Are you concerned that your relationship is totally superficial?
While some people are completely satisfied with a relationship that‘s only skin-deep, others might want a little bit more. Keep reading for the signs that your relationship is superficial, and for some tips on how to work through it.
You Care About Each Other‘s Looks Over Substance
While attraction plays a key role in most relationships, it shouldn‘t be the only factor that either of you cares about. If you‘re seeing someone primarily because you think they‘re good-looking, and not because they have a nice personality and you enjoy being around them, that‘s the first clear sign of superficiality. You might find that you don‘t know much about their interests, and that you‘re not on the same page about a lot of things. You‘re not super curious about them, or invested in what they do—and while you might know about what kinds of materialistic things they admire, you don‘t have a good sense of what matters to them deep down. The solution? Start asking them big questions and find out if they‘re the kind of person you actually want to be with.
You Don‘t Feel Like You Can Share
Being emotionally closed off is another major indicator that your relationship is shallow. You immediately assume they don‘t care much about what you have to say, so you don‘t feel open about revealing your true feelings. You might even be dishonest with them because you don‘t actually care if they find the truth out down the line. In a superficial relationship, you may find yourself pushing conflicts down instead of addressing them, because it seems too hard and you‘re not all that interested in making the relationship work or growing from your mistakes. You might think that never fighting is a sign that your relationship is perfect, but it actually means that neither of you is committed enough to voice the things you‘re concerned about.
All You Care About Is Having Fun
Relationships should definitely have an element of fun, but they can‘t always be all fun and games. If you disengage from the partnership the minute things start to get more emotional, tense, or just plain real, you‘re likely not interested in anything more than a surface-level connection. Just because parts of being with someone are hard don‘t mean they should be ignored—and it definitely doesn‘t give you the excuse to ignore the other person.
You Do Things Together Simply to Be Seen
Being in a relationship shouldn‘t feel like one giant photo opp. If you find yourself going out with your significant other simply because you want other people to see you on their arm, chances are your relationship lacks real depth. Take a hard look at the situation to find out whether you actually really like spending time with this person, or you mostly see them as a prop for your cute couple‘s Instagram photos. If this is the case, you might also find that you don‘t spend a lot of time together except under public circumstances. It‘s okay to flaunt your partner every once in a while, but that shouldn‘t be the only reason you‘re together.
Neither of You Is Interested in a Serious Relationship
In a superficial relationship, chances are that you‘re not looking ahead together to the future. You‘re much more concerned with enjoying yourself and living in the moment than actually dedicating yourself to the relationship. When it comes to long-term plans, you might forget to include the other person simply because you don‘t see them in your future and don‘t plan on seeing them stick around for very long. To develop a more earnest relationship, you‘ll have to start thinking about every aspect of your time together and commit to it, rather than letting it slip away from you.