At the beginning of the relationship, your boyfriend probably went out of his way to be nice to you.
He didn’t just make you happy, he probably awed you with his awesomeness.
He was sweet. He was caring. He was reckless and adventurous. And most importantly, he was always proactive and fun.
And lazy and boring? Well, those were the last words you could think of to define him.
The months and years pass by, and now, is lazy the first word you think of when you have to define your boyfriend?
Is it a case of fading infatuation, or are you just dating a guy who’s completely wrong for you?
[Read: The 7 stages of love for men and how they change in the stages]
You’re not asking for too much!
If you tell your friends about this, in all probability, every guy would tell you you’re asking for too much and many of your girlfriends would tell you that all guys change for the worse with time, and that some guys get lazier and many guys get boring and predictable.
So should you just clam up and swallow your annoyance each time you see him sleeping on the couch, or cancelling another date night to play games, while you’re trying to do something with him?
Well, if you’re not happy with his behavior, of course, you’re entitled to get angry with him. And if that’s one of the things that are affecting your relationship negatively, you have every right to want to fix it. So no, you’re not asking for too much. [Read: 10 biggest relationship problems and ways to fix it]
After all, all of us are different and every individual has his or her own expectations from love. And if a boyfriend who’s active and fun is what you want, then hey, you go girl!
Now just how lazy and boring is he?
This is something you need to give a serious thought about. Just how boring is your guy? Has he stopped taking you out for dinners as often as he once would, has he stopped surprising you with little gestures of love, or has he just turned into a slob who thinks rolling over on a couch defines exercise?
At times, some guys just start to take it easy in a relationship. Not because they want to, but because they forget that they still need to woo and impress their girl. Why? We’ll get to that in a bit. [Read: 16 reasons why a boyfriend starts getting mean and rude!]
Before going any further, you need to clear the confusions in your mind and ask yourself just how boring or lazy your boyfriend really is. Is he like the boring boyfriend who has suddenly stopped pleasing you or showing interest in you, or is he like the lazy husband who doesn’t do chores around the house?
A lazy husband is a completely different story because we’d have to talk more about household chores, taking care of kids, and a whole load of other things that are on the side of being lazy and defeated. So for now, let’s try to figure out when your fun boyfriend started to turn into a boring and lazy lump.
Are YOU making him lazy?
Are you setting unrealistic expectations on him? Do you criticize him often even when he tries to do as you suggest? You may not realize it yourself, but more often than not, a girl can at times make her boyfriend feel lazy and inadequate because she makes him feel like he’s never good enough for her. [Read: 15 sweet ways to make your guy feel needed and wanted]
At first, he may try. And then, he may try harder. But when you place the straw that breaks his back by constantly picking flaws no matter how hard he tries to show you he’s fun, he may just turn into an ass that would rather be stubborn and lazy, than try to do something he knows won’t live up to your expectations.
Is he the same guy he was when both of you started dating each other? If he’s been getting lazier recently, that’s something he can definitely change. But if he’s always been the lazy kind, and you want him to change to suit your needs, then that’s going to take a lot of effort, from both sides. [Read: The 80-20 rule of relationships in your love life]
5 reasons why guys get lazy in love *or why you think he’s being lazy!*
Just why do boyfriends become lazy and boring? Here are five reasons why your guy may have started to get boring, at least in your eyes.
#1 You get too comfortable. You want excitement and fun all the time. The first few months or years were a haze of new experiences and awesome moments, and now, both of you don’t seem to be doing anything fun together or trying something new. And that bores you.
#2 You feel lonely. He’s busy trying to make something out of life, and earn a lot more money so he can spend it with you, and that involves him spending several hours away from you. And since you don’t see things from his perspective, he bores you. [Read: 15 easy tips to make your boyfriend want you more than ever!]
#3 You’re too dependent on him. You don’t want to try anything by yourself. And you don’t know what to do if he’s occupied doing something else. And now he’s boring.
