I no longer wake up with your good morning texts. I can no longer call you, see you, kiss you, or make love to you. But you know what? I’m happy—I’m finally happy.
I no longer worry about you or our relationship. I no longer worry if you will finally make an effort or if you would love me as much as I loved you. Accepting that we were over was tough, and realizing that I would no longer wake up next to you or tell you I love you really hurt me, but it was liberating at the same time because I stopped waiting for you.
I will not lie—you did make me really happy at first, but then you became your true self and proved to me over and over that you, your friends, and your life would always come first, and I would always be second, third, or even fourth. I’m happy because I can finally put myself first and do the things that make me happy, not just the things you want me to do.
I’m happy because I know that I will never be in a relationship like ours again. Yes, sometimes I still miss you. I miss the old you, the one that made me fall in love, but then I remember the real you and I become content to not be in that one-sided relationship anymore. I feel good to not have anxiety because you ignored me to get drunk in bars every weekend.
I feel good right now—I haven’t felt this good in a long time. When you left me, all I wanted was to wake up and feel better, and I couldn’t remember what it was like to not wake up with a heavy heart. But now I do; I wake up and my heart is healed.
I might be selfish, but now I put myself first. I would love to fall in love again someday soon, but for now, I want to be happy with myself and rediscover the new me. I want to prioritize my own happiness.
For a long time, I thought being happy was being back with you, but now, being happy means singing in the car, having drinks with friends, and staying home with a good book. I now wake up happy to have the chance to live a new day and be over you.