
20The Butterflies Are Gone
When a relationship starts, you’re in a place where everything is kind of exciting and fun and to be honest, it’s hard to maintain that level of excitement throughout a relationship because life just gets in the way.
That being said, your partner should incite a certain level of excitement in you because you should have a certain level of attraction to them in a healthy relationship. If you just look at your partner and see none of what attracted you to them in the first place, it may be time to reassess.
19The Butterflies Are Replaced With A Sick Feeling
If your feeling of excitement is gone, that’s one thing, but if that excitement is replaced with something like rage or even nausea at the thought of them, then you really have problems ahead.
If you can’t think of anything about them that doesn’t annoy or enrage you about your significant other’s existence, it just shows that your attraction to them isn’t just gone, it’s probably dead on arrival! It will take work to bring that attraction back—and we mean deep relationship work. Therefore, you need to decide if the relationship is worth that investment.
18Physical Connection Is Just Boring
You can do a lot with friends, but in a relationship, there are certain activities that you can do that are pretty much exclusively done with your significant other. Part of being attracted to your partner is wanting to do those things with them if that’s something you want to do in general.
However, if you’re just bored in your relationship, chances are that side of your relationship is just as boring, if not even more so. This can lead to physical connection issues that make your compatibility a real issue down the road.
17She Feels Like She’s Forcing Herself To Engage With Them
Physical connection aside, when you’re bored in a relationship, you end up in a place where engaging with your partner on any level is basically like pulling teeth. Like, you’d literally rather be in a dentist chair than go on a date with your partner in some cases.
Once you get to this level of boredom, it’s hard to come back from it because you’re basically forcing yourself to do anything with this person and it’s not fair to either of you. Once you get to this place, it’s time to figure out whether the relationship is worth fighting for.
16She Makes Excuses To Avoid Spending Time Together
When you get to the point where you’d rather watch paint dry than spend time with your significant other, you might find yourself coming up with every opportunity to get away. Work gets away from you so you have to stay late, and no you don’t want dinner, you had a big lunch. If not, then family needs you and you can’t be around for that reason. Beyond that, you can’t do anything with them because it’s hair washing day.
Basically, you become a human excuse machine where no excuse is too flimsy to avoid getting stuck doing something with your significant other.
15She Never Brings Them Up In Conversation Unless Asked
Full disclosure: I spend a lot of time with my significant other, so he comes up in conversation with other people a lot. Sometimes I feel a little weird about the number of topics I can connect him to from time to time but more often than not, I’m happy I have all these things in my life that I can share with him and that he can share with me.
I wouldn’t want to get to the point where I was so bored in my relationship that I just refused to talk about him unless I was asked. If you’re in that place, you might have a problem on your hands.
14She Creates Unnecessary Drama In The Relationship To Keep Things Exciting
When you’re bored, sometimes anything can be a good distraction from that boredom, and nothing entertains us quite like drama. Sometimes you can get your drama fix by watching bad reality TV or something.
But other times, if you’re bored in your relationship, you might end up causing some drama there in order to keep things exciting enough for you to maintain your emotional investment in it. Sadly, while the relationship gets more exciting for you, it’s also much more painful and toxic for both of you as well.
13She Creates Drama To Force A Breakup
There are more than a few reasons why someone would create drama in a relationship, but one major reason is so they don’t have to feel like the bad guy if a breakup happens. When you’re bored in your relationship, you might feel like you’re not being fair to them and that if you left it would totally break your partner’s heart.
In order to avoid telling them that you’re leaving because you’re bored, you create drama so they can leave you instead of you leaving them. They get to take control and leave a bad situation, and you’ll never have to tell them you emotionally left them long before.
12She Doesn’t Respond To Texts
It’s totally normal not to answer texts and DMs all the time. After all, we have lives outside of our relationships. We have jobs and families and other obligations and responsibilities that do require and take up our time.
However, if you’re basically turning off your ringer on your phone to avoid getting messages from your significant other, or if you’re swiping up on those notifications and not doing anything about them for no good reason, you might be getting a little bored in your relationship.
11She Actively Turns Off Her Notifications/Social Media Mentions
Social media has turned relationships into performance art a little bit. The way we engage in our relationship on the internet is a really telling reflection of who the people in that relationship are. Whether you’re low key about things or if you’re tagging them in basically everything romantic, or even if you’re the type to be almost grossly schmaltzy on the internet, your social media hints at your connection.
However, if you’re in a place where you’re considering untagging yourself from those posts or shutting off your social media mentions so you don’t see things from your significant other that are about you, you’re probably about to reach a crossroads in that relationship.
10She Flirts With Other People And Rationalizes It As Harmless
Flirting with people who aren’t your significant other can be kind of a gray area. Some people are okay with it and some people aren’t—it depends on the relationship. If you’re in a relationship where flirting with other people is cool, this might not be as much of an issue for you.