#4 He’s given up. He’s broken and doesn’t think he can live up to your expectations. He’s depressed and deep inside, a bit scared too, because he thinks he may lose you soon. And rather than confront the problem, he chooses to play the lazy card. And that really is depressingly boring! [Read: 15 reasons why you or your partner may be getting bored with the relationship]
#5 He’s lazy. You’ve tried to help him, but no matter what you do, he’s just really lazy and unmotivated. He’s just weighing the planet down, and he has no interest in planning ahead or worrying about the future. Boring? Yes, annoyingly boring!
Is he a selfish people pleaser?
This is something that can infuriate any girl. Is your boyfriend a people pleaser? Dating a helpless people pleaser can be one of the worst experiences in your life, especially if your boyfriend can’t help but be really nice to everyone but you.
If your guy is a people pleaser, he’s probably really nice and charming to others, and goes out of his way to help them or make them feel comfortable, with the intention of making a great impression on them. You’d probably notice this every time he meets someone new for the first time. If he’s suffering from low self esteem and craves to make a good impression on everyone he meets, you definitely need to help him see the miserable person he’s turning into. [Read: 20 signs of a people pleaser you probably don’t know!]
5 things you can do to make him less lazy
#1 Communicate gently. Talk to him about how you feel, and let him know how much more happier things could be if both of you could play your parts in working towards the benefit of the relationship. But don’t nag him!
Explain your mind, avoid blaming him, and try to help him see how he’s changed for the worse in the recent months. [Read: 10 perfect questions to ask your boyfriend to make him feel involved]
#2 Get your own life. Sometimes, a guy’s just got to realize your true worth to sit up and realize just how lucky he is. Go out with your own friends now and then, dress up and look sexy, and have fun yourself if he doesn’t want to go out with you. Awe him, and let him see that you don’t always need him to have fun. That’ll bring him back on his feet in no time! [Read: 23 must-know relationship tips and advice for women]
#3 You can’t change him. You can only make him realize the benefits of changing himself. Don’t tell him he needs to change. Instead, let him see how much better the relationship can get when both of you take small initiatives to keep the relationship exciting and fun. Talk to him about the long term, and let him realize that the relationship would only go downhill if both of you don’t make the effort.
#4 Take baby steps. Do things together. Plan things to do as a couple, and give him a few days notice so he doesn’t whine about it being a last minute decision. And even if he resists when the time comes, or complains that he’s too tired, remind him that he’s made a promise and he has to keep it. [Read: 25 things you can do to make your boyfriend feel appreciated and cared for effortlessly]
#5 If you can’t beat him, join him! Does he love something you think is silly? The television or his video games, perhaps? When you have the time, try to get to know the things he likes and see if you can ever appreciate or enjoy his interests. By showing interest in the things he likes, he may warm up to you and get more active, and in return, he may even want to do something you like together. Not so boring anymore now, is he?
The big test of compatibility
Sometimes, you just don’t have a choice. If you’re not happy, you’re not! You have to let go and walk away.
Some people may say you’re being selfish. But for better or worse, you can’t base your level of happiness on someone else’s expectations from happiness.
Do you think you’re asking for too much? Are other boyfriends more caring and less lazy than the one you’re dating? Are you being picky? And most importantly, if your boyfriend fails to change himself to make you happy, is that something you can overlook or live with for the rest of forever? If his habits are something you aren’t ready to accept, you need to realize that this behavior of his could put an end to an otherwise perfect relationship. [Read: 22 early warning signs of a bad boyfriend]
Is the laziness bothering you or is it something else?
A relationship is all about balance in love and trust, balance in changes both of you make for each other, and a healthy balance in things you’re willing to compromise for each other and things you won’t. [Read: 25 qualities and habits that make a great boyfriend]
When the balance in your relationship starts tilting towards the bad side, you’re obviously going to find everything about your partner annoying.
Sometimes, a lazy boyfriend isn’t the real problem. It’s the only one you can think of to point out that you’re dating someone who doesn’t make you happy. So before you point your finger at his laziness or lack of interest in experiencing new things together, make sure you’re not just skimming the surface of a much larger issue.