But if you’re not okay with that kind of flirting (or your partner isn’t) and you do it anyway while trying to rationalize it as okay because you’re not actually seeing someone outside the relationship, you’re sort of lying to yourself. You might also be really bored with your relationship.
9She Doesn’t Care If Her Partner Flirts, Even If It Would Have Been An Issue Before
On the flip side, if you find yourself suddenly okay with things that you definitely wouldn’t have been okay with before, it might be time to reassess your priorities. For example, if you’re a person who dislikes it when your partner flirts with other people or when other people try and flirt with them, only to find yourself not angry when someone comes up to your partner with flirty intentions, it could mean you’re bored in your relationship.
It shows this because your sudden permissiveness means that you don’t care as much about what your partner does because you’ve sort of checked out.
8She Gets Nitpicky, Focusing On What They Do Wrong
Everybody messes up, whether they’re in a relationship or not. That being said, if all you can focus on is your partner’s flaws and what they do wrong, you might be bored in your relationship. This ties a lot into creating drama because you’re basically being critical and creating conflict where no conflict existed before.
Either your partner has always been sort of unreliable and you knew this going in, or you’re making them far more incompetent in your head so you have something to direct your apathy at. Either way, this can breed a lot of resentment.
7She Can’t Think Of Anything They Do Right
Whether you’re being nitpicky or not, if you can’t think of anything you like about this person you call your significant other, you might have some underlying issues in your relationship beyond being bored in it. Keep in mind, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with someone you genuinely don’t like.
If you’re in this mindset, you’re basically buying into the sunk-cost fallacy that comes from thinking that if you spend a long enough time with someone, you should stick it out even if neither of you is happy. If you’re in this place and your partner is basically incompetent to you, you’re not just bored, but you probably should leave.
6She Forgets Special Days Because She Doesn’t Really Care
When you start a relationship, those little memories matter. The first date, the first kiss, the first fight, things like that. Those things matter and in a happy, healthy relationship that goes the distance, you remember those things.
If you’re at the point where those special days and moments pass you by and you don’t remember or care, it’s a sign that you’re probably bored and checking out of the relationship. This goes double if you used to care about those things before but can no longer muster up interest.
5It Doesn’t Matter If They Don’t Call Or Text
Avoiding their calls because you’re bored in the relationship is one thing, but another thing is if they don’t call or text and you just don’t care if they do or not. You could go days or weeks without ever hearing from them directly and you probably wouldn’t notice. They could be actively avoiding you and that would be fine.
You could rationalize this away by acting like you’re too busy to keep up with your significant other, but that also reveals your new priorities that no longer include that person. Needless to say, it’s a pretty big sign.
4She Doesn’t Want To Share With Them
When we talk about sharing in your relationship, it could mean a lot of things. You share the emotional labor, physical things if you live together and things like that, but you also share your inner selves with them. It’s important to be able to foster that mutual closeness that comes in relationships.
But if you have no desire to share that inner self with your partner for whatever reason, that’s an issue. To be fair, this could be indicative of a whole host of issues in the relationship, or the relationship is still so new that there’s hesitancy there, but it could also be a symptom of boredom if that closeness was there and it’s gone now.
3She’s Actively Thinking About What Life Would Be Like Single
When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to miss certain aspects of single life. It doesn’t really say anything about your relationship if you miss certain things about being unattached. However, it might indicate that you’re bored in the relationship if you’re in a place where you’re actively thinking about being single and the things you would do if you were single.
In doing this, you’re thinking about how green the grass is on the other side of the fence. Let’s be real here: we know the grass isn’t greener on either side of the fence—it’s just a different shade of green—but if you’re bored in a relationship, you tend to forget that.
2She’s Actively Breaking Trust With Her Significant Other
One major sign of boredom in a relationship and a whole host of other issues is if you’re actually talking to (or seeing) other people for whatever reason. At this point, you’re essentially so checked out that you’re not even operating like your significant other even exists.
You might not be leaving the relationship because you feel like breaking up would be a waste. But if you’re too bored to enjoy the relationship, and are actively pursuing other people, it’s not really worth having, is it?
1She’s Distracting Herself With Dangerous Habits To Dull The Boredom
Some people end up dulling their boredom or the feelings they don’t want to deal with by taking solace in habits that could be dangerous to them. They want to feel something that isn’t boredom or sadness, so they end up putting themselves in bad situations.
If you’re doing this, you’re not just bored in your relationship, you’re dealing with things I’m probably not qualified to break down for you. If you’re in this place, reassess your priorities, leave that relationship, and focus on yourself for a while before you end up falling into a situation far worse than boredom in your relationship.